getting there...to the adulthood i mean :P
The most important lesson learnt today, basically on my 30th birthday: you can't judge somebody, because they are not the hero you want them to be, just because you need a leading example or don't have enough guts and/or strength to be the hero yourself. They are not you, they are not obliged to feel like you, they are obliged only to live their life as they see fit. And you should do the same, live the life, i mean. The responsibility is entirely yours.
Maybe I should have learnt that one a long time ago. One of my own barriers and ideals fell down again and it is painful.
On the one hand, it is strangely liberating, trying to force yourself not to expect anything from anybody, on the other hand it is suffocating. Feeling that somebody somewhere, a real person, not a fiction hero might have the same rigorous moral and work ethics and then being disappointed. That hurts. I guess it's a hard life for a 30 year old naive girl (and yes, I consider myself still a girl, which is a problem in itself), who still needs heroes because she is still dreaming of becoming this better person and meeting somebody who feels just as strongly. Hard and lonely, better get used to it, I guess.
And this is not as depressive as it sounds, rather wistful, maybe a bit tired, entirely selfish and totally stupid, so I will rather not even explain why do I feel the way I feel, because I am even ashamed to admit to the source of this childish outburst.
I just wish...I didn't need heroes in my life anymore.
Maybe I should have learnt that one a long time ago. One of my own barriers and ideals fell down again and it is painful.
On the one hand, it is strangely liberating, trying to force yourself not to expect anything from anybody, on the other hand it is suffocating. Feeling that somebody somewhere, a real person, not a fiction hero might have the same rigorous moral and work ethics and then being disappointed. That hurts. I guess it's a hard life for a 30 year old naive girl (and yes, I consider myself still a girl, which is a problem in itself), who still needs heroes because she is still dreaming of becoming this better person and meeting somebody who feels just as strongly. Hard and lonely, better get used to it, I guess.
And this is not as depressive as it sounds, rather wistful, maybe a bit tired, entirely selfish and totally stupid, so I will rather not even explain why do I feel the way I feel, because I am even ashamed to admit to the source of this childish outburst.
I just wish...I didn't need heroes in my life anymore.