A new life
Brisbane is lovely. The River, the shopping malls, the nice Singaporeans, etc. Didn't think I'd last this long here but I did and the funny thing is that I'm actually feeling quite reluctant about leaving on Monday.
A part of me still lingers and hope for his return. Alas I know the cut's been too deep that even if he did, things would never be the same. The most important thing between a couple, I learned from this trauma, is not communication but complete honesty. And when I mean 'complete', I mean absolute transparency.
P used to lament that I brought up the past too much. I'd always thought it was something I had to change within myself. Alas it wasn't that I wasn't forgiving enough, just that my instincts were always right - he had too many hidden skeletons in his closet. As I thought about our courtship days, our marriage and all the time we'd spent together, I begun to realise that it ain't as perfect as I'd always hoped it to be. That perhaps God really has my perfect Prince Charming out there for me.
I'd always thought P to be lacking in certain areas that I'd deemed important - romantic, patient, expressive, and more considerate. But he was self-absorbed half the time. It was always about him, how he felt, and how he'd like things done the way he did. Nonetheless he had virtues that I loved about - affectionate, self-confident and very adorable. And for those, I will remember him forever.
I still pray that he will come back to me yet a bigger part of me feels betrayed and faithless. No faith in him and his family. Everything has come to a pass. The nightmare is slowly settling down to reality and I am learning to forgive him. I'd not have to worry about his guilt because I think he'd feel guilty either way. I'm sure if he still has a conscience that he'd always feel restless and soon his harvest will reach him. I'm absolutely waiting for his downfall and I think all those who's been catching up on this LJ should too.
Darren has a really fun housemate and I'm starting to be rather fond of him. He's invited me to Fraser Island next weekend so I could round back my trip from Melb and go on a 4WD spinning weekend and hopefully get some sparks flying. It's not gonna go anywhere in fact I'm just making myself fall for him so I'd be distracted from pining too much for P and realise that the world is not too bad a place as well.
Shopping keeps me sane in the day and I'm glad to have let myself go the last few days. With a smaller tummy now fancy clothes look better on me and it's helping with my self-confidence. I need to regain myself and my universe again.
At the end of it, I still miss P. But maybe letting him go would be the best thing I could ever do for myself.
Ok, guitar jamming session now!
A part of me still lingers and hope for his return. Alas I know the cut's been too deep that even if he did, things would never be the same. The most important thing between a couple, I learned from this trauma, is not communication but complete honesty. And when I mean 'complete', I mean absolute transparency.
P used to lament that I brought up the past too much. I'd always thought it was something I had to change within myself. Alas it wasn't that I wasn't forgiving enough, just that my instincts were always right - he had too many hidden skeletons in his closet. As I thought about our courtship days, our marriage and all the time we'd spent together, I begun to realise that it ain't as perfect as I'd always hoped it to be. That perhaps God really has my perfect Prince Charming out there for me.
I'd always thought P to be lacking in certain areas that I'd deemed important - romantic, patient, expressive, and more considerate. But he was self-absorbed half the time. It was always about him, how he felt, and how he'd like things done the way he did. Nonetheless he had virtues that I loved about - affectionate, self-confident and very adorable. And for those, I will remember him forever.
I still pray that he will come back to me yet a bigger part of me feels betrayed and faithless. No faith in him and his family. Everything has come to a pass. The nightmare is slowly settling down to reality and I am learning to forgive him. I'd not have to worry about his guilt because I think he'd feel guilty either way. I'm sure if he still has a conscience that he'd always feel restless and soon his harvest will reach him. I'm absolutely waiting for his downfall and I think all those who's been catching up on this LJ should too.
Darren has a really fun housemate and I'm starting to be rather fond of him. He's invited me to Fraser Island next weekend so I could round back my trip from Melb and go on a 4WD spinning weekend and hopefully get some sparks flying. It's not gonna go anywhere in fact I'm just making myself fall for him so I'd be distracted from pining too much for P and realise that the world is not too bad a place as well.
Shopping keeps me sane in the day and I'm glad to have let myself go the last few days. With a smaller tummy now fancy clothes look better on me and it's helping with my self-confidence. I need to regain myself and my universe again.
At the end of it, I still miss P. But maybe letting him go would be the best thing I could ever do for myself.
Ok, guitar jamming session now!