Dad's Birthday

[aka_fanny]

Today is my father's birthday. He is 48. I don't have much to say about my father today - just a few things. I love him - I didn't always feel comfortable saying that about him though. It isn't that I didn't love him at the time, however as the circumstances were, admitting that I loved him meant accepting his flaws just as much as his perfections. I was unprepared at the time to accept his imperfections as a man - as a father. I only occasionally, suddenly, and then briefly recall the moments in my childhood when the rage of his discipline would scar me just as much as his neglect. However, I am fumbling through the pain in my past and I am approaching the time when I can forgive completely. It is all a part of this healing process I call expansion of existence. I suspect it will take time - I am prepared for the long duration of my healing.

Kill Bill Vol. 2 was beautiful - as was my day all around. For some reason I was very moved by the scene between Uma Thurman and her daughter. The intimate - almost voyeuristic quality - of the scene made me long for the day when I might be able to share the same kinship with a child. Sometimes I want to damn my maternal nature - it can become an overwhelming frustration for me to cope with. However, I count it as an immense blessing that I already have a grealty established affenity for my children - as they are all unborn at this time.

I am done thinking for tonight. Today was a charming moment in life.

.Tiffany.