Goodbye
I said goodbye to my old house tonight and I was caught off guard by the emotions. Clearing out the house for the last time on Sunday, I thought I was good. It was odd to see it empty and devoid of the life I had once built there, but the house had long since ceased to be my home. I haven't lived there for nearly 10 months. With all the squatter drama, it hasn't looked like my house in a long time. So, tonight I go over to drop off the garage door opener and leave a housewarming gift for the new owners - card, potted tulips, wine and some treats for the kids. I walked through the door, put the gift on their kitchen table and took one last look around. Seeing their things in my house was a bit more emotionally jarring than I thought it would be. The finality of it all hit me. This was NOT my house anymore. I thought about the day I moved in... 10 years ago... so full of hopes, dreams and plans. That was going to be the home that I had children in, raised a family in, built a life in. To realize that none of those dreams came true was harder than I thought it would be. I think I've come to terms with the end of my marriage, but I think I never fully grieved for the loss of that house and the dreams that went with it. I know I'm better off today than I ever was in my marriage and I look forward to finding my own home, with new dreams, soon, but I'm going to let myself be a little sad over the home that wasn't. And then, I'm going to be happy for the lovely family who has moved in instead... appreciate that the halls will be filled with love and laughter again - creating new dreams for their own family.