08. 08. 2000
2000
first day of classes, sophomore year. highschool.
he stepped into the room,
he was a familiar face, i knew that i already met him,
i kept trying to remember when, where and how.
then stopped.
realizing i have the whole school year to think about it.
no, i don't remember how we were able to talk to each other.
i don't even remember the first thing he ever said to me.
all i know is that due to some circumstances, and probably
because of the things we have in common, we became friends.
bestfriends. best..
i think you know what happened next.
i was fourteen?.. he was, i think a year older.
i know that what i had felt back then was temporary.
totoo, pero panandalian.
or so i thought.
immaturity.
probably the reason why things didn't go the way
i or we would have wanted it to be.
he got involved with someone else,
had a kid, broke my heart and out of nowhere,
it just ended right then and there.
he went away, switched schools, stopped communicating
with me, he probably figured out that it's
better that way.
i thought he was being a jerk.
we were fourteen.
he was out of my life for a year.
then came senior year, highschool.
he walked in the room the same way he did before.
i was sitting inside the classroom,
i was stunned. he was, too.
we hardly ever talked at first.
but ended up sitting next to each other.
we have no choice, i guess.
then it started again.
it seems that we really can't get out of each other's life.
he held my hand under the desk,
he walked me home every single day,
sitting next to each other inside the bus, during field trips.
i love you.
calling and texting every night.
i miss you.
doing the same things when we were still "together".
our friends, classmates, even teachers, were
trying to figure out what's the real score.
i never answered directly.
for i didn't know what we are really.
he was involved with someone else.
and i made myself believe that i fell for somebody else, too.
Senior Prom.
Dates.
a factor that makes a prom special.
i don't have one when the night began.
but found myself in a slow dance. with him.
spent the whole prom night, again. with him.
how it happened, again i didn't remember.
then came graduation day.
everything seems to begin and end on graduation day.
i had to start letting go. like what i said,
what we have/had is/was temporary.
that's what i had in mind.
i said goodbye. he did the same thing.
too much emotions are being involved already.
it's not right anymore.
College.
we went to different schools, i changed numbers.
but he seems to find a way to
get through me. i don't know how he manages to do that,
it's just amazing. kept sending messages, most of them,
i left unanswered.
one day, he asked me out.
just to prove to myself that i don't feel anything
for him anymore, i agreed.
again. (and i mean, again!) i was wrong.
everything is still there.
and seeing each other became a habit.
as if i'm welcoming every pain inside my heart once again.
and we've drifted apart. again.
Present.
yes.
we haven't lost communication. ym. friendster. phone.
i got tired of hiding from him and i learned not to take
everything he says seriously. i found myself in love with
somebody who goddamn worth it. i'm sure about it.
i pushed him at the back of my mind. suddenly, he was
a thing of the past.
today, i was going through some old things.
i found a class picture from my kindergarten days.
i laughed at how i looked then.
trying to see if i still know the names of the kids there,
then i saw a familiar face. he was much much younger,
adorable, cuter, like most of the kids.
i took a closer look. it was him.
he sent me a message. was it a coincidence?
asking how i was, if things hadn't changed between us,
i don't know what to say, for i still don't believe everything he says,
but i want to.
what we had was temporary, or was it? it's been seven years.
up to now, there's a debate going on between my heart and mind.