(Untitled)

[ajfish]

3.11.04

Up before the alarm this morning - 3:21 AM to be precise. Somewhere between the bed and stubbing my toe on

Comments

impressions

[anonymous]

Well, I can't even believe I'm writing this, but I am. I had a dream about you two nights ago. The dream itself probably wasn't so important as the fact that I had it. Although, it did cause my tired body to get out of bed and invite my husband back to bed quickly - before the kids woke up, which he quickly obliged to.

I dismissed the dream shortly after calling him to our bed. But it crept back into my mind later in the afternoon. And then last night. And now this morning. Why I would have a dream about you I have no idea. Why I would have a dream like *this* about you - is even further beyond my comprehension. I guess my gravid nature could be helping me have odd dreams. Whatever the reason though, I decided to email you. But then, I read a couple of your journal entries, and it linked me over here, and I was just not content emailing you. It's not like we were ever really friends. Despite the fact that we probably should have been. Yet, I just can't get the feeling of that dream out of my head. Do you know what I mean ... when you have a dream that just leaves a scent in your nose, and a taste in your mouth, and energy in your body and thoughts in your mind?
My quick fix for that feeling was orgasm. But I don't think there is a long term fix for such unconscious memories like these, except maybe to permanently disregard them, if that is truly possible.

Anyway, I'd say I hope things are well for you, but I can tell you're the same as always. I always wish I would have talked to you more.
You probably won't know me unless I sign my name. So I will. Adieu.

amanda

Re: impressions

[ajfish]

Good to hear from you, Amanda.

I know why you dreamed about me. It's simple. Oh, you're cringing now, thinking about what nonsense you think I might say now, expecting something arrogant or funny or just pure andrew.

No, it's really simple. You have memories of me, as you indicated, stored sensations and what not. So, in the unguided electrical cascade of REM sleep, a circuit that represents me or part of me closed and there you have, me, the sensation of me. Of course, all memories seem to have associations so this closed circuit caused others to close and so you dreamed of me even more. Since you didn't
really describe the plot, content, etc of the dream, I have to assume that you dreamed of either me biting your leg in the very first moments I met you or me shirtless with an english professor writing on my back with magic marker. Am I right?

Of course, that is kind of a boring explanation. So, in order not to disappoint, I will provide three alternate explanations:

1. Arrogant: You want me, you have always wanted me, and you will always want me. Something to do with my shoulders and chest. It is not a deep longing, but a longing nonetheless.

2. Humorous: It wasn't really me. You either dreamed of Inspector Gadget (the original cartoon version) and because the resemblence, you thought it was me. You explained the propeller popping out of the head and the long, extendable metal arms by saying, "Oh, well, that's just Andy." Or, maybe it was your husband suspecting that explanation #1 was true, and so he dressed in an Andy suit to see what you would do.

3. Pure Andy: Shit happens, for all I know, Vladimir Putin burped on a butterfly flapping its wings in Red Square and that led to your dream. If you want good answers, solid and truthful answers, go to the Gila County Fair. Otherwise, thanks for dreaming about me and hopefully some day I can return the favor.

You're right, some things never change.

Hope you're well and by the way, for what it is worth, I do know what it's like to be unable to get a dream feeling out of your head. And sorry it had to be me that you dreamed of me in whatever inexplicable manner you dreamed of me.

Andy

Re: impressions

[anonymous]

No, it wasn't the biting stuff (I don't think I've ever said this, but I think that was really great, no one has ever done that except for you). Although, I can dream lucidly at times (much better when I was younger) and I was thinking of that during the dream. And it wasn't the markings either. It was just a vague make-out dream really. But the smell of you, and taste of you and the feeling of damp sweat and trembling excitement were the mainstay. Worst of all (and I somehow knew I shouldn't have even said anything), well, not that it's bad - but the next night I had another dream. I am not lying either. I am just not even going to type publicly what it was. I am somehow much more chaste now that I am married (go figure) and can't bring myself to it. But it was VERY real. And NOT bad. I think that is why I feel guilt over it - because it's not like I'm totally disgusted by the thought of it in waking hour. It was a great dream. And it was great with you. Would have been cooler if it was Brad Pitt, but that is just because I am in lust with his body. Anyway, if you're more curious I wouldn't be against emailing you more detail, but that is entirely up to you.

The brain is powerful. The dream is one thing, the feelings are another. I would never cheat on my husband. But these dreams have me feeling a little guilty, I have to admit! I pretty much solved my guilt by inviting him to bed again, but I had to forcefully take you from my mind (oh my God, I can't believe I am even admitting this).

Would you be horrified if your wife told you something similar? I am not sure how my husband would feel, but probably betrayed in some way or another.

As for your explanations:
1.: I have always been attracted to quiet men that aren't trendy (read: kind of nerdy). No offense of course.

2.: I thought of this (well, not Inspector G particularly) while walking through Whole Foods the other day- 'maybe it was someone else'. But it wasn't someone else. It was you.

3.: I've been to Gila County Fair once (I think so anyway). I like small fairs. Unfortunately, I live 1000 miles from Gila County.

I'm fairly well for me, except for the whole being pregnant again thing (not so bad really, just a whole new wardrobe to lug out of the closet again and not being able to bend over and the relaxing muscles at the end of pregnancy that make sex boring and all that). And it wasn't bad to dream of you (except for the guilt), and it's not like it was your fault it happened so there is no reason for an apology. Really the dreams were very pleasing and there would be no reason to complain at all except that I feel somewhat responsible for them in some way even though really, how could I help it?

amanda

Re: impressions

[ajfish]

Sure, I'd love to hear details. Actually, by the way, if my wife told me something like this, it really wouldn't bother me. But if there is one thing that we have going, it's the ability to openly talk about anything.

And by the way, for a long time I've known I'm a nerd. No offense taken.

Glad to hear everything is going well. Is this your second child or third?

Re: impressions

[anonymous]

Well, I don't know that he would feel betrayed if I told him. I am actually, I think a little afraid to say anything like that to him. More a fear of past relationship stuff most likely.

I don't think you're a nerd. I just think you that is someones first impression of your looks. That is what I like though. I've always dated guys like that. My husband is like this too, so it definitely isn't a bad thing in my eye. He looks a bit different from that now though.

This is my third. Jenna is 3 and Luke is 14 months. I'm due in late October. Hopefully, will be another homebirth (possibly in AZ with the midwife who helped with the first two if I can somehow swing it).

I will email you detail.

Amanda