Illusion and Dream Part 1
Title: Illusion and Dream
Author: Akirareader
Rating:
Paring: 58
Summary: After the journey to the west Hakkai moved, back in with Gojyo but a year later he is preparing to move out. Loneliness and despair cause Gojyo to become addicted to a drug that grants your heart’s desires. Can Hakkai discover what his friend yearns for, come to terms with his feelings and save Gojyo from the costly side effect of his longing?
Authors note: I would like to dedicate this piece to and thank pixie_blade for introducing me to the band “Poets of the Fall” whose song “Illusion and Dream” gave me the title and idea for this story. This is my first attempt at writing a story and any feedback is appreciated, also I do not have a beta so please inform me of any grammatical mistakes or if my characters are to occ.
Gojyo’s thoughts and speech will look like this.
Hakkai’s thoughts and speech will look like this
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You can stay man, you don’t have to leave.
I know that Gojyo but I feel I am making you uncomfortable. The journey caused you to decrease your womanising but now that we are back it has decreased even more I fear my presence is affecting you because you know it makes me uncomfortable when you bring women home. I cannot allow myself to inconvenience you any longer. I will be close by in town and I will visit every chance I get.
You’re sure this is what you want?
It would make me feel better yes
Ok
I did not really want to leave, I am comfortable here, but this was for Gojyo’s sake. I cannot continue to let my presence disrupt my best friend’s life besides the strange tension that has been growing between us recently might cause Gojyo to resent me and my intrusions on his life. That must be what is causing my unease I do not believe I could live with myself if he hated me. That is why I packed and moved out of our..um Gojyo’s house and into a small apartment in town it would be better this way it had to be.
Shit I should have realized Hakkai would notice I wasn’t sleeping around anymore. Hakkai noticed everything..... Almost everything. Thankfully, because the only thing he was oblivious to... well let’s just say that if he knew, I’d be lucky if utter disgust was the entirety of his reaction. The one thing i was glad he didn’t know. The real reason that I hadn’t been sleeping around for quite some time was because it no longer interested me. The thing I’d realized before I called it quits was that all the women I chose to take to bed were very different then what I used to look for mainly long legs and big boobs. I realized the women I was going after were short lithe and brunet, green eyed and the shorter the hair the better. I guess my body realized it before my brain did because I didn’t even recognise the change until one woman told me I had yelled a man’s name in bed. After that, I stopped sleeping around, content with staying out late drinking myself into a stupor to keep up appearances. I stopped because I had realized my feelings for Hakkai went way beyond best friend, even though I knew he would never return my feelings no one else compared to him. So I resigned myself to fantasies and friendship, I couldn’t risk losing the best thing in my life because of my inability to love someone capable of loving me back.
Gods I miss Gojyo, his sarcastic banter, and our long talks about nothing, cooking and cleaning for someone other than myself. Unfortunately, because of my job at the community center I barely have any time to go see him. Thankfully I know Gojyo is having a better time living alone then I am....he must be after all he lived alone before I moved in aside from Banri plus now he can do whatever and whoever he wants. My only wish is to make my best friend happy, yet I wonder why I care so much.
When the fucking journey from hell was finished, I was so fucking happy when Hakkai moved back in with me. I continued to stay out late at the bars gambolling and drinking or sometimes just walking around, I figured that would be enough to cover my not sleeping around but unfortunately Hakkai realized something wasn’t right he was wrong about what was wrong but that’s good because at least I still have my best friend. After he moved out Hakkai got this job and he loves it but he works so much I never get to see him hell he barely has time to sleep let alone come see my sorry ass. He still manages to show up once a week with some food and play some cards but it’s just not the same. Fuck why is this so messed up, what I wouldn’t give for things to go back to normal. Or to stop the dreams I keep having about how we would have been like if we were together.
Gojyo has been acting very strangely lately. When I visit during my scant free time I have noticed his behaviour has become quiet erratic and distracted. If I did not know better, I would define his actions as those of an addict, but surely, Gojyo is not on drugs. Then again, the recent popularity of the hallucinogenic dream worries me because the drug allows one to live out their deepest dreams, which has caused an epidemic of addiction. The only bright side is that the drug is rendered useless if the person’s dreams come true but what reason would Gojyo have to try such a drug? He lives the life he proclaims to love women booze and cards. What would he dream for? His mother’s love? I must investigate for Gojyo’s sake I am his friend I cannot let him do this to himself.