Restless.....
I am seriously trying to get some sleep, but my brain just won't leave me alone. It just continues to roll information in my head, and it is all written out as a narrative. Golly how annoying can my brain get! So a lot is going on. I think I will break it down into 3 categories, Melissa, Mike, and Crazy Brain.
Melissa: So I found out on Saturday that one of my two BFFs Melissa is getting married. Which is super exciting, I am sure the guy is super nice, because melissa is a smart lass. So I have been given the great privilege of being her maid of honor. Very excited! They are going to have a small wedding in the winter before her guy ships out, and then do it up right when he returns. Anywho I went to WB with her today and saw the dress she is going to order, which is absolutely lovely on her. Yay for her, I wish Melly all the happiness in the world.
Mike: This guy is one of melissa's cousins who was in school and graduated with us. Oh yea and I dated him throughout middle school. She was trying to catch him on our way back into town, because he had the baby today. He totally was not home. So later on I make a run to the Shell for Ice Cream and who is there but Mike and his little baby girl Abby. Chatted briefly with him, got to meet Abby. Said hello to his girlfriend and Abby's mom Toni-Lynn.
Break Time: Ok so all is normal right. Mike was very nice, actually he was sweet. Reminded me of the good times when we were dating...and trust me there was a lot of bad in that. Weird remembering the boy and conversing with the Man. I am glad the sweetness I used to know in him is still there. But back to my train of thought.
Crazy Brain: It is beginning. That's right, my dearest friends are finding a match and will start to settle down. In a way I envy them. I envy there happiness and just the fact that they are able to find someone who loves them back. I see people around me going out and grabbing for the love around them and securing it. I envy the ability to feel that greatly and to receive greatly in return. Yet I can't fathom where these people are at. To be at a place to say I want to share my life with this person. I can't even find someone who loves me back, and loves me because I am me. I have the unending and ever stronger fear of being left alone. I can't help but wonder, is there just no one out there for me. Does that person not exist. I have never seen myself as being single forever. I always imagines being married and raising a family. I can't imagine not getting to do those things, and yet I wonder if I will have no choice in the matter.
Restless
Despondent
Lost
Where do I go from here?
Melissa: So I found out on Saturday that one of my two BFFs Melissa is getting married. Which is super exciting, I am sure the guy is super nice, because melissa is a smart lass. So I have been given the great privilege of being her maid of honor. Very excited! They are going to have a small wedding in the winter before her guy ships out, and then do it up right when he returns. Anywho I went to WB with her today and saw the dress she is going to order, which is absolutely lovely on her. Yay for her, I wish Melly all the happiness in the world.
Mike: This guy is one of melissa's cousins who was in school and graduated with us. Oh yea and I dated him throughout middle school. She was trying to catch him on our way back into town, because he had the baby today. He totally was not home. So later on I make a run to the Shell for Ice Cream and who is there but Mike and his little baby girl Abby. Chatted briefly with him, got to meet Abby. Said hello to his girlfriend and Abby's mom Toni-Lynn.
Break Time: Ok so all is normal right. Mike was very nice, actually he was sweet. Reminded me of the good times when we were dating...and trust me there was a lot of bad in that. Weird remembering the boy and conversing with the Man. I am glad the sweetness I used to know in him is still there. But back to my train of thought.
Crazy Brain: It is beginning. That's right, my dearest friends are finding a match and will start to settle down. In a way I envy them. I envy there happiness and just the fact that they are able to find someone who loves them back. I see people around me going out and grabbing for the love around them and securing it. I envy the ability to feel that greatly and to receive greatly in return. Yet I can't fathom where these people are at. To be at a place to say I want to share my life with this person. I can't even find someone who loves me back, and loves me because I am me. I have the unending and ever stronger fear of being left alone. I can't help but wonder, is there just no one out there for me. Does that person not exist. I have never seen myself as being single forever. I always imagines being married and raising a family. I can't imagine not getting to do those things, and yet I wonder if I will have no choice in the matter.
Restless
Despondent
Lost
Where do I go from here?