I don't know. Okay. There I said it.
It's as basic as it's always been. I am just not happy. There are certain things that make me happy for that one moment. I try to be happy and optimistic and outgoing, but I don't know how to keep doing that. I smile because it makes other people happy. The thing that bothers me the most is that people don't go out of their way to make sure that I'm okay, the way that I do for other people. There are obviously exceptions like my family, cristina, lauren and emily and a few of the girls back at home. What I am trying to say is that people just disappoint me. I know I'm a big baby and I should just get over it, but I can't.
I am flawed, I'm flawed because I always try to see the good in people, even when it isn't there. I am done with trying to see that. I can't do it anymore because the truth of the matter is, not all people are good and not all people are nice and not all people care about people the way that I do, or try to at least.
Today I had a nice day with Amanda and my mom. My mom and I usually don't get along, but I try now. I think it's worth trying because she's my mom. You have to tell the people you love that you love them because there WILL be a day when you won't be able to say it as often as you'd like. And I really do love my family. I would be lost without them. You only get one family. I am the way I am because of them.
People I don't know, see me a certain way. Most people think I am this intimidating tough bitch. I am not really like that. I obviously can get like that when myself or my friends or family are threatened. I said that at lunch today and my mom goes, well aindrea, you're misunderstood. I thought she was being sarcastic at first, but she wasn't. I think I am misunderstood sometimes, but I really don't care. It just hurts my feelings when people this less of me than what I am.
I am the type of person who would rather see myself get hurt or have my feelings hurt than let my brother or sister or mom or dad or one of my friends feel one ounce of pain. I can't bear seeing someone I love cry. I am a ball of mush like that. I am very sensitive and I don't think people see that all the time, mostly because I don't let them. I am the way that I am and I can't change that and I'm starting to accept it. I guess you can say that I'm starting to grow up.
Truth is, I really just need to get away for a while. I need to escape. But who knows when that'll happen. Someday I'll be able to.
This weekend I'm going to Maine with Lauren while Junior and Ian ride in the back seat. It should be fun
But for right now, I'm just going to be sad because that's how I feel right now. Just sad and disappointed. There really isn't anything I can compare to the feeling of being disappointed in someone, someone who you thought was better, someone who you thought was good.
Sometimes, you just get your heart broken with nobody there to pick up the pieces.
I am flawed, I'm flawed because I always try to see the good in people, even when it isn't there. I am done with trying to see that. I can't do it anymore because the truth of the matter is, not all people are good and not all people are nice and not all people care about people the way that I do, or try to at least.
Today I had a nice day with Amanda and my mom. My mom and I usually don't get along, but I try now. I think it's worth trying because she's my mom. You have to tell the people you love that you love them because there WILL be a day when you won't be able to say it as often as you'd like. And I really do love my family. I would be lost without them. You only get one family. I am the way I am because of them.
People I don't know, see me a certain way. Most people think I am this intimidating tough bitch. I am not really like that. I obviously can get like that when myself or my friends or family are threatened. I said that at lunch today and my mom goes, well aindrea, you're misunderstood. I thought she was being sarcastic at first, but she wasn't. I think I am misunderstood sometimes, but I really don't care. It just hurts my feelings when people this less of me than what I am.
I am the type of person who would rather see myself get hurt or have my feelings hurt than let my brother or sister or mom or dad or one of my friends feel one ounce of pain. I can't bear seeing someone I love cry. I am a ball of mush like that. I am very sensitive and I don't think people see that all the time, mostly because I don't let them. I am the way that I am and I can't change that and I'm starting to accept it. I guess you can say that I'm starting to grow up.
Truth is, I really just need to get away for a while. I need to escape. But who knows when that'll happen. Someday I'll be able to.
This weekend I'm going to Maine with Lauren while Junior and Ian ride in the back seat. It should be fun
But for right now, I'm just going to be sad because that's how I feel right now. Just sad and disappointed. There really isn't anything I can compare to the feeling of being disappointed in someone, someone who you thought was better, someone who you thought was good.
Sometimes, you just get your heart broken with nobody there to pick up the pieces.