I've been there - you've pretty much expressed what I couldn't - hollow in the chest and all - when I'd freak out on you and Lizz, every so often, but unable to word it. So I know exactly (or rather, close to) how you feel.
And I also know what you mean by not knowing how to love and feeling defective because of it(at least, I think I know what you mean). I don't see myself in a relationship, at all. I don't even want one o_O And we both know I know what it's like to be shat all over by people, young, and forced to look at the world as a hall of demons that you just have to endure until you die. Not quite the same 'shat' but nothing is ever the same.
I don't say this to compare (I hate it when people do that), only that I have a fairly good understanding about how you feel, and that your not alone. I've walked down that road of contemplating stepping in front of a car, or just turning around and knocking someone's teeth out.
However, 'love' has many definitions. I can't offer the romantic type, but you have my friendship love (and trust me, I don't seem to go anywhere, unless someone leaves me first, as it's been going...). I may not be able to help you 100%, but I am willing. I'm sorry I wasn't there, last night, I only saw your message this morning, before work...
Every strong person has a weak time. We're human, after all. Theres nothing wrong or weak about needing someone's shoulder to cry on.
The only difference between a strong and a weak person is if they can let or climb themselves out of the hole they've dug.
There can be a whole host of reasons why your feeling this way - seasons, change in schedule (classes), pressure for jobs, the uni, lack of exercise, Spring in general...
What I've learned from my constant relaps of this, is that it isn't forever. But you'll never get out of the dark waters unless your willing to do it. Without that, you'll just sit and rot, no matter what people do or say. Think of it as a battle that is fought and must be won... and every now and then, everyone needs a support... an FS priest... etc (whatever you prefer to refer it to), to help you.
I'm not very good at wording shiz and only really know how to take care of myself, but you can always come to me for help...
Think of when you come down here in August... we'll have all the Japanese you want, that Thai place is back (it was reno'd.... but no more take out D:), the tickets for the play, movie theatre, blockbuster, chip dip, tacos, tacos in chip dip, tacos in chip dip in our bellehs...
And I also know what you mean by not knowing how to love and feeling defective because of it(at least, I think I know what you mean). I don't see myself in a relationship, at all. I don't even want one o_O And we both know I know what it's like to be shat all over by people, young, and forced to look at the world as a hall of demons that you just have to endure until you die. Not quite the same 'shat' but nothing is ever the same.
I don't say this to compare (I hate it when people do that), only that I have a fairly good understanding about how you feel, and that your not alone. I've walked down that road of contemplating stepping in front of a car, or just turning around and knocking someone's teeth out.
However, 'love' has many definitions. I can't offer the romantic type, but you have my friendship love (and trust me, I don't seem to go anywhere, unless someone leaves me first, as it's been going...).
I may not be able to help you 100%, but I am willing.
I'm sorry I wasn't there, last night, I only saw your message this morning, before work...
Every strong person has a weak time. We're human, after all. Theres nothing wrong or weak about needing someone's shoulder to cry on.
The only difference between a strong and a weak person is if they can let or climb themselves out of the hole they've dug.
There can be a whole host of reasons why your feeling this way - seasons, change in schedule (classes), pressure for jobs, the uni, lack of exercise, Spring in general...
What I've learned from my constant relaps of this, is that it isn't forever. But you'll never get out of the dark waters unless your willing to do it. Without that, you'll just sit and rot, no matter what people do or say. Think of it as a battle that is fought and must be won... and every now and then, everyone needs a support... an FS priest... etc (whatever you prefer to refer it to), to help you.
I'm not very good at wording shiz and only really know how to take care of myself, but you can always come to me for help...
Think of when you come down here in August... we'll have all the Japanese you want, that Thai place is back (it was reno'd.... but no more take out D:), the tickets for the play, movie theatre, blockbuster, chip dip, tacos, tacos in chip dip, tacos in chip dip in our bellehs...
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