A very emotional evening for me...
Now, I know someone who's not directly affected by the loss of Ava may not "get" the Kindness Project, and may think leaving Beanie Babies in empty strollers, shopping carts, or on cars w/ baby carriers inside is pretty pathetic. That's their loss. For my sister, for myself, for other people involved, it's one small way we have of channeling our grief & loss into doing something, however small, that's positive -- something that could, for even a brief moment, make someone else's day. To keep Ava's memory alive, and to do good things in her name.
I had a bad-turned-good experience today.
I left a Beanie Baby -- an incredibly florescent pink flamingo with long, dangling legs-- on the car I parked next to. There was an infant seat in the back. So I left the flamingo tucked up on the car where the hood meats the windshield, and went on into the store. When I came out, the car was still there and the flamingo was untouched. I wasn't in any rush, and kind of thought it would be fun to hang out a bit and maybe see it being found. So I parked a few rows away, where I could still see the car.
Within minutes a bright red car drove down that row of cars, jerked to a halt, and screeched into reverse. Some red-headed teenage waif leaps out of the passenger seat, giggling, grabs the flamingo, and holds in aloft for her friends to see as she giggles back into the car and they tear off.
I saw red. I've heard people say that before -- now I get it. I wasn't just angry...I was Anger. Absolutely, positively furious. I didn't realize I was doing it, but I had already undone my seat belt, had the door open, and was partway out of my truck by the time they pulled away. As if I was going to go after her. I probably could have dropped her -- I was so mad. Over a Beanie Baby. But it wasn't over the Beanie Baby...it was over what it represented.
So I fumed, dug around in my work bag for a sheet of paper and a functioning pen, and wrote a little note. I don't remember it exactly, but I wrote something about how I had seen them take it, how I had left it for someone else who had a baby, in honor of my niece, who had been born still, and that they should know that someone out there had seen them at their worst. That maybe someday, they could do something that would make it right. I saw where they had parked a few rows over, so I tucked my note under their wiper (I could see the flamingo tossed on the passenger-side floor). Then I left to go to one other store, still fuming, and called my Mom. She helped me calm down, and gave me a variation of the "serenity to accept the things I cannot change" talk.
I was in the other store, gathering the things I was looking for, and suddenly thought, "I have to go." So put down everything I was holding, and flew out of there. I just wanted to go home, but felt like I had to swing back through that other parking lot one more time. Again, I don't know why, but I felt compelled, like I just had to go back.
I drove past the car; it & the note were still there. As I turned into the next row & headed toward the parking lot exit, I saw the girls return to their car. So I parked again a few rows away. The driver grabbed the note, and then they started to drive away. Before the car left the parking spot, it stopped, and just sat there for a few minutes. The girl who originally took the Beanie Baby got out of the car, looked around, and carefully set the flamingo on the hood of the car next to them. And they drove away.
So now I'm crying & laughing & just feeling better about the whole situation. They made it right. It wasn't about the Beanie Baby, really. It was about Ava's memory and how I felt someone had treated it.
So I got back on the highway, still sniffling, still giggling a bit, driving in silence...and I flicked on the radio. That song "What the World Needs Now" (if you've seen My Best Friend's Wedding you'll know the song) comes blaring out of my speakers, at that point where it starts to crescendo and get really melo-dramatic:
What the world needs now is love, sweet love
It's the only thing that there's just too little of
What the world needs now is love, sweet love,
No, not just for some but for everyone.
I almost peed my pants -- I was hysterical -- crying and laughing -- had to pull off the next exit to get a grip! It was too surreal.
The good in all this: Some stranger did get the Beanie Baby as it was meant to be shared, and maybe those girls have been influenced by Ava's memory as well. I'll never know, but I can only hope this touched them in some way.