looking for reasons for happiness
I always seem to be writing here only when I am down and to be honest at the moment I don't feel like I have that many reasons to be happy either.
The last 5 days my knees has been hurting quite a lot. More than before.
My flatmate told me that I have too many gray hairs (I am 25....) and I should really start dying my hair, she didn't say it in that many words, but well, in her gentle way as ever.
Today my mom told me that I am fat...again. So I felt really bad, because I know that I've gained almost 10 kilo since my knee operation, but I do realize it and at the moment, I don't feel comfortable in skin at all. I have never even been so fat or in such a lousy form. I have been doing sports my whole life.
I felt bad after she told me so I tried to go running...and I had to give up after like 100 meters.
I feel fat and useless. It's been eight months since my operation and the knee is not much better than right after the accident. Why the hell did they tell me it's going to be all right? Nothing is all right. And don't tell me, please, don't tell to take it easy, try one step at a time, because that's what I have been doing the last 8 months and at the moment I feel like I will be glad if I ever learn to walk without a limp. And yeah, right, according to my mother it's all my fault and she accuses me of being used to live on the couch. I am so, so fed up with my life and everything. With myself. I really hate my body right now, my weakness. That is maybe here to stay.
The last 5 days my knees has been hurting quite a lot. More than before.
My flatmate told me that I have too many gray hairs (I am 25....) and I should really start dying my hair, she didn't say it in that many words, but well, in her gentle way as ever.
Today my mom told me that I am fat...again. So I felt really bad, because I know that I've gained almost 10 kilo since my knee operation, but I do realize it and at the moment, I don't feel comfortable in skin at all. I have never even been so fat or in such a lousy form. I have been doing sports my whole life.
I felt bad after she told me so I tried to go running...and I had to give up after like 100 meters.
I feel fat and useless. It's been eight months since my operation and the knee is not much better than right after the accident. Why the hell did they tell me it's going to be all right? Nothing is all right. And don't tell me, please, don't tell to take it easy, try one step at a time, because that's what I have been doing the last 8 months and at the moment I feel like I will be glad if I ever learn to walk without a limp. And yeah, right, according to my mother it's all my fault and she accuses me of being used to live on the couch. I am so, so fed up with my life and everything. With myself. I really hate my body right now, my weakness. That is maybe here to stay.