onset
In July 2014, I felt it. It hurt, it was big and I wasn't sure what it was.
I had breast fed 2 babies, and was confident that i had just been injured. After all, cancer didn't hurt. my son probably bruised me while we were play wrestling.
A month passed and the hard knot seemed to be getting worse. i finally made an appointment with my nurse practitioner midwife. I took the first available, but still had to wait a few days.
My nurse practitioner was concerned. She felt the mass I described and 2 other things, one in the same breast and one mirrored on the opposite side. And so i started my long journey.
She ordered a mammogram for me and suggested i call right away so they could for me in before the weekend. I called and the earliest appointment was 2 weeks away, but they scheduled me for an ultrasound at the same time. I called back my ordering practitioner, and she told me just to wait for the appointment, and that it wasn't that long to wait.
How could she say that? I could already be metastatic and i couldn't even find out for 2 weeks? How was i going to remain calm? AAARRRGGHH!
So i muddled my way through the 2 weeks. I don't remember anything remarkable about those weeks other than they were long.
My husband came with me, but was unable to stay with me after i got changed for the mammogram. I was alone and scared. The reason was that other women might be upset if he was back there with me. So i had to face this alone because of the possible modesty of others.
I held onto hope that they would tell me this was normal, but my hopes were dashed when they told me they saw something suspicious and had me wait on my ultrasound. The result was abnormal, and the doctor told me he wasn't telling me it war cancer, but that he didn't know what it was and wanted me to see a surgeon to find out more. They asked me to wait and speak with a patient advocate.
The advocate was very nice, but i was in terror. Friends and family may not have realized, but i feared for my life, and had a vary hard time trying to figure out how to move forward. The patent advocate set me up with a consultation with a breast surgeon the very next day.
I asked my aunt to come this time. I did not want to be alone again. We met the surgeon who was vry nice and said she would be willing to biopsy me that day if i was comfortable with that. I agreed to the procedure, and began tonprwp and fill out consent forms.
The biopsy would consist of a small insiscion into my left breast. They would use an ultrasound to ensure they were in the right location so they could get a viable tissue sample. The also did a needle aspiration of my lymph node since that appeared abnormal as well.
I was laid on a table, and given a shot of local anesthetic. Ot burned, but that was expected. They made a small incision and inserted the large needle like tool into my breast. At first I felt nothing, but all of the sudden there was a searing pain that shook me. I screamed in agony, and writhed and shook as they tries to calm me. my aunt stood at thebfootnof my bed looking mortified. She rubbed my legs and tried in vain to wish the pain (and the potential cancer) out of my body.
The surgeon and assistant told me they must have hit a nerve cluster. They gave me more anesthetic, and changed the path of the probe. A few minutes that felt like centuries of me holding onto the side of the table with a death grip, and they were done. They had gotten enough tissue to give them confidence in a conclusive test. I would heartfrom them as soon as they had results. The surgeon and then the assistant left the room and i dressed, in a haze, still shaking slightly. My aunt telling me in the background, you are never coming here again. There is no reason for you to feel that much pain. I was there for your sister throughout her battles with cancer and i never saw her like that or had her tell me of pain like that.
On the way out of the surgical center, we saw a gift shop with an explosion of pink everywhere within its walls. I turned to my aunt and said "pink isn't my color." She replied "i was about to tell you that pink is the new IT color for fall." My aunt drove me to lunch, and gave me time to stop shaking.
Again, the waiting. I don't think patience is possible when waiting to hear from the doctor regarding pathology. You get through it. You try to forget, but it is there eating at your soul until you have an answer. Hot are constantly hoping, praying and trying to bargain for health with the powers you believe in, and many times some that you aren't sure of.
I got a call at 830pm on Sunday night. I debated answering the phone because i was unsure of the number and it was late, and Sunday. I did answer, and got my answer.
The preliminary pathology came back positive for cancer. I needed to schedule blood draws, and radiology to better determine the stage and treatment options available to me. The doctor a vary clinical description of my Cancer and i clung to our, because it was more unknown and less scary than the word cancer. Invasive ductile carcinoma with lymph node involvement. This is what i told everyone. I was able to keep a straight gave and talk about the science. I was able to move on, make appointments and joke around with people around me, but i wad crushed inside.
Whether i admitted it or not, cancer would now control the next few months of my life. It was up to me to make sure it didn't
take control of more than that, or take me altogether. I am not done with my time here on earth. I have no choice, I must take on the long fight.
And so started the hardest, most frustrating battle of my life.
I had breast fed 2 babies, and was confident that i had just been injured. After all, cancer didn't hurt. my son probably bruised me while we were play wrestling.
A month passed and the hard knot seemed to be getting worse. i finally made an appointment with my nurse practitioner midwife. I took the first available, but still had to wait a few days.
My nurse practitioner was concerned. She felt the mass I described and 2 other things, one in the same breast and one mirrored on the opposite side. And so i started my long journey.
She ordered a mammogram for me and suggested i call right away so they could for me in before the weekend. I called and the earliest appointment was 2 weeks away, but they scheduled me for an ultrasound at the same time. I called back my ordering practitioner, and she told me just to wait for the appointment, and that it wasn't that long to wait.
How could she say that? I could already be metastatic and i couldn't even find out for 2 weeks? How was i going to remain calm? AAARRRGGHH!
So i muddled my way through the 2 weeks. I don't remember anything remarkable about those weeks other than they were long.
My husband came with me, but was unable to stay with me after i got changed for the mammogram. I was alone and scared. The reason was that other women might be upset if he was back there with me. So i had to face this alone because of the possible modesty of others.
I held onto hope that they would tell me this was normal, but my hopes were dashed when they told me they saw something suspicious and had me wait on my ultrasound. The result was abnormal, and the doctor told me he wasn't telling me it war cancer, but that he didn't know what it was and wanted me to see a surgeon to find out more. They asked me to wait and speak with a patient advocate.
The advocate was very nice, but i was in terror. Friends and family may not have realized, but i feared for my life, and had a vary hard time trying to figure out how to move forward. The patent advocate set me up with a consultation with a breast surgeon the very next day.
I asked my aunt to come this time. I did not want to be alone again. We met the surgeon who was vry nice and said she would be willing to biopsy me that day if i was comfortable with that. I agreed to the procedure, and began tonprwp and fill out consent forms.
The biopsy would consist of a small insiscion into my left breast. They would use an ultrasound to ensure they were in the right location so they could get a viable tissue sample. The also did a needle aspiration of my lymph node since that appeared abnormal as well.
I was laid on a table, and given a shot of local anesthetic. Ot burned, but that was expected. They made a small incision and inserted the large needle like tool into my breast. At first I felt nothing, but all of the sudden there was a searing pain that shook me. I screamed in agony, and writhed and shook as they tries to calm me. my aunt stood at thebfootnof my bed looking mortified. She rubbed my legs and tried in vain to wish the pain (and the potential cancer) out of my body.
The surgeon and assistant told me they must have hit a nerve cluster. They gave me more anesthetic, and changed the path of the probe. A few minutes that felt like centuries of me holding onto the side of the table with a death grip, and they were done. They had gotten enough tissue to give them confidence in a conclusive test. I would heartfrom them as soon as they had results. The surgeon and then the assistant left the room and i dressed, in a haze, still shaking slightly. My aunt telling me in the background, you are never coming here again. There is no reason for you to feel that much pain. I was there for your sister throughout her battles with cancer and i never saw her like that or had her tell me of pain like that.
On the way out of the surgical center, we saw a gift shop with an explosion of pink everywhere within its walls. I turned to my aunt and said "pink isn't my color." She replied "i was about to tell you that pink is the new IT color for fall." My aunt drove me to lunch, and gave me time to stop shaking.
Again, the waiting. I don't think patience is possible when waiting to hear from the doctor regarding pathology. You get through it. You try to forget, but it is there eating at your soul until you have an answer. Hot are constantly hoping, praying and trying to bargain for health with the powers you believe in, and many times some that you aren't sure of.
I got a call at 830pm on Sunday night. I debated answering the phone because i was unsure of the number and it was late, and Sunday. I did answer, and got my answer.
The preliminary pathology came back positive for cancer. I needed to schedule blood draws, and radiology to better determine the stage and treatment options available to me. The doctor a vary clinical description of my Cancer and i clung to our, because it was more unknown and less scary than the word cancer. Invasive ductile carcinoma with lymph node involvement. This is what i told everyone. I was able to keep a straight gave and talk about the science. I was able to move on, make appointments and joke around with people around me, but i wad crushed inside.
Whether i admitted it or not, cancer would now control the next few months of my life. It was up to me to make sure it didn't
take control of more than that, or take me altogether. I am not done with my time here on earth. I have no choice, I must take on the long fight.
And so started the hardest, most frustrating battle of my life.