(no subject)

[ajekci]

 you glide forward in your shitty casino thrones... little that you know that this is all a farce. you have no idea how the stars are strewn or how many alleys there are up the street. you expect us to be waiting for you there, in that dark room lit with small ikea lamps and tinted windows. you casually smile and ask me how i am doing, but i know no one of you care. but you all do it. the same. it's always the same bullshit fake flesh. nights like this make me realize how unhappy i am here. sometimes i forget and i am comforted by that. because remembering that i really don't know any of you really gets under my skin somehow. you would think living in this gutter-town we'd all learn to appreciate each other, show respect. be friendly. but no. you are all cold and distant and even though we may have fucked or touched or once laughed in the midst of strangers with bottles in our hands raised to the sky - you are nothing to me. i am nothing to you. just a thing. each and every one of you is just another nevadan tradgedy waiting to happen. because not one of you has evolved since you left the womb, you're just bringing down everyone you know. kicking them in the teeth. smoking drugs. getting further from each other. but you all pretend you're kind and well-developed and just below the knocked nerve of feeling it. i know this, i feel it in the bottom of my gut in a room full of you. we're just there. no eyes meet. just your friends, your lives, your jokes and charisma and 'genuity'. fuck that. fuck living around you drained, ugly souls that just suck anyone dry to get to the top. you don't know shit. you don't know anything about me and don't pretend to be understanding or supportive. you're just as dumb as the next. dime a dozen. i want out. i want to move into the woods and never think of any of your faces again. because knowing that this is where i live and i grew up with all of you makes me want to vomit. you are all the biggest assholes i have ever met. go to hell, reno youth. suck it. forever.

i don't care how stupid this sounds. if you were here or there you would know.