i was, and somehow still am.
recently, i started getting into news, again. not the type that would totally get me back in the fandom, but just partial catching up on their previous releases and activities. i stopped being the active fan and technically left the fandom a long time ago, but i would occasionally find myself coming back to them. it doesnt make me want to be active in the fandom again, and neither does it make me regret having ever left in the first place, which im glad for. i used to think phases like these would hurt like hell, but to my surprise, im pretty cool about it. all i get from these occasions is just pure, plain happiness. i look at them and recall the times i insanely adored them, and i find myself grinning to the fullest. i realize how much happiness they’ve given me, and all the obstacles i managed to overcome all because they were there for me. and as much as i do feel bad that i was not able to be there for them in their journey, im just REALLY REALLY grateful towards them. even when i left the fandom, i never really completely forgot about them. they always had and will always have a special place in my heart. even when i was stanning other groups, a part of me was still a news fan.
i obviously know very little about them but what im certain of is that these boys are strong. they are special. they are unique. you rarely encounter a group with a history of such grieve obstacles and the fact that they, up to this day, are still standing strong and running the race is just amazing. what great insiprations, seriously.
and tegoshi. yes this boy. ive been analyzing what had caused me to get sick of this boy, and i think i finally got it figured out. i was in love with his voice (and other physical traits haha), but not with his character. he has always been a great man, but due to my immaturity, i failed to appreciate it. i was in love with his voice, i was in love with him, but more with his young self. i loved him because he sang really well, and he would always do exceptionally well singing live. i loved him with any hairstyle, but i loved him more with black, straight hair. i loved him for the parts of him that i liked, but i unfortunately didnt make it a point to appreciate who he is as a person.
what i failed to do was broaden my appreciation for him when he himself was growing as a person and an entertainer. i couldnt afford to change the way i loved him when i realized he’s no longer quite the boy i liked. which explains why it was so hard for me to accept him when he couldnt sing like he used to, and when he wouldnt have normal hairstyles.
but oh what a fool i was. tegoshi is spectacular beyond words. he is unbelievably strong with a healthy amount of humility. and i find so much irony in how he is a selfish person, and yet he does everything in order to put a smile on other people’s faces. but then again it is solely due to the fact that he doesnt like showing his weak side, thus it would damage him greatly if he ends up going against himself. still, it amazes me. the fact that he conducts himself in a way that wouldnt leave a negative impact on others shows how much he values other people. he hates showing his weak side, not because of pride but rather because he knows how it will affect others. he knows himself so much. he knows what he wants, what he wants to do, and he does it. i really like that he was given the chance to be on itte q. the show allowed him to explore and discover himself in special ways, and it was undoubtedly an important factor in his growth as an entertainer. it taught him to be selfless and be someone who is always ready to give his whole self for the sake of others, while being professional-even if it means making a fool of himself. and today, that is what you see in him. you see an idol ready to entertain, ready to make people happy. i honestly couldn’t imagine tegoshi being someone other than an idol….and a soccer baka. haha.
okay this ended up being really long lol. but i guess the point of this entire post is that regardless of whether you’re a hardcore fan or not, news is amazing and tegoshi is an inspiration unlike any other. and i greatly respect him.