A Forbidden Love

[akinoyama]

Title: A Forbidden Love
Entailed: the infinite light ~vast and shining~
Author: akinoyama
Rating: PG-13 or higher
Pairings: DaiChii, TakaDai, YabuHika, YabuNoo, slight others
Summary: Daiki’s love story
Warning: Un-betaed, terrible English and coherence as well, cross gender, possible OOC-ness


Takaki was driving his car while I sat next to him watching the scenery before my eyes. We were on the way to a certain building where our two best friends were going to hold their wedding the next two days. They’re my band mates, Yabu Kouta and Yaotome Hikaru. I was so glad they finally decided to get married after they knew each other for really a long time. Their love story was a classic one, similar to me, but they were luckier than me as they could declare their love to the entire world. And I was not… I got involved in a love which was forbidden and quite impossible… I would tell you…

The current I was an idol, a member of Hey! Say! JUMP from Johnny’s Agency. I was previously known as member of J.J.Express and Hey! Say! 7 when I still Junior. The friends of my old groups who joined JUMP as well were Takaki Yuuya, Inoo Rei, Nakajima Yuuto, Morimoto Ryuuna, and Chinen Yuuri. Besides the six of us, there were also Yabu Kouta and Yaotome Hikaru from Ya-Ya-yah, Yamada Ryousuke from Hey! Say! 7, and the last Okamoto Keito. We were the first debuted group with the biggest amount of members, wide age-range, and the youngest on average-age rate. It was like a sword with two blades. It was not an easy task to combine each of us to be one. However, with one same will, we could show the world our solidarity. The intensity of meeting amongst us gradually made us got closer to each other and then many love stories could be told.

First, Yabu and Hikaru’s love story. Although Hikaru joined the agency one year later after Yabu and Inoo, Hikaru was chosen to be on the same group as Yabu after often performed with the group. Inoo, on the other hand, was on J.J.Express along with me, Takaki, Yuuto, Ryuu and our other friends. I would not be surprised if Yabu and Hikaru became lovebirds after JUMP was formed, besides they were old enough to get a love experience. They after all had known each other for almost five years when JUMP was born. Yabu then became JUMP’s unofficial leader (since JUMP decided to not have a leader) with Hikaru as the co-leader. In my eyes, they really completed each other in every way. The serious and easy-going, the brave and the shy, the strict and the gullible, the calm and the emotional. In addition, I often caught Hikaru blushed when Yabu showed his attention to her and Yabu got a bit jealous when someone tried to get Hikaru’s attention. The feeling kept going on my head for two years and afterwards it changed as Inoo showed her attention to the unofficial leader clearer than before. I saw the more Inoo gave her affections the more Yabu could not resist. And it ended up Inoo became Yabu’s girlfriend. You might be asked, from my story Inoo was Yabu’s girlfriend, but the one whom Yabu was going to marry was Hikaru, not Inoo, right? If you wanted to know the answer, you should hear the entire story then…

Yabu’s decision to take Inoo as his girlfriend brought bad effects to JUMP at first. My best friend, Takaki actually had a crush on Inoo. I knew it not only from my observation but also Takaki said it himself to me. It was obvious if Takaki was so sad hearing their love announcement that day. I tried to comfort him as much as I could on the way home. And the effect was not on Takaki alone, the next day Hikaru did not come to practice, our manager said she took a break awhile. All of us were really surprised with the news as Hikaru never talked about a holiday before. Yuuri and Ryuu who were very close to Hikaru suddenly left us before indirectly blamed Yabu for Hikaru’s leaving. They might be had same thought with Takaki and me, Hikaru was in love with Yabu. It was so strange if Yabu did not realize her feelings, they were so close to each other. It was not usual either if Hikaru did not know Yabu loved Inoo. Yabu almost told everything to Hikaru. Or it was Yabu might purposively hide the love from Hikaru as he knew Hikaru’s feelings to him. I simply guessed the reason of sudden atmosphere changing in JUMP. I had no authentic prove for my hypotheses. I also could not ask Yabu because he was so desperate during Hikaru’s leaving. He used to share anything related to JUMP with her, and having her not around was a torture for him. Inoo apparently had problem to adapt with the situation, being Yabu’s lover and replacing Hikaru’s role. That’s why; all of us should share the jobs Hikaru usually did for us. Honestly, those were really hard. Yuuri and Ryuu gave us another difficulty, they refused to see Yabu Kouta was alive. They never greeted him, looked at him, and the worst talked to him. We ever once persuaded them to stop their act but they refused until Hikaru gave us any news. The anger of them made the burden on Yabu get heavier. I understood Yabu also shocked with Hikaru’s sudden decision. Yabu said Hikaru never did that to him before, she would tell him if she had a plan to take a break. But back then, she did no words to him, making him confuse how to react. I frequently saw Inoo gave her best to comfort Yabu and I did the same thing to Takaki when we saw the two of them. Asking Hikaru to come back was impossible too. We lost contact with her completely on the day of Yabu and Inoo love announcement. I was afraid she would not come back if she really fell for Yabu.

Hikaru came home after about two weeks on her break. She, with her new look, surprised us during our practice break. We startled with the ‘new’ Hikaru a bit. Yuuri and Ryuu who regained their sense first, immediately hugged her shouting, “Hikaru, I miss you, welcome home.” Their loud voice got me back to my sense. I should greet her. I missed her as well, JUMP really needed her in it. We immediately scolded her for leaving in sudden. Hikaru, though, had anticipated our anger to her. She simply bowed down, apologizing for leaving and enjoying her long break too long… She did not forget to give each of us a present so we could be angry to her no more. She always knew how to persuade or get our hearts back. After two weeks I finally saw Yuuri and Ryuu could laugh even they said ‘good-bye’ to Yabu as they left the dressing room. Yabu happily replied “take care”, smiling ear to ear. Hikaru obviously confused with Yabu’s act, on Hikaru’s mind, there was nothing special on the way Yuuri and Ryuu excused to leave. So, why was Yabu a bit over-act? Keito simply dragged Hikaru out the room, saying he would treat Hikaru. Hearing a treat, I then volunteered myself to go with them. I could see Keito was about to protest but Hikaru happily agreed. I also asked Takaki to come with us, he simply nodded. Yabu who was not invited asked us immediately. Hikaru was the one replied, she said “We don’t want to disturb both of you. It’s better if you go by the two of you only. I think you always want to be together, don’t you? Yabu-san?” I startled with how lightly Hikaru answered Yabu’s question as if there was no indication of love behind her words. It was like Hikaru supported Yabu and Inoo’s relationship.

Time moved on, I saw Takaki seemed to get rid of his feeling to Inoo and Hikaru did the same thing. They got used to see Yabu and Inoo showed their affection in front of us with light heart. Meanwhile, Yuuri and Ryuu would do something purposively or not to disturb their moment and afterwards simply giving them an innocent looks. However, Yabu and Inoo’s relationship could not last forever. It was not Yabu realized he loved Hikaru more than Inoo back then. Inoo, yet, had no more love for Yabu, she fell in love with someone else. Yabu who furiously loved Inoo was not able to accept her decision without doing something to fight back. He tried many ways to keep Inoo stay by his side but no one succeed. Inoo had come up to her final answer. We could do nothing to butt in their private problem even though we knew for the best, it ruined the balance on JUMP as Yabu gave most of his attention simply to think what ways to get Inoo back. He finally gave up, accepting his lost. It, however, affected JUMP in so bad way, more than when Hikaru left us one year ago. Yabu changed to someone we hardly recognized. He spent most of his nights on the night club along the bad effect it could give to someone. On day, he barely practiced with all of us, his work simply sleep and got angry when someone woke him up. It was not simply as that, he also so easily got angry, even punched someone who he thought disturb him. We had tried all of the way we could to approach him but he never really listened to us. The warning from Mr. Johnny also gave no impact on him. We nearly on the very edge of our patience to tolerate his act until something occurred between him and Hikaru.

On the very late night, Keito insisted to have a meeting at his home. I tried to suggest it was better we did it in the morning. However, Keito did not want to change his mind, he kept asking, asking and asking until I finally gave up. On the way to Keito’s home, I wondered what thing made him be so stubborn like that. Keito, from my observation was a calm and kind person. It was so rare seeing he sounded so desperate. Keito told his reason for insisting the very late meeting after all the gentlemen but Yabu of JUMP came over. He said Yabu had tried to release his lust to Hikaru. We immediately got shocked, disbelieving awhile. According to Keito, Yabu was drunk so such thing had high possibility to happen. I honestly want to strangle Yabu’s neck for what he had done. He had gone too far!!! I might be had no much attention to the girls he dated as I never knew them… but back then… it was HIKARU!!! My kind best friend!!! And she was also Yabu’s best friend. How could Yabu do that improper shameful thing to someone who was really kind to him? Did he not know how Hikaru convinced us not to give up on him? How she begged Mr. Johnny to give JUMP another chance to take Yabu back to us? I almost overcame with the urge to shout and told him everything until he really listened to us, but Yamada said it would end up useless if Yabu still on drunken mode. What Yamada said was right after all, Yabu would not listen until his rationality took over him a bit. Yuuto then mumbled something like a hope, “Maybe… we can get Yabu back after this… I’m sure Hikaru is someone special to him… he probably mused all of what he had done.” Yuuto’s pure wish was really a miracle for us if it came true so we decided to tell Yabu in the morning, hoping he could gain his sense.

Takaki and I was the first one arrived on Yabu’s apartment. Yamada and Yuuto could not come as they came to see Hikaru then managed JUMP activities. Yabu just finished his bath when he opened the door. Takaki without warning punched Yabu until his back collided with the floor. He right away got angry and wanted to strike back but I stopped his punch, shouting, “What did you do to Hikaru last night?” Yabu simply said he did not know what I meant, therefore, I told what I knew tersely to him. He widened his eyes, shaking her head many times, shouting I was lying to him. Keito came after few minutes and told Yabu the same story, making him more shocked. I thought Yuuto’s little hope was true after all. Yabu had not lost all his rationality yet when he hurt one of his closest people. He still got hurt when Hikaru got hurt as well. We left him alone to think over his act to all of us. We believed, that time, Yabu would change.

Takaki and I then went to Inoo’s home to tell her the incident. She had been not told yet since we knew she was busy with her college. She hardly registered our story about what Yabu had tried to do. I saw she was being a bit upset as if she wanted to blame herself. Yabu’s current state was indirectly because of her decision. When I was about comfort her, all of us got same mail from Hikaru, asking us to go o the hospital. We took a glance to each other, questioning about Hikaru’s condition. Was something bad happened to her? We arrived at the hospital about a half hour and startled with the name on the door. It was written as Yabu not Yaotome. Takaki opened the door slowly then we saw Yabu was lying on the bed with bad condition. Hikaru and Keito were already on the room. They stood far from Yabu’s bed. I concluded Hikaru still scared with him until she had to keep distance from the oldest among us. I right away asked Yabu what happened to him, he simply said he would tell us after JUMP fully gathered up. Therefore we waited Yamada, Yuuto, Yuuri and Ryuu for a moment. Yabu then apologized for being such a loser, refusing to face the reality then hurting people near him. We relieved Yabu finally realized his mistake and wanted to back to his old self. The Yabu Kouta we used to know. All of us gladly worked together in supporting him.

Getting Yabu back to his old self was not happened in a very short time. He often lost his mind and ‘attacked’ people near him. Hikaru was the most one amongst us receiving Yabu’s anger since the rest of JUMP really scared to get close to him. I frequently asked myself where Hikaru got the strength to face even to calm the anger Yabu, he was really like a monster. Beside took care of Yabu, Hikaru also took over Yabu’s role in JUMP until he was proper to get the position back. We as comrades did not let Hikaru took all the responsibility in work and Yabu. She also needed to rest, did not she? She was not a mechanical creature. There would be time for her to reach her limit. Therefore, we did all we could to help her in JUMP and Yabu as well. Yamada and Yuuto were being the very helpful assistants to her, Yuuri and Ryuu drastically decreased their spoiled act, and Keito often send her home safely if it was very late. Takaki, Inoo, and I also practiced so hard in order to decrease our mistakes and helped the 7 members to memorize the dance moves as well. We also in turns visited Yabu during his counseling and treatment whenever it took place, in the hospital or in his home. We gave our best to support Yabu and it eventually worked with good result.

During Yabu’s counseling, an official couple was born. It was Takaki and Inoo. I witnessed they got closer since Yabu promised to change. Inoo always told about her life and Takaki always be her good listener. Their small talk every day might be revived the forgotten feeling in Takaki’s heart. On the other hand, the time Takaki always gave to Inoo probably grew the seeds of love in her heart as well. I felt happy for both of them. Takaki finally could get his love. We, however, were unsure to tell it to Yabu. We knew Yabu still loved Inoo. Hikaru at last being forced to accompany Takaki and Inoo telling Yabu. They insisted Hikaru was the only one could calm Yabu if he got angry. I was able to see uneasiness on Hikaru’s face as she followed Takaki’s steps out of the room. She probably had no idea how to comfort that time. We simply could pray Yabu could pass it. Takaki told me what happened to me on next day. He said Yabu tried to take the fact although it seemed hard to him. He also said it was really good idea to bring Hikaru with them. Our best friend surely needed someone next to him and Hikaru was capable to do it. Takaki thought Yabu simply was able to cry unashamedly in front of Hikaru. We often saw Yabu cried on Hikaru’s shoulder when they were younger and it apparently did not change. For some times ahead, I still saw Yabu looked at Takaki and Inoo with sad expression mainly when they showed their happiness so clearly. Hikaru reprimanded them so frequently to behave when Yabu was around. From the way she scolded them, I clearly looked how much Hikaru thought about Yabu’s feelings. She seemed not want him got hurt again and had forgotten what Yabu had done to her. She always was there whenever Yabu needed someone to comfort him. And then, slowly but sure Yabu managed to let Inoo with Takaki. He gradually chuckled seeing Hikaru reprimanded them to behave. He said Hikaru looked like a mother who worried their children love life. Hikaru simply argued by saying she only worried their image considering they were idol. Anybody could say something unpleasant about them and she did not want it to happen. Hearing those things, Yabu laughed even more, making Hikaru pissed off. Keito or I usually would follow Hikaru’s steps walked out of the room and comforted her.

We eventually got back our almost-broken-bond. We did our daily routine as always. And then I fell in love with someone in JUMP. It was not Hikaru anyway although I told about her most. I fell in love with Yuuri who most people said the cutest thing ever. Day by day I was aware of her presence even more. I remembered she was always being spoiled by sitting on my laps when we got our first debut and I simply welcomed her. I, though, back then only looked at her as my little sister, nothing more. And she then grew up building some magnetic aura for me to getting closer to her. I started thinking about her as my daily routine. Her smile always came every time I dreamed. When I passed by a couple, I imagined both of us could do the same way. I often told my fast beating-heart problem to Takaki and he asked me to confess to her as soon as possible. But, I got confused with what way I should do it. When I found the way, the things did not go as smoothly as I planned. It was not I forgot something nor I stuttered my confession. It was she right away rejected me neither.  It was simply because I and someone else did the same thing on the same day. Yeah… there was someone confessed his feelings to Yuuri as well. And he was none other than Nakajima Yuuto. Yuuri then being confused which one she really loved back then. Both of us, me and Yuuto was someone special for her, therefore it became so hard to take final decision. She even tried to avoid both me and Yuuto for a week. The strange act from Yuuri drew Ryuu’s attention, she, after all her best friend and Ryuu then told it to Hikaru then ended up with Yuuri being forced to be honest in one JUMP’s meeting. Ryuu simply questioned what so hard to choose between me and Yuuto. Yuuri replied with a bit annoyed. She said, “Of course it’s hard, Ryuu. Both of them really kind to me and I like be with them. I felt been protected by them.” Ryuu shook her head, confusing with her best friend answer. She retorted by saying there must be someone she really thought about between us, how she could not figure it out. Hikaru saw Yuuri nearly cried then covered Ryuu’s mouth preventing to her say anything further. She knew sometimes Ryuu’s innocent question could draw something bad. Keito then delivered a suggestion to our triangle-love. Could it be called a triangle-love? He suggested Yuuto and I had a fair battle to win Yuuri’s heart and Yuuri should give us a fair chance as well to get closer to her until she could decide. The three of us agreed to follow Keito’s suggestion.

BEST members except Hikaru supported me, mainly Takaki and Inoo. Yabu, though, on my side did not give many contribution, and ended up doing nothing. Hikaru was not either on anyone side. She said she gave the decision on Yuuri’s hand. She knew better than anyone whom the best for her. I gave all my efforts to make Yuuri comfort and happy when she was with me. And she seemed happily enjoyed our times together, however, she also gave same smile when she was with Yuuto. It bothered me, Yuuri made me more confused with her truly feelings. After about one month she finally took a decision. She admitted she was happy when she was with me, but, she was happier with Yuuto. So, it was clear enough… the winner was Yuuto. Although it was hard to accept, I had to let them together. Besides, I could see how deep the love Yuuto had for Yuuri. He would take care of Yuuri by all means, not letting her to fall down alone. The others also not let me drown so long in sadness. They encouraged me to move on mainly, Takaki. He was my closest friend after all. By their support (and Yuuto-Yuuri’s understanding) I fully came back to the usual me in amazingly two weeks. Admittedly, I hid something from them. It was not I pretend to be cheerful in front of them. I had accepted the lost. I had approved Yuuto and Yuuri’s relationship. What I hid from them was something that started I felt, something forbidden for me. I began to develop special feeling for my best friend’s lover. I started to fall for Takaki.

I understood my feelings would never be returned. Takaki was Inoo’s boyfriend and they loved each other. There was no way for me to butt in between them. I simply broke what the three of us had and I did not want it although it was only in dream. I let no myself to take steps ahead to reach my love nor erased it from my heart. I would enjoy the unrequited love by my own way. I only wished I could stay next to him as long as I could without worrying the awkwardness if I told him. I believed if I was not really loved him, if it simply a momentarily love, it would gone as the time passed. I would fall in love with another person and be loved back. And we would be happy together.

Let’s forgot awhile my unrequited love. I had another love story. It was the youngest one, Ryuu. She almost innocently acted all the time, making us to laugh at her honest expression. She was like a gentle breeze which comforted our tired. However, she could be a tiresome when she acted so childish. It might be her opened-personality that Yamada fell for her. Yamada never told me his love story to me directly. He often asked me about the things girls usually liked. I frowned at him when he in sudden asked the question. I simply asked him back for not asking Yuuri or Ryuu. He gently shook his head, saying they only teased him. So, I answered what I knew and he smiled before walked away. Not long after his almost questions about things related to love, he confessed to Ryuu and Ryuu gladly accepted it. I assumed their united love was the easiest and the most smoothly one amongst JUMP’s couple. They needed not a complicated way to deliver their feelings. It was like they felt same feeling on the right time. With that, JUMP had three official couple, Takaki-Inoo, Yuuto-Yuuri, and last Yamada-Ryuu and also my hidden unrequited love. In other words the singles left were Yabu, Hikaru, Keito and me. And we often were being the couples target to be teased for remaining single. They ever made fun by challenging the three of us to win Hikaru’s heart over. You could expect how Hikaru reacted back then. She would give every one of them a lesson until they never tried it again.

We all were doing fine with life and works for next few years. We used to see the couples fights once a week, taking turns by the three couples. And the singles only saw their quarreled over simply little things on the corner or had a small talk together ignoring them or simply walked away from them. We had committed not interfere their love life as long as it did not give bad effect to the entire JUMP. Besides, people said fight could get people closer than before, didn’t they? So, let them solved it alone. And about my love for Takaki… I still felt it, therefore, I had no love relationship to anyone. I did not want to lie to myself and my lover. I did not know when the feeling would fade away, although it was painful, I had no regret for feeling this love. I thought I had a different view from ordinary people seeing love. Love, for me, was always giving and not really hoping of a return. I often felt I was not the only one experienced one-sided love. I sometimes thought Hikaru still waited for Yabu from the way she looked at him, but, the thought disappeared when she was with Keito. She made me confused by her actions when she was with Yabu and Keito. On the other hand, Yabu, day by day, showed his jealously over Hikaru and Keito more clearly. I frequently Yabu stole glances at Hikaru then smiled alone, and he also right away dragged Hikaru to talk about the concert when he saw Hikaru was happily chatting with me, Keito, or any guys on JE. For Keito, I did not really know about his feelings. He was so smart to hide his feelings from me.

The confusion of Hikaru’s feeling got an answer after an earthquake hit Tokyo as we finished our rehearsal. Yabu almost had no time thinking about himself, he was busy helped the staff for directing people to somewhere else. That’s why he and almost all of us did not realize his life was in danger until Hikaru cried out his name while running towards him. Her screaming made me turned around to Yabu’s direction and saw there were falling rocks from above and would hit Yabu if he did not move. I quickly ran towards Yabu as well, but it was late… The rocks already fell on the ground. I did not care, I kept running. There was still possibility he could survive if he immediately was taken to hospital. I, however, widened my eyes in shock when I arrived to Yabu’s place. He was so alright… Hikaru was in time to save him although she sacrificed herself. Yabu held her in his arms, repeatedly shaking her and calling her name, but Hikaru did not respond. She kept closing her eyes. The thing reacted only the fresh red blood freely flowed from her wound. Yabu realized there was no use kept staying there and calling her. The best thing was she had to get first-aid if he did not want her to die. Yabu carried her bridal-style to the exit and took her to the hospital. At that time I finally realized who the man Hikaru thought about the most was. It was none other than Yabu Kouta. She needed not to say it aloud to the entire world, only by one action she just did, proving it already.

After JUMP got the nursery for our injuries, we headed to the surgery section. We had to know Hikaru’s condition. I saw Yabu and Hikaru’s family was already there, waiting. Yabu told Hikaru’s condition tersely with shaking voice and worried all over his face. I stood next to Keito who looked so tense. I thought he blamed himself as well as Yabu. He actually had manage to take Hikaru to a safe place before, but I bet he did not expect Hikaru would run back to save the older boy. I tapped his back awhile without saying any words. I then averted my gaze around the corridor… I saw Takaki lent his shoulder to the sobbing Inoo, Yamada was comforting the overcoming emotion Ryuu, and much for relief Yuuto was hugging and whispering something to calm Yuuri. I knew Yuuri simply had no words when she was hopeless. I felt the tenderness and sincere flowing from Yuuto when he did that. I was right to let Yuuto have Yuuri. He was the best for her. My gaze stared to the opposite side where Hikaru’s family sat on the chair. Her mother and siblings was crying silently, his father stood near the surgery room with uneasiness next to Yabu. Yabu could not hide his fear although he was a bit calmer than before as he called Hikaru’s name, trying to make her conscious.

The doctors walked out from the surgery room after two hours and talked something to Hikaru’s father and Yabu. Yabu could not hold his tears after he told us they could save Hikaru. We hugged the nearest person to us briefly. We were so happy Hikaru still with us. Yabu then insisted to stay on the hospital watching over Hikaru although we had persuaded him to take a rest as well. Yabu handed down JUMP activities to Yuuto and Yamada for the time being until Hikaru opened her eyes as he would stay on the hospital. Fortunately, the agency gave us a break due to what happened to Hikaru and our health as well. Although we did not badly injured as Hikaru, we still need a rest to recover. We in turn visited Yabu and Hikaru at the hospital. I brought Yabu clean clothes from his home every time I came to the hospital. The 7 members brought some food for him to eat even if he had only a little. It was better since at first he refused to eat anything. He said he had no appetite seeing Hikaru only closed her eyes although he often talked to her. BEST then forced him to eat although it was only a loaf of bread. I said “If Hikaru was here, she definitely would cry seeing you like this. Look at yourself, now, Yabu-kun. You’ve got thinner.” Takaki told him he could not see Hikaru opened her eyes if he was hospitalized as well. Realizing what we said was right; Yabu forced himself to swallow the food we brought. Hikaru laid unconsciously on the bed for ten days. I immediately headed to the hospital after read Yabu’s mail. She smiled to me although she was still weak at that time and promised to get well soon. She did not want to make anyone get worried more than it already was. I softly tapped her head, saying her to concentrate to her recovery than JUMP first. We surely waited for her.

Hikaru still needed to control to the hospital every week although she had been allowed to go home. Yabu always accompanied her when she saw her doctor. The rest of JUMP simply smiled to each other when we saw Yabu excitedly went earlier. We knew something good was happening between them. We usually named it ‘love is in the air’. Not long after, they finally admitted their love to us and be the last couple on JUMP. I was very happy for them. I always thought they were meant for each other even though Yabu had fallen in love with Inoo before. It did not a matter because they had an unbreakable red-string God fated for them. Since then Yabu and Hikaru became the most ideal couple on my eyes. I hope someday I also had a chance to feel such kind of love they had even if a little bit. But I knew it only came on my dreams… I still loved the same person… and could not forget him…

“Dai-chan?” Takaki’s soft voice snapped me from my recalling. I just realized he had stopped the car, but it was not our destination. I was about to ask why he stopped by as he gently placed his hand on my cheek, making my heart throbbed. “Are you crying?” He asked as he wiped a trail of water on my cheek. I startled. I even did not know that my tears were rolling down on my cheek until Takaki wiped it.

I immediately shook my head, preventing him to get worry. “Maybe there’s dust slipped on my eyes.”

“Dai-chan, can you make another good excuse? We even did not open any window.” Takaki sighed.

I smiled awkwardly then chuckled. “I forget…”

“So… what it is?” He asked with a very concern eyes.

I looked away, avoiding his eyes. “Just remembering the past… when Hikaru was been hospitalized.”

“It’s really frightening, right? Mainly for Yabu.”

“But… it made them together and now they will get married.”

“I hope everything is okay.” I clearly saw Takaki was really worried.

I stretched my hand, tapping his shoulder and said, “Don’t worry. Yabu won’t leave her. I know how much he loves her, Takaki.”

Takaki grabbed and squeezed my hand lightly, “Arigatou, Dai-chan.” He pecked my hand before he removed it from his shoulder, ready for driving again. “Let’s continue our way.”

I nodded, trying hard to stop blushing. Recently, Takaki treated me a bit different than usual. He showed his care more often. He even had a new habit now… calling me in the middle of the night only because he wanted to hear my sleepy voice. I knew he should not do it to me, he was Inoo’s boyfriend. However, their relationship actually had ended two months ago and no one in JUMP except me knew it. We had to keep it under secret because the reason their separation could break Yabu and Hikaru’s wedding as well. Takaki had told every thing to me since last year.

After Yabu and Hikaru united actually there was no something wrong in JUMP, mainly for the four of them. They seemed like happy with their soul mate until Takaki bothered me almost every week with his problem with Inoo. He said Inoo had changed and got upset. I simply tried to comfort him saying everything would be okay. However, it did not seem to happen. It was getting worst and worst month by month, making me worried. Takaki started saying he did not know what to do anymore. I advised him for being more patient to face Inoo. She might be not on the good mood when he tried to talk to her. Let her alone awhile before you approached her again. It seemed to calm him a bit. Admittedly, I was sad seeing he so stressed like that, but, there was nothing I could do for him but comforting when he was feeling blue. Not long after that Takaki phoned me saying nothing only sobbing hardly. I immediately headed to his place. His door was unlocked so I could come in without waiting him to open it. I found him curled up on the couch, looked so miserable. I sighed and softly tapped his head. He looked up and I saw his eyes were already red. I pulled him closer to give him a comforting hug. He buried his face on my chest, telling everything happened that afternoon. He told me the reason why Inoo changed. I gasped hearing it but said nothing. It was something hardly to believe. According o Takaki, Inoo loved someone else beside him now. Takaki and I knew who it was very well. He was Yabu Kouta, her ex lover. What made it the worst was Yabu actually had proposed Hikaru and was excitedly preparing their wedding. I almost disbelief what Takaki said. It was really impossible, they were best friends, weren’t they? How could and dared Inoo do such thing to them, mainly for Takaki and Hikaru. Had she not realized what she was doing was a betrayal? I probably could understand if Yabu was a free man, but in the reality he was not. He was with Hikaru for four years now and they were doing well although they also had small fights. It was common thing to have a fight sometimes, right? Then, what… what things made Inoo want to take Yabu back again? Takaki himself did not understand it. He really wanted to blame it to Yabu but could not. He knew for sure Yabu never tried to get close to Inoo since his love was only for Hikaru. He fell asleep few minutes after saying the entire things to me. I only let him sleep on my laps for that night and stroked his hair. I finally closed my eyes after getting no solution for Takaki’s problem.

Takaki woke me up the next morning. I saw he was a bit calmer than last night. I relieved a bit seeing his small smile as he invited me to have a breakfast. He asked me what he should do. I simply gave him a smile while shaking my head side to side. I only asked him to deeply think over this problem, considering everyone’s feelings, included his. Any decision he took would hurt one of them. It could not be helped since they involved with -I did not know what people usually called it- a squared love? Seeing he got sadder, I placed my hands on his, convincing him that I would always stay by his side and support anything he decided. He thanked me and then, I revealed my true feelings to him. I did not mean to say it anyway. It simply slipped from my mouth without my command. I looked he widened his eyes in shock. I right away explained to him, preventing myself from losing him. I asked him not to think about my feelings at first priority. He should concentrate in his and Inoo’s problem at first. I knew my feelings could never be returned. I had accepted it, that’s why he needed not to worry it. And Takaki nodded his head.

During their break, Takaki always spent his free time with me. He said he could think clearly after he had nice time with me. I simply chuckled hearing his answer. I honestly a bit afraid he would try to avoid or ignored me after my confession. However, it did not happen until now. He was still my closest person. Two weeks later he asked me to meet him at our usual place. He told me he had taken a decision. It was he let Inoo go. I widened my eyes, disbelieving. But then gave him soft taps on his head. I knew it hurt him so much since he loved Inoo very much. He realized there was a possibility of his decision to break Yabu and Hikaru’s wedding but I convinced him Yabu would not do such action. I could say it proudly because I watched how Yabu treated Hikaru more often after Takaki told his secret. I looked he was really being more protective to Hikaru. He never let Hikaru did something alone. When he could not accompany her, he would ask Yuuri or Ryuu to replace his place for the time being. He also decreased his frequency to hang out aimlessly. He said he did not want to distract his mind from his wedding. I saw a real happiness drawn on his face when he said he was eager to make Hikaru officially his although he was nervous as well.

Takaki sighed in relief after I finished my story to him. Afterwards, he said something I never expected. He said he was going to answer my confession. I could not hide the tense on my face and my hands were sweating. The clock seemed to run slowly as I waited his answer even though I knew the answer already. He could not return it, right? The words Takaki said to me were different from my imagination. He said he started thinking about me in a different way but he did not figure it out yet. He asked me to give him time to understand what feelings he really had for me. He did not want to hurt me by a fake love. I was someone close to him after all. He was grateful to have me all this time. He said I never failed to be beside him whenever he needed someone. I almost want to cry hearing his honest confession. I took his hands in mine, saying I was really happy with his answer. I would give him time as long as he needed for convincing him about his feelings and mine as well. I placed my head on his chest and said thank you. He briefly embraced me saying nothing. That day… I felt I was the happiest man in the world… At least I could take a sip of not one sided love… I knew I was not supposed to expect something too high for him… I simply would hurt myself and him… Therefore, I let it flowed like the river which looked for its sea.

We finally arrived at the place where Yabu and Hikaru’s wedding would be held. I moved out from the car, stretching my hands and feeling the fresh air. Takaki then wrapped his arm on my shoulder, leading me to enter the building. I a bit hesitated as I placed my hand around his waist but he seemed not mind it so I left it along the way. We walked side by side to the building, discussing what work we should do today.

Indonesia, 2010 around February

Behind the story: The longest side story for 'The Infinite Light' I've made. And for Hara-chan (blozzom_zone ), I've posted all of them today... So... don't pout anymore....