Ficlet: No Right
Title: No Right
Fandom: Bleach
Characters: Ichigo, others mentioned
Warnings: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Words: 530
Summery: Set after the Winter War, Ichigo is bereft of his powers and his sense of worth.
It's been weeks since it all ended. Since Aizen's defeat. Since Ichigo returned to the life of a normal teenage boy. Even his ability to see ghosts was gone. And life was empty in the way he'd once dreamed. But now that it is, he hates it with a seething passion.
He knows. He can feel them. The powers that made him a shinigami are gone-in the sense they are out of reach. But they are still there, just buried deep and dormant. If he thinks about it and really tries, he can feel the sleeping energies. Zangetsu and his Hollow. One and the same, yet not.
What Zangetsu told him before teaching the Final Getsuga Tensho had been in error, though not through any attempt to mislead him. When the spirit of his sword melded with his Hollow, it informed him that they had always been one. And at the time, he'd thought he was seeing the finally whole version of his sword's spiritual self; that he'd somehow mentally split the spirit, rejecting the part that frightened him so.
Now he knows better. He's had a lot of time to think and to review the many events in his life. Now he understands. The Hollow, the remorseless creature he opened himself to under Urahara's training, IS part of Zangetsu, because it's part of Ichigo. That which binds sword to wielder is also what allows the Hollow to touch them both, to infect them. No, it’s not an infection; it's not a contagion. It's something he chose. Even if Urahara did trick him by not telling him what they would be doing until after the fact, Ichigo made the choice when he said he'd do whatever it took to get his powers back. He doesn't regret that choice, or any of the events that followed. He definitely doesn't regret helping his friends. Or the memory of how they stood with him.
He could ask for Urahara's assistance again. The former shinigami turned shop keeper and black marketeer probably has an idea on how to wake the spirits sleeping within him. The sleeping spirits that are himself. His soul. All he has to do is ask. Maybe he will.
Or maybe he'll let the spirits sleep a little longer. They have earned their rest, even if it means Ichigo feels like a useless shell of his former self. The city is safe enough. Chad, Uryuu, Orihime and even his own sister, Karin-who denied her own spiritual abilities for so many years-have it covered, leaving him to watch from the side lines.
It's tearing him apart, the desire to get it back, to be powerful enough to be useful once more. To protect. But could he? He knows the spirits are there, but could he reach them? After the sacrifice to defeat Aizin, is there enough left? Or are they shells of their former selves as much as Ichigo? Does he dare find out?
Ichigo isn't a coward, but he's not sure if he has the right to disturb their sleep. They gave him, Karakura and the Soul Society everything.
Let them rest.
This entry was originally posted at http://aiyokusama.dreamwidth.org/26213.html.
Fandom: Bleach
Characters: Ichigo, others mentioned
Warnings: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Words: 530
Summery: Set after the Winter War, Ichigo is bereft of his powers and his sense of worth.
It's been weeks since it all ended. Since Aizen's defeat. Since Ichigo returned to the life of a normal teenage boy. Even his ability to see ghosts was gone. And life was empty in the way he'd once dreamed. But now that it is, he hates it with a seething passion.
He knows. He can feel them. The powers that made him a shinigami are gone-in the sense they are out of reach. But they are still there, just buried deep and dormant. If he thinks about it and really tries, he can feel the sleeping energies. Zangetsu and his Hollow. One and the same, yet not.
What Zangetsu told him before teaching the Final Getsuga Tensho had been in error, though not through any attempt to mislead him. When the spirit of his sword melded with his Hollow, it informed him that they had always been one. And at the time, he'd thought he was seeing the finally whole version of his sword's spiritual self; that he'd somehow mentally split the spirit, rejecting the part that frightened him so.
Now he knows better. He's had a lot of time to think and to review the many events in his life. Now he understands. The Hollow, the remorseless creature he opened himself to under Urahara's training, IS part of Zangetsu, because it's part of Ichigo. That which binds sword to wielder is also what allows the Hollow to touch them both, to infect them. No, it’s not an infection; it's not a contagion. It's something he chose. Even if Urahara did trick him by not telling him what they would be doing until after the fact, Ichigo made the choice when he said he'd do whatever it took to get his powers back. He doesn't regret that choice, or any of the events that followed. He definitely doesn't regret helping his friends. Or the memory of how they stood with him.
He could ask for Urahara's assistance again. The former shinigami turned shop keeper and black marketeer probably has an idea on how to wake the spirits sleeping within him. The sleeping spirits that are himself. His soul. All he has to do is ask. Maybe he will.
Or maybe he'll let the spirits sleep a little longer. They have earned their rest, even if it means Ichigo feels like a useless shell of his former self. The city is safe enough. Chad, Uryuu, Orihime and even his own sister, Karin-who denied her own spiritual abilities for so many years-have it covered, leaving him to watch from the side lines.
It's tearing him apart, the desire to get it back, to be powerful enough to be useful once more. To protect. But could he? He knows the spirits are there, but could he reach them? After the sacrifice to defeat Aizin, is there enough left? Or are they shells of their former selves as much as Ichigo? Does he dare find out?
Ichigo isn't a coward, but he's not sure if he has the right to disturb their sleep. They gave him, Karakura and the Soul Society everything.
Let them rest.
This entry was originally posted at http://aiyokusama.dreamwidth.org/26213.html.