Fic - A Matter of Quality
I got my rusty pen out and managed to get a little MFU fic written for the MFUWSS Guess the Author Challenge.
A Matter of Quality
It arrived at the service department in a little box, neatly folded atop a nest of excelsior.
Snuggled within the excelsior was a jumble of plastic and aluminum bits and pieces, wires and metal thingamajigs.
It was some sort of boiler-plate evaluation form, pirated from somewhere, its origin impossible to determine, because, if one happened to examine it closely, it appeared that the top and bottom of the form, where a corporate logo, or name, address and phone number would be found, had been cut away.
* * *
FIELD EVALUATION
SUBMITTED BY: I. Kuryakin, PO Box 6382, New York, New York 10017
DEVICE: Zenith Space Commander
DESIGN: Ultrasonic, battery operated.
FUNCTIONALITY: On/off; Channel up; Channel down; Volume on/off.
DEVICE-RELATED INJURY, IF ANY: Punctured foot.
REMARKS:
Manufacture-supplied batteries were inserted immediately prior to use.
Initial attempt to activate device failed.
Use of increasingly applied pressure upon control buttons failed.
Device became airborne at high rate of speed until encounter with vertical barrier.
Device bounced in reverse direction for short distance.
Device dropped into water hazard in area of domicile normally reserved for plates, eating utensils, and pans that are dirtied during cooking and eating.
Battery compartment is difficult to open.
Alternate, experimental method used to open battery cover caused cover latch to break open in a non-compliant, sub-standard manner.
Back cover became lost.
Device is not waterproof.
Batteries are difficult to extract when device is wet.
Batteries became punctured by sharp object and thereafter, leaked.
Replacement batteries placed in wet device had no effect upon device functionality.
Control buttons are not secure.
Repeated use of increasingly applied pressure upon control buttons caused control buttons to became loose and skewed.
Alternate, experimental method used to activate device failed.
Repeated and vigorous contact with nearby hard surface was applied to device.
Top left corner of device became separated from device and assumed irrecoverable until subsequently located by becoming embedded in bottom of tester’s foot.
Device again became airborne at high rate of speed.
Device disappeared through glass-covered opening in domicile normally reserved for improvement of air quality and circulation.
Device fell vertically until encounter with horizontal barrier at ground-level.
Device is not shatterproof.
CONCLUSION: Battery failure. Casing failure. Control button failure.
ADDITIONAL REMARKS: Send replacement device immediately, as poor quality of manufacture is responsible for overall device failure.
Thank you.
I. Kuryakin
A Matter of Quality
It arrived at the service department in a little box, neatly folded atop a nest of excelsior.
Snuggled within the excelsior was a jumble of plastic and aluminum bits and pieces, wires and metal thingamajigs.
It was some sort of boiler-plate evaluation form, pirated from somewhere, its origin impossible to determine, because, if one happened to examine it closely, it appeared that the top and bottom of the form, where a corporate logo, or name, address and phone number would be found, had been cut away.
* * *
FIELD EVALUATION
SUBMITTED BY: I. Kuryakin, PO Box 6382, New York, New York 10017
DEVICE: Zenith Space Commander
DESIGN: Ultrasonic, battery operated.
FUNCTIONALITY: On/off; Channel up; Channel down; Volume on/off.
DEVICE-RELATED INJURY, IF ANY: Punctured foot.
REMARKS:
Manufacture-supplied batteries were inserted immediately prior to use.
Initial attempt to activate device failed.
Use of increasingly applied pressure upon control buttons failed.
Device became airborne at high rate of speed until encounter with vertical barrier.
Device bounced in reverse direction for short distance.
Device dropped into water hazard in area of domicile normally reserved for plates, eating utensils, and pans that are dirtied during cooking and eating.
Battery compartment is difficult to open.
Alternate, experimental method used to open battery cover caused cover latch to break open in a non-compliant, sub-standard manner.
Back cover became lost.
Device is not waterproof.
Batteries are difficult to extract when device is wet.
Batteries became punctured by sharp object and thereafter, leaked.
Replacement batteries placed in wet device had no effect upon device functionality.
Control buttons are not secure.
Repeated use of increasingly applied pressure upon control buttons caused control buttons to became loose and skewed.
Alternate, experimental method used to activate device failed.
Repeated and vigorous contact with nearby hard surface was applied to device.
Top left corner of device became separated from device and assumed irrecoverable until subsequently located by becoming embedded in bottom of tester’s foot.
Device again became airborne at high rate of speed.
Device disappeared through glass-covered opening in domicile normally reserved for improvement of air quality and circulation.
Device fell vertically until encounter with horizontal barrier at ground-level.
Device is not shatterproof.
CONCLUSION: Battery failure. Casing failure. Control button failure.
ADDITIONAL REMARKS: Send replacement device immediately, as poor quality of manufacture is responsible for overall device failure.
Thank you.
I. Kuryakin