damn it
got home from mass.. and the priest's homily made me feel more confused than ever.. "ang paghihintay ay nangangahulugan ng pagmamahal"[trans: waiting means loving]
he has never truly waited for me.. i dont feel he has...
.....
so this is how it goes..last thursday night.. i asked him to fetch me in the university yesterday after my exams which would end at around 3:30pm. we havent seen each other for a month and a half now, so i was hoping that he would agree. well, hell. he didnt want to. and it was just because he's too lazy to. see, he has a job interview in the morning at around 8am and it ends at 10, so he'd be home at 12.he told me that he CANT WAIT THAT LONG so i asked him to just go out again. there's nothing wrong with that. but he didnt want to. he said, he didnt want to go out again. wow... now ain't that sweet.. i was silent. i remembered that he goes out twice on sundays when he has things to do like go to some other stupid shit, but he wont do the effort of going out twice for me!! then he though of ways on how i could go home. he said i could just go with some other friend. blah. blah. blah. i was still silent. but in a monotone voice, i said, "i'll go home alone". i just let it pass for that night, i thought i could just give him the silent treatment the following day. well, guess what happened.. he didnt call me nor text me the whole day, even today!! so we havent been talking to each other for two days now.. GOD!! he's so insensitive!! we had a talk about this a long time ago, he said he was sorry. i thought he meant it.. damn.. but he's not now...
i'm thinking of cooling it off with him for a while.. but, incidents like this make me think of breaking up with him.. so many things has happened.. we had another talk a few weeks ago, about why he cant introduce me to his family.. even if it's not a formal introduction.. i just want at least his family to know that he has a girlfriend.. that he has a younger girlfriend.. i want them, at least them, to know the truth coz my parents does not know a thing about us.. but he said, and i really have to quote, "i'm not ready for people's reactions yet".. hell.. and when will he be ready?? he said, "besides,we're not going to get married yet, right??" i'm not saying that we are!! im not even sure if he's the one i wanna marry!! shit.. my love life's a mess.. i dont know what to think.. i dont know what to do.. i dont know what to say.. this is the first day of my summer break, and it's not going so well..
anyway, i've got tons to do.. i'm thinking of changing my LJ layout or perhaps get a new LJ.. i'll change my name.. start over.. but i havent decided yet.. i've been making testimonials for people in my friendster list.. i plan on making one for everyone on my list..
im keeping myself busy.. i wanna forget about things that has to do with him .. but when night falls, i cant sleep.. coz he still pops into my mind...
he has never truly waited for me.. i dont feel he has...
.....
so this is how it goes..last thursday night.. i asked him to fetch me in the university yesterday after my exams which would end at around 3:30pm. we havent seen each other for a month and a half now, so i was hoping that he would agree. well, hell. he didnt want to. and it was just because he's too lazy to. see, he has a job interview in the morning at around 8am and it ends at 10, so he'd be home at 12.he told me that he CANT WAIT THAT LONG so i asked him to just go out again. there's nothing wrong with that. but he didnt want to. he said, he didnt want to go out again. wow... now ain't that sweet.. i was silent. i remembered that he goes out twice on sundays when he has things to do like go to some other stupid shit, but he wont do the effort of going out twice for me!! then he though of ways on how i could go home. he said i could just go with some other friend. blah. blah. blah. i was still silent. but in a monotone voice, i said, "i'll go home alone". i just let it pass for that night, i thought i could just give him the silent treatment the following day. well, guess what happened.. he didnt call me nor text me the whole day, even today!! so we havent been talking to each other for two days now.. GOD!! he's so insensitive!! we had a talk about this a long time ago, he said he was sorry. i thought he meant it.. damn.. but he's not now...
i'm thinking of cooling it off with him for a while.. but, incidents like this make me think of breaking up with him.. so many things has happened.. we had another talk a few weeks ago, about why he cant introduce me to his family.. even if it's not a formal introduction.. i just want at least his family to know that he has a girlfriend.. that he has a younger girlfriend.. i want them, at least them, to know the truth coz my parents does not know a thing about us.. but he said, and i really have to quote, "i'm not ready for people's reactions yet".. hell.. and when will he be ready?? he said, "besides,we're not going to get married yet, right??" i'm not saying that we are!! im not even sure if he's the one i wanna marry!! shit.. my love life's a mess.. i dont know what to think.. i dont know what to do.. i dont know what to say.. this is the first day of my summer break, and it's not going so well..
anyway, i've got tons to do.. i'm thinking of changing my LJ layout or perhaps get a new LJ.. i'll change my name.. start over.. but i havent decided yet.. i've been making testimonials for people in my friendster list.. i plan on making one for everyone on my list..
im keeping myself busy.. i wanna forget about things that has to do with him .. but when night falls, i cant sleep.. coz he still pops into my mind...