Date? not date? outting? wtf
well i have an as I would say it, 'understood' date with Mr. Ryan tonight. I really should learn his last name. Is it sad I have no interest in last names? I mean if I was in a Japan like culture that would be differnt since they ID you by your last name. Menzel-san would be my name haha funny. Anyways, I found out his age and I can't say that I'm well happy about it, nothing bad its just nine years apart. While not bad when I'm 30, its bad when I'm 20 and he is 29. THat just sounds wrong stupid mental stigma.
I was going to do a date group movie thing on sat after work but because he has work that night it was a no go. So, he asked about friday night and I (for various reasons and I can't lie well in person, and my co-worker was giving me a dirty look if I didn't say yes) I agreed. I'm a bit nervous since it won't be on 'my truff'. The last two places we went out have been in 'my city' My 'area' and my 'terms' its my little protective bubble. Yay me and paranoia. It doesn't help that i did a card reading for Helen and since our lives tend to shadow and blend into one another it was a bright freshing red warning signs to be wary of Mr. prefect knightly/princly types. And guess what? ryan is a very knightly like gentlemen go figure. I promised her to be on my toes and I will be, nice casual clothes so I don't look like a slob but nothing 'tempting' and the lines will be very well drawn. I'm not going to let him pay this time(yay the act of resoproscity or in other words 'putting out' I aint be putting out it would be over my head lifeless body)
Its strange I think he is gifted some how, or messes/messed around with something. Those people just have a look some how (easy to pick them out, I'm sure I'm like that to others) yet there is something dangerous? I'm not sure what yet it makes me curious drawn to the fire so to speak. I want to see what he can do and what he is capiable of pyshically, mentally, and if he is gifted just with what. He is the first person I can't read clearly his emotions, I just get this fuzzy blankness. Its quiet when I'm with him. When I touch him its something soothing like things around me get a bit less noisy and I don't feel outside the bubble around him. Yet, I can't get his eyes out of my mind, it may sound like a cheep romance book but they are gentle but burn with something yes, like coals in a dying fire warm tempting but it will still hurt if you go and hold it. I will admit one thing, his body is fine. Trim, strong, smooth and hard as a rock. Apart of me can't wait to get him out of my life like he is going to set forth a set of events I will not longer have control on. I've never been like this with other guys, the pull of fate was really strong, so I have to wait and see why after that I think I won't be worrying about him any more.
well thats it.
I was going to do a date group movie thing on sat after work but because he has work that night it was a no go. So, he asked about friday night and I (for various reasons and I can't lie well in person, and my co-worker was giving me a dirty look if I didn't say yes) I agreed. I'm a bit nervous since it won't be on 'my truff'. The last two places we went out have been in 'my city' My 'area' and my 'terms' its my little protective bubble. Yay me and paranoia. It doesn't help that i did a card reading for Helen and since our lives tend to shadow and blend into one another it was a bright freshing red warning signs to be wary of Mr. prefect knightly/princly types. And guess what? ryan is a very knightly like gentlemen go figure. I promised her to be on my toes and I will be, nice casual clothes so I don't look like a slob but nothing 'tempting' and the lines will be very well drawn. I'm not going to let him pay this time(yay the act of resoproscity or in other words 'putting out' I aint be putting out it would be over my head lifeless body)
Its strange I think he is gifted some how, or messes/messed around with something. Those people just have a look some how (easy to pick them out, I'm sure I'm like that to others) yet there is something dangerous? I'm not sure what yet it makes me curious drawn to the fire so to speak. I want to see what he can do and what he is capiable of pyshically, mentally, and if he is gifted just with what. He is the first person I can't read clearly his emotions, I just get this fuzzy blankness. Its quiet when I'm with him. When I touch him its something soothing like things around me get a bit less noisy and I don't feel outside the bubble around him. Yet, I can't get his eyes out of my mind, it may sound like a cheep romance book but they are gentle but burn with something yes, like coals in a dying fire warm tempting but it will still hurt if you go and hold it. I will admit one thing, his body is fine. Trim, strong, smooth and hard as a rock. Apart of me can't wait to get him out of my life like he is going to set forth a set of events I will not longer have control on. I've never been like this with other guys, the pull of fate was really strong, so I have to wait and see why after that I think I won't be worrying about him any more.
well thats it.