What a lovely time I've had...
First there was my grandmother's funeral. I wasn't affected much. Then Seth died. That sucked, but just as I was getting used to not having him around, someone else has to go get killed. Jeremy. A friend from work who I didn't get to know better. I know the only people who read this have heard this story a million times, and I apologise for that. But every time I tell it I feel a bit more at peace with it.
Anyway, there are two things that could happen. Either I have to sit here and watch everyone I love and care about die, wondering who falls victim to death next; or it's me. When it comes down to it, I don't know what to do. Do I wait two more months and see what happens? I'm running out of reasons to keep going, myself. My home life sucks, my job sucks (Not only because the past two who died worked there), and sometimes I wonder if I'm being pushed away by my friends. Maybe it's just the depression, but I honestly don't feel like I'm wanted anymore by some of them.
I'm on the verge of going away for a while. Just staying at home, leaving only to go to work and counceling. But if I do, what if there's another call?
'J?'
"Yeah?"
'..._____ just died...'
"... Fuck..."
There's only two people I can call friend now. It's really just Megan and Michelle. Chantelle doesn't talk to me, and everyone at work is pretty much just going their own direction. I think they're aftaid to be friends within the work place because they'll get attached and one will die. I know that's why I've distanced myself.
I've also got another question. What happens if I'm next to go? I have hopes and crap. Hopes that seem like they're just going to remain hopes, but there's still crap I have to do. What happens if it's one of my two remaining friends? There are things I want to tell you before you go, things that I can't find words for. I want to tell you what you mean to me, being friends and all that stoof, but I'd feel like an idiot if I could find the words. Just know you're important.
Anyway, there are two things that could happen. Either I have to sit here and watch everyone I love and care about die, wondering who falls victim to death next; or it's me. When it comes down to it, I don't know what to do. Do I wait two more months and see what happens? I'm running out of reasons to keep going, myself. My home life sucks, my job sucks (Not only because the past two who died worked there), and sometimes I wonder if I'm being pushed away by my friends. Maybe it's just the depression, but I honestly don't feel like I'm wanted anymore by some of them.
I'm on the verge of going away for a while. Just staying at home, leaving only to go to work and counceling. But if I do, what if there's another call?
'J?'
"Yeah?"
'..._____ just died...'
"... Fuck..."
There's only two people I can call friend now. It's really just Megan and Michelle. Chantelle doesn't talk to me, and everyone at work is pretty much just going their own direction. I think they're aftaid to be friends within the work place because they'll get attached and one will die. I know that's why I've distanced myself.
I've also got another question. What happens if I'm next to go? I have hopes and crap. Hopes that seem like they're just going to remain hopes, but there's still crap I have to do. What happens if it's one of my two remaining friends? There are things I want to tell you before you go, things that I can't find words for. I want to tell you what you mean to me, being friends and all that stoof, but I'd feel like an idiot if I could find the words. Just know you're important.