just things
My head is filled with bad things. it usually is. but right now they are just crushing me. and i am really not sure what to do since it is so many things. i keep trying to tackle one at a time but then the universe reminds me in very concrete ways that NOTHING exists in a vacuum as i already know to be true. but it always seems to be extra true anymore. to do even the simplest thing right now i have to tackle what seems like endless other things first. no matter what i try to do this or that or all these things will need be done or will be affected in adverse ways. i have this incredible frustration that will not go away and in fact is only getting worse. and the worst part is it feels like i have NO ONE to confide in about all of it for fear of my issues getting to people and them taking it wrong. cause far to many of you do when it comes down to it. far to many people i know cannot differentiate between I am mad at a situation and not the person. and many people try to offer what often becomes useless and frustrating advice because of 1 i have tried that already, 2 it is impossible in my situation, 3 it requires money and i fucking have none. (people usually pay my way into things which i appreciate and often feel guilty about but then i feel guilty about everything. and that is a big weight on me right now too as a matter of fact and part of the problems) or finally 4 that it requires i become someone i am not. something that so many people are always saying you should not change and then tell me how i should change. in ways that are usually not only very different from the real me but indeed diametrically opposed to everything i am.