Apr 02, 2007 19:40
So, I suspect that I've got a nice slight case of clinical depression. Not suicidal, not black, not particularly grey, just -- rather flat. Things that I used to enjoy, things that usually make my pulse speed up, just invoke a shrug at the moment. And I'm feeling a tad overwhelmed by life. I need a vacation.
I think I realized it when I was at my in-laws the other day, consciously trying to figure out how I'd normally react to situations so that I could fake the normal reactions. Not good.
It'll go away, with time, I think. It had better; I refuse to deal with this for long. :-) But losing Mom, Dad's misadventure, dealing with Mom's estate, losing Lis, for some reason it's all piling up. I should be ecstatic that Carter's being born today. I'm not. I can't even muster up much enthusiasm for reading, or TV, or eating.
I'm actually very glad that Jay's not here this week, so I won't have to fake feeling normal. I just want to kind of drift through this, and then I'll be fine. It's a phase, a stage. Not one I normally inhabit, thank God, but it's here now, and I'll experience it, then move on. From what I know of depression, you can't rush it, and I don't think that this is severe enough to fix. It's got definite root causes, and as those recede, my normal happy-go-lucky personality should reassert itself. If it doesn't, THEN I'll start to worry... ;-)