[fic] Heal Me - First Cut ~The Hospital~
Title: Heal Me
Pairing: Jin x Kame
Rating: NC-17
Genre - Catch Me: AU, angst, romance, smut, drama, tragedy
Beta by: my cat. okay, seriously, nobody
Disclaimer: I don't own KAT-TUN, any of its members, any other JE people. I write this for fun and for other fans of these fine folks. But don't steal my plots, mmkay? I put a great deal of time into them except for when I'm randomly spastically spitting words onto a page. But I value those too...
Summary - Catch Me: A dramatic turn in his life throws Kame into Jin's college world. Almost immediately they notice an attraction, but they spend more time clashing than not.
Summary - Lose Me: Kame and Jin still have the occasional argument but mostly they live happily together. But when someone from Kame's past shows up, will the two be able to deal?
Summary - Find Me: Kame has been kidnapped. Will he and Jin ever be reunited?
Summary - Heal Me: The difficult task of readjusting to a normal life... will they make it through together?
Warning: While "Catch Me" part is more towards the fluffy end of the scale at times, the other three parts have such things as drugs and murder and rape and all the fun parts of a bad neighborhood in a big city. Oh, and character death(s).
On my journal: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the akame_ Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the akame_fanfics Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the kattun_fanfics Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
A/N: Start of "Heal Me' so please enjoy. It's the last of the four arcs!
Heal Me
First Cut ~The Hospital~
Lives break and lives mend. No one can explain the way the ebb and flow of the universe separates and recombines over and over throughout the centuries. And even more of a mystery, the ebb and flow of man. Some people you think will stand strong falter at the first step. Some you think beyond help rise to the challenge with a surge of power.
The only real way to tell is time.
Friends help.
On his way back to the dorms, Ueda received a call from Jin, letting him know the hospital and room number. He sounded scared, but that was to be expected. “The doctor says if…” and Jin had to pause as his voice gave out, but finally continued, “If he lives through the night and doesn’t have any bad reactions to treatment, he can go home in a week.”
It sounded like Jin was crying.
“Are they letting you stay with him?”
“I’m staying. And the doctor said he’d write a letter to the college to get Kame reinstated. So, what about…”
He meant Ryo, most likely. “I can’t talk about that over the phone. Later. Don’t worry about it for now.”
Jin accepted that answer, saying, “I have to go now. I want to be next to him if he wakes. If you come visit tomorrow and I give you my key, could you get clothes for us and bring them?”
“Sure thing, Jin.”
“Thanks, Tat-chan…” and Jin hung up.
Finally back at the dorm, Ueda found Yamapi, Maru, and Junno waiting for him in the common room.
“You snag my map from your room and then you and Jin run off to who-knows-where, without a word, and you’re gone for an hour and you come back without Jin.” Junno complained.
Yamapi asked, “Where did you go? Why didn’t Jin come back with you?”
“We were worried sick, you two barging out like that!” Maru added.
“We found Kame.”
Three pairs of eyes suddenly stared very intently at him. Yamapi said, “He was still in that area…?”
“Yes. Near the petrol station, actually.”
“Oh, god…” Junno murmured. Ueda remember the mugging rather vividly still, and he was pretty sure Junno did too.
“So where are they? I mean Kame and Jin,” Maru asked.
“Jin carried him to the hospital. If he lives through the night, they’ll let him go home in a week or so.”
The horrified expressions on his friends’ faces softened his anger at them. Ueda hadn’t even realized he was mad. Despite all the things he said to Jin in their defense over the past two months, the site of Kame covered in blood had pushed him a bit over the edge, he guessed.
But then, what he had told Jin earlier that very day still held true - they’d never seen the tape, so they just didn’t know.
“Why is he in the hospital? What happened?” Yamapi asked.
“Blood loss. At least, that’s the one I know of. He… he did it to himself, I think. He was hard to understand,” Ueda admitted.
“Blood loss?” Yamapi again, “How did he get away? Where is Ryo?”
Ueda was not about to tell them the truth. They were his friends and he felt terrible about lying to them, but he and Kame had technically killed a man. If he could keep that known only to himself, Kame, and Jin, that would be best. “I don’t know how he got away. I don’t know where Ryo is.”
“When can we visit him in the hospital?” This time it was Maru asking.
Junno jumped up very suddenly, tearing out of the room down the hall, shrieking, “Oh my god oh my god must get Koki…!”
Ueda rolled his eyes at Junno’s antics but at the same time he felt bad that he hadn’t called Koki out before giving the news. “Jin will call. I’m stopping by tomorrow to get his key to bring him some clothes but it’ll be too soon to see Kame.”
Maru said, “Could… could you tell Jin that I’m sorry? Sorry that I gave up?”
Sighing, Ueda replied, “That’s the sort of thing you need to tell him yourself.”
+++
The next day, Ueda brought good news when he went to get Jin’s key. The doctor had written the school. Kame’s expulsion was reversed and Jin was given a week-long pass to stay at the hospital with him instead of coming to classes. The doctor wanted to call in the cops, but the look Ueda gave Jin told him to nip that in the bud. And since the doctor was bound by confidentiality, there was nothing he could do without Kame’s permission.
When they could find a quiet moment alone, Ueda told Jin about how he’d followed the blood trail back to Ryo’s body. So, Kame had killed him after all. Ueda said that, as best he could tell, Ryo walked in on Kame slitting his wrists and, when he tried to grab the mirror shard from him, ended up with a nasty cut up his arm.
Then (though whether in self defense or in a severe emotional state was still unclear), Kame had lashed out at any part of Ryo he could reach. And when Ueda found him, he was lying dead on the floor with the mirror shard still sticking out of his chest. They’d have to wait for Kame to wake up to get the whole truth.
Whispering, Ueda said, “So, I burned the body. No body, no problem for Kame, right?”
Jin nodded. It wasn’t the sense of closure he wanted (he would have preferred to squeeze the life out of a begging Ryo with his own two hands) but at least it meant that Ryo could never, ever touch Kame again.
Ueda left to get the clothes and Jin returned to Kame’s side. He was a bit concerned that Kame hadn’t woken up yet but the doctor assured him it wasn’t unusual after so much physical and emotional trauma. As much as he was able to, Jin tried to comfort the unconscious Kame, holding his unwounded hand or stroking his cheek as he slept.
When Ueda came back with the clothes, he had the whole group with him. Jin angrily shoved the lot of them out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him.
“Why did you bring them?” Jin growled, rounding on Ueda.
“They insisted.”
Scratching the back of his head nervously, Yamapi said, “I… well, we, really… want to apologize and… stuff…”
“He isn’t awake yet.”
Yamapi shook his head, but it was Taguchi that spoke, “No, to you. For giving up.”
Sighing, Jin said, “It’s okay. You were right, Tat-chan. What you said to me. But since Kame’s back, there’s no need anymore,” heavily emphasizing those last three words, “so bygones be bygones and all that.” Hopefully, Ueda would pick up on the hint to destroy the tape.
“Well, I guess we’ll come back when he wakes up,” Koki said. The others murmured their agreement. Ueda handed the bag of clothing to Jin and left with the others.
Jin went back to Kame’s side.
It was the next morning when Kame finally opened his eyes.
“Where am I? He’s going to think I ran again! Oh, god…” and Kame tried to sit up, but he went way too fast and ended up falling back to the bed.
Jin had been sleeping in the chair by the bed, but the commotion Kame was making woke him up. “You’re safe, Kazu. It’s okay.”
But that had no effect. Kame kept trying to scramble to his feet when he couldn’t even keep himself fully sitting.
“Kazu, stop!”
That did the trick, but not in any want Jin would ever have hoped for. Kame did stop immediately, but he also curled up into a tight ball, his arm protecting his face. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry…”
Jin reached out towards Kame but Kame flinched at his touch.
Softly, Jin asked, “Do you know where you are, Kazu-chan?”
“…Jin?”
“It’s me, silly.”
“I thought… He said you stopped looking…”
“Oh, baka, I’d never stop looking for you.”
“How… how did you find me?” Kame asked him.
“You called me. You don’t remember?”
“No… I… I had the mirror piece. Then… Ryo was yelling. But that’s odd, because he wasn’t in there… Did he… did he catch me when I was…?” By this time, it seemed like Kame was talking more to himself than to Jin. He held his arm up to look and noticed the bandages. Kame glanced over at Jin and then suddenly shoved his arm under the pillow as if ashamed.
Jin gently took Kame’s hand (watching out for the bandaged cut across the palm) and pulled the arm out from underneath the pillow. “It’s okay. I’ve seen it. You don’t have to hide, Kazu-chan.”
“I… I did this, though. Me. Oh, Jin…” Kame said, “I didn’t want to die. Not really. But I didn’t know what else to do. I had to get away but I couldn’t run. He’s faster and stronger and I couldn’t go through what happened after…” but Kame stopped there. His body started violently shaking and he started hyperventilating. “Don’t look at me! Stop looking at me!” He jerked his arm away from Jin and grabbed the blanket he was laying under, pulling it up to completely cover himself.
But even with Kame hiding under the blanket, Jin could tell he was still shaking and hyperventilating. “Kazu? Kazu…?” but nothing Jin said nor did would calm Kame or coax him to let go of the blanket he held closed around him.
Jin ran to the nurse’s station. “He’s awake and he’s panicked and I can’t calm him down. Please, I don’t know what to do!”
He watched helplessly as the nurse went into action, action apparently being a sedative of some kind. Rather than fight Kame to get the blanket away from him, she put it into his IV. It only took a moment to start working and it did indeed calm him down.
But Jin was still concerned by what Kame had said. Why didn’t Kame want him to look? Did he do something wrong? Had he hurt Kame somehow?
Was Kame mad it took almost two months to rescue him? He’d done his best, but… damn it, his best wasn’t good enough. If Kame hadn’t called, would he have ever found him? As much as it pained him to admit it (and he’d never say it out loud, mind you), he probably wouldn’t have, no matter how long he looked. How was he supposed to live with that?
Jin sat back in the chair next to Kame’s bed and hesitantly reached out for his unwounded hand. Kame didn’t pull away, so he took hold of Kame’s hand with both of his own. “I’m sorry for whatever I just did to make you freak out. What did I do wrong? I won’t do it again.”
“You can see when you look at me, can’t you? What I did…”
“If you mean the wrists, I understand that. I’m not judging you. Nobody is judging you.”
“Not that. The… the rest of it.”
“Oh, Kazu… you didn’t do that. That was done to you. It’s not your fault.”
“Isn’t it?”
“Why on earth would you think that was your fault?”
Kame looked away. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Hastily, he added, “Please.”
“It’s okay, Kazu-chan. You don’t have to. Just rest, okay? Rest and know that you will never, ever have to go through this again. He’s not coming back, not ever.”
“Is it really true?”
Leaning closer and whispering, Jin said, “You cut him up pretty bad but I went and took care of the rest, okay. He’s a pile of ash now.” Jin didn’t want Kame to have the weight of having taken a life on his shoulders, even though he had and even if it was just Ryo. It was something Jin was more than willing to take on his own shoulders, to protect Kame emotionally and, if necessary, legally as well.
“Good.” And Kame closed his eyes and went to sleep.
Kame spent a lot of the week sleeping uneasily. More than once, Jin found him crying in his sleep. He suffered from nightmares but when Jin asked him about them, Kame was quick to respond with, “I don’t remember.” Jin wasn’t completely convinced that was true, but he didn’t want to rush Kame so he let it be.
Yamapi, Koki, Junno, Maru, and Ueda came to visit one at a time so as not to overwhelm Kame. Even though Kame looked fine during the visits, he kept a painfully tight grip on Jin’s hand the whole time.
Then the day came when the doctor said Kame could go home.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The story continues:
Second Cut ~Finally Home~
A/N: Here ya go. Don't worry, you'll get a more detailed account of what happened in between breaking the mirror and calling Jin a bit later.
Pairing: Jin x Kame
Rating: NC-17
Genre - Catch Me: AU, angst, romance, smut, drama, tragedy
Beta by: my cat. okay, seriously, nobody
Disclaimer: I don't own KAT-TUN, any of its members, any other JE people. I write this for fun and for other fans of these fine folks. But don't steal my plots, mmkay? I put a great deal of time into them except for when I'm randomly spastically spitting words onto a page. But I value those too...
Summary - Catch Me: A dramatic turn in his life throws Kame into Jin's college world. Almost immediately they notice an attraction, but they spend more time clashing than not.
Summary - Lose Me: Kame and Jin still have the occasional argument but mostly they live happily together. But when someone from Kame's past shows up, will the two be able to deal?
Summary - Find Me: Kame has been kidnapped. Will he and Jin ever be reunited?
Summary - Heal Me: The difficult task of readjusting to a normal life... will they make it through together?
Warning: While "Catch Me" part is more towards the fluffy end of the scale at times, the other three parts have such things as drugs and murder and rape and all the fun parts of a bad neighborhood in a big city. Oh, and character death(s).
On my journal: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the akame_ Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the akame_fanfics Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
On the kattun_fanfics Community: Catch Me, Lose Me, Find Me, Heal Me
A/N: Start of "Heal Me' so please enjoy. It's the last of the four arcs!
Heal Me
First Cut ~The Hospital~
Lives break and lives mend. No one can explain the way the ebb and flow of the universe separates and recombines over and over throughout the centuries. And even more of a mystery, the ebb and flow of man. Some people you think will stand strong falter at the first step. Some you think beyond help rise to the challenge with a surge of power.
The only real way to tell is time.
Friends help.
On his way back to the dorms, Ueda received a call from Jin, letting him know the hospital and room number. He sounded scared, but that was to be expected. “The doctor says if…” and Jin had to pause as his voice gave out, but finally continued, “If he lives through the night and doesn’t have any bad reactions to treatment, he can go home in a week.”
It sounded like Jin was crying.
“Are they letting you stay with him?”
“I’m staying. And the doctor said he’d write a letter to the college to get Kame reinstated. So, what about…”
He meant Ryo, most likely. “I can’t talk about that over the phone. Later. Don’t worry about it for now.”
Jin accepted that answer, saying, “I have to go now. I want to be next to him if he wakes. If you come visit tomorrow and I give you my key, could you get clothes for us and bring them?”
“Sure thing, Jin.”
“Thanks, Tat-chan…” and Jin hung up.
Finally back at the dorm, Ueda found Yamapi, Maru, and Junno waiting for him in the common room.
“You snag my map from your room and then you and Jin run off to who-knows-where, without a word, and you’re gone for an hour and you come back without Jin.” Junno complained.
Yamapi asked, “Where did you go? Why didn’t Jin come back with you?”
“We were worried sick, you two barging out like that!” Maru added.
“We found Kame.”
Three pairs of eyes suddenly stared very intently at him. Yamapi said, “He was still in that area…?”
“Yes. Near the petrol station, actually.”
“Oh, god…” Junno murmured. Ueda remember the mugging rather vividly still, and he was pretty sure Junno did too.
“So where are they? I mean Kame and Jin,” Maru asked.
“Jin carried him to the hospital. If he lives through the night, they’ll let him go home in a week or so.”
The horrified expressions on his friends’ faces softened his anger at them. Ueda hadn’t even realized he was mad. Despite all the things he said to Jin in their defense over the past two months, the site of Kame covered in blood had pushed him a bit over the edge, he guessed.
But then, what he had told Jin earlier that very day still held true - they’d never seen the tape, so they just didn’t know.
“Why is he in the hospital? What happened?” Yamapi asked.
“Blood loss. At least, that’s the one I know of. He… he did it to himself, I think. He was hard to understand,” Ueda admitted.
“Blood loss?” Yamapi again, “How did he get away? Where is Ryo?”
Ueda was not about to tell them the truth. They were his friends and he felt terrible about lying to them, but he and Kame had technically killed a man. If he could keep that known only to himself, Kame, and Jin, that would be best. “I don’t know how he got away. I don’t know where Ryo is.”
“When can we visit him in the hospital?” This time it was Maru asking.
Junno jumped up very suddenly, tearing out of the room down the hall, shrieking, “Oh my god oh my god must get Koki…!”
Ueda rolled his eyes at Junno’s antics but at the same time he felt bad that he hadn’t called Koki out before giving the news. “Jin will call. I’m stopping by tomorrow to get his key to bring him some clothes but it’ll be too soon to see Kame.”
Maru said, “Could… could you tell Jin that I’m sorry? Sorry that I gave up?”
Sighing, Ueda replied, “That’s the sort of thing you need to tell him yourself.”
+++
The next day, Ueda brought good news when he went to get Jin’s key. The doctor had written the school. Kame’s expulsion was reversed and Jin was given a week-long pass to stay at the hospital with him instead of coming to classes. The doctor wanted to call in the cops, but the look Ueda gave Jin told him to nip that in the bud. And since the doctor was bound by confidentiality, there was nothing he could do without Kame’s permission.
When they could find a quiet moment alone, Ueda told Jin about how he’d followed the blood trail back to Ryo’s body. So, Kame had killed him after all. Ueda said that, as best he could tell, Ryo walked in on Kame slitting his wrists and, when he tried to grab the mirror shard from him, ended up with a nasty cut up his arm.
Then (though whether in self defense or in a severe emotional state was still unclear), Kame had lashed out at any part of Ryo he could reach. And when Ueda found him, he was lying dead on the floor with the mirror shard still sticking out of his chest. They’d have to wait for Kame to wake up to get the whole truth.
Whispering, Ueda said, “So, I burned the body. No body, no problem for Kame, right?”
Jin nodded. It wasn’t the sense of closure he wanted (he would have preferred to squeeze the life out of a begging Ryo with his own two hands) but at least it meant that Ryo could never, ever touch Kame again.
Ueda left to get the clothes and Jin returned to Kame’s side. He was a bit concerned that Kame hadn’t woken up yet but the doctor assured him it wasn’t unusual after so much physical and emotional trauma. As much as he was able to, Jin tried to comfort the unconscious Kame, holding his unwounded hand or stroking his cheek as he slept.
When Ueda came back with the clothes, he had the whole group with him. Jin angrily shoved the lot of them out of the room, quietly closing the door behind him.
“Why did you bring them?” Jin growled, rounding on Ueda.
“They insisted.”
Scratching the back of his head nervously, Yamapi said, “I… well, we, really… want to apologize and… stuff…”
“He isn’t awake yet.”
Yamapi shook his head, but it was Taguchi that spoke, “No, to you. For giving up.”
Sighing, Jin said, “It’s okay. You were right, Tat-chan. What you said to me. But since Kame’s back, there’s no need anymore,” heavily emphasizing those last three words, “so bygones be bygones and all that.” Hopefully, Ueda would pick up on the hint to destroy the tape.
“Well, I guess we’ll come back when he wakes up,” Koki said. The others murmured their agreement. Ueda handed the bag of clothing to Jin and left with the others.
Jin went back to Kame’s side.
It was the next morning when Kame finally opened his eyes.
“Where am I? He’s going to think I ran again! Oh, god…” and Kame tried to sit up, but he went way too fast and ended up falling back to the bed.
Jin had been sleeping in the chair by the bed, but the commotion Kame was making woke him up. “You’re safe, Kazu. It’s okay.”
But that had no effect. Kame kept trying to scramble to his feet when he couldn’t even keep himself fully sitting.
“Kazu, stop!”
That did the trick, but not in any want Jin would ever have hoped for. Kame did stop immediately, but he also curled up into a tight ball, his arm protecting his face. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry…”
Jin reached out towards Kame but Kame flinched at his touch.
Softly, Jin asked, “Do you know where you are, Kazu-chan?”
“…Jin?”
“It’s me, silly.”
“I thought… He said you stopped looking…”
“Oh, baka, I’d never stop looking for you.”
“How… how did you find me?” Kame asked him.
“You called me. You don’t remember?”
“No… I… I had the mirror piece. Then… Ryo was yelling. But that’s odd, because he wasn’t in there… Did he… did he catch me when I was…?” By this time, it seemed like Kame was talking more to himself than to Jin. He held his arm up to look and noticed the bandages. Kame glanced over at Jin and then suddenly shoved his arm under the pillow as if ashamed.
Jin gently took Kame’s hand (watching out for the bandaged cut across the palm) and pulled the arm out from underneath the pillow. “It’s okay. I’ve seen it. You don’t have to hide, Kazu-chan.”
“I… I did this, though. Me. Oh, Jin…” Kame said, “I didn’t want to die. Not really. But I didn’t know what else to do. I had to get away but I couldn’t run. He’s faster and stronger and I couldn’t go through what happened after…” but Kame stopped there. His body started violently shaking and he started hyperventilating. “Don’t look at me! Stop looking at me!” He jerked his arm away from Jin and grabbed the blanket he was laying under, pulling it up to completely cover himself.
But even with Kame hiding under the blanket, Jin could tell he was still shaking and hyperventilating. “Kazu? Kazu…?” but nothing Jin said nor did would calm Kame or coax him to let go of the blanket he held closed around him.
Jin ran to the nurse’s station. “He’s awake and he’s panicked and I can’t calm him down. Please, I don’t know what to do!”
He watched helplessly as the nurse went into action, action apparently being a sedative of some kind. Rather than fight Kame to get the blanket away from him, she put it into his IV. It only took a moment to start working and it did indeed calm him down.
But Jin was still concerned by what Kame had said. Why didn’t Kame want him to look? Did he do something wrong? Had he hurt Kame somehow?
Was Kame mad it took almost two months to rescue him? He’d done his best, but… damn it, his best wasn’t good enough. If Kame hadn’t called, would he have ever found him? As much as it pained him to admit it (and he’d never say it out loud, mind you), he probably wouldn’t have, no matter how long he looked. How was he supposed to live with that?
Jin sat back in the chair next to Kame’s bed and hesitantly reached out for his unwounded hand. Kame didn’t pull away, so he took hold of Kame’s hand with both of his own. “I’m sorry for whatever I just did to make you freak out. What did I do wrong? I won’t do it again.”
“You can see when you look at me, can’t you? What I did…”
“If you mean the wrists, I understand that. I’m not judging you. Nobody is judging you.”
“Not that. The… the rest of it.”
“Oh, Kazu… you didn’t do that. That was done to you. It’s not your fault.”
“Isn’t it?”
“Why on earth would you think that was your fault?”
Kame looked away. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Hastily, he added, “Please.”
“It’s okay, Kazu-chan. You don’t have to. Just rest, okay? Rest and know that you will never, ever have to go through this again. He’s not coming back, not ever.”
“Is it really true?”
Leaning closer and whispering, Jin said, “You cut him up pretty bad but I went and took care of the rest, okay. He’s a pile of ash now.” Jin didn’t want Kame to have the weight of having taken a life on his shoulders, even though he had and even if it was just Ryo. It was something Jin was more than willing to take on his own shoulders, to protect Kame emotionally and, if necessary, legally as well.
“Good.” And Kame closed his eyes and went to sleep.
Kame spent a lot of the week sleeping uneasily. More than once, Jin found him crying in his sleep. He suffered from nightmares but when Jin asked him about them, Kame was quick to respond with, “I don’t remember.” Jin wasn’t completely convinced that was true, but he didn’t want to rush Kame so he let it be.
Yamapi, Koki, Junno, Maru, and Ueda came to visit one at a time so as not to overwhelm Kame. Even though Kame looked fine during the visits, he kept a painfully tight grip on Jin’s hand the whole time.
Then the day came when the doctor said Kame could go home.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The story continues:
Second Cut ~Finally Home~
A/N: Here ya go. Don't worry, you'll get a more detailed account of what happened in between breaking the mirror and calling Jin a bit later.