Anomie
Anomie: A state often leading to suicide characterized by an absence or diminution of standards or values (referred to as normlessness), and an associated feeling of alienation and purposelessness. Anomie is common when the surrounding society has undergone significant changes in its economic fortunes, whether for good or for worse and, more generally, when there is a significant discrepancy between the ideological theories and values commonly professed and what was actually achievable in everyday life. (paraphrased from the Wikipedia article)
I feel profound dissatisfaction with my professional life. I know that is not an unusual thing in the least, but that does not reduce that consuming emotion. While my family life is good, it feels as if my ennui with my job is sapping at that, tunneling under the walls and trying to bring it crashing down with stress.
I can barely articulate how utterly bilious I am about this bout of wage-slavery. While the job was good at the start (much better than WalMart), it has worn down to a very unpleasant shaving away of 8 and a half hours of my life. It has cut out perhaps a total of 70 complete days of my life (about 1670 hours): 70 full days with my wife, with my child, continuing my higher education, or otherwise doing things I'd rather do instead of doing what is, at its heart, at its contemptible, damnable core, is merely menial labor performed in proximity to actual science.
And I must do another year of this shit, at least. Another year of living paycheck to paycheck, hoping for UHC so that I don't have to worry so much about what is and isn't covered under my state insurance. Another year of keeping on top of food stamps. Another year of hoping my car remains functional so I don't have to pay a cascade of nearly $2,000 to keep it functional.
I hope I can manage.
I feel profound dissatisfaction with my professional life. I know that is not an unusual thing in the least, but that does not reduce that consuming emotion. While my family life is good, it feels as if my ennui with my job is sapping at that, tunneling under the walls and trying to bring it crashing down with stress.
I can barely articulate how utterly bilious I am about this bout of wage-slavery. While the job was good at the start (much better than WalMart), it has worn down to a very unpleasant shaving away of 8 and a half hours of my life. It has cut out perhaps a total of 70 complete days of my life (about 1670 hours): 70 full days with my wife, with my child, continuing my higher education, or otherwise doing things I'd rather do instead of doing what is, at its heart, at its contemptible, damnable core, is merely menial labor performed in proximity to actual science.
And I must do another year of this shit, at least. Another year of living paycheck to paycheck, hoping for UHC so that I don't have to worry so much about what is and isn't covered under my state insurance. Another year of keeping on top of food stamps. Another year of hoping my car remains functional so I don't have to pay a cascade of nearly $2,000 to keep it functional.
I hope I can manage.