Fearg dhearg 2: Empathy... and anger
To start out, I’d very much like to ask you the following questions:
Question #1: How do you feel when you realize someone perceives, considers or treats you as if you were inferior to him (her)?
Question #2: How do you feel when you realize this person doesn’t even have the slightest shadow of a doubt regarding his self-ascribed superiority ( Read more... )
Re not dropping your eyes: Even the men who supposedly don't know what you're talking about will respond negatively to you if you fail to drop your eyes when met on the street. Walk down the street with your friend a few feet behind you and tell him to watch the faces of oncoming men, and how those faces change when you don't drop your eyes. I can't tell you how many times I have tried to get male friends to acknowledge this, and they refuse to do it because they cannot imagine a world like that. In particular, they don't like to be told that they benefit from the sexism, and sexual terrorism, of other men. Susan Brownmiller's contention that all men benefit because some men rape sends most men right into hysterics. (Yes, I know the etymology; saying it anyway.)
Re the security guard: report him. Now. The very next time it happens, go into the store, ask for the manager, and tell him (I assume "him") what's happening, that the "guard" is himself making female customers feel unsafe with his weird ogling behavior and smarmy expressions. If no response from the store manager, call the regional manager. Remind him if he has one complaint, there are fifty other women who won't speak up, who will just take their business elsewhere.
And/or you can walk up to the security guard, level tone, level gaze, and say, "What's your badge number?" Or, if he has a name tag, walk up, look at it, and walk into the store with no comment at all. Walk up. Don't let him control that space. It's yours. He is an employee meant to serve you. Do not accept this behavior.
I could see in his eyes he was not expecting this. A few seconds later, after I was past him, he tried to get the upper ground by saying to his goon of a friend «hey, did you see how she looked at me?? That’s incredible, she was all frustrated!!». He added other non-cool stuff I don’t remember. I turned on my heels and went again with the fist on your face threat. I was perfectly conscious that with the goon around, my first blow might get in, but I would be quickly outmatched. But I was in such a state of anger that I did not care. Again, I could see he was surprised. I wasn’t displaying even a hint of fear and seemed pretty darn sure about what I was saying. He answered «I was just talking to my friend» [yeah, loudly enough so it was directed at me as well], to which I responded something along the lines of «hey, you don’t know how to behave, you spoke loudly enough that I was concerned», while continuing my way. I could hear him add stuff. The all so predictable «she must be sexually frustrated».
Next time, "If you really want your friend to know what a big dick you have, just pull it out and show him, okay? Don't drag me into it."
I'm not ignoring all the dialectical material in your post. It's just that I agree with it, I've written versions of it, and there's nothing left for me to say but
+1
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