This is a public service announcement
SO the world does always have its ups and its downs, so I figured I would post a journal about my ups and my downs since my life is so damned enteraining ( like a bad soap opera).
first we will rip on the bad with friends I guess before it fades.
I hate my friends to be in pain, as a matter of fact I try to keep them from it at all costs if they let me, this includes all of my friends even some of the more reluctant ones, whom I wish I could help more but I only seem to hurt one of them in particular whenever I try. A certain friend of mine with blond hair and a talll dutch build has cut a certain shorter burnett friend of mine very deeply, but they cut eachother I guess, or so I have been told. All of my friends and I have been through so much shit this year that it is simply ridiculous, my mom was in iraq a nd I didn't hear from her for months, my friends mother passed away from cancer, another one of my friends step father left their family and now her mother is returning to the cock sucker. ( I had to work with him the whole time it was happening and I do not cope well with liars who cheat on their wives with girls as old as their own daughters) On top of that there has been friend trouble, which could very well be why there was friend trouble in the first place. Now my blond friend and I are two very differant people and even though she upset me sometimes I still care for her very deeply and even when she does something I don't necessarrily agree with I still try to see her reasons for it and still try to maintain being friends through it. When friend A called because her mother had passed away on christmas day, she said " do you need me there?" a logical question but me on the other hand I just instinctively came to her call, however for the months of seveire mental trauma for this girl my blond friend stuck by her and gave her what she needed where I could not. Same with friend B wehn her father figure left, even if it was the middle of the night and I had work at six am.Though I was the first one she called in that scenario I believe.
the blond and the brown have been at eachothers throats for the past year almost, or it seems like it has been that long about almost everything. My blond friend is bad at confrontation, and that is one of the huge reasons that my brown friend gets so irritated with her, because she can easily be highly confrontational, if she has something to tell you you know. AND if you don't know thenshe is acting in such a way that you know something is up. These two make eachother cry more than anyone else I know, I have never seen one person shed so many tears over a friend as my brown friend has, and from another source I hear that my blond sheds an equal amount of tears. My brunett friend only sheds tears because she longs to still be friends with the blond and in her eyes all she sees is her blond friend trying to avoid her at all costs. What is unseen is the only reason the blond friend avoids her and everyone around her ( myself and friend A) because she is afriad of my brown friends, because she has changed, and she yells, but out of her yelling usually she heals and comes back around. She was the one who called my blond friend and wanted to have a birthday with her, because their birthdays are near, she wants to be near to the blond friend again, and she said ok, and all day my burnett friend tried to be around my blond friend and she almost completely ignored her to what I saw. Then I hear that the only one she felt was trying to reach out to her was me, I was flattered, but completely outraged, my burnet friend at one point sat in my blond friends lap and tried to talk with her and she could think of nothing to say. These two used to be closer than anyone else I know, my blond friend once told me that my burnett friend was her favorite person in the world, that hurt, but it made me proud of them.
In this past year we have all changed for better or worse, one of use has become almost a complete coward who only lets herself free in art work, another who gets angry, then depressed and cries herself to sleep and sleeps for long periods of time, two of us have a full time job and do all we can to stay happy and keep our respective friends happy by trying our damnist to stay happy. The last tries to keep happy most of the time, and hangs out with my burnett friend and has fun, which they both need.
This is all fucking retarded and I think we all need to get over it. I have a difficult time letting people fucking go, and my blond friend and her curly haired counterpart, and my burnett friend and esther, all think that they are gleeful that they will not have to see the others for a year at the least, which I have been told may be the best action, to not see one another for a while, like a long time. I HATE letting people go. I can barely fucking stand it when people fucking quit at work, but all sides are seemingly happy for right now, I just wish we could all stop hurting long enough to not be blinded by it.
it hurts that we're doing this and I hope I am not the only one, but do what you all think is right. I personally think if we all would stop avoiding eachother shit like this would stop happening, but whatever. when we were in highschool and we saw the bad in eachother we didn't have a choice but to be around eachother the next day, now we see eachother so rarely that if you make a mistake, if you slip up and say something mean, even if you don't mean it, it still feels like you do and leaves a bad impression. This has been happening since furcon. People need to get over your own fucking bullshit and not drag it into your friendships, and I don't mean not to share your problems, no no, I mean if your angry about something don't snap at your friends about it when it wasn't their fault, or avoiding them for something that is your own bullshit, The only reason any of us were ever really mad with our blond friend was because she never came around to see us, we miss her, that was the only reason, now for certain parties it has only grown. I just want all of my friends back together and fucking blissful. I never thought I would miss high school this fucking much. So dear ms. blond and ms. burnett there was a time where you two were simply retarded for eachother, loved one another, were incredible friends, it CAN and it WILL be that way again someday. Even if something really shitty has to trigger it.
At this birthday there were also two extra friends, jaki and woofie, they made it fun, and we had a great time all in all, if you look at it the agression doesn't outweigh maybe evens out with the fun we had. And in a couple weeks march 19-21 we would like to go visit them if its alright with them. and when I am there ryan is going to visit me for a while... just a day or so, you can have no idea how happy I am that he can come and visit me while I am there. He is like a brother to me, and he is one of the few people that can calm my nerves which could be why I am so mixed up lately, I haven't chatted with him in months. And it will be great to see him, I haven't seen him in years, not that I am not excited about seeing the guys again, I love them just as much, its going to be a fucking awsome weekend and I am truely deeply excited for it, especially since esther and shannon and maybe holi will be coming with me. n.n * does the happy dance*
Then there is work fun, they keep sceduling me with people who I love so work has been bliss lately even if my assistant manager is being a fucking little bitch because she is angry with me for something I didn't do * scream*. tomarrow I work with Cameron Dakota and sean. * excitement* . Now I hang out with their whole family dakot and camerons that is. They are like my new family, I hang out with their mother, I work with their aunt too, and I hae been adopted as her other daughter now and I talk with thier grandmother and their sister, and their aunts little girl. I LOVE this family. And both lisa and samantha ( aunt and mom) want me to date one of teh sons o.o that scared me a bit. Lisa told me that her and her mom were talking to dakota one day and told him that they thought I was perfect for him... O.O my reaction.... thats a little intense for me. and Dakota's reaction was " I like sasha" , not an ewww no.... not a jesus you guys leave me alone... just I like her.... I felt good about myself that day for a while... I am very huggy with my employees when I work... and dakota is one of the two that hug me back. n.n. I do so like him.
So that is the good stuff at work... and it makes me happy... very very happy.. we have in the last week however had harold quit, chris v quit, king get fired, and I think there was one more... now two of those guys are our lead taco bar people, that leave us with one really solid lead taco bar guy, and thats david. Who usually works my shift.... my exact reaction " SHit" because that means that if they need him in the morning then they steal my taco bar guy... I am insane with rage.
Yesterday I was called in to work because I asked to be if they needed me... The hoods, which are basically our fans that suck out the smoke from the deep frier and the grill when we cook something just stopped. and the radio in lobby stopped working too so it was completey quiet in the returaunt and it creeped both cameron and myself out too the extreme. On top of that our front registers went down so I had to call Jae to fix them. Then the computer that controls like everything in the resturant broke... like wouldn't even turn back on, so people couldn't clock in or out or anything. So we had to write everything down. We checked all the breakers, and nothing was wrong with any of them, and the guy that can fix the hoods can't come in until the next morning O_O so all night the resturaunt was smokey as hell, and no one could breath, Drive thru was moving slower than the norm after nine because I had to cut labor, and some impatient asshole stepped through our back door to yell at us and I told her to get out of the resturant.... see we had all doors open fo that the store could vent. Not the best night of my life.
Friendly fun time.
so Holi esther and I have been hanging out and drawing and going out in the middle of the night to random places, and a few nights ago we went to wiskeytown lake and all three of us strutted around pantless and it was fun. And it was esther's idea, then we had unreasonably perverted conversations ... it was silly.
I think that thats all I have too say..
'
everyone have a nice day
This has been a public service announcement
first we will rip on the bad with friends I guess before it fades.
I hate my friends to be in pain, as a matter of fact I try to keep them from it at all costs if they let me, this includes all of my friends even some of the more reluctant ones, whom I wish I could help more but I only seem to hurt one of them in particular whenever I try. A certain friend of mine with blond hair and a talll dutch build has cut a certain shorter burnett friend of mine very deeply, but they cut eachother I guess, or so I have been told. All of my friends and I have been through so much shit this year that it is simply ridiculous, my mom was in iraq a nd I didn't hear from her for months, my friends mother passed away from cancer, another one of my friends step father left their family and now her mother is returning to the cock sucker. ( I had to work with him the whole time it was happening and I do not cope well with liars who cheat on their wives with girls as old as their own daughters) On top of that there has been friend trouble, which could very well be why there was friend trouble in the first place. Now my blond friend and I are two very differant people and even though she upset me sometimes I still care for her very deeply and even when she does something I don't necessarrily agree with I still try to see her reasons for it and still try to maintain being friends through it. When friend A called because her mother had passed away on christmas day, she said " do you need me there?" a logical question but me on the other hand I just instinctively came to her call, however for the months of seveire mental trauma for this girl my blond friend stuck by her and gave her what she needed where I could not. Same with friend B wehn her father figure left, even if it was the middle of the night and I had work at six am.Though I was the first one she called in that scenario I believe.
the blond and the brown have been at eachothers throats for the past year almost, or it seems like it has been that long about almost everything. My blond friend is bad at confrontation, and that is one of the huge reasons that my brown friend gets so irritated with her, because she can easily be highly confrontational, if she has something to tell you you know. AND if you don't know thenshe is acting in such a way that you know something is up. These two make eachother cry more than anyone else I know, I have never seen one person shed so many tears over a friend as my brown friend has, and from another source I hear that my blond sheds an equal amount of tears. My brunett friend only sheds tears because she longs to still be friends with the blond and in her eyes all she sees is her blond friend trying to avoid her at all costs. What is unseen is the only reason the blond friend avoids her and everyone around her ( myself and friend A) because she is afriad of my brown friends, because she has changed, and she yells, but out of her yelling usually she heals and comes back around. She was the one who called my blond friend and wanted to have a birthday with her, because their birthdays are near, she wants to be near to the blond friend again, and she said ok, and all day my burnett friend tried to be around my blond friend and she almost completely ignored her to what I saw. Then I hear that the only one she felt was trying to reach out to her was me, I was flattered, but completely outraged, my burnet friend at one point sat in my blond friends lap and tried to talk with her and she could think of nothing to say. These two used to be closer than anyone else I know, my blond friend once told me that my burnett friend was her favorite person in the world, that hurt, but it made me proud of them.
In this past year we have all changed for better or worse, one of use has become almost a complete coward who only lets herself free in art work, another who gets angry, then depressed and cries herself to sleep and sleeps for long periods of time, two of us have a full time job and do all we can to stay happy and keep our respective friends happy by trying our damnist to stay happy. The last tries to keep happy most of the time, and hangs out with my burnett friend and has fun, which they both need.
This is all fucking retarded and I think we all need to get over it. I have a difficult time letting people fucking go, and my blond friend and her curly haired counterpart, and my burnett friend and esther, all think that they are gleeful that they will not have to see the others for a year at the least, which I have been told may be the best action, to not see one another for a while, like a long time. I HATE letting people go. I can barely fucking stand it when people fucking quit at work, but all sides are seemingly happy for right now, I just wish we could all stop hurting long enough to not be blinded by it.
it hurts that we're doing this and I hope I am not the only one, but do what you all think is right. I personally think if we all would stop avoiding eachother shit like this would stop happening, but whatever. when we were in highschool and we saw the bad in eachother we didn't have a choice but to be around eachother the next day, now we see eachother so rarely that if you make a mistake, if you slip up and say something mean, even if you don't mean it, it still feels like you do and leaves a bad impression. This has been happening since furcon. People need to get over your own fucking bullshit and not drag it into your friendships, and I don't mean not to share your problems, no no, I mean if your angry about something don't snap at your friends about it when it wasn't their fault, or avoiding them for something that is your own bullshit, The only reason any of us were ever really mad with our blond friend was because she never came around to see us, we miss her, that was the only reason, now for certain parties it has only grown. I just want all of my friends back together and fucking blissful. I never thought I would miss high school this fucking much. So dear ms. blond and ms. burnett there was a time where you two were simply retarded for eachother, loved one another, were incredible friends, it CAN and it WILL be that way again someday. Even if something really shitty has to trigger it.
At this birthday there were also two extra friends, jaki and woofie, they made it fun, and we had a great time all in all, if you look at it the agression doesn't outweigh maybe evens out with the fun we had. And in a couple weeks march 19-21 we would like to go visit them if its alright with them. and when I am there ryan is going to visit me for a while... just a day or so, you can have no idea how happy I am that he can come and visit me while I am there. He is like a brother to me, and he is one of the few people that can calm my nerves which could be why I am so mixed up lately, I haven't chatted with him in months. And it will be great to see him, I haven't seen him in years, not that I am not excited about seeing the guys again, I love them just as much, its going to be a fucking awsome weekend and I am truely deeply excited for it, especially since esther and shannon and maybe holi will be coming with me. n.n * does the happy dance*
Then there is work fun, they keep sceduling me with people who I love so work has been bliss lately even if my assistant manager is being a fucking little bitch because she is angry with me for something I didn't do * scream*. tomarrow I work with Cameron Dakota and sean. * excitement* . Now I hang out with their whole family dakot and camerons that is. They are like my new family, I hang out with their mother, I work with their aunt too, and I hae been adopted as her other daughter now and I talk with thier grandmother and their sister, and their aunts little girl. I LOVE this family. And both lisa and samantha ( aunt and mom) want me to date one of teh sons o.o that scared me a bit. Lisa told me that her and her mom were talking to dakota one day and told him that they thought I was perfect for him... O.O my reaction.... thats a little intense for me. and Dakota's reaction was " I like sasha" , not an ewww no.... not a jesus you guys leave me alone... just I like her.... I felt good about myself that day for a while... I am very huggy with my employees when I work... and dakota is one of the two that hug me back. n.n. I do so like him.
So that is the good stuff at work... and it makes me happy... very very happy.. we have in the last week however had harold quit, chris v quit, king get fired, and I think there was one more... now two of those guys are our lead taco bar people, that leave us with one really solid lead taco bar guy, and thats david. Who usually works my shift.... my exact reaction " SHit" because that means that if they need him in the morning then they steal my taco bar guy... I am insane with rage.
Yesterday I was called in to work because I asked to be if they needed me... The hoods, which are basically our fans that suck out the smoke from the deep frier and the grill when we cook something just stopped. and the radio in lobby stopped working too so it was completey quiet in the returaunt and it creeped both cameron and myself out too the extreme. On top of that our front registers went down so I had to call Jae to fix them. Then the computer that controls like everything in the resturant broke... like wouldn't even turn back on, so people couldn't clock in or out or anything. So we had to write everything down. We checked all the breakers, and nothing was wrong with any of them, and the guy that can fix the hoods can't come in until the next morning O_O so all night the resturaunt was smokey as hell, and no one could breath, Drive thru was moving slower than the norm after nine because I had to cut labor, and some impatient asshole stepped through our back door to yell at us and I told her to get out of the resturant.... see we had all doors open fo that the store could vent. Not the best night of my life.
Friendly fun time.
so Holi esther and I have been hanging out and drawing and going out in the middle of the night to random places, and a few nights ago we went to wiskeytown lake and all three of us strutted around pantless and it was fun. And it was esther's idea, then we had unreasonably perverted conversations ... it was silly.
I think that thats all I have too say..
'
everyone have a nice day
This has been a public service announcement