I must have been channeling Gemini
So I had some lovely misadventures in the kitchen today. It’s been one of those afternoons where I’ve been constantly on the verge of laughing so hard I pee my pants. I mean really. Generally, when I cook, things turn out okay as long as I’m actually cooking and not baking. (Baking is one of my #1 enemies. I can bake a cooked pasta and meat. That’s about it. ) Today, I was going to make a seven layer dip for a get together tonight. I’ve made them before for myself, and they turned out tasty and cute. Of course, when I go to make one for other people, it turns out wrong. Apparently putting the salsa on before the sour cream and guacamole is unwise. While it tasted fine, my dip looked a great deal like vomit. No really. I’m not kidding. ‘Twas nasty.
Anywho, I was sitting here thinking that I really didn’t want to turn up at group with a jar of store bought cheese dip and a bag of chips like some lazy yutz. But I also didn’t want to go all the way to the grocery store. So, I drove to the Dollar General at the end of my road to see what I could do. I was hoping to find something really easy and inexpensive to make. Keep in mind that I do not have eggs or vegetable oil or butter in my apartment. Nor do I have an electric mixer. Everything that I came across required one or all of those three things. I was beginning to think I would just have to look like a cheap/lazy jerk when I got an idea. I kept passing the marshmellow cream and the pie crusts. (Why DG had those is beyond me, but I’m not going to complain.) I had the thought, too bad I can’t take a bunch of peanut butter and marshmallow cream sandwiches. These are a happy place food for me. When I passed the pie crust for the 10th time in five minutes, I had the bright idea: why not make a peanut butter and marshmallow cream *pie*. I could even get some oreos to crunch up on top. It would be yummy and great.
So I got peanut butter, marshmallow cream, a pie crust, and some oreos and went home. I knew that the peanut butter would tear up the pie crust if I left it at its normal consistency. I also knew that it loosens when it is heated. So, I had the genius idea to put the jar of peanut butter in the microwave. After about 70 seconds, I started to smell burning. I pulled it out and tasted it. The top tasted okay, so I figured the microwave must have weird smell. (What? It happens!) I was dishing out the peanut butter wish a spoon when I found something hard and black in the center of the peanut butter. Upon sniffing, I discovered that my microwave did not have a weird smell, but the burnt peanut butter in the jar did. So, I got my normal peanut butter out of the cabinet. I needed to heat it so it would soften. I put it in the microwave for just 30 seconds. I leave the lid off. It did not burn, but I could see where bits of it had started to solidify (which seems to indicate pre-burning.) I get it all spread into the bottom of the pie. Then I put crumbled oreos on top of that. Then I heat the marshmallow cream in 5 second intervals (the thought of burnt mallow cream smell is a little nauseating). Turns out you can’t really spread marshmallow cream with a spoon. So, I was standing in there with this stuff all over my fingers and hands trying to get it to spread across the pie. It was quite amusing. Finally, I got all of that spread over the pie, and I added more oreos and a drizzle of chocolate syrup. Then I put a dollop of peanut butter in the middle on top. It actually turned out looking like a half normal pie. Hopefully, it tastes good and will go over well. If not, I will know for the future.
Now, I’m off to do homework, which I should have been doing all afternoon.
P. S. Gemini, if you turn this into a non-fiction story for one of your classes, you’ll be my hero for life.