Ai's Writing Tips #2: Readers, Not Mind-Readers part one (of four)
I sat down to write the next tip, and it got LONG. So I'm breaking it up into multiple parts. Though each part will have different examples of “problems,” the overall issue is the same: authors expecting the reader to know what they mean, without actually telling the reader what they mean.
This is probably one of the most common problems in fanfics (and even pro works): the author omits ideas, expecting the reader to mentally fill in the blanks. Now, this is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it's a very GOOD thing... if done correctly. After all, a reader will get bored if absolutely EVERYTHING is spelled out for them. There is a fine line between too much detail and not enough.
So let’s look at what I refer to as too much mechanical/boring detail. This is most definitely is a bad thing. As long as you are A) avoiding purple prose and B) it's actually interesting-meaning that it adds something to the scene/story-then there really isn't too much of anything. However, if you've trespassed against either A or B (or heavens forbid, both), then yes, it really IS “too much,” and probably rather painful to read.
Here is an example of what I would call mechanical/boring detail.
Emma unpacked the straw picnic basket with care. She took out the pie, sniffing at the aromatic filling of fresh-picked cherries-none of that tasteless canned stuff, thank you very much. Then she pulled out the baking powder biscuits, fluffy, golden, and not too crumbly. Next came the cold chicken drumsticks, from which she had carefully removed all solid fat before packing them in the basket. Finally, the bowl of colorful vegetable pasta salad rounded out the meal.
She arranged all the items on the blue-and-white checkered blanket that she had spread over the grass and carefully arranged the plastic utensils. Smiling at the picture-perfect scene she stood up and called Gregory and the kids, waving at them as she motioned for them to come and join her for lunch.
The thing about mechanical/boring detail is it often repeats some aspect (like the pulling out of things in the above example) even as it tends to be devoid of other details about the situation/setting. Now, I'm going to write the same scene but with what I consider the right amount of detail.
Emma smiled fondly as she began to unpack the picnic basket. They had all been looking forward to this little family excursion for a week and so, she'd been careful when she’d packed the intended meal. It just wouldn't do for anything to be crushed, after all.
Arranging the breaded chicken, biscuits, pasta salad and pie-cherry as the kids had requested-on the checkered blanket, she set out the plastic cutlery, oh so neatly. The young brunette shook her head, as she admitted that her minor OCD tendencies might just be coming through. She glanced up to see her husband wrestling with their two boys on the grass, a safe fifty feet away. Standing up to be sure she had their attention, she waved at Gregory and the boys, calling them over to the waiting lunch.
Now, I'm going to freely admit that what constitutes mechanical/boring detail is really an eye of the beholder thing. So take this with a grain of salt. But for myself, my rule of thumb is to start with 50/50 physical and mental detail. Yes you need to tell the reader what is happening (taking things out of the basket, being at the park, etc.) but you also need to tell the reader WHY it's happening (the family has been looking forward to the picnic, her OCD tendencies, etc.) That "why" can be a past event, an internal motivation, a reaction to something or someone else, etc. And it's the mental details that are going to move your story/characters/plot along.
What a lot of writers don't understand is that each paragraph, each interaction, each minor detail, is a chance for character growth and plot development. They unknowingly eschew this opportunity because, in their head, it's done already. They forget that a story has to LEAD their reader to the same conclusion as what's in the writer's head. But if something isn't said, then the reader can't add that to the mental image the story is supposed to be building for them.
Oh! But what about too much detail of the non-mechanical variety? Well, let's have a look at that one.
Emma carefully removes the precious pie from the basket, thankful that nothing untoward has happened to the desert she's spent last night slaving over. But, of course, pie is a desert; they'll need to have something reasonably healthy first, or so the theory goes. So she's also made those sprouted wheat baking powder biscuits earlier this morning, while the kids were still asleep. And the corn-flake breaded chicken while everyone was getting dressed for their little sojourn to the park. And, of course, making the pasta salad hadn't been much of an effort. As she considers each dish, she brings it out and places it on the checkered blanket, centring it all and making sure that the utensils are perfectly placed. She fidgets with the spoons, needing to get their placement just right. Okay, so yes, maybe she does have some OCD tendencies, but the end result is a perfectly-made meal presented beautifully.
Standing up, the young woman brushes her unruly brunette curls from her face, as she smiles. She watches her strong husband with his glorious mane of reddish-blond hair, as he chases the gleefully squealing boys. The children-Brad, age eight and Seth, age 5-are laughing, as they run from the fearsome oink-oink-piggy... aka her husband, who is shuffling around on his hands and knees after the boys. Finally everything stops, as her youngest spots her and starts waving back enthusiastically. Then he's pulling at his dad, gesturing wildly in Emma's direction. Brad has already started running over to the picnic blanket and the waiting food.
Actually that was fun to write, hehehehe. But do you see how TOO much detail can ruin what would otherwise be an interesting description/setting/situation? Some of those details are fine, others (glorious mane of reddish-blond hair....gigglesnort!) don't add anything to anything beyond being more words. So, as I said, there is a fine line.
When I was in Grade 9, we had some local, published authors come and talk to us about writing. One of them said "the best advice I can give you: boil it down. Go through and boil down your word usage until taking out any more would ruin it and putting in any more would ruin it. Get to the essence of the story." And really that *IS* awesome advice, especially when so many seem to LOVE using purple prose. However, it seems that far too many people think this means they should do without detail all together.
Next up, Part Two: Dialogue
This is probably one of the most common problems in fanfics (and even pro works): the author omits ideas, expecting the reader to mentally fill in the blanks. Now, this is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it's a very GOOD thing... if done correctly. After all, a reader will get bored if absolutely EVERYTHING is spelled out for them. There is a fine line between too much detail and not enough.
So let’s look at what I refer to as too much mechanical/boring detail. This is most definitely is a bad thing. As long as you are A) avoiding purple prose and B) it's actually interesting-meaning that it adds something to the scene/story-then there really isn't too much of anything. However, if you've trespassed against either A or B (or heavens forbid, both), then yes, it really IS “too much,” and probably rather painful to read.
Here is an example of what I would call mechanical/boring detail.
Emma unpacked the straw picnic basket with care. She took out the pie, sniffing at the aromatic filling of fresh-picked cherries-none of that tasteless canned stuff, thank you very much. Then she pulled out the baking powder biscuits, fluffy, golden, and not too crumbly. Next came the cold chicken drumsticks, from which she had carefully removed all solid fat before packing them in the basket. Finally, the bowl of colorful vegetable pasta salad rounded out the meal.
She arranged all the items on the blue-and-white checkered blanket that she had spread over the grass and carefully arranged the plastic utensils. Smiling at the picture-perfect scene she stood up and called Gregory and the kids, waving at them as she motioned for them to come and join her for lunch.
The thing about mechanical/boring detail is it often repeats some aspect (like the pulling out of things in the above example) even as it tends to be devoid of other details about the situation/setting. Now, I'm going to write the same scene but with what I consider the right amount of detail.
Emma smiled fondly as she began to unpack the picnic basket. They had all been looking forward to this little family excursion for a week and so, she'd been careful when she’d packed the intended meal. It just wouldn't do for anything to be crushed, after all.
Arranging the breaded chicken, biscuits, pasta salad and pie-cherry as the kids had requested-on the checkered blanket, she set out the plastic cutlery, oh so neatly. The young brunette shook her head, as she admitted that her minor OCD tendencies might just be coming through. She glanced up to see her husband wrestling with their two boys on the grass, a safe fifty feet away. Standing up to be sure she had their attention, she waved at Gregory and the boys, calling them over to the waiting lunch.
Now, I'm going to freely admit that what constitutes mechanical/boring detail is really an eye of the beholder thing. So take this with a grain of salt. But for myself, my rule of thumb is to start with 50/50 physical and mental detail. Yes you need to tell the reader what is happening (taking things out of the basket, being at the park, etc.) but you also need to tell the reader WHY it's happening (the family has been looking forward to the picnic, her OCD tendencies, etc.) That "why" can be a past event, an internal motivation, a reaction to something or someone else, etc. And it's the mental details that are going to move your story/characters/plot along.
What a lot of writers don't understand is that each paragraph, each interaction, each minor detail, is a chance for character growth and plot development. They unknowingly eschew this opportunity because, in their head, it's done already. They forget that a story has to LEAD their reader to the same conclusion as what's in the writer's head. But if something isn't said, then the reader can't add that to the mental image the story is supposed to be building for them.
Oh! But what about too much detail of the non-mechanical variety? Well, let's have a look at that one.
Emma carefully removes the precious pie from the basket, thankful that nothing untoward has happened to the desert she's spent last night slaving over. But, of course, pie is a desert; they'll need to have something reasonably healthy first, or so the theory goes. So she's also made those sprouted wheat baking powder biscuits earlier this morning, while the kids were still asleep. And the corn-flake breaded chicken while everyone was getting dressed for their little sojourn to the park. And, of course, making the pasta salad hadn't been much of an effort. As she considers each dish, she brings it out and places it on the checkered blanket, centring it all and making sure that the utensils are perfectly placed. She fidgets with the spoons, needing to get their placement just right. Okay, so yes, maybe she does have some OCD tendencies, but the end result is a perfectly-made meal presented beautifully.
Standing up, the young woman brushes her unruly brunette curls from her face, as she smiles. She watches her strong husband with his glorious mane of reddish-blond hair, as he chases the gleefully squealing boys. The children-Brad, age eight and Seth, age 5-are laughing, as they run from the fearsome oink-oink-piggy... aka her husband, who is shuffling around on his hands and knees after the boys. Finally everything stops, as her youngest spots her and starts waving back enthusiastically. Then he's pulling at his dad, gesturing wildly in Emma's direction. Brad has already started running over to the picnic blanket and the waiting food.
Actually that was fun to write, hehehehe. But do you see how TOO much detail can ruin what would otherwise be an interesting description/setting/situation? Some of those details are fine, others (glorious mane of reddish-blond hair....gigglesnort!) don't add anything to anything beyond being more words. So, as I said, there is a fine line.
When I was in Grade 9, we had some local, published authors come and talk to us about writing. One of them said "the best advice I can give you: boil it down. Go through and boil down your word usage until taking out any more would ruin it and putting in any more would ruin it. Get to the essence of the story." And really that *IS* awesome advice, especially when so many seem to LOVE using purple prose. However, it seems that far too many people think this means they should do without detail all together.
Next up, Part Two: Dialogue