(no subject)
So, as if nostalgia hasn't been rearing its head nearly enough lately, I took some time today to look through (almost) all of my notebooks/legal pads from my college years that I have squirreled away in boxes (I'm a packrat, did you know that?) and i have come to the inescapable conclusion that I need to go the fuck back to fucking tacoma and finish my fucking degree. (I'm sorry I shouted)
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about coming back to school tomorrow, next year or whatnot. No specific date in mind. But... I need to go back. I need to finish what I started. I miss myself, to a certain extent. Sure, I've gotten some things done here in portland, some necessary things. Much growth, much goodness. There are a lot of things that are going great in my life right now. I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm not on the WoW anymore (but, tbh, I am still trolling all kinds of WoW sites everyday, still thinking about characters I want to level, just fantasising about it, basically, which is unhealthy and kind of wrong in a lot of ways. Every few days I slap my hands and tell myself to stop reading about it, but a day will go by and I'll be right back to it. Whatever. I get my three month chip in a week), I'm reading a lot more, I smoke weed a lot less. Things are good. BUT... (again, the italicised, very pregnant "but") I think that i will feel like a failure, to a certain extent, for as long as I don't finish my degree. This isn't to say that I am wallowing in guilt and remorse over the fact that I didn't graduate from college, but it is something that I live with, something that lurks in the back of mind like a courteous and polite, yet completely unwanted houseguest.
So get your shit together, young man (and I am still a young man (right?), young enough to go back and finish) and get back to tacoma, when you can and finish your shit up. Go through that scholarship search on fastweb (or whatever that shit was) and write your ass off to make that skrilla so you can finish your fucking education. Not for the potential financial benefits that it might possibly make for me (with a major in the humanities, not fucking likely) but, in true philosophical form, for the intrinsic sense of accomplishment that is derived from finishing what one has started.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about coming back to school tomorrow, next year or whatnot. No specific date in mind. But... I need to go back. I need to finish what I started. I miss myself, to a certain extent. Sure, I've gotten some things done here in portland, some necessary things. Much growth, much goodness. There are a lot of things that are going great in my life right now. I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm not on the WoW anymore (but, tbh, I am still trolling all kinds of WoW sites everyday, still thinking about characters I want to level, just fantasising about it, basically, which is unhealthy and kind of wrong in a lot of ways. Every few days I slap my hands and tell myself to stop reading about it, but a day will go by and I'll be right back to it. Whatever. I get my three month chip in a week), I'm reading a lot more, I smoke weed a lot less. Things are good. BUT... (again, the italicised, very pregnant "but") I think that i will feel like a failure, to a certain extent, for as long as I don't finish my degree. This isn't to say that I am wallowing in guilt and remorse over the fact that I didn't graduate from college, but it is something that I live with, something that lurks in the back of mind like a courteous and polite, yet completely unwanted houseguest.
So get your shit together, young man (and I am still a young man (right?), young enough to go back and finish) and get back to tacoma, when you can and finish your shit up. Go through that scholarship search on fastweb (or whatever that shit was) and write your ass off to make that skrilla so you can finish your fucking education. Not for the potential financial benefits that it might possibly make for me (with a major in the humanities, not fucking likely) but, in true philosophical form, for the intrinsic sense of accomplishment that is derived from finishing what one has started.