FAT not PHAT. bah!!!!

Oct 14, 2003 14:08

ok. so i've come to the conclusion that i'm hopelessly vain. (sigh) an incredibly depressing thought, i might add, not because i was feeling oh-so-humble or anything, but because i was rather hoping that the increase in occurrence of "do i look ok?" stirrings were just something of a passing phase.

they're not. the stirrings are real. the question is being made an out-loud posit. I don’t know why its become so DAMN all important, but suddenly, it is.

And i am annoyed with my brain. again.

i'm assuming that (for the most part) those of you reading this have met me in person and can form your own opinion as to whether or not i'm over-reacting. Of course I’m over-reacting…its my prerogative by gender, dammit!! And please note (this is MOST important) that what I’m fishing for here is not compliments, regardless of sincerity.

What I’m fishing for is some good, solid, realistic tips, motivation and general advice.

i'm 32 and I’m feeling old. i look in the mirror and my crows eyes are visible from farther away than the old limit of 10 feet. my "laugh lines" are becoming pronounced...what i used to think would bring character to my face is becoming more of a burden than a badge of pride. i can blame the sun and the last 3 years working out in it (and my not being smart enough to apply facial sunscreen), but now I’ve solved that problem, rendered the excuse moot and here I sit, now under florescent lights. and -how- flattering they are! (cough!) I’ve even gone to the extent of buying a special eye cream ($35 for a small jar, egads!!!) and I’m hoping it will help a bit, but I’ve never had a real beauty regime to follow - I’ve never needed one outside of the occasional moisturizer. My wallet and I are truly not looking forward into going down the road an age-combating beauty regime will require.

And here’s the real kicker: i'm not working outside anymore and i'm now feeling fat. No, not Oprah/Liza Minelli fat, just fat for me. It was hard enough to acclimate being over 130 lbs, even knowing it was the whole muscle-is-heavier-than-fat thing. Numbers don’t really count much in my book in that sense, but now…I notice every little flaw - thick thighs, orangepeel/cellulite skin, a still-small-but-no-longer-flat belly, and yes, STILL unbelievably small “rack”. Bah.

i don’t want to go to the gym because i absolutely HATE exercising - I mean, seriously, I loathe it. I don’t mind physical labor. I don’t mind playing outside. But the gym?? I’m not coordinated, I get bored easily, I don’t have anyone to “work out” with and I don’t feel like I’ve really accomplished anything at the end of it all. It seems you come out with a lot of sore/achy places from lifting with improper posture or over-doing on weight or spending hours a week working on an area that nothing short of liposuction will tone/flatter (read: hips aka lovehandles). I can’t afford a personal trainer or a dietician or body sculpting (the latest euphemism for lipo) My frustration mounts because now i'm going to have to go and i suppose i'll have to find some absurd time of day to do it at because i feel all self conscious if anyone can see me. I know, they’re not looking, but it just feels that way. Grrrrrr.

Anyway, I’m venting. I’m frustrated. I’m feeling like Bloaty the Aged Cow.

Any advice, friends? I mean real, practical…weblinks, products, places to check out, anything help-ish. Just please, don’t say Atkins. I abuse my liver enough, thanks.
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