(no subject)
I've been writing this post in my head for a long time. Weeks and months perhaps. I've been debating with myself about wording, about trying to strike a balance between candidly talking about what is going on with me without giving the impression that I am attempting to evoke sympathy. The latest news about it, though, has brought the situation to the point where I don't have to worry about it too much.
(as a side note, this is just the kind of writer, even the kind of thinker I am. I preface my thoughts to the point where now I have a hard time expressing myself at all due to my need to have the right words at all times. Where once I was extremely parenthetical, I find myself in a new quandary. But enough digression)
So let's back up awhile. A few months ago, I started sweating a lot. Like, a few times a day, either the right or left side of my body, starting about three-quarters of the way down my arm, through my torso to my knee would start to pour sweat, a problem that continues to plague me. After a few months of this, I bit the bullet and went to the doctor, aided financially by my parents (I don't talk about finances a lot on here... I suppose I don't really talk about anything on here that much anymore so the fact that I don't talk about finances wouldn't be all that salient. Suffice to say, I live paycheck to paycheck and have no insurance.) She had a few ideas about what it might be, but at this point, I have already been through a few rounds of testing and it seems as though the doctors are no closer to saying what is causing this malady.
This may not seem like something to approach with such guarded tones, but the second possibility on the list, the one that the doctors have said seems the most likely (fits the symptoms to a tee) (it must be said that I took a break from writing right here, a quick trip outside to smoke a cigarette and because that didn't buy me quite enough time, wandered next door to walgreen's to indulge my sweet tooth, all because I am reluctant to write what I am going to write next, as though the act of writing it down will give it power. But, I need to do it) is tumors on my adrenal glands or pheochromocytoma for those of you more medically minded. Now granted, the tests have been inconclusive, but the second round of testing was a twenty-four hour urine collection that yielded results that were only barely statistically significant. The description of the symptoms has got me all worked up, certain that this is the only possibility. I just saw a specialist for the first time this last week and he essentially told me that the testing process has to start all over again and, god help me, I'm sacred. I don't know what is going to happen and that freaks me the fuck out.
I don't have a lot of further analysis of my emotional state at this point. But I thought y'all should know.
(as a side note, this is just the kind of writer, even the kind of thinker I am. I preface my thoughts to the point where now I have a hard time expressing myself at all due to my need to have the right words at all times. Where once I was extremely parenthetical, I find myself in a new quandary. But enough digression)
So let's back up awhile. A few months ago, I started sweating a lot. Like, a few times a day, either the right or left side of my body, starting about three-quarters of the way down my arm, through my torso to my knee would start to pour sweat, a problem that continues to plague me. After a few months of this, I bit the bullet and went to the doctor, aided financially by my parents (I don't talk about finances a lot on here... I suppose I don't really talk about anything on here that much anymore so the fact that I don't talk about finances wouldn't be all that salient. Suffice to say, I live paycheck to paycheck and have no insurance.) She had a few ideas about what it might be, but at this point, I have already been through a few rounds of testing and it seems as though the doctors are no closer to saying what is causing this malady.
This may not seem like something to approach with such guarded tones, but the second possibility on the list, the one that the doctors have said seems the most likely (fits the symptoms to a tee) (it must be said that I took a break from writing right here, a quick trip outside to smoke a cigarette and because that didn't buy me quite enough time, wandered next door to walgreen's to indulge my sweet tooth, all because I am reluctant to write what I am going to write next, as though the act of writing it down will give it power. But, I need to do it) is tumors on my adrenal glands or pheochromocytoma for those of you more medically minded. Now granted, the tests have been inconclusive, but the second round of testing was a twenty-four hour urine collection that yielded results that were only barely statistically significant. The description of the symptoms has got me all worked up, certain that this is the only possibility. I just saw a specialist for the first time this last week and he essentially told me that the testing process has to start all over again and, god help me, I'm sacred. I don't know what is going to happen and that freaks me the fuck out.
I don't have a lot of further analysis of my emotional state at this point. But I thought y'all should know.