(no subject)
I think it's annoying how when I go to be by myself for a minute, Kenny comes in and looks disapproving at me. Like I have to be around people all the time. I love the company, but if you have no time to yourself, you will be driven mad. I can't stand that Ryan lives in my house...I can't stand that my brother uses me all the time...I can't believe that I put myself into situations like this. I'm just a doormat. I know that I can do something about it, but the actions that would need to be taken could risk the relationships that I have with those people. I feel like I could lose everything in an instant. It's a really gut wrenching feeling. Someone made a reference to me gaining weight after I got off my diet, and now I just feel like a big fat ass. They eat pizza, junk food, drink beer and just eat whatever they please, and they are lean and attractive. I look at food and gain weight. I hate feeling like I'm depriving myself, but I love the results and the reaction that I get from people when I lose the weight. I'm not going to starve myself, it's just really annoying when they eat pizza infront of me, and I am eating deli turkey and a yogurt. It's frustrating. People in my house should be contributing more and focusing on helping me, rather than just leaching off of me. I'm too fucking nice. I think that's the problem. Why would you want to be a bitch and have conflict all the time, when you have the option to maintain the peace? The lines in relationships are blurry, and eventually everyone will get their toes stepped on, but why do people insist on only thinking of themselves instead of helping the whole? I just don't feel right. Maybe it's because my body is only awake because I am chalked full of caffeine after only getting 3 hours of sleep. Anywho. I vented...I think I can feel a little better now. I hope anyway...