fog....
The past week has made me realize how thankful I am for distractions like the internet, video games, reading, and the like. I haven't been able to let my mind sit on its own for very long lately. If I don't distract myself or immerse myself in something I start to dwell on the present mess that is my life, which gets depressing and irritating. It's....weird. This is really the first substantial loss I've ever experienced; is it normal for me to be so burned out or drained?
I have no motivation right now to do anything productive. Because of the excursion I had to take for the funeral and services I'm behind on my schoolwork, I've missed more class than I'd have liked and I just kinda feel like life is a mess in general right now. Papa would want me to move forward....sort it out....fix it......etc.....but I just don't feel the drive. All I want to do is just play my KH game, watch TV, read, or otherwise distract myself with mindless entertainment.
This can't be right. This can't be healthy. But I don't feel anything else. I don't understand what I'm feeling.
Last week I was numb. This week I'm not numb, but in a fog of sorts. Will it just take time to clear? I don't know. I'm worried, but I'm not at the same time. I know it'll work out. But I don't like not knowing how.
Sleep has been hard. I don't want to go to sleep at night because I don't want to have to get up and face the next day and everything I have to deal with. It's not like I'm telling myself stories about the future, like it's "unbearable" or "I can't do it" or whatever, it's just I don't want to have to go out and deal with it period.
My physical appetite and sleeping habits both seem to have changed a little. I'm not starving myself and I'm not an insomniac, but I'm just noticing little changes my body seems to be making. I couldn't sleep past 9:00 for like the past few days, which is weird for me when I don't have to get up and be somewhere.
Help? sorry.......I'm messed up these days.....what the hell is going on with me?
Random tidbit I've realized: I adore Roxas. <3
I have no motivation right now to do anything productive. Because of the excursion I had to take for the funeral and services I'm behind on my schoolwork, I've missed more class than I'd have liked and I just kinda feel like life is a mess in general right now. Papa would want me to move forward....sort it out....fix it......etc.....but I just don't feel the drive. All I want to do is just play my KH game, watch TV, read, or otherwise distract myself with mindless entertainment.
This can't be right. This can't be healthy. But I don't feel anything else. I don't understand what I'm feeling.
Last week I was numb. This week I'm not numb, but in a fog of sorts. Will it just take time to clear? I don't know. I'm worried, but I'm not at the same time. I know it'll work out. But I don't like not knowing how.
Sleep has been hard. I don't want to go to sleep at night because I don't want to have to get up and face the next day and everything I have to deal with. It's not like I'm telling myself stories about the future, like it's "unbearable" or "I can't do it" or whatever, it's just I don't want to have to go out and deal with it period.
My physical appetite and sleeping habits both seem to have changed a little. I'm not starving myself and I'm not an insomniac, but I'm just noticing little changes my body seems to be making. I couldn't sleep past 9:00 for like the past few days, which is weird for me when I don't have to get up and be somewhere.
Help? sorry.......I'm messed up these days.....what the hell is going on with me?
Random tidbit I've realized: I adore Roxas. <3