im trying

[akillingmoon]

here i go
here i go again

i can't seem to gather my thoughts lately. i can't read. i can't focus. i can only think about one thing and whenever i try to read or focus, that one thing interferes with everything. i don't know what to feel. i don't know how to act. i don't know how to win. i don't know how to compete. i don't know what i have to offer. i don't know how i feel to myself at times and it scares me. i wish i could get me. i wish i could know what i want and need and how to go about doing that. i usually don't do this. i never do this. its different now for some reason. and i like this feeling but i don't know where to go from here. its a dead end as far as im concerned but i don't want it to be that way. i want to succeed. i want to win whatever the prize may be. what is it? please. im not satisfied with myself. not at all. my head just starts racing though. and i get overwhelmed and ahead of myself. but then at the same time i freeze dead in my tracks. if i only i knew what i want. and if only i knew how to get there. im trying

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