"I fell for a promise, of a life, with a purpose...."
I'm sorry for my lack of updates. I wish I could give you a legitimate reason. But alas I cannot.
After she called I washed my tears down with some beer I found in the fridge. I doubt my dad will miss it, he has enough of it in there he wouldn't notice if a few were missing.
Saturday I woke up in the late afternoon and went over to Atom's house. I got the required supplies I would need to feel numb the rest of the weekend. He seemed a little concerned about my recent use of drugs and offered for me to stay over at his house for the weekend. I declined. Atom recently got a new girlfriend, and she's over there a lot. It would hurt me to see them together like that. It would remind me too much of her.
I got back to the house and my dad hadn't even noticed I had been gone. What a great parental figure he is. So perceptive. He probably doesn't even realize that my step mother is gone again.
I had snagged some beers from Atom before I left so that I would have some of my own to drink, just in case my father decided to suddenly pay attention to how much he had been drinking.
The first pill lasted for a good three or four hours. I just laid on my floor in the middle of my room staring at my ceiling fan. Bright Eyes played on repeat in the back ground. As soon as I felt it start to wear off I took the second one. But this time I chased it with a beer. I decided to be more productive with my time on this one. So I played some Star Craft. I don't remember much of it. But I do remember feeling a little more powerful. Like I had a lot of control. But video games can do that to people sometimes. Especially under inhebriation.
I drank the other bottle and went to bed early. I tossed and turned all night.
This morning I awoke with a pounding headache. So I swallowed the last pill and decided to take a long hot shower. It felt so good after the pill kicked in. I could feel every droplet as it hit my body. I don't know how long I was in there. But it felt like hours.
After my shower I decided to try to get in a good nap, since I didn't have a good nights sleep. But I couldn't get to sleep. I couldn't stop thinking of her. She engulfed all my thoughts, even ones she shouldn't be in. I ended up crying myself to sleep. But even then I couldn't escape her. She was in my dreams....and my nightmares. I can't go to sleep again. I'm too afraid to. Maybe it'll all be better tomorrow. Maybe it'll all be better when the drugs are out of my system.
I need someone or something to hold on to.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
"So I drink to stay warm,
and to kill selected memories
because I just can't think anymore
about that or
about her
tonight."
After she called I washed my tears down with some beer I found in the fridge. I doubt my dad will miss it, he has enough of it in there he wouldn't notice if a few were missing.
Saturday I woke up in the late afternoon and went over to Atom's house. I got the required supplies I would need to feel numb the rest of the weekend. He seemed a little concerned about my recent use of drugs and offered for me to stay over at his house for the weekend. I declined. Atom recently got a new girlfriend, and she's over there a lot. It would hurt me to see them together like that. It would remind me too much of her.
I got back to the house and my dad hadn't even noticed I had been gone. What a great parental figure he is. So perceptive. He probably doesn't even realize that my step mother is gone again.
I had snagged some beers from Atom before I left so that I would have some of my own to drink, just in case my father decided to suddenly pay attention to how much he had been drinking.
The first pill lasted for a good three or four hours. I just laid on my floor in the middle of my room staring at my ceiling fan. Bright Eyes played on repeat in the back ground. As soon as I felt it start to wear off I took the second one. But this time I chased it with a beer. I decided to be more productive with my time on this one. So I played some Star Craft. I don't remember much of it. But I do remember feeling a little more powerful. Like I had a lot of control. But video games can do that to people sometimes. Especially under inhebriation.
I drank the other bottle and went to bed early. I tossed and turned all night.
This morning I awoke with a pounding headache. So I swallowed the last pill and decided to take a long hot shower. It felt so good after the pill kicked in. I could feel every droplet as it hit my body. I don't know how long I was in there. But it felt like hours.
After my shower I decided to try to get in a good nap, since I didn't have a good nights sleep. But I couldn't get to sleep. I couldn't stop thinking of her. She engulfed all my thoughts, even ones she shouldn't be in. I ended up crying myself to sleep. But even then I couldn't escape her. She was in my dreams....and my nightmares. I can't go to sleep again. I'm too afraid to. Maybe it'll all be better tomorrow. Maybe it'll all be better when the drugs are out of my system.
I need someone or something to hold on to.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
"So I drink to stay warm,
and to kill selected memories
because I just can't think anymore
about that or
about her
tonight."