thoughts on "intimacy"
So given i haven't had much to do, and no belongs (particularly guitars) to pass away the time, I've been doing a lot of thinking, analyzing, looking back on things i really shouldn't because they bear no merit anyway. You know, the usual...
One of the things i have been thinking about, is the meaning of "intimacy." If you say "being intimate" it is an reference to having sex, but intimacy isn't that at all, it's just that if you're with a person and have sex--that usually creates an intense amount of intimacy. I decided to look back into my feelings about old girlfriends, or relationships in that manner whatever labeled they garnered...and found interesting results.
Interestingly enough, in my heart the person i felt the most intimate with and bonded to, was a girlfriend i did not have sex with. Intimacy means really sharing and giving things inside you important to you, to somebody else (and yes i did just laugh at the 12 year old sex joke in that statement.) Here's what did it for me with this girl (hell with it, her name is Geneva.) I gave her my book from all through high school with every poem, song, fleeting thought i had ever written as a gift. There was no occasion, i wasnt cheating my way out of an anniversary, i just felt that close to her. That was so intimate and deeply personal for me because not only were some of those early poems AWFUL, but every joy, every happiness, every brutal heartbreak to me i wrote about in there. It was like taking emotions from my entire adolescence and early adult hood and saying "here, you take care of them."
Sometimes...i feel the urge to ask her if she still has that full composition book. But it's fairly trivial at this point i guess...
One of the things i have been thinking about, is the meaning of "intimacy." If you say "being intimate" it is an reference to having sex, but intimacy isn't that at all, it's just that if you're with a person and have sex--that usually creates an intense amount of intimacy. I decided to look back into my feelings about old girlfriends, or relationships in that manner whatever labeled they garnered...and found interesting results.
Interestingly enough, in my heart the person i felt the most intimate with and bonded to, was a girlfriend i did not have sex with. Intimacy means really sharing and giving things inside you important to you, to somebody else (and yes i did just laugh at the 12 year old sex joke in that statement.) Here's what did it for me with this girl (hell with it, her name is Geneva.) I gave her my book from all through high school with every poem, song, fleeting thought i had ever written as a gift. There was no occasion, i wasnt cheating my way out of an anniversary, i just felt that close to her. That was so intimate and deeply personal for me because not only were some of those early poems AWFUL, but every joy, every happiness, every brutal heartbreak to me i wrote about in there. It was like taking emotions from my entire adolescence and early adult hood and saying "here, you take care of them."
Sometimes...i feel the urge to ask her if she still has that full composition book. But it's fairly trivial at this point i guess...