Violent Reunions Ch. 5 - Unbreakable Bonds
FINAL CHAPTER!
WARNING: Angst, extreme graphic violence, and yaoi.
I was running. It was the same road in Konoha where I had killed Itachi. The lane seemed endless; what was in front of me was the same as what was behind and I couldn't get out.
Runnels of blood snaked their way across the road from where Itachi was stuck on the wall. I slipped and stumbled in the gore drenched mud, falling to my hands and knees near him. I stared at the body, slick and shiny with fresh blood as if I had just inflicted the wounds.
I looked further up to see his head was still attached. I glanced to where I had been standing when it happened, and there I was, standing with my blade poised to decapitate him. I scrambled away from my own attacking form. I knew what was about to happen, but I didn't understand why I was watching myself do it again.
I got to my feet and stood behind my double. The sword was moving, about to sever Itachi's head from his neck, when the scene began to change. The air seemed to ripple and shimmer, making me dizzy and unsteady on my feet. I shook my head quickly to clear it and my eyes returned to Itachi, but it wasn't his body ruined and bleeding, hanging from the stone. It was Naruto's.
I gasped and lunged for my other form, trying to stop what was about occur. I seemed to be moving much slower than my surroundings. I couldn't reach the sword in time to stop it from doing to Naruto what it had to Itachi.
“Sasuke,” Naruto said, tears falling down his cheeks. “Please, Sasuke,” he pleaded. “I want to stay with you.” I was still moving in slow motion, but the blade kept moving faster. It bit into his shoulder and he screamed. He screamed high and desperate as my clone finished the movement. His eyes were wide as he stared at me. It slipped from his neck to the ground and rolled to my feet, just as Itachi's had done, but it wasn't lifeless.
“Why?” the disembodied head of Naruto asked. “Why did you do this, Sasuke?!” he exclaimed. I dropped to my knees with his head still staring at me, bellowing “why, why, why?!” over and over again. I gripped the sides of my head, my fingers digging into and pulling my hair. I clenched my eyes shut and shrieked. I yowled until my throat was raw, and still I could hear Naruto's voice asking “why?”.
“Sasuke, Sasuke,” Naruto was calling. “Sasuke!” he shouted. I jolted upright as his hand came to rest on my shoulder, trying to comfort me.
“No!” I yelled and struck out. My elbow connected with the side of his face, the back of his head hitting the wall behind the bed. I took a few deep breaths and stilled myself. I needed to calm down. I turned to Naruto. He was holding his head in his hands, his features scrunched together in an expression of pain.
“Shit, Sasuke,” he said with feeling as I crawled closer to him. I reached to his chin and lifted his face to see what I had done. His cheek was red, a small smudge of blood at the corner of his mouth. I held my own in a tight line. Events like these were happening more often. I would wake up with tears running down my face, my body covered in sweat, my heart pounding as if I was in the middle of a fight. I didn't even know where I was. That's when this happened.
That wasn't an excuse to hurt Naruto. It didn't matter that I didn't realize what was going on, I was still causing him pain. It wasn't fair to him.
I raised a corner of the sheet to wipe away the blood. I leaned in place a gentle kiss at the corner of his mouth. I shook my head and sighed. I couldn't let this go on for much longer.
“I'm sorry, Naruto,” I whispered. He wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me to him, my face resting on his bare chest. I curled one arm around his waist and held tightly as he stroked his fingers through my hair.
“I can't do this to you,” I said. He hushed me and kissed the top of my head.
“Tell me what happened,” he said quietly. I shut my eyes and swallowed hard. I hated talking about it, especially when I had just lashed out at Naruto.
“It was Itachi. You heard about what I did to him, except... it wasn't him.” I paused. “It was you. I watched myself do to you what I did to Itachi. I couldn't stop it,” I whispered. I snuggled more securely to his chest, willing his skin to be a balm for the torment.
“It wasn't real, Sasuke, it was just a dream.” Naruto always said the same thing. That it was just a dream, that everything would be okay, but it wasn't true.
It had been a few weeks since I'd taken my revenge. I had stayed with Naruto the whole time. There were good days, when our relationship was stronger than ever and it felt normal to be back in this place, but those had become much less frequent. I suffered night terrors more often than not, the worst nights being much like this one.
With Itachi dead, I had lost the thing that had kept me focused in life. I was able to endure anything and do what was necessary thanks to my thirst for revenge. It was as if the rest of my tortured memories felt free to attack me now that he was gone. It was to be the price I paid for the path I had walked.
“What else is wrong?” Naruto asked.
“Nothing, nothing,” I replied quickly, but he knew me too well. He ran one of hand up and down my arm on his stomach. He offered a comforting touch to ease the pain.
“Will you tell me?” he inquired softly.
“It's just...” I took a deep breath and blew it out forcefully, steeling myself against what I was about to tell him. “It's everything. I can't stop dreaming of it all.” Naruto just stroked my arm silently, waiting for me to continue.
“I've only spent the past few months going after Itachi. I was with Orochimaru before that...” Memories of him filled me. I could almost feel his touch again, icy against my skin.
“Sasuke,” Naruto whispered, but I was gone. Flowing through the horrors of my past.
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Sasuke, age 12, six years ago...
Orochimaru's hideout was somewhere underground. I had walked through damp and winding tunnels of nothingness before I could see any light. It almost looked like a laboratory though I couldn't tell exactly what it was for. I wasn't sure that I wanted to know. I was only here for one thing. Nothing else concerned me.
He sat in a chair in the center of the room, soft light falling on his features. His pale skin seemed to glow in contrast to his dark hair and robes. He raised a hand to beckon me to him. I hesitated only a moment before approaching him.
“Sasuke,” Orochimaru hissed. My body involuntarily shivered in response. His voice was frightening and mildly obscene all that the same time. I stopped just beyond his reach. He began to lean forward, but I refused to give ground. I chose this and I wouldn't be intimidated.
His fingers were cold where they touched my face. He ran his fingertips across the ridge of my jaw, across my chin, and back to the other side until it was lost in my hair. I gritted my teeth and pushed my lips together in a tight line. He moved toward me, bringing his face closer. I felt my head push back, but his fingers tightened their grip, holding me in place.
I glared at him, my breathing getting faster as reached me. I tried to calm down, but I could not squash my dislike of him. I wanted to be trained, I wanted the power he had to offer, but I didn't have to be near him like this. I had no desire to be in such close contact.
“You look so much like your brother,” he said quietly. The mention of Itachi only made me more angry. I didn't want to hear about him or what he had to do with Orochimaru.
“I didn't come here to discuss him. Can we get on with it?” I snapped. He moved the rest of his body quickly, his face bending over mine, his free hand grasping my chin painfully. I tried to pull away, but he squeezed harder.
“We operate on my time here,” he spat. “You will do what I say, when I say it.” He pushed hard on my chin, sending me stumbling backwards to fall on the floor. I rubbed my face and stood.
“Fuck that,” I growled. My eyes widened as his mouth opened, his tongue elongating and shooting toward me. It wrapped around my neck and dragged me to him. It felt slimy and slightly rough where it touched me. I made a sound of disgust as I wiggled against his hold.
He took a firm hold on my hair again, pulling his tongue slowly across my skin and made it's way back to him. The corners of my mouth turned down in distaste. As much as I thirsted for power, I didn't want to tolerate this. I hadn't expected it to turn out quite this way.
His tongue finally returned to it's rightful place as he leaned his face to mine.
“Mmm,” Orochimaru crooned. “What a delightful taste.” His tongue shot out again and I clamped my eyes shut. I wouldn't fight with him this time, but I didn't want to watch what he was going to do. “Open your mouth, Sasuke.” I did as he said and felt his tongue caress my lips a moment later.
I clenched my fists as he explored me, entering my mouth to scrape along my teeth and curl his tongue around mine. His free hand stroked down my chest in lazy circles. He took his time doing just as he pleased. Sweat dripped down my temples and the hair stuck to the back of my neck. My eyes were still shut tight and I tried not to do the same with my teeth.
He pulled away, removing his hand from my chest and hair. I opened my eyes but made no other movement. He waved to the side of the room and one of the sound ninjas appeared. I hadn't even noticed he was there.
“Show him where he'll be staying,” Orochimaru directed. He signaled for me to follow the other ninja. I moved to leave the room after him, using my sleeve to wipe away the foul taste of him from my mouth. I felt sullied, violated and outraged. I hoped it wouldn't get worse.
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Sasuke, age 15, three years ago...
Snakes shot out from Orochimaru's sleeves, knocking my sword away from him and sending me off balance. They wrapped around my arms and legs, lifting me from the ground and tossing me away. Pain shot through my back as I hit the dirt, tumbling violently before coming to a stop face down. I laid motionless, gasping for breath.
“Get up,” he commanded. I pulled my arms and legs up to balance unsteadily on my hands and knees. “Get up, Sasuke,” he said again. I tried to stand, but my body wouldn't support me. I dropped to my knees. We had been training for hours now. I was shaking with exhaustion, my chakra depleted.
Orochimaru approached and knelt in front me. He seized my blade and drove it into the ground beside him.
“This is disappointing,” he hissed. “You're weak, Sasuke.” His hand shot out and struck my cheek. The force of it knocked me over to fall on my side. Anger shadowed his face as he reached for me. He twisted my shirt in his fist, rising to his feet and lifting me effortlessly. His other hand rose to slap me again, small droplets of blood flying from my mouth.
“Why are you so weak, Sasuke?!” Orochimaru exclaimed. He threw me back to the dirt. I felt my back crack painfully as I gasped. I stayed as still as possible. I knew he wouldn't kill me and I didn't want to injure myself further.
He pulled my sword out of the ground and reached for my hair. He twisted a fistful in his hand until his grip was secure and began walking. I reached up to grasp his wrist, trying to lessen the pull on my scalp. Waves of agony shot up through my spine with every step he took. He dragged me all the way through the tunnels to my room. I felt like vomiting by the time we got there.
Orochimaru threw me inside and I half landed on the bed, my knees on the ragged stone of the floor. He tossed my sword and his weapons away. I could hear the soft scrapes of fabric on the floor behind me. I knew what was coming. It was always the same.
I felt his cold fingers reach into the back of my collar and quickly pull my shirt away. It jerked my whole body and I couldn't suppress the whimper that followed. He knelt behind me, his chest against my back, his hands reaching around my waist to untie the ropes there. He made quick work of the knot, pulling the rest of my clothing to my knees.
Orochimaru's hands ran down my stomach and thighs. He began stroking around my groin. I despised his touch, but after a few moments, I began to respond. I hated it. I swallowed hard and shut my eyes. I tried to think of something else, anything, that would let me escape from what was happening, even if only in mind.
He pulled my head up by my hair, forcing the fingers of his other hand into my mouth. I covered them with my own saliva, knowing that it would be worse if I didn't. He extracted his fingers, dripping with my own spittle. He didn't give any warning as he shoved the icy digits inside me. His skin was so cold that it felt like a burn. I crumpled the sheets of the bed in my fists and grunted.
He twisted and scissored his fingers inside me as he bent to put his face next to mine.
“Who does this body belong to, Sasuke?” Orochimaru hissed. His free hand moved around my waist, squeezing my half erection hard. “Say it.”
“Yours,” I growled through gritted teeth.
“Whose?”
“Yours!” I shouted angrily. Orochimaru removed his fingers and gripped my hips firmly. He thrust into me violently and I let out a scream of pain. It felt as if I was being torn from the inside. He pulled in and out of me, fast and aggressive. I buried my face in the sheets, tears slowly seeping from my eyes.
I felt his elongated tongue sweep across my nipples, teasing each one. I tried not to respond, but my body betrayed me. The snake like thing moved down my chest and stomach to the inside of my thighs. He licked and stroked my arousal until my breathing became raspy, and I couldn't fight the sensations any longer.
He drove into me harder and faster, his tongue pumping in time to his hips. I felt the pleasure building despite the screaming in my mind for it to stop. Orochimaru's rhythm faltered and he groaned his orgasm behind me. He spilled inside of me as I reached my own climax, splashing onto the side of the bed and onto the floor.
His tongue retracted and he released me. I felt his fingers caress my opening, wiping at the liquid dripping down my skin. He tangled his fingers in my hair, turning my head on its side. He smoothed his wet fingers over my mouth. I tried to press my lips together, but he shoved his way in.
“Suck them,” he commanded. When I remained unresponsive, he yanked my hair back roughly. I gasped and began to move my mouth around his fingers. I kept my eyes tightly shut as silent tears continued to fall down my face. He removed his cold flesh from my mouth and bent over me.
“Whose, Sasuke?” he asked.
“Yours,” I said, defeated. Orochimaru dropped me to the bed, gathered his clothing, and left. I crawled into the bed, wrapping myself tightly with the sheets. I used them to wipe my mouth. I didn't want to taste him or what he'd done to me. It was always like this. We trained until I couldn't endure anymore, then he took from me what he wished. I had stopped fighting it long ago.
I curled my knees into my chest, making myself as small as possible. I was soiled by Orochimaru, tainted by his cold blooded body, his rotten seed inside me.
I didn't want this anymore, but I had made my decision long ago. It was too late to turn back.
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Sasuke, age 18, three months ago...
It was happening again. Orochimaru's sexually deviant nature would be taken out on me after our vigorous training session. He had become more brutal over the years, using his abilities that were normally utilized for fighting to abuse me.
My clothes had already been discarded, his tongue beginning to snake around my body. He was using the snakes in his sleeves to restrain me, holding me in a position of his choosing. There was one difference this time; I had kept my sword. It was hidden under the bed, close to my knees. My upper arms were trapped, but they hung free at the elbow. My weapon was within reach.
Orochimaru was too distracted to notice.
I waited until I felt him move behind me, readying himself to penetrate me. I slowly moved to grasp my blade. As he began to enter, I slashed upwards quickly, cutting his snakes from their hold on my body. He jumped back, retracting what was left of his bloody stumps, his tongue returning to his mouth. I turned swiftly to level my sword at him.
“What are you doing?” Orochimaru asked angrily.
“I've had enough,” I said. He began to summon his snakes to fight for him with the tattoos on his arms, but I was too fast for him now. I lunged, slashing long and deep gashes in his arms. He let out a wail and stumbled back. I watched the tip of a sword jut out of his mouth. I advanced on him and he met my blade with his own still in his throat.
We jumped and danced around each other, loud clashes of metal echoing in the stone room. I was fast enough now, strong enough, that Orochimaru was straining to keep up with me. I felt my blade cut his flesh and his mine, but not severely. We couldn't seem to cause enough damage to each other.
He rapidly pulled the sword out of his mouth to wield it with both hands. He was more efficient this way. He swung at me and our blades met, the sound reverberating in my ears. We pushed away from each other, backing into opposite corners of the room. I focused on the cursed seal and felt it's power fill me. Orochimaru knew what I was doing, he had taught me to control it, but he was too late to react. My arms changed their shape and color, turning into something larger and more muscular than my own form, my hands curving into claws.
We thrust at each other again, but he was too slow against my partially released state. I grabbed his hair and wrapped the length of it around my wrist. Instead of being pulled back by it, he elongated his neck. It was his mistake.
I rapidly swung my sword, making contact with the pale flesh of his neck. Blood sprayed from the wound, coating my skin and spilling to the floor. Orochimaru's body collapsed in a crimson puddle, his still squirming head held in my hand.
I walked to the nearest wall and held the severed head in front of me. I raised my blade, leveling it at one of the wide, lifeless eyes. I drove the blade through it and into the stone beyond. The yellow orb exploded, adding a clear viscous fluid to the blood splattered on his face. I felt nothing but satisfaction.
I approached Orochimaru's prone form and picked up his sword. I closed my eyes and sucked the power of the cursed seal back to it's resting place. I didn't need it for this. I gripped his blade firmly and opened my eyes. I stared at his body, the neck still twisting and curling like the snake he truly was.
I raised the sword and slashed. I slashed until chunks of his flesh flew through the air to scatter around the room. I stabbed through his body until it bit into the bones inside, shattering them to pieces. I hacked at my monstrous mentor until nothing but gobs of meat remained. If I could do this so easily, I could kill my brother. I could exact my revenge on Itachi. Everything would be worth the price I'd paid.
I stared down at the gore that had been Orochimaru and still felt nothing but satisfaction.
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Present time, in Naruto's room...
“I'm horrible, Naruto,” I choked. I had divulged all the torment that had occurred with Orochimaru to Naruto. Shared all the indecencies, violations, and humiliations I had suffered at his hands.
Naruto was combing his fingers through my hair. I raised my face from his chest to look at him. To my surprise, he had tears staining his cheeks. I sat up to face him, caressing his skin to wipe them away.
“Now why are you crying?” I asked softly. He traced my jaw line, fingers coming to rest on my chin. He leaned into me, pressing his lips to mine in a chaste and tender kiss.
“Because I love you,” he breathed. I stared at him speechless, my mouth hung open in surprise. Naruto just blushed and smiled, taking us both down to the bed. He turned so we were facing each other, lying on our sides. He entwined his bare legs with mine, our bodies nearly flush together.
He cupped my cheeks and rubbed the tip of his nose on mine. I pressed his hands to my face and closed my eyes. I felt him kiss my eyebrows, my eyelids, then finally my lips. I breathed deeply and drank him in. I relished in the feel of his flesh, the taste of his tongue and the scent of his breath. I kissed him as if I was breathing in the air itself, as if he was my connection to life. In a way, that was just what he was.
We pressed and rubbed our skin together, our hands exploring each other's bodies just as our tongue and lips did. We both moaned and sighed our ecstasy to the other, a sense of desperation in all our caresses.
We made love in the same way. Naruto's body was hot and alive beneath mine, screaming my name as we reached the zenith of our pleasure. The intensity of it drove away my memories and the rest of the world. I collapsed on top of him and he wrapped his arms around me, our bodies still glistening with sweat.
When I finally moved, Naruto pulled me into him, spooning himself against my back and holding me fiercely. We easily drifted to sleep, curled together, surrounded by the feeling of each other's adoration, each other's affection, and each other's love.
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I woke with sweat drenching my body. Naruto was sprawled out on the bed, soft snores escaping his open mouth. I was disoriented and breathing hard. Regardless of what happened with Naruto, despite his declaration, I was still having nightmares. I had almost believed that he could erase them. It was a stupid thought. One night of spirited sex wasn't going to erase the memories. I had half a lifetime of them. It would be too much to hope for.
I crawled out of the bed slowly and quietly to find my clothes. I pulled them on as silently as I could. I searched the room for a small piece of paper and something to write with. I scribbled a note for Naruto and left it on the table in the center of the room. I returned to the bed and knelt next to it. Naruto had tangled the sheets around his legs with one arm hanging loose off the edge. I traced the back of his fingers gently and swallowed hard.
This was it. I had to go. I couldn't drag Naruto into my tortured past, I would have to find a way to deal with my demons on my own. I was prolonging the inevitable by staying here. I didn't want to abandon him again... it would be so much more agonizing this time, but I had to do it. I wouldn't let him be miserable in my stead.
I took his hand in mine carefully, not wishing to wake him. If he was awake, I couldn't do it. I moved the hair away from his face. He looked so innocent when he was sleeping, several years younger and like an angelic child. I swallowed past the lump in my throat and blinked the tears away.
I stood and bent over his face. I touched my lips gently to his forehead. I kissed the whiskers on his cheeks and his fluttering eyelashes. He didn't stir. I softly rubbed his lips with mine, pressing them together in a shaking kiss. I pulled away and gazed at him. I memorized every feature; the arch of his brow, the long, sweeping lashes, the shape of his parted lips, and the softness of his butter yellow hair.
I kissed his lips one last time.
“I will not break these bonds,” I breathed into him. I stood and walked to the entryway to put on my shoes. I turned to glance at him once more. He hadn't moved, his chest still rising and falling in deep, slumbering breaths.
“I will not break these bonds,” I whispered again. I opened the door quietly, and left Naruto for the second time.
As soon as I was away from his apartment, I ran. I ran as fast as I could through Konoha. My hair whipped my face, tears flying from my eyes, and still I ran. It was the wee hours of the morning, the sky barely lit by the dawn. No one was there to see me. I rushed through the gates and skidded to a stop. I turned to stare at them and the village that would always be my home.
“Goodbye,” I murmured. I turned to the vast forest in front of me. I willed my feet to move away from the village and Naruto. I willed them to take me as far away as fast as they could. My eyes became blurry with tears. I could barely see where I was going.
I ran into branches, stumbled in brush and bushes. They cut my face and arms, but I ran. The tears stung the wounds, but still I ran. I couldn't see the roots of the trees on the ground, and I stumbled over one. I fell to the earth, my elbows barely stopping my face from slamming to the ground.
My eyes burned, my chest was heaving with gasping breaths and sobs. I lowered my forehead to the ground.
“Naruto,” I whispered. My weeping became louder, the dirt under me becoming moist with the rain of my tears.
“Naruto,” I hiccuped. “Naruto!” I let out one anguished wail after another until I could hardly breathe. I couldn't stop it. The tears flowed faster, and I screamed my heartbreak. I screamed Naruto's name, knowing he couldn't hear me. I screamed it over and over, knowing that he would never hear it again.
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The next day...
Naruto had slept in. He and Sasuke had shared a passionate and emotional night. He was still sore and exhausted. He sat up, looking for Sasuke, but he wasn't there.
“Sasuke?” Naruto called to the empty room. There was no response. He got out of bed to search the bathroom, though he didn't hear or sense Sasuke anywhere. He walked to the middle of the room and shook his head, confused.
He searched around, but didn't see Sasuke's new clothing anywhere. The ones that had been stained in his fight were in a messy pile near the table. His heart sped up. He didn't think that Sasuke would go wandering around Konoha for no reason. He then noticed a small piece of paper folded on the table.
Naruto picked it up and unfolded it nervously. He quickly read the contents. He stared at it wide eyed. His eyes scanned it again and again, but the contents didn't change.
His collapsed to his knees on the floor. Naruto pulled the pile of Sasuke's clothes to him, embracing them as if he could still feel Sasuke's body in them. He brought the garments to his face, breathing in their scent. They smelled like Sasuke's skin... his skin as he held Naruto, as Sasuke wrapped him in his warm embrace.
Naruto held the note, reading it over and over.
“I love you, Naruto” was all it said. He clutched it to his aching heart and wept.
THE END
WARNING: Angst, extreme graphic violence, and yaoi.
I was running. It was the same road in Konoha where I had killed Itachi. The lane seemed endless; what was in front of me was the same as what was behind and I couldn't get out.
Runnels of blood snaked their way across the road from where Itachi was stuck on the wall. I slipped and stumbled in the gore drenched mud, falling to my hands and knees near him. I stared at the body, slick and shiny with fresh blood as if I had just inflicted the wounds.
I looked further up to see his head was still attached. I glanced to where I had been standing when it happened, and there I was, standing with my blade poised to decapitate him. I scrambled away from my own attacking form. I knew what was about to happen, but I didn't understand why I was watching myself do it again.
I got to my feet and stood behind my double. The sword was moving, about to sever Itachi's head from his neck, when the scene began to change. The air seemed to ripple and shimmer, making me dizzy and unsteady on my feet. I shook my head quickly to clear it and my eyes returned to Itachi, but it wasn't his body ruined and bleeding, hanging from the stone. It was Naruto's.
I gasped and lunged for my other form, trying to stop what was about occur. I seemed to be moving much slower than my surroundings. I couldn't reach the sword in time to stop it from doing to Naruto what it had to Itachi.
“Sasuke,” Naruto said, tears falling down his cheeks. “Please, Sasuke,” he pleaded. “I want to stay with you.” I was still moving in slow motion, but the blade kept moving faster. It bit into his shoulder and he screamed. He screamed high and desperate as my clone finished the movement. His eyes were wide as he stared at me. It slipped from his neck to the ground and rolled to my feet, just as Itachi's had done, but it wasn't lifeless.
“Why?” the disembodied head of Naruto asked. “Why did you do this, Sasuke?!” he exclaimed. I dropped to my knees with his head still staring at me, bellowing “why, why, why?!” over and over again. I gripped the sides of my head, my fingers digging into and pulling my hair. I clenched my eyes shut and shrieked. I yowled until my throat was raw, and still I could hear Naruto's voice asking “why?”.
“Sasuke, Sasuke,” Naruto was calling. “Sasuke!” he shouted. I jolted upright as his hand came to rest on my shoulder, trying to comfort me.
“No!” I yelled and struck out. My elbow connected with the side of his face, the back of his head hitting the wall behind the bed. I took a few deep breaths and stilled myself. I needed to calm down. I turned to Naruto. He was holding his head in his hands, his features scrunched together in an expression of pain.
“Shit, Sasuke,” he said with feeling as I crawled closer to him. I reached to his chin and lifted his face to see what I had done. His cheek was red, a small smudge of blood at the corner of his mouth. I held my own in a tight line. Events like these were happening more often. I would wake up with tears running down my face, my body covered in sweat, my heart pounding as if I was in the middle of a fight. I didn't even know where I was. That's when this happened.
That wasn't an excuse to hurt Naruto. It didn't matter that I didn't realize what was going on, I was still causing him pain. It wasn't fair to him.
I raised a corner of the sheet to wipe away the blood. I leaned in place a gentle kiss at the corner of his mouth. I shook my head and sighed. I couldn't let this go on for much longer.
“I'm sorry, Naruto,” I whispered. He wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me to him, my face resting on his bare chest. I curled one arm around his waist and held tightly as he stroked his fingers through my hair.
“I can't do this to you,” I said. He hushed me and kissed the top of my head.
“Tell me what happened,” he said quietly. I shut my eyes and swallowed hard. I hated talking about it, especially when I had just lashed out at Naruto.
“It was Itachi. You heard about what I did to him, except... it wasn't him.” I paused. “It was you. I watched myself do to you what I did to Itachi. I couldn't stop it,” I whispered. I snuggled more securely to his chest, willing his skin to be a balm for the torment.
“It wasn't real, Sasuke, it was just a dream.” Naruto always said the same thing. That it was just a dream, that everything would be okay, but it wasn't true.
It had been a few weeks since I'd taken my revenge. I had stayed with Naruto the whole time. There were good days, when our relationship was stronger than ever and it felt normal to be back in this place, but those had become much less frequent. I suffered night terrors more often than not, the worst nights being much like this one.
With Itachi dead, I had lost the thing that had kept me focused in life. I was able to endure anything and do what was necessary thanks to my thirst for revenge. It was as if the rest of my tortured memories felt free to attack me now that he was gone. It was to be the price I paid for the path I had walked.
“What else is wrong?” Naruto asked.
“Nothing, nothing,” I replied quickly, but he knew me too well. He ran one of hand up and down my arm on his stomach. He offered a comforting touch to ease the pain.
“Will you tell me?” he inquired softly.
“It's just...” I took a deep breath and blew it out forcefully, steeling myself against what I was about to tell him. “It's everything. I can't stop dreaming of it all.” Naruto just stroked my arm silently, waiting for me to continue.
“I've only spent the past few months going after Itachi. I was with Orochimaru before that...” Memories of him filled me. I could almost feel his touch again, icy against my skin.
“Sasuke,” Naruto whispered, but I was gone. Flowing through the horrors of my past.
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Sasuke, age 12, six years ago...
Orochimaru's hideout was somewhere underground. I had walked through damp and winding tunnels of nothingness before I could see any light. It almost looked like a laboratory though I couldn't tell exactly what it was for. I wasn't sure that I wanted to know. I was only here for one thing. Nothing else concerned me.
He sat in a chair in the center of the room, soft light falling on his features. His pale skin seemed to glow in contrast to his dark hair and robes. He raised a hand to beckon me to him. I hesitated only a moment before approaching him.
“Sasuke,” Orochimaru hissed. My body involuntarily shivered in response. His voice was frightening and mildly obscene all that the same time. I stopped just beyond his reach. He began to lean forward, but I refused to give ground. I chose this and I wouldn't be intimidated.
His fingers were cold where they touched my face. He ran his fingertips across the ridge of my jaw, across my chin, and back to the other side until it was lost in my hair. I gritted my teeth and pushed my lips together in a tight line. He moved toward me, bringing his face closer. I felt my head push back, but his fingers tightened their grip, holding me in place.
I glared at him, my breathing getting faster as reached me. I tried to calm down, but I could not squash my dislike of him. I wanted to be trained, I wanted the power he had to offer, but I didn't have to be near him like this. I had no desire to be in such close contact.
“You look so much like your brother,” he said quietly. The mention of Itachi only made me more angry. I didn't want to hear about him or what he had to do with Orochimaru.
“I didn't come here to discuss him. Can we get on with it?” I snapped. He moved the rest of his body quickly, his face bending over mine, his free hand grasping my chin painfully. I tried to pull away, but he squeezed harder.
“We operate on my time here,” he spat. “You will do what I say, when I say it.” He pushed hard on my chin, sending me stumbling backwards to fall on the floor. I rubbed my face and stood.
“Fuck that,” I growled. My eyes widened as his mouth opened, his tongue elongating and shooting toward me. It wrapped around my neck and dragged me to him. It felt slimy and slightly rough where it touched me. I made a sound of disgust as I wiggled against his hold.
He took a firm hold on my hair again, pulling his tongue slowly across my skin and made it's way back to him. The corners of my mouth turned down in distaste. As much as I thirsted for power, I didn't want to tolerate this. I hadn't expected it to turn out quite this way.
His tongue finally returned to it's rightful place as he leaned his face to mine.
“Mmm,” Orochimaru crooned. “What a delightful taste.” His tongue shot out again and I clamped my eyes shut. I wouldn't fight with him this time, but I didn't want to watch what he was going to do. “Open your mouth, Sasuke.” I did as he said and felt his tongue caress my lips a moment later.
I clenched my fists as he explored me, entering my mouth to scrape along my teeth and curl his tongue around mine. His free hand stroked down my chest in lazy circles. He took his time doing just as he pleased. Sweat dripped down my temples and the hair stuck to the back of my neck. My eyes were still shut tight and I tried not to do the same with my teeth.
He pulled away, removing his hand from my chest and hair. I opened my eyes but made no other movement. He waved to the side of the room and one of the sound ninjas appeared. I hadn't even noticed he was there.
“Show him where he'll be staying,” Orochimaru directed. He signaled for me to follow the other ninja. I moved to leave the room after him, using my sleeve to wipe away the foul taste of him from my mouth. I felt sullied, violated and outraged. I hoped it wouldn't get worse.
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Sasuke, age 15, three years ago...
Snakes shot out from Orochimaru's sleeves, knocking my sword away from him and sending me off balance. They wrapped around my arms and legs, lifting me from the ground and tossing me away. Pain shot through my back as I hit the dirt, tumbling violently before coming to a stop face down. I laid motionless, gasping for breath.
“Get up,” he commanded. I pulled my arms and legs up to balance unsteadily on my hands and knees. “Get up, Sasuke,” he said again. I tried to stand, but my body wouldn't support me. I dropped to my knees. We had been training for hours now. I was shaking with exhaustion, my chakra depleted.
Orochimaru approached and knelt in front me. He seized my blade and drove it into the ground beside him.
“This is disappointing,” he hissed. “You're weak, Sasuke.” His hand shot out and struck my cheek. The force of it knocked me over to fall on my side. Anger shadowed his face as he reached for me. He twisted my shirt in his fist, rising to his feet and lifting me effortlessly. His other hand rose to slap me again, small droplets of blood flying from my mouth.
“Why are you so weak, Sasuke?!” Orochimaru exclaimed. He threw me back to the dirt. I felt my back crack painfully as I gasped. I stayed as still as possible. I knew he wouldn't kill me and I didn't want to injure myself further.
He pulled my sword out of the ground and reached for my hair. He twisted a fistful in his hand until his grip was secure and began walking. I reached up to grasp his wrist, trying to lessen the pull on my scalp. Waves of agony shot up through my spine with every step he took. He dragged me all the way through the tunnels to my room. I felt like vomiting by the time we got there.
Orochimaru threw me inside and I half landed on the bed, my knees on the ragged stone of the floor. He tossed my sword and his weapons away. I could hear the soft scrapes of fabric on the floor behind me. I knew what was coming. It was always the same.
I felt his cold fingers reach into the back of my collar and quickly pull my shirt away. It jerked my whole body and I couldn't suppress the whimper that followed. He knelt behind me, his chest against my back, his hands reaching around my waist to untie the ropes there. He made quick work of the knot, pulling the rest of my clothing to my knees.
Orochimaru's hands ran down my stomach and thighs. He began stroking around my groin. I despised his touch, but after a few moments, I began to respond. I hated it. I swallowed hard and shut my eyes. I tried to think of something else, anything, that would let me escape from what was happening, even if only in mind.
He pulled my head up by my hair, forcing the fingers of his other hand into my mouth. I covered them with my own saliva, knowing that it would be worse if I didn't. He extracted his fingers, dripping with my own spittle. He didn't give any warning as he shoved the icy digits inside me. His skin was so cold that it felt like a burn. I crumpled the sheets of the bed in my fists and grunted.
He twisted and scissored his fingers inside me as he bent to put his face next to mine.
“Who does this body belong to, Sasuke?” Orochimaru hissed. His free hand moved around my waist, squeezing my half erection hard. “Say it.”
“Yours,” I growled through gritted teeth.
“Whose?”
“Yours!” I shouted angrily. Orochimaru removed his fingers and gripped my hips firmly. He thrust into me violently and I let out a scream of pain. It felt as if I was being torn from the inside. He pulled in and out of me, fast and aggressive. I buried my face in the sheets, tears slowly seeping from my eyes.
I felt his elongated tongue sweep across my nipples, teasing each one. I tried not to respond, but my body betrayed me. The snake like thing moved down my chest and stomach to the inside of my thighs. He licked and stroked my arousal until my breathing became raspy, and I couldn't fight the sensations any longer.
He drove into me harder and faster, his tongue pumping in time to his hips. I felt the pleasure building despite the screaming in my mind for it to stop. Orochimaru's rhythm faltered and he groaned his orgasm behind me. He spilled inside of me as I reached my own climax, splashing onto the side of the bed and onto the floor.
His tongue retracted and he released me. I felt his fingers caress my opening, wiping at the liquid dripping down my skin. He tangled his fingers in my hair, turning my head on its side. He smoothed his wet fingers over my mouth. I tried to press my lips together, but he shoved his way in.
“Suck them,” he commanded. When I remained unresponsive, he yanked my hair back roughly. I gasped and began to move my mouth around his fingers. I kept my eyes tightly shut as silent tears continued to fall down my face. He removed his cold flesh from my mouth and bent over me.
“Whose, Sasuke?” he asked.
“Yours,” I said, defeated. Orochimaru dropped me to the bed, gathered his clothing, and left. I crawled into the bed, wrapping myself tightly with the sheets. I used them to wipe my mouth. I didn't want to taste him or what he'd done to me. It was always like this. We trained until I couldn't endure anymore, then he took from me what he wished. I had stopped fighting it long ago.
I curled my knees into my chest, making myself as small as possible. I was soiled by Orochimaru, tainted by his cold blooded body, his rotten seed inside me.
I didn't want this anymore, but I had made my decision long ago. It was too late to turn back.
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Sasuke, age 18, three months ago...
It was happening again. Orochimaru's sexually deviant nature would be taken out on me after our vigorous training session. He had become more brutal over the years, using his abilities that were normally utilized for fighting to abuse me.
My clothes had already been discarded, his tongue beginning to snake around my body. He was using the snakes in his sleeves to restrain me, holding me in a position of his choosing. There was one difference this time; I had kept my sword. It was hidden under the bed, close to my knees. My upper arms were trapped, but they hung free at the elbow. My weapon was within reach.
Orochimaru was too distracted to notice.
I waited until I felt him move behind me, readying himself to penetrate me. I slowly moved to grasp my blade. As he began to enter, I slashed upwards quickly, cutting his snakes from their hold on my body. He jumped back, retracting what was left of his bloody stumps, his tongue returning to his mouth. I turned swiftly to level my sword at him.
“What are you doing?” Orochimaru asked angrily.
“I've had enough,” I said. He began to summon his snakes to fight for him with the tattoos on his arms, but I was too fast for him now. I lunged, slashing long and deep gashes in his arms. He let out a wail and stumbled back. I watched the tip of a sword jut out of his mouth. I advanced on him and he met my blade with his own still in his throat.
We jumped and danced around each other, loud clashes of metal echoing in the stone room. I was fast enough now, strong enough, that Orochimaru was straining to keep up with me. I felt my blade cut his flesh and his mine, but not severely. We couldn't seem to cause enough damage to each other.
He rapidly pulled the sword out of his mouth to wield it with both hands. He was more efficient this way. He swung at me and our blades met, the sound reverberating in my ears. We pushed away from each other, backing into opposite corners of the room. I focused on the cursed seal and felt it's power fill me. Orochimaru knew what I was doing, he had taught me to control it, but he was too late to react. My arms changed their shape and color, turning into something larger and more muscular than my own form, my hands curving into claws.
We thrust at each other again, but he was too slow against my partially released state. I grabbed his hair and wrapped the length of it around my wrist. Instead of being pulled back by it, he elongated his neck. It was his mistake.
I rapidly swung my sword, making contact with the pale flesh of his neck. Blood sprayed from the wound, coating my skin and spilling to the floor. Orochimaru's body collapsed in a crimson puddle, his still squirming head held in my hand.
I walked to the nearest wall and held the severed head in front of me. I raised my blade, leveling it at one of the wide, lifeless eyes. I drove the blade through it and into the stone beyond. The yellow orb exploded, adding a clear viscous fluid to the blood splattered on his face. I felt nothing but satisfaction.
I approached Orochimaru's prone form and picked up his sword. I closed my eyes and sucked the power of the cursed seal back to it's resting place. I didn't need it for this. I gripped his blade firmly and opened my eyes. I stared at his body, the neck still twisting and curling like the snake he truly was.
I raised the sword and slashed. I slashed until chunks of his flesh flew through the air to scatter around the room. I stabbed through his body until it bit into the bones inside, shattering them to pieces. I hacked at my monstrous mentor until nothing but gobs of meat remained. If I could do this so easily, I could kill my brother. I could exact my revenge on Itachi. Everything would be worth the price I'd paid.
I stared down at the gore that had been Orochimaru and still felt nothing but satisfaction.
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Present time, in Naruto's room...
“I'm horrible, Naruto,” I choked. I had divulged all the torment that had occurred with Orochimaru to Naruto. Shared all the indecencies, violations, and humiliations I had suffered at his hands.
Naruto was combing his fingers through my hair. I raised my face from his chest to look at him. To my surprise, he had tears staining his cheeks. I sat up to face him, caressing his skin to wipe them away.
“Now why are you crying?” I asked softly. He traced my jaw line, fingers coming to rest on my chin. He leaned into me, pressing his lips to mine in a chaste and tender kiss.
“Because I love you,” he breathed. I stared at him speechless, my mouth hung open in surprise. Naruto just blushed and smiled, taking us both down to the bed. He turned so we were facing each other, lying on our sides. He entwined his bare legs with mine, our bodies nearly flush together.
He cupped my cheeks and rubbed the tip of his nose on mine. I pressed his hands to my face and closed my eyes. I felt him kiss my eyebrows, my eyelids, then finally my lips. I breathed deeply and drank him in. I relished in the feel of his flesh, the taste of his tongue and the scent of his breath. I kissed him as if I was breathing in the air itself, as if he was my connection to life. In a way, that was just what he was.
We pressed and rubbed our skin together, our hands exploring each other's bodies just as our tongue and lips did. We both moaned and sighed our ecstasy to the other, a sense of desperation in all our caresses.
We made love in the same way. Naruto's body was hot and alive beneath mine, screaming my name as we reached the zenith of our pleasure. The intensity of it drove away my memories and the rest of the world. I collapsed on top of him and he wrapped his arms around me, our bodies still glistening with sweat.
When I finally moved, Naruto pulled me into him, spooning himself against my back and holding me fiercely. We easily drifted to sleep, curled together, surrounded by the feeling of each other's adoration, each other's affection, and each other's love.
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I woke with sweat drenching my body. Naruto was sprawled out on the bed, soft snores escaping his open mouth. I was disoriented and breathing hard. Regardless of what happened with Naruto, despite his declaration, I was still having nightmares. I had almost believed that he could erase them. It was a stupid thought. One night of spirited sex wasn't going to erase the memories. I had half a lifetime of them. It would be too much to hope for.
I crawled out of the bed slowly and quietly to find my clothes. I pulled them on as silently as I could. I searched the room for a small piece of paper and something to write with. I scribbled a note for Naruto and left it on the table in the center of the room. I returned to the bed and knelt next to it. Naruto had tangled the sheets around his legs with one arm hanging loose off the edge. I traced the back of his fingers gently and swallowed hard.
This was it. I had to go. I couldn't drag Naruto into my tortured past, I would have to find a way to deal with my demons on my own. I was prolonging the inevitable by staying here. I didn't want to abandon him again... it would be so much more agonizing this time, but I had to do it. I wouldn't let him be miserable in my stead.
I took his hand in mine carefully, not wishing to wake him. If he was awake, I couldn't do it. I moved the hair away from his face. He looked so innocent when he was sleeping, several years younger and like an angelic child. I swallowed past the lump in my throat and blinked the tears away.
I stood and bent over his face. I touched my lips gently to his forehead. I kissed the whiskers on his cheeks and his fluttering eyelashes. He didn't stir. I softly rubbed his lips with mine, pressing them together in a shaking kiss. I pulled away and gazed at him. I memorized every feature; the arch of his brow, the long, sweeping lashes, the shape of his parted lips, and the softness of his butter yellow hair.
I kissed his lips one last time.
“I will not break these bonds,” I breathed into him. I stood and walked to the entryway to put on my shoes. I turned to glance at him once more. He hadn't moved, his chest still rising and falling in deep, slumbering breaths.
“I will not break these bonds,” I whispered again. I opened the door quietly, and left Naruto for the second time.
As soon as I was away from his apartment, I ran. I ran as fast as I could through Konoha. My hair whipped my face, tears flying from my eyes, and still I ran. It was the wee hours of the morning, the sky barely lit by the dawn. No one was there to see me. I rushed through the gates and skidded to a stop. I turned to stare at them and the village that would always be my home.
“Goodbye,” I murmured. I turned to the vast forest in front of me. I willed my feet to move away from the village and Naruto. I willed them to take me as far away as fast as they could. My eyes became blurry with tears. I could barely see where I was going.
I ran into branches, stumbled in brush and bushes. They cut my face and arms, but I ran. The tears stung the wounds, but still I ran. I couldn't see the roots of the trees on the ground, and I stumbled over one. I fell to the earth, my elbows barely stopping my face from slamming to the ground.
My eyes burned, my chest was heaving with gasping breaths and sobs. I lowered my forehead to the ground.
“Naruto,” I whispered. My weeping became louder, the dirt under me becoming moist with the rain of my tears.
“Naruto,” I hiccuped. “Naruto!” I let out one anguished wail after another until I could hardly breathe. I couldn't stop it. The tears flowed faster, and I screamed my heartbreak. I screamed Naruto's name, knowing he couldn't hear me. I screamed it over and over, knowing that he would never hear it again.
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The next day...
Naruto had slept in. He and Sasuke had shared a passionate and emotional night. He was still sore and exhausted. He sat up, looking for Sasuke, but he wasn't there.
“Sasuke?” Naruto called to the empty room. There was no response. He got out of bed to search the bathroom, though he didn't hear or sense Sasuke anywhere. He walked to the middle of the room and shook his head, confused.
He searched around, but didn't see Sasuke's new clothing anywhere. The ones that had been stained in his fight were in a messy pile near the table. His heart sped up. He didn't think that Sasuke would go wandering around Konoha for no reason. He then noticed a small piece of paper folded on the table.
Naruto picked it up and unfolded it nervously. He quickly read the contents. He stared at it wide eyed. His eyes scanned it again and again, but the contents didn't change.
His collapsed to his knees on the floor. Naruto pulled the pile of Sasuke's clothes to him, embracing them as if he could still feel Sasuke's body in them. He brought the garments to his face, breathing in their scent. They smelled like Sasuke's skin... his skin as he held Naruto, as Sasuke wrapped him in his warm embrace.
Naruto held the note, reading it over and over.
“I love you, Naruto” was all it said. He clutched it to his aching heart and wept.
THE END