(no subject)
So I'm not going to new orleans, even though I really really want to. I feel terrible that I will never see my grandpa again, and that I don't get to see him off. The funeral is on wednesday, I'm thinking I'll do something specail that day in honor of my grandpapa. I'm not sure what yet.
I feel terrible that I also somewhat feel relieved that I'm not going. I'm so afraid of change, and of growing up to deal with terrible grownup feelings. All that would be waiting for me there would be adult things I would have to deal with. And that makes me pathetic and sad.
I love you grandpa.
I emailed my teachers yesterday telling them I'd probably be gone. So now I have to explain to each one of them that it was a mistake. *sigh* No biggie, but annoying still.
I'm so sad that Buddy died. I love that dog! Dado you must be devistated. I loved the way Humphry used to sit on him.
I have so much homework and other nonsense to catch up on, since this weekend I didn't get much done. I was on the phone too much, with each phone session ending in a half-hour or so of crying.
I need a vacation. :p
But in other news, I'm reading a good book. The house is rather bizarrly clean, since sometimes I clean when I'm stressed and sad. I'm reading "If I Pay Thee Not in Gold." Very dominating feminist and therefore fun. ^_^ You can totally tell which parts were written more by Pierce Anthony and which parts by Mercedies Lackey. I was in need of a good fantasy to escape into.
I have to go to Sign Language class now --a class I'm really enjoying. Tonight I really have to study for the bio test tomarrow, which I haven't started at all.
I feel terrible that I also somewhat feel relieved that I'm not going. I'm so afraid of change, and of growing up to deal with terrible grownup feelings. All that would be waiting for me there would be adult things I would have to deal with. And that makes me pathetic and sad.
I love you grandpa.
I emailed my teachers yesterday telling them I'd probably be gone. So now I have to explain to each one of them that it was a mistake. *sigh* No biggie, but annoying still.
I'm so sad that Buddy died. I love that dog! Dado you must be devistated. I loved the way Humphry used to sit on him.
I have so much homework and other nonsense to catch up on, since this weekend I didn't get much done. I was on the phone too much, with each phone session ending in a half-hour or so of crying.
I need a vacation. :p
But in other news, I'm reading a good book. The house is rather bizarrly clean, since sometimes I clean when I'm stressed and sad. I'm reading "If I Pay Thee Not in Gold." Very dominating feminist and therefore fun. ^_^ You can totally tell which parts were written more by Pierce Anthony and which parts by Mercedies Lackey. I was in need of a good fantasy to escape into.
I have to go to Sign Language class now --a class I'm really enjoying. Tonight I really have to study for the bio test tomarrow, which I haven't started at all.