In which I am an emo (and also hello)

[akisazame]

I'm not even sure what I'm doing.

Sometimes I feel like I've changed a lot, and then I realize I haven't changed at all.

Comments

[frigoris]

Man, this post could so easily be something I wrote it's almost creepy. I know that's not very helpful to you, E, but for what it's worth I at least kind of understand how you feel. I worry so much about being a burden to other people I tend to be an island onto myself. Heck, I hardly ever IM you for the same reason you know, as much as it shames me to admit it. I worry that I'd be bothering you.

As for the rest, for me at least, it kind of feels like that one Coulton song: What if the best that I can be just isn't good enough? Isn't it better not to know? I avoid things because I'm scared, I don't think I'm good enough and because of that I avoid even trying. I mean, heck, my whole life since I've graduated college has been pretty much in limbo because of that.

That thing is, it's very limiting and I don't want to live my life that way any more. If I keep being scared, if I keep saying 'effort' or 'meh' and not even trying, then it feels like I'm hiding away from all of life. And that's not good. It leads to a lot of regrets. And I don't like those either. I don't want to just be quietly resigned to life.

(Sorry, this comment is suddenly all me, me, me, and please, please, keep in mind that this is something that I'm still struggling with too so don't think I'm talking down at you from some lofty viewpoint -- I assure you I'm not.)

But yeah, I guess the point of all this rambling is you gotta try, you gotta force yourself out of your comfort zone. Opening up to other people, writing, trying things you're scared of doing... it's not easy, but I find that it's usually not as bad as my fears like to say that it will be. And more often than not I'm actually pleasantly surprised by how things went better than expected.

(Also, for what it's worth, hanging at a comic shop with a bunch of other nerds playing card games sounds like fun to me. Don't think you're not interesting. *hug*)

[akisazame]

One of the downfalls of being a creative thinker is that you can instantly imagine countless scenarios in which everything goes horribly, horribly wrong.

But no, seriously, thank you for this. Don't be an island. Or, alternately, let's be like... a cluster of islands.