fanfiction post; big time rush
Author: helloeinstein
Title: Hopelessly Adrift
Fandom: Big Time Rush
Pairing: Kendall/Logan, Kendall/Jo
Summary: So it's all come back round to breaking apart again.
Rating: 15+, just in case.
Warnings: Swearing, infidelity. Angst. Heterosexuality and homosexuality. Possibly others.
Word Count: 714
Disclaimer: I neither own nor am affiliated with either Big Time Rush or the Cure.
A/N: Thanks to shisou-eimin for the beta <3 Semi-inspired by The Cure's Disintegration - the summary is taken directly from it. If you would like to listen, here is a link :) Title taken from Untitled, also by the Cure.
Jo looked a lot like Kendall. They looked like they had come from the same gene pool, to be frank. The obvious offender was vanity, but there was some science-y thing Logan had mentioned once or twice. Well, maybe a few times, possibly even in relation to himself and Camille, because, well, they looked pretty similar, too.
Vanity didn't really explain away Kendall's feelings for Logan. They both had dimples, sure, but Kendall found Logan's to be much cuter. Kendall was all nose and eyebrows, and Logan... wasn't. Logan was all straight innocuous features, until he smiled and everything went crooked and perfect.
Now that he thought about it, he and Jo really had nothing in common except enjoying each others company. Kendall seriously doubted that had ever been anything but an excuse to make out or have sex or whatever, because it obviously wasn't true anymore.
They had never had anything in common. They were just clinging to the idea of relationships that a boy and a girl should have, even if the girl was a lying... liar, and now the boy was, too. Maybe he always had been.
He knew it was a horrible thing to do to someone he claimed to love, but what he'd been doing to her for the years leading up to it - the lie he'd been perpetuating - was so much worse.
“Don't act like is some kind of big surprise, Jo,” Kendall found himself saying. One hand gripped the handle of a bag he'd packed the night before, the other gripped the knob of the front door like a lifeline. He'd been hoping to sneak out without her seeing; hoping to avoid the argument they were already having, like so many they'd had before. “You knew this would happen. We both knew this was going to happen.”
“Maybe you knew!” Jo had known, too, really, but never wanted to believe it. Didn't want to believe it even as it was happening. “I didn't know it would be like this!”
“Maybe not this way, maybe not now, but you knew it would happen eventually.”
“Are you fucking serious right now, Kendall?” She couldn't stand how calm he was. So at ease and complacent like he wasn't ruining everything they had worked so hard for. “I'm pregnant!”
“I told you I didn't want kids. This was just your way of trying to trap me-”
“Trap you?” Kendall's words echoed inside her head even after she echoed them out loud. Jo could almost laugh they were so predictable. “We're married!”
“I'm not getting into this again.”
Jo looked at Kendall - really, really looked at him - and realised for the first time how tired he looked, how miserable and defeated. She almost empathised with him, feeling drained herself, but...
“I'm going to Logan's,” he said, and the anger inside of her pulsed once again.
“...this is about Logan? Again?! I don't get to spend time with Camille anymore, either, Kendall!”
“Now you have plenty of time.” His hand twisted the doorknob and right before he stepped out - without looking at her, as though she didn't matter - he said, “I'm moving in with him.”
He never once said he was sorry.
~.:0:.~
Later, when Kendall was with Logan in his apartment, huddled in close under the covers, breathing in the scent of one another and just being, Logan opened his mouth and said things Kendall didn't want to hear - had never wanted to hear, especially not from Logan - but he said nothing and listened as Logan berated him for abandoning Jo and their unborn child.
“I couldn't keep treating her that way,” Kendall finally said. “I couldn't keep doing that to you.”
It was Logan's turn to lay there in silence. Truth be told, he couldn't be mad at Kendall, no matter what he'd said. Kendall had chosen Logan and that made him happier than anything ever had, even fulfilling his lifelong dream of becoming a doctor. The happiness he felt twisted inside his gut and turned into something like guilt - something worse than guilt.
“I'm sorry,” Kendall said, and Logan could almost forgive him.