Fic - Nanny Nishikido
Title: Nanny Nishikido
Group: Kanjani8
Rating: PG-13 for bad words
Pairing: None, really.
Word Count: 2,300 about
Note: Ryo's life is hard. Thanks to travelingpsycho for the beta!
"What?" Ryo asks, groggy and struggling to wake up.
12:47
Ryo blinks at his clock again. He couldn't have slept that long? What time did he get home last night? More importantly, how in the hell did he get home last night?
"Ryo. Are you listening?" His mother sighs loudly.
"Yeah, sure," Ryo mumbles and shoves his face back into the pillow, grimacing when his cheek sticks to a slightly damp spot.
"Great! I'll bring them over tomorrow, then," his mom says quickly, mentioning something about diapers and formula, but Ryo is about five minutes behind.
"Who?"
"Your nephews and niece." His mom is using her unimpressed tone of voice again, the one he heard a lot of growing up; Ryo frowns.
"I thought you said you were listening, Ryo-chan." His mom makes a disapproving clucking sound. Ryo is just starting to catch up with what she was talking about before.
"Moe-chan said you offered to. Don't you remember?"
Ryo thinks and thinks, sitting up slowly and closing his eyes at the slight vertigo. Damn Yu and damn vodka.
"Offered to what?" He's managed to swing his legs over the side of the bed and is working on rubbing the sleep out of his eyes at the moment.
"God, Ryo. You're hopeless. Babysit the kids." She is exasperated now.
When did he do that? A more realistic question would be why in the hell would he do that? Ryo loves his sister's kids, really, but he can't ever remember-he cringes as his brain plays a magnificent game of catch up. He did say that. It was also during the New Year's holidays when he was feeling generous and slightly buzzed.
"Yeah, uh, that's right," he says, then swallows thickly. He can still taste last night and it is just as bitter as having his favor called in on.
"I'm bringing them up tomorrow," his mom says. "Don't forget to clean up."
Ryo pulls the phone away from his ear and stares at it for a few seconds.
Fuck.
He can practically hear the sound of his entire week of free time disappearing. Who knew the sound of impending doom would be the giggles of little children.?
Ryo's eyes scan his bedroom. He makes a mental note to shove his box of porny goodness up into the highest reaches of his closet and surveys the mess of his bachelorhood. His man cave is a magnificent work; any man would be proud of what he's done with the place.
It's times like these he wishes he had a girlfriend who would clean up after him.
"Ryo-chan," Uchi calls out cheerfully, and the apartment door slamming behind him reverberates Ryo's walls.
"Are you awake?"
If I wasn't already, that would have done the job, Ryo thinks grumpily. He only has Uchi coming over and invading his privacy to bug him. If it were a girl who would help clean up and maybe even be smitten enough with him to change the future poopy diapers on his sister's kids, Ryo wouldn't be as put out.
Well, there would also be sex. Honestly, he's not that hard to please.
Uchi taps his knuckles on his bedroom door, an attempt at being polite, but it's negated when he pushes open the door without waiting for a response from Ryo.
"I'm crashing here for a few days," Uchi says, giving no other explanation. Ryo rolls his eyes; he isn't intruding as much as before, but he still might as well live here with how much Ryo sees of him.
Gears slowly turn in his head. Uchi likes kids. They might not always return the feeling, but Ryo will put in a good word with the rugrats. They'll be climbing on jungle gym Uncle Uchi soon enough.
"Fine. You can help me with something tomorrow then," Ryo says with a large grin. Uchi narrows his eyes, looking a bit wary, but he hesitantly says okay.
Day 1
"Hell no," Uchi hisses into Ryo's ear, the terror evident in his voice as the first diaper bag is set down on the couch. He plasters on a smile when Ryo's mom reappears with a bouncy chair. The eldest boy, Masato, has already made himself at home on the couch, glued to his game boy, while his younger brother, Takuya, stares up at them with his thumb in his mouth and stuffed rabbit clutched tightly in his other hand.
"It's so nice to see you, Uchi-kun," Ryo's mother says, smiling at him as she pulls the smallest child out of the stroller.
"It's been a while," Uchi responds politely after he loses the stare down with the four-year old.
"Can you hold Nao for me?" Uchi freezes but smiles, carefully taking the little girl from her and praying she doesn't cry.
"Everything you need is in this bag: diapers, food, toys, pacifier, extra formula just in case." Ryo stands there, kind of in a stupor, as his mom flies through the instructions and the reality of his situation doesn't sink in until she shoves a small notebook in his hands and then disappears out the door with a wave.
He's not sure if the resulting 'thud' was the door shutting or his hopes crashing to the ground.
"Hey, cutie," Uchi coos at Nao, who just stares up at him with big, blinking eyes; she looks like she's trying to decide if she wants to start screaming or not.
"Uchi-niichan has to leave, so let's go say 'hi' to Old Man Ryo."
Ryo glares at him. "You promised."
"Some promises were made to be broken," Uchi says as the sound of Masato and Takuya starting to scream reaches his ears.
"Uncle Ryo!!! Takuya is being bad!"
"NO!! LIAR."
The noise starts to engulf him, and he realizes the gravity of his situation and how truly fucked he is.
"Uncle Ryooooooooooooooooo!" comes a howl from the other room.
"Uncle Ryooo!!" a shriller voice yells.
"Please," Ryo begs; it's not his proudest moment.
Uchi scrunches up his face for a moment and looks at Ryo.
"Okay, fine. You owe me," Uchi says. "Now stop looking pathetic and make them stop screaming."
Nao clutches at Uchi's hair and pulls, giggling when he yelps in pain. Ryo doesn't bother to hide his laughter before venturing into the living room to see what all the fuss is about.
Day 2
"Hey, Ryo-chan-whoa." Ohkura freezes in the doorway. Nao screams, tiny legs kicking and squirming against the diaper Ryo is struggling to put on her. Ohkura looks two shades lighter and a telltale twitch starts underneath his eye.
"Get me the wipes," Ryo says desperately, his voice going up an octave when Nao pees. He quickly covers her with a new diaper.
"Oh god." Ohkura whimpers, still in the same spot.
"Ohkura," Ryo snaps, and Ohkura finally moves, his eyes averted as he grabs the packet of wipes from the diaper bag on the floor, tossing them next to Ryo before beating a quick retreat to the far side of the living room.
Ryo grimaces and cleans Nao up, grabbing yet another clean diaper and struggling to work around her flying feet.
"Come on, Nao-chan, we're almost done," Ryo pleads. Nao stops crying but keeps making soft grunting noises and frowning up at him.
"Are you done?" Ohkura asks. He's avoiding looking directly at Ryo. Ohkura doesn't do well with poop.
Ryo takes a moment to curse both Uchi-the wimp refuses to change diapers-and Ohkura to the depths of hell. Some friends they are!
Uchi and his nephew's laughter from the other room does nothing to squash his rage.
Day 3
"Uncle Ryo!! Uncle Ryo! Uncle Ryo! Uncle Ryo!" Takuya comes bouncing into the room. "Masato is touching your guitars," he hisses conspiratorially.
Ryo's face goes white and he hears Subaru laughing at him as he scrambles into the room. He relaxes when he sees that no, he isn't touching them, really; he's just staring.
"Masato," Ryo says in a serious voice and Masato freezes, turning around and looking guilty.
"You're not supposed to be in here alone, remember?" Masato plays with the hem of his shirt, frowning.
"Right?" Ryo adds, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Sorry, Uncle Ryo," Masato mumbles at his hands.
"It's okay," Ryo says, ruffling his hair and crouching down next to him.
"If you're good, later on I'll teach you." Ryo can't help but smile when Masato perks up right away, starting to bounce up and down.
Day 4
"I love you," Ryo says in an awed sort of voice, staring at Yasu and Maru like they're the only beings that matter in the world anymore. Uchi, the tool, abandoned him yesterday morning--some lame excuse about Tokyo Shock rehearsals, the dirty liar.
"Uchi told us you might need help," Yasu says with a grin.
That's probably an understatement, Ryo thinks as he looks around his destroyed apartment. He barely manages to avoid stepping on fallen toy soldiers on his way to the epicenter of the disaster zone. Cyclones Masato and Takuya have worked their magic and little tropical storm Nao, while cute and innocent looking, is of the same make as her brothers.
One movie later, after some heavy cleaning by Maru, Ryo's apartment is looking presentable again. That's not even the best part. Ryo stares wide-eyed around the room and for the first time since they came, he hears nothing, beautiful silence.
Nao is down for a nap with Takuya and Masato is quietly reading through books that Maru brought along.
"You're amazing," Ryo whispers, sort of afraid to move. He doesn't want to wake them up.
Day 5
Ryo is starting to get the hang of this babysitting thing. He even managed to take them out to a restaurant last night, and totally got checked out more than usual. He gets that anyway, but this sort of checking out was different. Girls fawn over guys with kids; who knew?
Or they did until the kids started climbing over the booth partitions and trying to take their pants off.
That runs in the family; it can't be helped.
Day 6
"You're alive!" Yoko says, and then laughs a few seconds later when he takes in the state Ryo's in.
Ryo is confused and also covered in green peas. He has about 10 seconds before Nao starts protesting the absence of airplanes trying to feed her.
"We were sent to do a welfare check," Hina explains.
"Play video games with them," Ryo says, dragging them in by their wrists.
"Video games?!" Masato comes around the corner, sounding excited.
"I won't go easy on you!" Yoko tells him seriously, his hand already on his PSP.
"You should be asking me to go easy on you," Masato says cheekily. Yoko gets his game face on.
Ryo finishes feeding Nao, cleaning off her face, and walks into the living room to see Masato and Yoko absorbed in a fierce battle.
Hina is talking to Takuya, oblivious to the fact that he's drooling, asleep, on his lap.
"How'd you get him to sleep?" Ryo asks. He's tried so hard to do that but has been unsuccessful.
"What? He's asleep?" Hina says, leaning forward to check. "Who falls asleep in the middle of being taught the stats of all the soccer players?!"
"We didn't even get to Beckham," Hina says woefully.
Day 7
It's not that he doesn't care for his nephews and niece. It was nice spending time with them since they don't get to do that very much anymore, but Ryo is tired. The day seems to be dragging on and there's only so many times that Ryo can listen to "Maru Maru Mori Mori" before he wants to throw himself off his balcony.
"Ryo-chan?" Uchi calls out into the apartment.
"It's Uchi-niichan," Takuya yells excitedly, rushing out to the genkan and wrapping himself around Uchi's legs. Ryo leans up on the couch, trying not to disturb Nao from her nap on his chest.
Uchi shows up, Takuya still clinging to his leg as he drags it along the floor.
"Hey, deserter," Ryo says sarcastically. Uchi laughs and shrugs at him, picking up Takuya and spinning him in two quick circles before he puts him down.
Uchi's joints crack as he sits down in the chair and then is immediately accosted by Takuya climbing into his lap.
"Careful! Important bits there," Uchi says, laughing and trying to make sure knees stay away from sensitive areas.
Ryo snorts quietly. Masato is buried in a book on guitars, flipping through all the pictures and occasionally advising Uncle Ryo which one is the coolest.
It is probably the most relaxed Ryo has been this week.
"Thanks for helping, you two," Ryo's mother says brightly. Nao, passed out from dinner, is asleep in Ryo's arms while he waits to put her in the car seat.
"It was fun, right, Masato?" Uchi asks, cheerfully, ruffling his hair and laughing when Masato frowns and fixes it. It seems he's picked up a Ryo-ism.
"I'll show you more guitar next time," Ryo says.
"Me too!" Takuya demands, jealousy obvious in his tone of voice. Masato sticks his tongue out at him behind grandma's back.
Ryo laughs. They were a handful, but he did have a good time.
"Sure, both of you."
Uchi and Ryo wave from the parking lot until the car pulls out into the road and drives off.
"You were pretty good with kids," Uchi comments. Ryo shrugs, pleased with the observation.
"Not like you saw much," Ryo teases. "You ran off on me."
"Please. We both know you'd rather spend four months looking after them than spend four months being Koichi's Shock bitch," Uchi drawls.
Fair enough, sort of, Ryo thinks.
Group: Kanjani8
Rating: PG-13 for bad words
Pairing: None, really.
Word Count: 2,300 about
Note: Ryo's life is hard. Thanks to travelingpsycho for the beta!
"What?" Ryo asks, groggy and struggling to wake up.
12:47
Ryo blinks at his clock again. He couldn't have slept that long? What time did he get home last night? More importantly, how in the hell did he get home last night?
"Ryo. Are you listening?" His mother sighs loudly.
"Yeah, sure," Ryo mumbles and shoves his face back into the pillow, grimacing when his cheek sticks to a slightly damp spot.
"Great! I'll bring them over tomorrow, then," his mom says quickly, mentioning something about diapers and formula, but Ryo is about five minutes behind.
"Who?"
"Your nephews and niece." His mom is using her unimpressed tone of voice again, the one he heard a lot of growing up; Ryo frowns.
"I thought you said you were listening, Ryo-chan." His mom makes a disapproving clucking sound. Ryo is just starting to catch up with what she was talking about before.
"Moe-chan said you offered to. Don't you remember?"
Ryo thinks and thinks, sitting up slowly and closing his eyes at the slight vertigo. Damn Yu and damn vodka.
"Offered to what?" He's managed to swing his legs over the side of the bed and is working on rubbing the sleep out of his eyes at the moment.
"God, Ryo. You're hopeless. Babysit the kids." She is exasperated now.
When did he do that? A more realistic question would be why in the hell would he do that? Ryo loves his sister's kids, really, but he can't ever remember-he cringes as his brain plays a magnificent game of catch up. He did say that. It was also during the New Year's holidays when he was feeling generous and slightly buzzed.
"Yeah, uh, that's right," he says, then swallows thickly. He can still taste last night and it is just as bitter as having his favor called in on.
"I'm bringing them up tomorrow," his mom says. "Don't forget to clean up."
Ryo pulls the phone away from his ear and stares at it for a few seconds.
Fuck.
He can practically hear the sound of his entire week of free time disappearing. Who knew the sound of impending doom would be the giggles of little children.?
Ryo's eyes scan his bedroom. He makes a mental note to shove his box of porny goodness up into the highest reaches of his closet and surveys the mess of his bachelorhood. His man cave is a magnificent work; any man would be proud of what he's done with the place.
It's times like these he wishes he had a girlfriend who would clean up after him.
"Ryo-chan," Uchi calls out cheerfully, and the apartment door slamming behind him reverberates Ryo's walls.
"Are you awake?"
If I wasn't already, that would have done the job, Ryo thinks grumpily. He only has Uchi coming over and invading his privacy to bug him. If it were a girl who would help clean up and maybe even be smitten enough with him to change the future poopy diapers on his sister's kids, Ryo wouldn't be as put out.
Well, there would also be sex. Honestly, he's not that hard to please.
Uchi taps his knuckles on his bedroom door, an attempt at being polite, but it's negated when he pushes open the door without waiting for a response from Ryo.
"I'm crashing here for a few days," Uchi says, giving no other explanation. Ryo rolls his eyes; he isn't intruding as much as before, but he still might as well live here with how much Ryo sees of him.
Gears slowly turn in his head. Uchi likes kids. They might not always return the feeling, but Ryo will put in a good word with the rugrats. They'll be climbing on jungle gym Uncle Uchi soon enough.
"Fine. You can help me with something tomorrow then," Ryo says with a large grin. Uchi narrows his eyes, looking a bit wary, but he hesitantly says okay.
Day 1
"Hell no," Uchi hisses into Ryo's ear, the terror evident in his voice as the first diaper bag is set down on the couch. He plasters on a smile when Ryo's mom reappears with a bouncy chair. The eldest boy, Masato, has already made himself at home on the couch, glued to his game boy, while his younger brother, Takuya, stares up at them with his thumb in his mouth and stuffed rabbit clutched tightly in his other hand.
"It's so nice to see you, Uchi-kun," Ryo's mother says, smiling at him as she pulls the smallest child out of the stroller.
"It's been a while," Uchi responds politely after he loses the stare down with the four-year old.
"Can you hold Nao for me?" Uchi freezes but smiles, carefully taking the little girl from her and praying she doesn't cry.
"Everything you need is in this bag: diapers, food, toys, pacifier, extra formula just in case." Ryo stands there, kind of in a stupor, as his mom flies through the instructions and the reality of his situation doesn't sink in until she shoves a small notebook in his hands and then disappears out the door with a wave.
He's not sure if the resulting 'thud' was the door shutting or his hopes crashing to the ground.
"Hey, cutie," Uchi coos at Nao, who just stares up at him with big, blinking eyes; she looks like she's trying to decide if she wants to start screaming or not.
"Uchi-niichan has to leave, so let's go say 'hi' to Old Man Ryo."
Ryo glares at him. "You promised."
"Some promises were made to be broken," Uchi says as the sound of Masato and Takuya starting to scream reaches his ears.
"Uncle Ryo!!! Takuya is being bad!"
"NO!! LIAR."
The noise starts to engulf him, and he realizes the gravity of his situation and how truly fucked he is.
"Uncle Ryooooooooooooooooo!" comes a howl from the other room.
"Uncle Ryooo!!" a shriller voice yells.
"Please," Ryo begs; it's not his proudest moment.
Uchi scrunches up his face for a moment and looks at Ryo.
"Okay, fine. You owe me," Uchi says. "Now stop looking pathetic and make them stop screaming."
Nao clutches at Uchi's hair and pulls, giggling when he yelps in pain. Ryo doesn't bother to hide his laughter before venturing into the living room to see what all the fuss is about.
Day 2
"Hey, Ryo-chan-whoa." Ohkura freezes in the doorway. Nao screams, tiny legs kicking and squirming against the diaper Ryo is struggling to put on her. Ohkura looks two shades lighter and a telltale twitch starts underneath his eye.
"Get me the wipes," Ryo says desperately, his voice going up an octave when Nao pees. He quickly covers her with a new diaper.
"Oh god." Ohkura whimpers, still in the same spot.
"Ohkura," Ryo snaps, and Ohkura finally moves, his eyes averted as he grabs the packet of wipes from the diaper bag on the floor, tossing them next to Ryo before beating a quick retreat to the far side of the living room.
Ryo grimaces and cleans Nao up, grabbing yet another clean diaper and struggling to work around her flying feet.
"Come on, Nao-chan, we're almost done," Ryo pleads. Nao stops crying but keeps making soft grunting noises and frowning up at him.
"Are you done?" Ohkura asks. He's avoiding looking directly at Ryo. Ohkura doesn't do well with poop.
Ryo takes a moment to curse both Uchi-the wimp refuses to change diapers-and Ohkura to the depths of hell. Some friends they are!
Uchi and his nephew's laughter from the other room does nothing to squash his rage.
Day 3
"Uncle Ryo!! Uncle Ryo! Uncle Ryo! Uncle Ryo!" Takuya comes bouncing into the room. "Masato is touching your guitars," he hisses conspiratorially.
Ryo's face goes white and he hears Subaru laughing at him as he scrambles into the room. He relaxes when he sees that no, he isn't touching them, really; he's just staring.
"Masato," Ryo says in a serious voice and Masato freezes, turning around and looking guilty.
"You're not supposed to be in here alone, remember?" Masato plays with the hem of his shirt, frowning.
"Right?" Ryo adds, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Sorry, Uncle Ryo," Masato mumbles at his hands.
"It's okay," Ryo says, ruffling his hair and crouching down next to him.
"If you're good, later on I'll teach you." Ryo can't help but smile when Masato perks up right away, starting to bounce up and down.
Day 4
"I love you," Ryo says in an awed sort of voice, staring at Yasu and Maru like they're the only beings that matter in the world anymore. Uchi, the tool, abandoned him yesterday morning--some lame excuse about Tokyo Shock rehearsals, the dirty liar.
"Uchi told us you might need help," Yasu says with a grin.
That's probably an understatement, Ryo thinks as he looks around his destroyed apartment. He barely manages to avoid stepping on fallen toy soldiers on his way to the epicenter of the disaster zone. Cyclones Masato and Takuya have worked their magic and little tropical storm Nao, while cute and innocent looking, is of the same make as her brothers.
One movie later, after some heavy cleaning by Maru, Ryo's apartment is looking presentable again. That's not even the best part. Ryo stares wide-eyed around the room and for the first time since they came, he hears nothing, beautiful silence.
Nao is down for a nap with Takuya and Masato is quietly reading through books that Maru brought along.
"You're amazing," Ryo whispers, sort of afraid to move. He doesn't want to wake them up.
Day 5
Ryo is starting to get the hang of this babysitting thing. He even managed to take them out to a restaurant last night, and totally got checked out more than usual. He gets that anyway, but this sort of checking out was different. Girls fawn over guys with kids; who knew?
Or they did until the kids started climbing over the booth partitions and trying to take their pants off.
That runs in the family; it can't be helped.
Day 6
"You're alive!" Yoko says, and then laughs a few seconds later when he takes in the state Ryo's in.
Ryo is confused and also covered in green peas. He has about 10 seconds before Nao starts protesting the absence of airplanes trying to feed her.
"We were sent to do a welfare check," Hina explains.
"Play video games with them," Ryo says, dragging them in by their wrists.
"Video games?!" Masato comes around the corner, sounding excited.
"I won't go easy on you!" Yoko tells him seriously, his hand already on his PSP.
"You should be asking me to go easy on you," Masato says cheekily. Yoko gets his game face on.
Ryo finishes feeding Nao, cleaning off her face, and walks into the living room to see Masato and Yoko absorbed in a fierce battle.
Hina is talking to Takuya, oblivious to the fact that he's drooling, asleep, on his lap.
"How'd you get him to sleep?" Ryo asks. He's tried so hard to do that but has been unsuccessful.
"What? He's asleep?" Hina says, leaning forward to check. "Who falls asleep in the middle of being taught the stats of all the soccer players?!"
"We didn't even get to Beckham," Hina says woefully.
Day 7
It's not that he doesn't care for his nephews and niece. It was nice spending time with them since they don't get to do that very much anymore, but Ryo is tired. The day seems to be dragging on and there's only so many times that Ryo can listen to "Maru Maru Mori Mori" before he wants to throw himself off his balcony.
"Ryo-chan?" Uchi calls out into the apartment.
"It's Uchi-niichan," Takuya yells excitedly, rushing out to the genkan and wrapping himself around Uchi's legs. Ryo leans up on the couch, trying not to disturb Nao from her nap on his chest.
Uchi shows up, Takuya still clinging to his leg as he drags it along the floor.
"Hey, deserter," Ryo says sarcastically. Uchi laughs and shrugs at him, picking up Takuya and spinning him in two quick circles before he puts him down.
Uchi's joints crack as he sits down in the chair and then is immediately accosted by Takuya climbing into his lap.
"Careful! Important bits there," Uchi says, laughing and trying to make sure knees stay away from sensitive areas.
Ryo snorts quietly. Masato is buried in a book on guitars, flipping through all the pictures and occasionally advising Uncle Ryo which one is the coolest.
It is probably the most relaxed Ryo has been this week.
"Thanks for helping, you two," Ryo's mother says brightly. Nao, passed out from dinner, is asleep in Ryo's arms while he waits to put her in the car seat.
"It was fun, right, Masato?" Uchi asks, cheerfully, ruffling his hair and laughing when Masato frowns and fixes it. It seems he's picked up a Ryo-ism.
"I'll show you more guitar next time," Ryo says.
"Me too!" Takuya demands, jealousy obvious in his tone of voice. Masato sticks his tongue out at him behind grandma's back.
Ryo laughs. They were a handful, but he did have a good time.
"Sure, both of you."
Uchi and Ryo wave from the parking lot until the car pulls out into the road and drives off.
"You were pretty good with kids," Uchi comments. Ryo shrugs, pleased with the observation.
"Not like you saw much," Ryo teases. "You ran off on me."
"Please. We both know you'd rather spend four months looking after them than spend four months being Koichi's Shock bitch," Uchi drawls.
Fair enough, sort of, Ryo thinks.