by now you know / it's not going to stop

[ajodasso]

Saturday and yesterday were bad days. I started suffering some low-grade (in the grand scheme of things) complications that necessitated sending somebody out for various substances in hopes of rectifying the situation, and said substances just made me feel sicker. I understood this process wasn't going to be easy, but the parts of it I thought

Comments

[soupytwist]

I'm sorry, that sounds horrible. It makes total sense you would be having a strong emotional reaction to all this physical stuff (feeling in any way like your body has betrayed you is AWFUL and traumatic), but gah. I hope you recover as quickly and fully as possible from hereon. :(

[ajodasso]

My opinion on the matter is that my body let a vicious tentacle-monster grow inside it for like 15 years and then nobody thought to scan for the source of the pain till this summer and then it took them months and months of more tests and even an aborted first attempt at surgery back in August to get to the bottom of it *grumpy face* However, the tentacle monster and the relevant organs to which it had adhered are now G O N E, and from a calmer perspective, I'm relieved. Doesn't mean my brain isn't still harboring some strangeness over it, I guess, and over the annoying aftermath of actual successful surgery :-/

[soupytwist]

Not that our experiences will necessarily be the same in this of course, but I know the feelings of anger and betrayal I had about being diagnosed with cancer definitely reduced...not in their existence, but in their intensity, in how close to the surface they are. It is a really shitty process, though, and I wish I could magically make it easier.

[ajodasso]

Anything involving a problem that should have pinned down a long time ago and lots of incredibly unpleasant and invasive tests/procedures/solutions etc. is just bound to suck. In no way is my situation as severe as yours; extensive endometriosis, yes, but nothing came back cancerous in the labs. Your strength is admirable and inspiring <3

[soupytwist]

That's very kind of you to say, but I promise I definitely have not felt at all admirable or inspiring - or indeed very strong - through most of it! And while mine sucked, it sucked in its own way, and it sounds honestly like your situation sucks just as badly in its own way too. I hope one day you can give yourself credit for what you've already made it through.