Feelings
Isn't it weird. U get on a certain website, (in my case LJ) and u look at new and old posts. Just not urs, other friends u haven't talked to in a cuple of years and even an ex. It's weird, u wonder where the world has gone. One year Mindy, Dobby, Shizu, Kagome, and a bunch of other ppl were my closest friends, now it's like they don't even care. I understand Minni's case. She has every right to be pissed at me, evidently I treated her very very badly and like shit when we went out, well I'll admit this much; I did! HAhaha, LOL! Alot of ppl didn't see that coming. Yes I've had what a little over a year to think about it, trust me I've had plenty of thoughts wishing things bewteen me and Minni were either normal or just us atleast being friends, but nope wishing I've learned is for idiots who think they have everything when they have nothing. Let's see then there's another ex that I hadn't heard from in a long ass time even though I've sent her comments and stuff. Then there's that one ex, that crazy woman that u think or used to think acted to much like a child that it pissed u off and maybe that's one of the reasons that u broke up with her three times in a row. Let's see I'm sure she'll read this, u know who u r. Let's just say I've had time to think on the past, as most ppl should know I used to dwell on the past, kinda still do. My life has turned though. Now that my life is slowly piecing it-self together I'm seeing new stuff and realizing old stuff (including mistakes). See I've notice alot of things around me now that I'm working full-time not some shitty ass job like funsville, but I got a real good and high paying job and I've gotten out into the real world. I guess really before I turned 18 I was a child my-self. See Brittany if u read this I can tell u this (even if it pisses u off, maybe you'll see my reasons now), when I broke up with u the first time it was the distance for one. A realtionship cannot work I think unless u have the ability to see each other. One u lived to far away and maybe if we had been older and able to drive or something, that would've been fine. Two for ppls dreams, wishes, hopes, all that to come true u gotta work for it, not just sit on ur ass hopefully pass ur GED and then it will happen, nope NEVER! I've learned to get anywhere in this life u need to work for it. So see almost everytime I broke up with u Brittany u have a dream or something u really really wanted to do that I knew u wouldn't accomplish if u didn't get off ur arse. Like to whole Japan thing, maybe l8r on in the future it'll happen, but back then u were just a crazy childish girl with dreams and that's all they were. U gotta get the money first to get the GED and hopefully college, get yer a job, then maybe u can get the money for the ticket and all to Japan. Oh and sorry, I've realized that I was out of line when it came to ur faciniations, (u know Kain and all them) b/c there was no chance of u ever getting with them. Anyways, next. Tammy... ummm. I don't think I focused much on our relationship, b/c there was nothing there but a wild ass girl that love to party and don't get me wrong, but her religion. I was just some guy hoping to find something to be there for me, it wouldn't of worked out I didn't think it would from the start. Now Minni...uhhhhh... I'm not sure what to exactly write, I could spend the next five minutes working on this and finish it or in this case I could spend the next hour b/c I could right (and yes I spelled it right u just have to see the meaning to understand it) so much of this part of my life. Anyways I realize especially after looking over ur old blogs what u were always talking about. I was childish, just the same childish that I hated when it came to Brittany, but I didn't notice I was the exact same way. I did treat u like shit even though I seemed to of tried my best to make u happy. See the reason why I rated u next to Brittany was Brittany was my first and best and longest realtionship and I guess at that moment I sill loved her and didn't see it. I really did though u had every right to what u did and said to me though Minni and I apologize. I mean yea u did see me everyday so I understand the phone thing, but one thing that I didn't get was the whole breaking up thing. U just said that was it and it was done. I didn't ever really see ur meaning, even though I do now. That I think is what pissed me off the most and seeing that and knowing right then and there that I truly loved u is prolly the only reason why I stayed around and tried to talk to u. U were right about one thing and it scares me to this day, I did wreck the Jimmy. Head-on collision with a van so I think it say's in one of my blogs. I didn't realize it til the next day when I was sitting around and I was like OMG! Minni said I would wreck and u were so scared that I was at one point. Well it happened and I think the reason why, me and u. I got the truck when we were dating and it seems like we spent all our time in and around that truck, it just seemed perfect that I would wreck it and get rid of it after we broke up. Crazy isn't it! Anyways ppl I just thought I would get some stuff of my shoulder's. See I could write more on mine and Minni's part, but I got things to do like get ready for work soon. U know it's funny about the whole truck deal I loved that truck it was as much a part of my heart as Minni was, I got rid of both so I've said I don't have my heart anymore. Another thing since me and Minni broke up slowly each month maybe even each day I have lost a piece of my religion. I don't even consider my-self Wiccan anymore. Yes I have kept the beliefs and everything with me, but I don't practice like I did and stuff, hell I got into real big after me and Minni broke up, but not anymore. Anyways one last thing I dropped out of skool for two reasons, one being Minni, the other being I couldn't take everyones bullshit anymore so in saying that I wish I had stayed maybe atleast I wouldn't gotten the first proper education out of most of my friends since it seems all my newer friends have all dropped out or are going too. Anyways ppl the hot ass shower is calling me considering I'm about to freeze over her so ttyl pples! Love the, Kyo