(no subject)
im turning to stone today... and i like it and it freaks me out at the same time. i feel more independent, but scared about just how much of me will go cold.
I didn't talk to him after he left yesterday, and i still havent talked to him. i didn't answer when he called, and i have no intention of calling him at all. if he wants me, then hes going to have to persue me. Im spending the night at home, and tomorrow leann is going to do extentions for me.. which he would know about if he actually made an effort to give a fuck about whats going on with me. tomorrow night i am headed to the bar for some stiff drinkin, and if he decides to show, up, then i will deal with him then.
I know that if i talked to him now i would either cave, or get a lot angrier than i should, so im going to let him sweat for a while, and see what happens.
its really a shame. i dont want to lose him, but i deserve to be treated better. he's just not ready for a girlfriend. he hasn't dated in about 5 years, and then i toss him into a relationship. but he started it. he told me he loved me, and he persued me. and he made me the happiest girl ever for a while, and still does once in a while.... but not often enough for me to keep from feeling like shit the rest of the time. if he needs space to figure out whats important to him, then so be it. whether he thinks he wants it or not, i'm gonna give him space.
he has the opportunity to make it up to me, my birthday is next week, but i doubt he'll even make an effort. you know, cause its actually important to someone other than himself.
I didn't talk to him after he left yesterday, and i still havent talked to him. i didn't answer when he called, and i have no intention of calling him at all. if he wants me, then hes going to have to persue me. Im spending the night at home, and tomorrow leann is going to do extentions for me.. which he would know about if he actually made an effort to give a fuck about whats going on with me. tomorrow night i am headed to the bar for some stiff drinkin, and if he decides to show, up, then i will deal with him then.
I know that if i talked to him now i would either cave, or get a lot angrier than i should, so im going to let him sweat for a while, and see what happens.
its really a shame. i dont want to lose him, but i deserve to be treated better. he's just not ready for a girlfriend. he hasn't dated in about 5 years, and then i toss him into a relationship. but he started it. he told me he loved me, and he persued me. and he made me the happiest girl ever for a while, and still does once in a while.... but not often enough for me to keep from feeling like shit the rest of the time. if he needs space to figure out whats important to him, then so be it. whether he thinks he wants it or not, i'm gonna give him space.
he has the opportunity to make it up to me, my birthday is next week, but i doubt he'll even make an effort. you know, cause its actually important to someone other than himself.