Please Let Me Not Have A Daughter!!!!!!!!!!
Okay so most of you know that last night I had attended one of the most ridiculously ludacris social events of perhaps the millenia. It was a sweet sixteen party for my step-cousin at the Villa Gavone. I will begin chronologically, I was picked up at the Pelham Bay train station by both my older brother, and mother (my father was not in attendance because of work, and my little brother was coming late because of a hockey game). We drove to the Villa Gavon and we thought we were on of the first few people there because there were not many parked cars. Now I have been to the Gavone so I was not overly amazed by the cascading waterfall out in the lobby nor the expensive leather lobby seating. The thing that caught the attention of both my brother an me was the attendes of the celebration. I'm used to Italian people cause many of my close friends and those I usually associate with are at least some part Italian, but this was over the top. Me and JR both looked at each other and asked if we had just arrived on the set of growing up Gotti. There was the typical blown out hairstyles with enough gel that could create an extra layer on our atmosphere, then you had one of two looks amongst the guys. It was either a) the tight bleached jeans (boot cut style) with nice italian shoes and either armani exchange or some other designer name that make exceedingly tight black shirts, or option b) the black slacks with whit button downs last 2-3 buttons unbottoned, and either a wife beater underneath or for those real vain guidos no shirt watsoever underneath. After the guidos dispersed either to the parking or into the hall itself it was time for me and the gar to notice the fems. And I have one word to describe most of these girls, jailbait. Most had the hoochiest dresses you have ever seen, and if I was any of their parents I would slap the shit out of them for going out like that, but I'm not so I was left to droll at how amazing 16-19 yr old cleavage and skin could be when squezzed into a black dress and black stilletos. There was this one oddity that came in with a lavender evening gown and a black ankle long mink fur coat, which threw me into laughter at why a parental squad would pay for such an article of clothing for a child, but hey you got the money spend it I guess.
Now for what I like to call the wedding party. Now I have never been to a sweet sixteen before, so I don't know the correct terms so I will just eplain how I saw it, which wa slike a wedding. By the way my cousin's name is Jennifer. Now her "bridesmaids" those girls who sit at the head of the table with her all had the same designer gown on, which I cannot recall the actual designer, but from heresay I found out that each gown cost in excess of $300, and the parents of my uncle paid for most of the 10 gowns that were worn. Of course they were custom designed because they were the exact same dress and these girls really did fluctuate in appearance. Not only that my aunt had on a brand new dress that I heard was in excess of $500 but it did look kick ass. Now no one of course could outdo the sweet sixteener herself, who was wearing what looked like a wedding dress to me, it was white strapless with a puffier buttom that had a tram that she had to hold up, she was also equipped with elbow long whit gloves and I never got close enough to see what kind of jewelry she was wearing, but I can only imagine. Now the second best dressed person there was probably Big 'Re who was wearing the saem green dress she wears for Christmas Eve, Thanksgiving and any winter social event for that matter, with her green leggings and black ankle high boots.
Next topic to be discussed was the appearance of the dance hall, first and foremost it was seperated into 4 different zones with the dance floor being at the center of the action. To the north of the dance floor was the birthday gril area where it was a two tier table setup on the bottom tier was 2 tables of 5 for her 10 "bridesmaids" and the second tier rising above the "bridesmaids was this huge table with a gigantic whit throne with white cushioning, which was designated for none other than the bride herself. To the south of the dance floor was the DJ set-up, which of course could not just be a regular DJ setup it had to also go balls to the wall. Atypical from the normal DJ area was a mounted big screen plasma television above the turn tables or mixer what ever DJS use. Now my original thought was that whatever music was being played the music video thta went along with it was played because that what was being pictured when I fI first arrived (I guess for the hearing impaired so they could dance along with lip synching). However, towards the end of the night I realized that the plasma TV also had a mounted camera which recorded everything that went on at the "bride's" table including the candle ceremony and cake, and the happenings on the dance floor. Which brings me to the question of why not just hire a videographer? Now back to the hall arrangements, to the far side was the buffet dinner, which is a seperate paragraph in itself, and the "adult tables" which I so cleverly and luckily placed myself. To the near side were the "adolescent tables" which I had originally been assigned to however, my table was filled with all 17-18 yr old friends of my little brother so I quickly took my father's seat at the adult "#7" table as he was at work.
After noticing the attendees, chatting with my uncle, and JR about the fine young cleavage and having a few beers we were instructed to be seated. I quickly took a seat which was just on the perimeter of the dance floor to my luck. The DJ welcolmed everybody to the evnt and a fog machine produced a 6 inch layer of fog on the dance floor. The DJ then introduced the "bridesmaids" two-by-two who entered with their blue designer dresses and bouquets of flowers with their hair did. And then the music grew tense and created a fervor of anticipation as they introduced the birthday girl herself. Now one would believe she would enter through the doors like the audience and her "bridesmaids" but what kind of sweet sixteen party is that. As her name was announced the fog grew brighter and then their seemed to be something protruding from the floor, it was in fact a secretly hidden elvator that rose to a height of about 4 feet of the ground. With the music blasting and the birthday girl herself enclosed in theis glass capsule of an elevator, friends and family sprinted to the floor to capture this moment on film. Then the inside floor of the glass elevator began to rotate 360 degrees as she stood in apose with a big grin on her face and boquet of white roses in her hands for everyone to see. The adolescent friends where wooping and hollering, me and JR where in complete hysterics about the ridiculousness of this feature of the party. She finally was escorted out of the elevator and onto the dance floor by her brother, and one of my high school running buddies Frank. Her and her bridesmaids were then seated at their table after the did a choreographed walk around the dance floor waving at everyone taking pictures. With that the DJ began the party with some dance songs which but the guidos I described and their guidettes onto the dance floor as the bride and bidesmaids ran off to their parents and othe guests to say hello. Me and JR however ran off to the buffet as it had opened without our noticing during this whole ceremony.
As i Had promised the paragraph on the food. I will go down the quite elegant buffet table in a bulleted list with an (X) placed next to the food that i squeezed onto my plate:
-dinner plates
-penne vodka with a little bit of chopped meat and great vodka sauce (X)
-butterfly pasta with pesto and a garnish of pine nuts(X)
-eggplant rollatini (X)
-chicken c?????, but it was lemony and pepperry but not lemon-peppery (X)
-Sausage and brocolli rabe
-Smoked Ham which had a person carving it
-Smoked Turkey Breast which had the same person carving it
-Scungili salad (X)
-Tomato Basil and Mozzarella salad (X)
-3 different kinds of grilled and marinated eggplant (X)
-Cold Antipasto including artichokes (X)
-Salad with multiple Dressings
-Chicken Fingers (X)
-French Fries
-Fried Calamari (X)
-Stuffed and Breaded Baked Clams (X)
-Assortment of Dinner Rolls and Bread including my favorite Rosemary Foccaccia (X)
Now if that selection does not make you orgasm in your pants than you are either a) anorexic or b) do not have a pulse. Dinner was also served with a glass of champagne, which they went Jew on and filled like a quarte of the way, and Pepsi, which was my only cualm that they did not have Cocoa Cola. I finished rather quickly even though my stomach had been upset all day including at volleyball practice before I got on the train.
Next major point that occured was the candle ceremony where Jen had 17 candles to be lit, most of them where done by her family members, the first going to my uncle and aunt, the second to her fatehr, the third to her brother, fourht to my cousin and then I lost count somewhere, but resumed at the 12th candle which was lit by none other than my little brother Richie who was consequently booed by many of the adolescent attendees which I shall get into later. This ceremony was barely audible with the amount of talking and shouting that was coming from the adolescent side. My table had sent over this fat guy who happened to be a New York City Corrections Officer, and who got them to be quiet for about 3 candles and then they resumed after a couple of them where called up to light candles. After the 17th candle was lit the cake was cut by the bride and distrivuted to the attendes, it was strawberry shortcake which went along perfectly with my coffee with a milk and a sugar. (By the way Liz don't foget to remind me that I got you a sugar packet from the Villa Gavone with the Villa Gavone printed on it.)
Now to the interesting portion, as if the party was a bore beforehand. All the hollering going on was a result of half the kids smuggling in liquor in Poland Springs bottles, atactic that was also employed in the Iona Prom of 2002. The other half recieved beer from the bartender on duty through connections at the party. Notice how I said halves! One of my readers, if he got this far along will understand the classification shortly. See Jen goes to St. Catherines the local catholic boys high schools there are mostly from Morris Park, Jen herself is from Throggs Neck. TN and MP never liked eachother and never will added to this that people there have already been in many altercations specifically my little brother and his friends Steven and Billy who had gotten into a fight with a few of the kids there. So when the Morris Park kids who smuggled the liquor in where being rowdy and disrespectful during the candle ceremony, Richie , Steven, Billy and others proceeded to tell them to shut up which unbeknownst to me turned into a shouting match that was quelled by the corrections officer. Then when Richie went up to light the candle they booed him, how juvenile. Now, this was brought to my attention by Steven who came over to say helo, and then proceeded to talk tio me the rest of the night about how Throggs Neck and Morris Park where going to fight at the end and he my uncle, Richie's friend James and my uncle's two Correction's officers friends were goin to help Richie, and he wanted to know if I would join the alliance. Which I proceeded to erupt in lagfughter about, it would be a turf war at Villa Gavone. This however never materialized of course. There was also the amazingly amusing moments Richie's friend James had coming over to our table to say hello. Many of you know James as the individaul who stole the keg from my brother's hockey friend's party and blamed it on Richie and sent my parents into a tirade at 2 a.m during the late spring of last year. He came over and started conversing with my mom, obviously intoxicated and asked to buy her another drink which she proceeded to just look away in disgust, he then got up and asked me if she still hated him from the sumemr and I laughed and said no. My mother than moved to the opposite end of the table, which I soon followed after a small conversation with an obviously beligerantly intoxicated 17 yr-old who was being feed alcohol by a 75 yr-old bartender that can obviously not distinguish a fake id. When I reached my mother I wbegan to laugh as she was complaining about James, and she saw him go back to the bartender and recieve another beer, which she then proceeded to get up and yell at both James for drinking underage, and the bartender for serving a minor. I convinced her not to by force. It was quite amusing and I asked if she would invite James to Richie's High school graduation party which she begrundengly dismissed.
After those amusing happenign the pary ended at around 1 a.m. which then required myself, Richie and my mother to exit, but of course not empty handed. My mother wanted to leave with a center piece which was taking off the rental crystal vases at each table, the centerpiece consisted of white spray painted twigs with glittered snowflakes and icicles attached to them along with over a dozen white roses on each. The problem therein lied with my mom's desire for me to sit in the back with this beast of a center piece and her to sit comfortably in the front. I accepted sitting in the back of the tiny blue Ford Escort but refuse to have the Hanging Gardens of Babylonia back there with me, so she was forced to squeeze it into the trunk. This was amuzing because was we arrived home the white twigs of the center piece were so long they were petruding out of the trunk itself. Thus ending the most lavish party I have ever encountered. Hope you enjoyed, and sorry for the story being so long.
Now for what I like to call the wedding party. Now I have never been to a sweet sixteen before, so I don't know the correct terms so I will just eplain how I saw it, which wa slike a wedding. By the way my cousin's name is Jennifer. Now her "bridesmaids" those girls who sit at the head of the table with her all had the same designer gown on, which I cannot recall the actual designer, but from heresay I found out that each gown cost in excess of $300, and the parents of my uncle paid for most of the 10 gowns that were worn. Of course they were custom designed because they were the exact same dress and these girls really did fluctuate in appearance. Not only that my aunt had on a brand new dress that I heard was in excess of $500 but it did look kick ass. Now no one of course could outdo the sweet sixteener herself, who was wearing what looked like a wedding dress to me, it was white strapless with a puffier buttom that had a tram that she had to hold up, she was also equipped with elbow long whit gloves and I never got close enough to see what kind of jewelry she was wearing, but I can only imagine. Now the second best dressed person there was probably Big 'Re who was wearing the saem green dress she wears for Christmas Eve, Thanksgiving and any winter social event for that matter, with her green leggings and black ankle high boots.
Next topic to be discussed was the appearance of the dance hall, first and foremost it was seperated into 4 different zones with the dance floor being at the center of the action. To the north of the dance floor was the birthday gril area where it was a two tier table setup on the bottom tier was 2 tables of 5 for her 10 "bridesmaids" and the second tier rising above the "bridesmaids was this huge table with a gigantic whit throne with white cushioning, which was designated for none other than the bride herself. To the south of the dance floor was the DJ set-up, which of course could not just be a regular DJ setup it had to also go balls to the wall. Atypical from the normal DJ area was a mounted big screen plasma television above the turn tables or mixer what ever DJS use. Now my original thought was that whatever music was being played the music video thta went along with it was played because that what was being pictured when I fI first arrived (I guess for the hearing impaired so they could dance along with lip synching). However, towards the end of the night I realized that the plasma TV also had a mounted camera which recorded everything that went on at the "bride's" table including the candle ceremony and cake, and the happenings on the dance floor. Which brings me to the question of why not just hire a videographer? Now back to the hall arrangements, to the far side was the buffet dinner, which is a seperate paragraph in itself, and the "adult tables" which I so cleverly and luckily placed myself. To the near side were the "adolescent tables" which I had originally been assigned to however, my table was filled with all 17-18 yr old friends of my little brother so I quickly took my father's seat at the adult "#7" table as he was at work.
After noticing the attendees, chatting with my uncle, and JR about the fine young cleavage and having a few beers we were instructed to be seated. I quickly took a seat which was just on the perimeter of the dance floor to my luck. The DJ welcolmed everybody to the evnt and a fog machine produced a 6 inch layer of fog on the dance floor. The DJ then introduced the "bridesmaids" two-by-two who entered with their blue designer dresses and bouquets of flowers with their hair did. And then the music grew tense and created a fervor of anticipation as they introduced the birthday girl herself. Now one would believe she would enter through the doors like the audience and her "bridesmaids" but what kind of sweet sixteen party is that. As her name was announced the fog grew brighter and then their seemed to be something protruding from the floor, it was in fact a secretly hidden elvator that rose to a height of about 4 feet of the ground. With the music blasting and the birthday girl herself enclosed in theis glass capsule of an elevator, friends and family sprinted to the floor to capture this moment on film. Then the inside floor of the glass elevator began to rotate 360 degrees as she stood in apose with a big grin on her face and boquet of white roses in her hands for everyone to see. The adolescent friends where wooping and hollering, me and JR where in complete hysterics about the ridiculousness of this feature of the party. She finally was escorted out of the elevator and onto the dance floor by her brother, and one of my high school running buddies Frank. Her and her bridesmaids were then seated at their table after the did a choreographed walk around the dance floor waving at everyone taking pictures. With that the DJ began the party with some dance songs which but the guidos I described and their guidettes onto the dance floor as the bride and bidesmaids ran off to their parents and othe guests to say hello. Me and JR however ran off to the buffet as it had opened without our noticing during this whole ceremony.
As i Had promised the paragraph on the food. I will go down the quite elegant buffet table in a bulleted list with an (X) placed next to the food that i squeezed onto my plate:
-dinner plates
-penne vodka with a little bit of chopped meat and great vodka sauce (X)
-butterfly pasta with pesto and a garnish of pine nuts(X)
-eggplant rollatini (X)
-chicken c?????, but it was lemony and pepperry but not lemon-peppery (X)
-Sausage and brocolli rabe
-Smoked Ham which had a person carving it
-Smoked Turkey Breast which had the same person carving it
-Scungili salad (X)
-Tomato Basil and Mozzarella salad (X)
-3 different kinds of grilled and marinated eggplant (X)
-Cold Antipasto including artichokes (X)
-Salad with multiple Dressings
-Chicken Fingers (X)
-French Fries
-Fried Calamari (X)
-Stuffed and Breaded Baked Clams (X)
-Assortment of Dinner Rolls and Bread including my favorite Rosemary Foccaccia (X)
Now if that selection does not make you orgasm in your pants than you are either a) anorexic or b) do not have a pulse. Dinner was also served with a glass of champagne, which they went Jew on and filled like a quarte of the way, and Pepsi, which was my only cualm that they did not have Cocoa Cola. I finished rather quickly even though my stomach had been upset all day including at volleyball practice before I got on the train.
Next major point that occured was the candle ceremony where Jen had 17 candles to be lit, most of them where done by her family members, the first going to my uncle and aunt, the second to her fatehr, the third to her brother, fourht to my cousin and then I lost count somewhere, but resumed at the 12th candle which was lit by none other than my little brother Richie who was consequently booed by many of the adolescent attendees which I shall get into later. This ceremony was barely audible with the amount of talking and shouting that was coming from the adolescent side. My table had sent over this fat guy who happened to be a New York City Corrections Officer, and who got them to be quiet for about 3 candles and then they resumed after a couple of them where called up to light candles. After the 17th candle was lit the cake was cut by the bride and distrivuted to the attendes, it was strawberry shortcake which went along perfectly with my coffee with a milk and a sugar. (By the way Liz don't foget to remind me that I got you a sugar packet from the Villa Gavone with the Villa Gavone printed on it.)
Now to the interesting portion, as if the party was a bore beforehand. All the hollering going on was a result of half the kids smuggling in liquor in Poland Springs bottles, atactic that was also employed in the Iona Prom of 2002. The other half recieved beer from the bartender on duty through connections at the party. Notice how I said halves! One of my readers, if he got this far along will understand the classification shortly. See Jen goes to St. Catherines the local catholic boys high schools there are mostly from Morris Park, Jen herself is from Throggs Neck. TN and MP never liked eachother and never will added to this that people there have already been in many altercations specifically my little brother and his friends Steven and Billy who had gotten into a fight with a few of the kids there. So when the Morris Park kids who smuggled the liquor in where being rowdy and disrespectful during the candle ceremony, Richie , Steven, Billy and others proceeded to tell them to shut up which unbeknownst to me turned into a shouting match that was quelled by the corrections officer. Then when Richie went up to light the candle they booed him, how juvenile. Now, this was brought to my attention by Steven who came over to say helo, and then proceeded to talk tio me the rest of the night about how Throggs Neck and Morris Park where going to fight at the end and he my uncle, Richie's friend James and my uncle's two Correction's officers friends were goin to help Richie, and he wanted to know if I would join the alliance. Which I proceeded to erupt in lagfughter about, it would be a turf war at Villa Gavone. This however never materialized of course. There was also the amazingly amusing moments Richie's friend James had coming over to our table to say hello. Many of you know James as the individaul who stole the keg from my brother's hockey friend's party and blamed it on Richie and sent my parents into a tirade at 2 a.m during the late spring of last year. He came over and started conversing with my mom, obviously intoxicated and asked to buy her another drink which she proceeded to just look away in disgust, he then got up and asked me if she still hated him from the sumemr and I laughed and said no. My mother than moved to the opposite end of the table, which I soon followed after a small conversation with an obviously beligerantly intoxicated 17 yr-old who was being feed alcohol by a 75 yr-old bartender that can obviously not distinguish a fake id. When I reached my mother I wbegan to laugh as she was complaining about James, and she saw him go back to the bartender and recieve another beer, which she then proceeded to get up and yell at both James for drinking underage, and the bartender for serving a minor. I convinced her not to by force. It was quite amusing and I asked if she would invite James to Richie's High school graduation party which she begrundengly dismissed.
After those amusing happenign the pary ended at around 1 a.m. which then required myself, Richie and my mother to exit, but of course not empty handed. My mother wanted to leave with a center piece which was taking off the rental crystal vases at each table, the centerpiece consisted of white spray painted twigs with glittered snowflakes and icicles attached to them along with over a dozen white roses on each. The problem therein lied with my mom's desire for me to sit in the back with this beast of a center piece and her to sit comfortably in the front. I accepted sitting in the back of the tiny blue Ford Escort but refuse to have the Hanging Gardens of Babylonia back there with me, so she was forced to squeeze it into the trunk. This was amuzing because was we arrived home the white twigs of the center piece were so long they were petruding out of the trunk itself. Thus ending the most lavish party I have ever encountered. Hope you enjoyed, and sorry for the story being so long.