Dong Bang Disney - The Little Mermaid
Title: Dong Bang Disney - The Little Mermaid
Pairing: Yoochun/Junsu, not-really-ninja!Jaejoong/Yunho
Rating: PG-13
Length: One-shot
Genre: Romance, crack, fantasy, fairy tale
Summary: Duck-like protrusions, nipple abuse and wonderfully sexy lickable abs feature quite heavily in this story. Also, Onew may or may not be a seagull.
Disclaimer: I am not Walt Disney. Nor am I Hans Christian Anderson.
A wet and windy night is where we first begin our story. Rain hammered down, gales blew, and waves crashed against the side of the ship. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention - our story is set on a ship. The first bit, anyway.
Upon this ship was a dashing young creature, running to and fro in the melee of the storm, wind-swept hair blustering about. One of the finest of his kind, he was. His name was Xiahki. Admittedly, it’s his owner, Junsu, whom we shall be focusing on, but I felt that Xiahki deserved a mention. He is a pretty awesome dog, after all.
In any case, Junsu - our hero - was being pelted with rain whilst trying to secure the rigging and whatnot. I don’t know much about ships, and honestly, it’s not an important part of the story. The main point is, Junsu was there, being all suave and cool in the midst of a storm.
“Ahh, somethin’ musta stirred Jaejoong up…” One sailor (who doesn’t get a name, because this is probably the only time we’ll meet him) grumbled.
“Jaejoong?” Junsu asked innocently, wondering if the sailor was off his rocker.
“Aye, laddy,” the sailor said. “Jaejoong, ruler of the mer-people! He controls all the seas, an’ somethin’ musta gotten ‘im worked up to create this kinda storm!”
“Preposterous!” An old man (who I enjoy calling Old Man, so that shall be his name) in rather fancy clothes said. “Apart from the fact that mer-people are a myth, what happens beneath the ocean has absolutely no bearing on the weather. This storm is the result of -”
“Don’ listen to ‘im, laddy!” The sailor cried, interrupting Old Man’s scientific speech. “Mer-people are real, I tell ye! Real…”
★ ★ ★
Amazingly enough, the crazy sailor was right. Not about the origins of storms, of course, but about mer-people living under the water, all under the rule of King Jaejoong.
King Jaejoong lived in a huge gold swirly castle, right at the bottom of the sea. Also living there were his 6 daughters and his son, whom I shall talk about in a moment - be patient. There were probably numerous servants and such living there as well, but they’re not relevant.
On this particular stormy night, all of the mer-people were gathering in the palace, as King Jaejoong’s children were putting on a musical concert. In particular they were there to see the boy, the youngest child, for he had recently turned 16 and this would be his musical debut.
Trumpets tooted and out came King Jaejoong (well, he’d ‘come out’ a while ago - not long after his youngest child was born - but, you know, he came out into the concert hall). The mer-people cheered, happy to see their handsome king. Yes, he still looked young and handsome, even though he was old enough to have 7 kids, the youngest being 16. Mer-people are cool like that. His soft black hair danced around his face and his lovely toned chest was on display, since he had decreed that mermen were to always be topless. The mermaids had to wear shells though; King Jaejoong didn’t want to see any girl bits…
Once he had settled in his seat, the trumpets tooted once again (but a little quieter) and the concert composer swam out, a lot less crab-like than people had expected him to be… Once he’d divorced his ex-wife, King Jaejoong had secretly hired a new composer, Yunho, who was all (mer)man. Eyeing the composer’s delicious abs whilst licking his lips, Jaejoong once again congratulated himself on such a wise decision.
King Jaejoong beckoned the composer over, and not just because he wanted a closer look at the finely sculpted muscles that he’d love to run his tongue over… No no, not at all.
“Yunho,” the King nodded in acknowledgement, eyes dipping down for a bit too long. “I trust that everything is in order? I can’t tell you how excited I am…” He grinned wolfishly before quickly schooling his expression into something more normal. “Excited to watch the performance, that is.” His eyes softened, a proud smile adorning his face. “And I can’t wait to see my little Yoochun…”
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the name of our other hero has finally been revealed. What? Of course there can be two heroes. Who needs a heroine? This is a boys-love story - deal with it.
“Oh yes, Yoochun is sure to shine,” Yunho said, kissing Jaejoong’s metaphorical ass. Turning away, he muttered, “Shame I’ve not seen him at any practices though…”
The concert began, full of wonderful music and sea creatures playing with each other in the most innocent way possible. The princesses swam about, singing about how wonderful they were, and how wonderful their dad was, and how wonderful Yunho was, and finally about how wonderful their little brother, Yoochun was.
However, disaster struck when Yoochun’s part came up and he was not hiding in the clam like he was supposed to be. This pissed King Jaejoong off rather royally, but instead of being worried and going to search for his missing son, he just sat in the palace and waited angrily for his return. Luckily he had Yunho’s wonderfully sexy drool-worthy abs to stare at whilst he waited.
★ ★ ★
Meanwhile, Prince Yoochun and his friend Changmin were off swimming around the ocean, searching for sunken shipwrecks. Find one they did, but whilst Yoochun was excited to go and explore it, Changmin was more wary.
“I dunno, Hyung, it looks kind of dangerous… And I heard there were sharks around here.”
“Don’t be silly,” Yoochun laughed. “It’s fine! Now come on, let’s go see what’s inside.”
In they went, avoiding the various debris, on the hunt for human treasures. Yoochun saw something shiny out of the corner of his eye and quickly swam over to investigate.
“Min, look!” He exclaimed, brandishing a 4-pronged metal instrument.
Changmin eyed the object suspiciously. “What is it?”
“I dunno,” Yoochun smiled dumbly. “But it looks cool.”
“It looks like a torture device…”
“Maybe it is!” The prince grinned and swam away, hoping to find more artefacts. “Ooh, I found something else! It doesn’t look like you could torture someone with this though… Damn.”
★ ★ ★
“Jinki!” Yoochun cried happily, breaking the surface of the water and greeting the gull resting on a rock.
“Yoochun! What brings you here, my aquatic friend?” Yes, this gull can talk. What of it? You accept mer-people, but not a talking gull? Pah.
“I discovered some more human things! I don’t know what they are, though…”
“We reckon that one’s a torture device,” Changmin said, floating beside Yoochun and pointing to the pronged object.
It was a fork, obviously, but mer-people do not use forks, so you must forgive them for not recognising it. In case you were wondering, mer-people eat with their hands. Easiest way to eat kelp, you see, and that’s all that their diet consists of. What, you expected them to eat fish? That’s half cannibalism, you monster!
“Ah, yes, good eye, good eye.” Jinki nodded, inspecting the fork closely. “This is a spifflewand, and it is indeed used for torture. Humans stick them in the skin - anywhere will do; arm, leg, belly, whatever - and scramble them around a bit. Very painful, I’ve heard, very painful.” As you may have noticed, Jinki was not the most intelligent gull around. As far as gulls go though, he was quite adorable, so we’ll let him off.
“A spifflewand…” Yoochun murmured, staring in awe at the ‘torture device’. “And, and what about this!?” He brandished the next item, a smoking pipe.
“Ooh,” Jinki cooed, eyes wide. “This! This is amazing, seriously, you won’t believe it. It’s a gwneuthurwr cerddoriaeth! Oh, I’ve not seen one for years! It’s a musical instrument, see, you blow in here, and -” Jinki blew harshly into the pipe, sending a jet of water straight into Changmin’s face.
The merman was not impressed and proceeded to glare menacingly at the now sheepish gull. The gull was embarrassed, that is - he didn’t suddenly resemble a sheep. Don’t be silly.
Jinki’s mention of music reminded Yoochun of just where he was supposed to be at that moment - singing his little heart out in the concert.
“Aw, shit! Min, we gotta go! Thanks Jinki!” The young prince quickly dived underwater, flapping his little tail-fin as fast as he could.
Unbeknownst to the two mermen, they were being watched from afar. Well, they were being watched up-close, but the image was being transmitted to afar. Two glowing eyes, each belonging to a slimy eel, allowed a wicked creature to see what was happening. Said creature smirked evilly, a plan forming. They realised that innocent, inquisitive Prince Yoochun could be the key to King Jaejoong’s downfall…
★ ★ ★
When Yoochun and Changmin got back to the huge swirly castle, they were met with a very angry Jaejoong (and a reprimanding, self-important Yunho, who was still hanging around for some reason…). The prince was scolded severely for missing the concert, Jaejoong’s finger wagging like nobody’s business. Yunho felt the need to interject and do some telling off of his own, too, but Jaejoong didn’t seem to mind.
Changmin, feeling sorry for his friend, tried to placate the king.
“Your Majesty, Yoochun didn’t mean to forget! You see, we were looking around this really scary shipwreck and we found some human stuff so we went up to the surface to see -”
“Humans!” Jaejoong roared. “Yoochun, what have I told you about humans!? They’re barbarians! They eat fish, Yoochun! And you know not to go up to the surface! What if someone saw you, huh? Then what!?”
Yoochun just pouted (adorably, but that wasn’t really the effect that he was going for).
“Well, I think humans are cool,” he said. “And they make cool things. Besides, we are half human, dad.”
“That’s beside the point!” Jaejoong yelled.
“It doesn’t matter anyway - you just don’t want me to have any fun! I hate you!” Yoochun cried, swimming away as fast as possible. Typical teenage behaviour, really… Didn’t mean that it didn’t aggravate his father, though.
Changmin looked around awkwardly. “I’ll just, uh… I’ll just be going now…” He smiled nervously and took off after the prince.
“Oh, Yunho,” Jaejoong sighed. “Do you think I was too hard on him?”
“Not at all, Your Majesty! Kids these days don’t know how easy they have it… Why, when I was younger, I’d have been spanked for something like that!”
The king’s expression turned feral. “Spanked, you say? Well, Yunho, you’re never too old for that…”
The composer blushed, smiling shyly. “Ah, what I meant was… Yoochun just needs more discipline. Someone to watch over him and keep him in line.”
“And how nice of you to volunteer for that!” Jaejoong grinned. “I expect you to keep a close eye on my boy, and to report back to me. This is very important, Yunho. Can I trust you with this?” The king licked his lips, getting closer to the other merman.
“Ah, yes Your Majesty! Of course! I’ll look after him as if he were my own son.”
Jaejoong smirked. “Excellent. And remember, Yunho - you said yourself that spanking was adequate punishment, so… Don’t fail me.” He leered, winking.
Yunho could only gulp harshly and nod in response.
★ ★ ★
The dashing young composer with the most wonderful abs stealthily followed the prince and his friend, darting behind seaweed and blending in with the fish when he thought that he might be spotted. Yoochun and Changmin were completely oblivious to his presence, but he received a lot of funny looks from the other sea-dwellers.
Yunho trailed the two to a small cove, shocked when he saw that it was filled with all sorts of strange contraptions. He guessed that they must be human objects, but what one would use a long, thick, stiff cylindrical rod for was beyond him… And he didn’t understand what the words 'Pleasure Wand' meant, but he was certain that King Jaejoong’s trident would be far superior to any similarly shaped human invention.
“Ugh, why is he so annoying!?” Yoochun complained loudly.
Yunho quickly hid behind a stack of… somethings… and sneakily eavesdropped on the younger mermen.
“He’s your dad; of course he’s annoying,” Changmin replied.
Yunho almost blew his cover, about to jump out (metaphorically, that is - it’s quite difficult to jump underwater) and defend the king, but managed to reign himself in. Revealing himself now would not be wise… And he was quite enjoying listening in secretly. It made him feel like a spy - or it would, if he knew what a spy was.
“But your parents aren’t as uptight as him. Seriously, he needs to get laid or something.”
“Hyung,” Changmin sighed. “I’ve explained this to you before. Eggs get laid, not mer-people. And besides, it’s the women who do the laying, not the men.”
Yoochun huffed, pouting. “Well, whatever. He needs to stop being so mean. Is it really so wrong that I like human stuff? It’s cool! And humans look awesome, what with them legs and all. Tail-fins suck. Almost as much as my dad does…”
“Heh, you know what your dad sucks?” Changmin grinned (rather pervertedly).
“What?” Yoochun grinned back.
“Yunho’s nipples!”
The two boys burst out laughing, enjoying ridiculing a figure of authority (they were immature rebellious teenagers, remember).
Yunho, however, who was still hiding behind the stack of somethings, gasped, clutching his hands to his chest in horror, palms covering his lovely, lickable nipples. How did they know!?
“But, seriously,” Yoochun said, “why can’t he just let me do my own thing? I want to know more! I want… I want to go up there, Min. I want to go to the surface and… you know… actually meet a human… But if I ever did anything like that, my dad would kill me -”
“You’re damn right he would kill you!” Yunho exclaimed, finally coming out (of hiding, that is - unlike King Jaejoong, he didn’t really need to ‘come out’ in the traditional sense; everyone just kind of guessed… He didn’t hide it very well). His hands were still clamped over his nipples, the action quite at odds with his angry expression.
As such, Yoochun and Changmin weren’t particularly intimidated by the frowning composer. And by holding onto his chest, he was only drawing more attention to those sinfully tempting mouth-watering abs.
Despite Yunho’s delectable body being on full display (which it always was anyway, since the introduction of King Jaejoong’s “No tops for mermen” rule), everyone’s attention was soon diverted by a disturbance above the water. The small hole in the roof of the cove, which allowed moonlight to filter down, was suddenly shrouded in darkness. The three looked up, alarmed.
Before either Yunho or Changmin could react, Yoochun quickly swam up to the surface, eager to investigate. He discovered a large ship, the sounds of music and merry voices floating across the water. The sky was filled with colourful sparks, the likes of which Yoochun had never seen. Fascinated, he swam closer.
The prince easily managed to climb up the side of the ship to get a better look. That’s some good arm muscles he had, huh? I wonder how he got them… And no, I’m not implying that he jerked off a lot, because as a fish-man, he had no penis to jerk. I would suggest that he lifted weights, but that wouldn’t be particularly hard to do under water… Let us just assume that all mermen are exceptionally strong (as a certain manga/anime has taught us) and have no trouble pulling themselves up the side of a ship.
Through a small gap in the wooden railing, Yoochun watched those onboard, entranced. There were men dancing about, laughing, and a big fluffy dog jumping around, barking happily.
Yep, that dog was Xiahki. We meet him again. He’s still as awesome as he was before. Maybe even more so, you never know.
And then… Then Yoochun saw the most beautiful human - no, the most beautiful living being - that he had ever seen. He was confused for a brief moment, as the human sounded a lot like a dolphin, but he reasoned that dolphins couldn’t dance nearly as well as the human. Yoochun was beyond intrigued, avidly taking in every detail (a bit like a Peeping Tom, really, but no one was naked so it could have been worse… Or better, depending on how you look at it).
The human had legs, obviously, and at the top of them was a rather large protrusion… It somewhat reminded Yoochun of a duck he’d seen once. He wasn’t sure what purpose it served, but it sure looked nice on the dancing boy. Yes, the human was male. And yes, Yoochun was attracted to him. Are you really surprised? I did say that this was a boys-love story, did I not?
Anyway, on with the description.
The human had the most adorable face: striking, smiling eyes; a cute little nose; puffy, kissable lips. Yoochun had never kissed anyone before (though he had practiced on his hand a little… And he may have once ambushed Changmin whilst the other was sleeping, but everyone did that, so it wasn’t really a big deal) but he knew without a doubt that kissing the human boy would feel amazing.
Yoochun watched as an old man approached the human, smiling and leading him towards a large object covered with a sheet.
“Eh hem, may I have your attention!” Old Man called to the people on the ship. “As you know, it is Prince Junsu’s birthday, and as such, I would like to present this gift to him!”
“Ah, Old Man, you didn’t have to!” Junsu - the gorgeous human - blushed. “I mean, really…” His eyes widened as the sheet came off and the item was revealed. “Gah! What the hell is that!?” He exclaimed.
“Do you like it?” Old Man asked, looking upon the statue proudly. “I commissioned it myself…”
“W-why did you commission a naked statue of me!? And why am I spanking myself!?” Junsu cried, horrified.
“Well, we thought that we’d put it in the palace courtyard; see if it would attract any suitors. You’re getting old, Junsu. You need to think about taking a partner already.”
“Old!? I’m 18! And I’m not sure that this thing will attract any of the right people. I want to find someone on my own! And when I meet them, it’ll feel like I’ve been hit by lightning…”
Just as Prince Junsu uttered those words, lightning flashed in the sky, a storm quickly heading their way. The rain started thundering down as the boat was tossed about.
Yoochun hurriedly dived back into the sea, watching what was happening from a safe distance.
The ship was soon struck with lightning, the sails and mast catching on fire. The flames spread rapidly, engulfing the ship. Luckily, the men had managed to get into lifeboats and were sailing away quite happily, but then Junsu noticed that someone was missing.
He looked around frantically, his attention drawn back to the ship as he heard desperate barking.
“Xiahki!” He yelled, seeing his beloved, wonderful dog still on board, surrounded by flames.
Without thinking he jumped out of the boat, swimming like mad towards the ship. He swiftly scaled the side, running to Xiahki. The big white creature was on the upper deck, obviously too afraid to move.
“Jump!” The prince called, arms outstretched, willing his dog to obey. “C’mon boy, jump!”
And jump Xiahki did, straight into Junsu’s hold. However, the boy had obviously misjudged how big and heavy his dog was, as he was slammed hard into the ground, quivering dog on top of him.
“Oof! Xi-Xiahki… off… Can’t… get up…”
The dog barked loudly, licking Junsu’s face, before he trotted over to the railing, waiting for Junsu to stand up and help him the rest of the way off the boat. Xiahki wasn’t too keen on fire, surprisingly.
Grabbing hold of his pet once again, Junsu flung him overboard, just as the flames reached the gunpowder and fireworks and the ship exploded with a big bang (and lots of pretty sparkles).
Junsu was thrown into the water, unconscious from the force of the blast, and too far away from the lifeboat to be helped. Xiahki had made it to them safely, but they could only look on at the turbulent sea, hoping that the bootylicious prince was okay.
Thankfully, Yoochun had kept an eye on the human’s whereabouts and quickly swam to Junsu. He grasped the unconscious man firmly (and may or may not have copped a feel of the interesting duck-like protrusion) and began to drag him towards the shore.
The shore was quite far, though, so it took them a while to get there. Plus Yoochun had to make sure that it was a deserted shore, lest he be spotted. As such, they didn’t get there until morning. After being in the water all night, Junsu was lucky that he didn’t catch pneumonia - or worse, man-flu.
When Yoochun finally dragged the human onto the sand, he was rather tired - turns out that duck-like protrusions are quite heavy. It was worth it though, he mused, as he gazed down at the other.
“He’s so beautiful…” The merman cupped the side of the elder’s face, stroking his thumb over the soft cheek. Quietly he began to sing, his deep, sexy voice slowly bringing Junsu to consciousness.
Junsu’s eyes fluttered open, enchanted (and maybe a little aroused) by the husky sound. He was greeted with the sight of the most attractive boy he’d ever seen, the morning sun casting a halo around him. His damp black hair twisted around his face, the ends just brushing his naked shoulders. His eyes were soft, his beautiful mouth smiling whilst he sang.
Junsu’s mind snapped back to the “naked shoulders” part and he was just about to investigate whether or not the rest of the boy was naked too when he heard Old Man calling his name and Xiahki barking excitedly. He turned to the sound and felt the warm hand on his face disappear, only to look back and see that the gorgeous boy had gone.
“Junsu!” Old Man exclaimed, running to the young prince. “Oh thank goodness, we were so worried! Are you all right!?”
“I-I’m fine… I was rescued…” Junsu looked out to sea, wondering where the boy had gone. “He was…”
Amazing.
★ ★ ★
Meanwhile, Yoochun was being scolded by Yunho, who had witnessed everything, along with Changmin.
“I can’t believe you did that!” The composer with the perfect abs cried. “Do you know how dangerous that was!? And oh, what if your father finds out!? Who knows what he’ll do to you! To me! Oh God, he’ll go for my nipples again… No no no, this can’t be happening… Oh, oh! I know! We won’t tell him!”
Yoochun and Changmin rolled their eyes, ignoring the frantic Yunho. They began to swim off, leaving the other to follow, muttering to himself.
Again they were being watched unknowingly, the images transmitted to that suspicious creature in the cave via the creepy glowing eyes. The creature smirked, a wicked plan developing.
★ ★ ★
“I want to see him again, Min,” Yoochun said to Changmin later that day. “He’s all I can think about! His adorable face and squeaky voice and the strange squishy thing at the top of his legs…”
“Yoochun, no.”
The two teens swirled around, surprised to see Yunho floating there, hands on hips and apparently trying to be threatening. It was a bit of a fail, but they didn’t mention this.
“Look, Yoochun, I know that you’re fascinated with the surface world and all that, but your place is under the sea. Trust me, everything’s much better down here. All of the guys are topless, for a start! And everyone lives in harmony, unlike on land. Well, we live in harmony for the most part… You know, as long as you avoid the sharks and jellyfish and stuff… But yes, it’s much better under the sea. Right fish! Am I right!?” Yunho turned to the fish swimming about, a wide smile on his face. Fish aren’t the most interesting things in the world though, so they just ignored him.
Poor Yunho, he gets ignored a lot… (But King Jaejoong gives him enough attention to make up for it, so don’t worry).
Whilst the composer’s back was turned, Changmin whispered something to Yoochun and the two took off, grinning.
As such, Yunho turned back to continue lecturing the young prince only to find that he was no longer there. He had a bad feeling about it… He winced, covering his nipples, guessing that they may be in for some rough treatment soon…
★ ★ ★
Throughout the day Yoochun had been flitting around the palace, smiling and humming happily to himself. It was quite obvious to his sisters that he was in love, and they said as much to King Jaejoong later on when he inquired about his son’s odd behaviour.
Suffice to say, Jaejoong was quite relieved - he was worried that Yoochun had been eating weeds (again) and was high. This was far more preferable! To think, his little Yoochunnie, in love! Oh, his boy was growing up so fast… It made a father proud.
Jaejoong summoned Yunho, hoping that the composer could shed more light on the situation, as he’d been assigned to watch the prince. Also, it was always nice to see Yunho and his hard, sexy, sculpted abs. That topless rule really had been one of the best decisions that he’d ever made…
As Yunho entered the throne room, Jaejoong quickly took on a sober expression.
“You wanted to see me, Your Majesty?” Yunho bowed, looking nervous.
Jaejoong smirked. Excellent…
“Yes, I was curious about Yoochun… Did anything interesting happen yesterday?”
Yunho gulped harshly, his eyes wide. “I-interesting? Yesterday? Oh, no, nothing at all… He just, you know, hung out with Changmin…”
“Oh?” Jaejoong asked. It wasn’t Changmin that Yoochun was in love with, was it? No, no, that was ridiculous; they were more like brothers… “Is that all? Are you sure nothing else happened?”
“Positive.” Yunho nodded. He was shaking, obviously uneasy.
“Really?” The King pressed. “He didn’t meet anyone…?”
Yunho bit his lips, eyes darting from side to side, until finally his resolve broke. “Okay, I admit it! He did! He did meet someone! I tried to stop him Your Majesty, I really did! I told him that humans were dangerous but -”
“Humans!?” Jaejoong exclaimed angrily, startled. His Yoochunnie had met a human!? “Where is he!? That boy…” Frowning deeply, King Jaejoong quickly swam off to confront his son. Yunho could only trail behind timidly, hands protecting his nipples and a foreboding feeling taking over.
★ ★ ★
When Changmin had prompted Yoochun to leave earlier, it was to visit his cove of human treasures - and I use the term 'treasures' very liberally. However, there was indeed an item of special importance waiting for Yoochun: the naked statue of Junsu, which had sunk into the ocean when the ship exploded.
Yoochun squealed (much like a fangirl) and wrapped his arms around the stone statue, nuzzling his face into Junsu’s.
“Oh Min, I love it! Look, it even has his duck-like protrusion!”
“It’s called a ‘butt’, Hyung. Humans sit on them.”
“Sit on them?” Yoochun asked, cocking his head and staring down at the ‘butt’. “Well, I suppose it is rather squishy,” he giggled, poking the stone. “But Min, look at him! Isn’t he gorgeous?”
“What!?”
Yoochun spun around, eyes wide, recognising the voice instantly. “Dad…”
Yes, Jaejoong and Yunho managed to get there that quickly. Jaejoong’s the mer-King, don’t doubt him - Yunho’s aren’t the only nipples that he can torture, you know.
“Yoochun, what the hell is this!?” King Jaejoong demanded, waving his trident around the cove disdainfully. “And what the hell is that!?” He indicated the statue.
“It’s… They’re human things… I…”
Jaejoong glared at his son, disappointment evident in his features. “I’ve told you to stay away from humans. They’re dangerous, Yoochun! And now I find out that you met one!? And you collect all this, this rubbish!”
“It’s not rubbish!” Yoochun defended indignantly. “I like it! I like humans!”
“Don’t be so ridiculous,” Jaejoong scoffed. “There’s nothing to like - they’re savage beasts who would just as soon eat you as befriend you. Don’t forget that you’re half fish, Yoochun. And humans eat fish.”
“I don’t care,” Yoochun pouted, crossing his arms. “I bet Junsu wouldn’t eat me.”
“Yoochun, this conversation is over. I am your father and you will listen to me. Now say goodbye to this junk.”
Before Yoochun could protest the King had raised his trident and aimed it at a pile of… somethings. Not the same pile of somethings that Yunho had been hiding behind before, though - there were a lot of piles of somethings…
Magical Trident Light was fired around the cove, human objects being shattered instantly. All of Yoochun’s beloved rubbish was quickly becoming nothing but dust. Jaejoong pointing his trident at the naked statue of Junsu finally spurred Yoochun into action.
“No, dad, don’t! I love him!” He cried, swimming in front of the statue in an attempt to protect it from the King’s wrath.
It was the wrong thing to say though, as Jaejoong’s expression quickly darkened further. With unerring accuracy King Jaejoong shot at the stone, pieces of Junsu soon raining down around the cove.
Satisfied that Yoochun had learnt his lesson, the King surveyed the destruction once more before swiftly exiting, frown still in place. He didn’t enjoy punishing his boy, but he had to understand the consequences of his actions.
Yoochun looked around, horrified. All of his wonderful things… Gone. His eyes caught sight of part of the statue; Junsu’s wonderful naked butt. He picked it up carefully, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.
“Leave me… Please,” he whispered, not looking up at Changmin and Yunho, who were watching the prince worriedly. “Please.”
The two glanced at each other, silently agreeing to leave.
Yoochun was not alone though, as those creepy eels had slipped into the cove with no one noticing.
“Why so sad, young prince?” Eel 1 - whom is oft referred to as T.O.P - asked. That’s right, the eels can talk too - you think a gull is the only talking animal? Hah!
Yoochun looked up, startled, and clutched the stone butt closer to his chest. “Y-you, you’re…”
“We work for someone who can help you,” Eel 2 - commonly known as Seungri - said. “I’m sure you know who…”
“The Sea Dragon,” Yoochun whispered, afraid. He’d been told of the Sea Dragon ever since he was a little merboy, and knew that the creature was dangerous - even more so than humans.
“Actually, it’s C-Dragon,” Seungri told him. “Because that’s cooler.”
“No, it’s G-Dragon now, remember?” T.O.P corrected.
“What’s the G for?” Yoochun asked, confused. ‘C’ he understood, but ‘G’…
“Gay-Dragon,” the eels said in unison.
Yoochun suppressed a snort, momentarily forgetting his woes.
“Anyway,” T.O.P continued. “G-Dragon can help you. You want to be with this human, right? G-Dragon can make that happen.”
The prince bit his lip, considering the offer. He knew that he shouldn’t go, but one look around the destroyed cove was enough to convince him. After all, what rebellious teenager doesn’t like to do something just because their parents told them not to? Especially if their parents just pissed them off.
“Okay.”
As they left they encountered Changmin and Yunho, who had been waiting outside.
“Uh, Hyung, what’re you doing?” Changmin asked, eyeing the eels warily. “You know those are the bad guys, right?”
“I know,” Yoochun replied. “But I don’t care. I’m going to see G-Dragon.”
Yunho looked confused. “G-Dragon? I thought it was C-Dragon?”
“Well, apparently he’s gay now, so… G.”
“His name doesn’t matter! Hyung, why’re you going to see him!?” Changmin cried, worried for his friend. He knew that G-Dragon was bad news, ever since he’d innocently eaten some of the seaweed growing in the magical being’s garden - that was when G-Dragon (or C-Dragon, as he was known back then) had started the whole 'kiss Changmin when he’s sleeping' thing… The creature was pure evil. Changmin’s lips would be forever tainted.
“He can help me,” Yoochun replied simply. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll be off.”
Yunho and Changmin could only watch as the young prince went with the slippery, horrible eels. They decided to stealthily follow him, lest he get into trouble.
★ ★ ★
“Yo Chun, wha’s ‘app’nin’?”
“…Excuse me?” Yoochun asked, startled.
“Wha’s up?”
“Um…”
G-Dragon sighed, rolling his eyes. “Hello, Prince Yoochun.”
“Oh. Hi. Why didn’t you just say that in the first place?”
“’Cause dis is 'ow I roll, yo.”
“…'Roll'?”
“I told you master, no one can understand you when you speak like that,” T.O.P said gently.
“Shut yo mouff, eel! I can speak 'however I wan'! I’m G-D, baby!”
Yoochun eyed the creature warily. Seems that the Sea Dragon - sorry, G-Dragon - was just as crazy as he’d been told.
“Now, Chun,” G-Dragon slung his arm around the merman. “Seems you’re in a pinch, yeah? You wanna ge' some o’ tha’ booty, butcha a fish - what can ya do?”
“'Booty'?” Yoochun asked, confused.
“Ass, man!”
“…'Ass'?”
The creature sighed again exasperatedly. “You want the human boy.”
“Oh. Yes, yes I do.”
“Right, butcha can’ ge’ ‘im ‘cause you live down ‘ere, yeah?”
“…Yes,” Yoochun agreed, nodding, needing a moment or two to process the words.
“Well tha’s where I come in, yo. Tha’ human, ‘e’s a fine catch a’righ’ - an’ no, tha’ ain’ no fish joke.”
“Do you have any idea what he’s on about?” Yunho whispered to Changmin from their hiding place.
Changmin shook his head. “Not really… I think he’s offering to help Hyung though. Maybe one of the eels will translate?”
“You, do’h, you live un’er the sea, an’ tha’s no’ groun’s for a goo’ relationship, like. So whatcha go’a do is, you go’a become human yo’self, yo.”
“I… what?” Yoochun squinted at the creature, as though that would help him understand better. Obviously Yoochun had no idea how the five senses work.
G-Dragon huffed. “SeungSeung, ‘elp a brova ou’.”
“Who the hell’s SeungSeung?” Yoochun asked, still squinting.
“We are,” the eels replied.
The prince tilted his head, even more confused. “But… I thought…”
“Dey bouff Seunghyun, yeah? Bu’ tha’s confusin’ like, sos I call ‘em T.O.P an’ Seungri when I jus’ wan’ da one, bu’ SeungSeung togeva, ‘kay?”
Yoochun nodded slowly, not sure he quite understood, but not wanting to anger the creature.
“Anyways, tell ‘im wha’ I seh, yeah?” G-Dragon instructed, flinging his arm in Yoochun’s direction. And yes, of course dragons have arms. They may be stubby, but they’re still there - don’t be speciesist.
“Master said that in order to get what you want…” Seungri began.
“You must become a human yourself,” T.O.P finished, both eels smirking evilly - well, as much as an eel can smirk, anyway.
Both Changmin and Yunho gasped, looking at each other in worry. If Yoochun became a human, then King Jaejoong would… Well, let’s just say that it wouldn’t just be Yunho’s nipples being abused.
“Human, huh? So I’ll get to live up on land and be with Junsu all the time? Sounds pretty cool… I’ll miss Min, obviously, but I can always visit him. I don’t really care about my sisters - bitches think they’re better than me anyway. And, well, my dad’s an asshole, so whatever. I’m in.”
“Ya wha’?” G-Dragon asked, surprised. “You’re… Uh… A’righ’, we’, da was easy… I had a song prepare’ an’ ev’ryt’in’… Bu’, if yo’ sure… You know I go’a take somefin’ off ya, righ’?”
“Something like what?”
G-Dragon smirked. “I hear’ you sin’, Lil Prince, an’ tha’s one sexy se’ o’ pipes you go’, yo… So I wan’ ‘em. You gimme tha’ an’ I make yo human, yeah?”
Yoochun looked to the eels, hoping that they could elaborate.
“He wants your voice,” T.O.P told him.
“My voice?” Yoochun’s hand flew up to his throat. “But… Without my voice, how will I…?”
“Yo, Chunnie, yo a fine piece o’ ass, man! Jus’ look a’ tha’ face, like! You’ do fine, trus’ me, yeah?”
Seungri responded to Yoochun’s confused look. “He says you’re hot even without your voice.”
“Oh. Well, thank you.” Yoochun nodded, smiling.
Still in hiding, Changmin facepalmed, not believing that his friend could be so stupid. Falling for such flattery… At least he said he’d miss him though - that made Changmin kind of happy.
“So is that all, then? I give you my voice, and I get to become human?”
G-Dragon shifted. “We’ dere’s a bi’ more to i’ dan da, like, butche, pre’y much. Ya on’y go’ free days, ‘oh. If ‘e don’ luh you by da en’ o' da fird day, yo mine, Prince. An’ you know ‘ow ‘e luh you, yeah? Wiv a kiss, yo. True Luh’s kiss. If ‘e do, yo free. Ge’ yo voice ba’ an’ live as ‘uman fo’ever, like. So, whatcha say?”
“…I say the only thing I understood was ‘kiss’. You… want me to kiss you?”
“What!? Fuck no!” G-Dragon exclaimed. “I don’ go in fo’ no lil poncy ass merman! Fuck you!”
“What our master said,” interjected T.O.P, “is that you have three days in which to make the human fall in love with you.”
“If he gives you True Love’s Kiss,” Seungri continued, “then you will be free.”
“You will get your voice back,” T.O.P said.
“And you may live as a human forever,” Seungri finished.
In sync, they grinned (again, as much as an eel can really grin) and said, “But…”
“If he does not,” T.O.P started.
“Then you shall become the property of our master,” Seungri warned, still smiling.
“Well, you said it yourself, didn’t you? I’m hot. Why wouldn’t he want me? So, where do I sign up?”
“Oh shit, he’s really doing it, oh crap, oh my, oh no, oh dear… King Jaejoong’s going to kill me!” Yunho cried. “My nipples will never be the same…”
“Well, look on the bright side - at least you’ll always have your amazingly firm delectable abs,” Changmin said, trying to console the distraught composer.
“Dis be da contract, yo. Sign ‘ere.” G-Dragon gave Yoochun some parchment and a quill to write with. They were magical, of course - how do you expect regular parchment to survive underwater?
Yoochun signed his name with a flourish, excited. Obviously he was a little over-confident, but what rebellious teenage boy isn’t?
“Now, sing,” G-Dragon commanded, holding out a bright yellow smiley-face badge.
Yoochun eyed it suspiciously before doing as he was told, his wonderfully sexy voice filling the cave. Shivers were had all round, as no one could resist the husky tone.
The badge glowed as Yoochun sang, the black face dripping creepily and the eyes morphing into crosses until finally the prince went silent, mouth gaping like the half-fish he was. The badge-face was still smiling, but it looked rather more menacing now. G-Dragon pinned it to his chest proudly, laughing sinisterly.
Yoochun tried to ask what happened next, but quickly remembered that he was no longer capable of asking anything. He flailed his arms for attention instead.
G-Dragon glanced at him briefly, and with a flick of his wrist the water started to churn around Yoochun’s tail-fin.
The merman writhed, the strangest sensation overtaking him, and he suddenly found that he couldn’t breathe, struggling against the water surrounding him. Luckily Changmin and Yunho were there - they quickly swooped (well, swam, because they don’t have wings, but swoop sounds cooler) into the cave, each grabbing hold of one of Yoochun’s arms and dragging the prince to the surface as fast as possible.
Breaking through the waves and ensuring that Yoochun could breathe properly, the two mermen began to head towards the shore, arms wrapped securely around the prince. Soon enough, Yoochun was seated by a small rock pool, legs stretched out in front of him.
He wiggled his toes, marvelling at the odd feeling. He noticed something odd though and frowned down at himself, thinking that G-Dragon must have messed up. He tried to call out to the others, but soon realised how futile that was, so resorted to waving his arms around again.
“Hyung? What’s the matter?” Changmin asked, concerned.
Yoochun pointed down to his lap, pouting. Changmin followed his gaze and shrieked in terror.
“Oh my God what is it get it off!” He yelled, swatting frantically at the, the thing attached to Yoochun. He’d never seen a sea creature that looked quite like that, but obviously something had somehow managed to latch on to Yoochun whilst they were swimming.
Yoochun’s face scrunched up as though in pain and he shoved Changmin’s hand away, cupping the creature in his lap.
“Hyung, what’re you doing!? Is it hurting you that bad!? Here, let me get rid of it…”
The prince’s hand flew up to stop his friend as Changmin stretched his hand out, preparing to ‘help’. He shook his head frantically, hoping that Changmin would understand. Yoochun revealed the strange fleshy creature again and tugged on it, demonstrating that it was actually attached.
“What… What is it?” Changmin asked, horrified.
Yoochun shrugged, confused, still fiddling with the thing in his lap.
Yunho peered over, curious. “I thought humans only had two legs. Did the C-Dragon -”
“G-Dragon,” Changmin corrected.
“- make a mistake? You’d expect him to know these things…”
“Yoochun!” A voice called.
The mermen and new-man (that is a contraction of ‘new-human’, just so you know. It sort of sounds similar, after all… Or it would, if ‘human’ began with an ‘n’) looked around for the source of the sound. They found it when Jinki (the gull, remember?) landed on a rock next to the prince.
“Hi guys! What’re you doing here?”
“Well, Yoochun’s not really fit to be in the water right now,” Changmin said, glancing at the new-man’s lack of a tail-fin.
“Holy Carp, Yoochun, you have legs!” Jinki exclaimed.
Changmin rolled his eyes, muttering, “You don’t say…”
“When did this happen!?”
“Just now, actually,” Yunho sighed. “Courtesy of the C- I mean, G-Dragon. And now, if he doesn’t get this human to fall in love and kiss him within three days, he will belong to the G-Dragon forever.”
Yoochun pouted, waving his hands as though asking for Yunho to continue.
The composer sighed again. “And, if he does receive this kiss, then he shall remain a human forever. It’s lose/lose really. And Yoochun, what am I supposed to tell your father, huh? You think he’s not going to notice you missing for three days?”
The prince merely shrugged sheepishly.
“You’ve been awfully quiet, Chunnie,” Jinki said, peering at the new-man. “How are you feeling about all this?”
Yoochun grinned widely, sticking two thumbs up.
“He exchanged his voice for this. Can you believe that? His wonderful, seductive voice, for what!? Two and a bit legs?” Bemoaned Yunho.
Confused, Jinki asked, “Two and a bit?”
The others all looked down at Yoochun’s lap, once again contemplating the strange appendage.
Jinki followed their gaze and his beady eyes widened at the sight. “Worm!” He cried, quickly diving down to catch the creature in his beak.
Yoochun’s mouth opened wide in a silent scream, hands whacking at the gull attempting to remove something that really did not want to be removed.
“No, Jinki, it’s attached!” Changmin reached for the bird, successfully dislodging him.
The prince held the fleshy thing delicately, caressing it, tears slipping from his eyes. He looked up at Jinki, confusion and hurt written all over his face.
“Sorry about that…” Jinki coughed. “I just saw… And I thought… But obviously it’s not… Um, anyway, that’s a pretty common thing on humans, you know. Only the males, mind. It’s called a whoopledip, and is used to frighten predators and over-eager females. What you do, see, is you shake your body side to side, and the whoopledip will dance around and smack against you and make a scary noise, so anything that was planning to attack will get scared and leave. Very effective I’ve heard, very effective.”
Yoochun nodded, staring down at the whoopledip (it’s not a whoopledip, it’s a penis, and if you didn’t figure that out then you should probably leave now) in awe. He tried shaking himself to see what would happen, and it did indeed bounce about! He looked at the others, amazed, but both Changmin and Yunho were regarding it suspiciously.
“Anyway, Yoochun-dear, we need to get you some clothes. Humans only walk around naked at night, and it’s currently morning, so…”
Continued here.
Pairing: Yoochun/Junsu, not-really-ninja!Jaejoong/Yunho
Rating: PG-13
Length: One-shot
Genre: Romance, crack, fantasy, fairy tale
Summary: Duck-like protrusions, nipple abuse and wonderfully sexy lickable abs feature quite heavily in this story. Also, Onew may or may not be a seagull.
Disclaimer: I am not Walt Disney. Nor am I Hans Christian Anderson.
A wet and windy night is where we first begin our story. Rain hammered down, gales blew, and waves crashed against the side of the ship. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention - our story is set on a ship. The first bit, anyway.
Upon this ship was a dashing young creature, running to and fro in the melee of the storm, wind-swept hair blustering about. One of the finest of his kind, he was. His name was Xiahki. Admittedly, it’s his owner, Junsu, whom we shall be focusing on, but I felt that Xiahki deserved a mention. He is a pretty awesome dog, after all.
In any case, Junsu - our hero - was being pelted with rain whilst trying to secure the rigging and whatnot. I don’t know much about ships, and honestly, it’s not an important part of the story. The main point is, Junsu was there, being all suave and cool in the midst of a storm.
“Ahh, somethin’ musta stirred Jaejoong up…” One sailor (who doesn’t get a name, because this is probably the only time we’ll meet him) grumbled.
“Jaejoong?” Junsu asked innocently, wondering if the sailor was off his rocker.
“Aye, laddy,” the sailor said. “Jaejoong, ruler of the mer-people! He controls all the seas, an’ somethin’ musta gotten ‘im worked up to create this kinda storm!”
“Preposterous!” An old man (who I enjoy calling Old Man, so that shall be his name) in rather fancy clothes said. “Apart from the fact that mer-people are a myth, what happens beneath the ocean has absolutely no bearing on the weather. This storm is the result of -”
“Don’ listen to ‘im, laddy!” The sailor cried, interrupting Old Man’s scientific speech. “Mer-people are real, I tell ye! Real…”
★ ★ ★
Amazingly enough, the crazy sailor was right. Not about the origins of storms, of course, but about mer-people living under the water, all under the rule of King Jaejoong.
King Jaejoong lived in a huge gold swirly castle, right at the bottom of the sea. Also living there were his 6 daughters and his son, whom I shall talk about in a moment - be patient. There were probably numerous servants and such living there as well, but they’re not relevant.
On this particular stormy night, all of the mer-people were gathering in the palace, as King Jaejoong’s children were putting on a musical concert. In particular they were there to see the boy, the youngest child, for he had recently turned 16 and this would be his musical debut.
Trumpets tooted and out came King Jaejoong (well, he’d ‘come out’ a while ago - not long after his youngest child was born - but, you know, he came out into the concert hall). The mer-people cheered, happy to see their handsome king. Yes, he still looked young and handsome, even though he was old enough to have 7 kids, the youngest being 16. Mer-people are cool like that. His soft black hair danced around his face and his lovely toned chest was on display, since he had decreed that mermen were to always be topless. The mermaids had to wear shells though; King Jaejoong didn’t want to see any girl bits…
Once he had settled in his seat, the trumpets tooted once again (but a little quieter) and the concert composer swam out, a lot less crab-like than people had expected him to be… Once he’d divorced his ex-wife, King Jaejoong had secretly hired a new composer, Yunho, who was all (mer)man. Eyeing the composer’s delicious abs whilst licking his lips, Jaejoong once again congratulated himself on such a wise decision.
King Jaejoong beckoned the composer over, and not just because he wanted a closer look at the finely sculpted muscles that he’d love to run his tongue over… No no, not at all.
“Yunho,” the King nodded in acknowledgement, eyes dipping down for a bit too long. “I trust that everything is in order? I can’t tell you how excited I am…” He grinned wolfishly before quickly schooling his expression into something more normal. “Excited to watch the performance, that is.” His eyes softened, a proud smile adorning his face. “And I can’t wait to see my little Yoochun…”
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the name of our other hero has finally been revealed. What? Of course there can be two heroes. Who needs a heroine? This is a boys-love story - deal with it.
“Oh yes, Yoochun is sure to shine,” Yunho said, kissing Jaejoong’s metaphorical ass. Turning away, he muttered, “Shame I’ve not seen him at any practices though…”
The concert began, full of wonderful music and sea creatures playing with each other in the most innocent way possible. The princesses swam about, singing about how wonderful they were, and how wonderful their dad was, and how wonderful Yunho was, and finally about how wonderful their little brother, Yoochun was.
However, disaster struck when Yoochun’s part came up and he was not hiding in the clam like he was supposed to be. This pissed King Jaejoong off rather royally, but instead of being worried and going to search for his missing son, he just sat in the palace and waited angrily for his return. Luckily he had Yunho’s wonderfully sexy drool-worthy abs to stare at whilst he waited.
★ ★ ★
Meanwhile, Prince Yoochun and his friend Changmin were off swimming around the ocean, searching for sunken shipwrecks. Find one they did, but whilst Yoochun was excited to go and explore it, Changmin was more wary.
“I dunno, Hyung, it looks kind of dangerous… And I heard there were sharks around here.”
“Don’t be silly,” Yoochun laughed. “It’s fine! Now come on, let’s go see what’s inside.”
In they went, avoiding the various debris, on the hunt for human treasures. Yoochun saw something shiny out of the corner of his eye and quickly swam over to investigate.
“Min, look!” He exclaimed, brandishing a 4-pronged metal instrument.
Changmin eyed the object suspiciously. “What is it?”
“I dunno,” Yoochun smiled dumbly. “But it looks cool.”
“It looks like a torture device…”
“Maybe it is!” The prince grinned and swam away, hoping to find more artefacts. “Ooh, I found something else! It doesn’t look like you could torture someone with this though… Damn.”
★ ★ ★
“Jinki!” Yoochun cried happily, breaking the surface of the water and greeting the gull resting on a rock.
“Yoochun! What brings you here, my aquatic friend?” Yes, this gull can talk. What of it? You accept mer-people, but not a talking gull? Pah.
“I discovered some more human things! I don’t know what they are, though…”
“We reckon that one’s a torture device,” Changmin said, floating beside Yoochun and pointing to the pronged object.
It was a fork, obviously, but mer-people do not use forks, so you must forgive them for not recognising it. In case you were wondering, mer-people eat with their hands. Easiest way to eat kelp, you see, and that’s all that their diet consists of. What, you expected them to eat fish? That’s half cannibalism, you monster!
“Ah, yes, good eye, good eye.” Jinki nodded, inspecting the fork closely. “This is a spifflewand, and it is indeed used for torture. Humans stick them in the skin - anywhere will do; arm, leg, belly, whatever - and scramble them around a bit. Very painful, I’ve heard, very painful.” As you may have noticed, Jinki was not the most intelligent gull around. As far as gulls go though, he was quite adorable, so we’ll let him off.
“A spifflewand…” Yoochun murmured, staring in awe at the ‘torture device’. “And, and what about this!?” He brandished the next item, a smoking pipe.
“Ooh,” Jinki cooed, eyes wide. “This! This is amazing, seriously, you won’t believe it. It’s a gwneuthurwr cerddoriaeth! Oh, I’ve not seen one for years! It’s a musical instrument, see, you blow in here, and -” Jinki blew harshly into the pipe, sending a jet of water straight into Changmin’s face.
The merman was not impressed and proceeded to glare menacingly at the now sheepish gull. The gull was embarrassed, that is - he didn’t suddenly resemble a sheep. Don’t be silly.
Jinki’s mention of music reminded Yoochun of just where he was supposed to be at that moment - singing his little heart out in the concert.
“Aw, shit! Min, we gotta go! Thanks Jinki!” The young prince quickly dived underwater, flapping his little tail-fin as fast as he could.
Unbeknownst to the two mermen, they were being watched from afar. Well, they were being watched up-close, but the image was being transmitted to afar. Two glowing eyes, each belonging to a slimy eel, allowed a wicked creature to see what was happening. Said creature smirked evilly, a plan forming. They realised that innocent, inquisitive Prince Yoochun could be the key to King Jaejoong’s downfall…
★ ★ ★
When Yoochun and Changmin got back to the huge swirly castle, they were met with a very angry Jaejoong (and a reprimanding, self-important Yunho, who was still hanging around for some reason…). The prince was scolded severely for missing the concert, Jaejoong’s finger wagging like nobody’s business. Yunho felt the need to interject and do some telling off of his own, too, but Jaejoong didn’t seem to mind.
Changmin, feeling sorry for his friend, tried to placate the king.
“Your Majesty, Yoochun didn’t mean to forget! You see, we were looking around this really scary shipwreck and we found some human stuff so we went up to the surface to see -”
“Humans!” Jaejoong roared. “Yoochun, what have I told you about humans!? They’re barbarians! They eat fish, Yoochun! And you know not to go up to the surface! What if someone saw you, huh? Then what!?”
Yoochun just pouted (adorably, but that wasn’t really the effect that he was going for).
“Well, I think humans are cool,” he said. “And they make cool things. Besides, we are half human, dad.”
“That’s beside the point!” Jaejoong yelled.
“It doesn’t matter anyway - you just don’t want me to have any fun! I hate you!” Yoochun cried, swimming away as fast as possible. Typical teenage behaviour, really… Didn’t mean that it didn’t aggravate his father, though.
Changmin looked around awkwardly. “I’ll just, uh… I’ll just be going now…” He smiled nervously and took off after the prince.
“Oh, Yunho,” Jaejoong sighed. “Do you think I was too hard on him?”
“Not at all, Your Majesty! Kids these days don’t know how easy they have it… Why, when I was younger, I’d have been spanked for something like that!”
The king’s expression turned feral. “Spanked, you say? Well, Yunho, you’re never too old for that…”
The composer blushed, smiling shyly. “Ah, what I meant was… Yoochun just needs more discipline. Someone to watch over him and keep him in line.”
“And how nice of you to volunteer for that!” Jaejoong grinned. “I expect you to keep a close eye on my boy, and to report back to me. This is very important, Yunho. Can I trust you with this?” The king licked his lips, getting closer to the other merman.
“Ah, yes Your Majesty! Of course! I’ll look after him as if he were my own son.”
Jaejoong smirked. “Excellent. And remember, Yunho - you said yourself that spanking was adequate punishment, so… Don’t fail me.” He leered, winking.
Yunho could only gulp harshly and nod in response.
★ ★ ★
The dashing young composer with the most wonderful abs stealthily followed the prince and his friend, darting behind seaweed and blending in with the fish when he thought that he might be spotted. Yoochun and Changmin were completely oblivious to his presence, but he received a lot of funny looks from the other sea-dwellers.
Yunho trailed the two to a small cove, shocked when he saw that it was filled with all sorts of strange contraptions. He guessed that they must be human objects, but what one would use a long, thick, stiff cylindrical rod for was beyond him… And he didn’t understand what the words 'Pleasure Wand' meant, but he was certain that King Jaejoong’s trident would be far superior to any similarly shaped human invention.
“Ugh, why is he so annoying!?” Yoochun complained loudly.
Yunho quickly hid behind a stack of… somethings… and sneakily eavesdropped on the younger mermen.
“He’s your dad; of course he’s annoying,” Changmin replied.
Yunho almost blew his cover, about to jump out (metaphorically, that is - it’s quite difficult to jump underwater) and defend the king, but managed to reign himself in. Revealing himself now would not be wise… And he was quite enjoying listening in secretly. It made him feel like a spy - or it would, if he knew what a spy was.
“But your parents aren’t as uptight as him. Seriously, he needs to get laid or something.”
“Hyung,” Changmin sighed. “I’ve explained this to you before. Eggs get laid, not mer-people. And besides, it’s the women who do the laying, not the men.”
Yoochun huffed, pouting. “Well, whatever. He needs to stop being so mean. Is it really so wrong that I like human stuff? It’s cool! And humans look awesome, what with them legs and all. Tail-fins suck. Almost as much as my dad does…”
“Heh, you know what your dad sucks?” Changmin grinned (rather pervertedly).
“What?” Yoochun grinned back.
“Yunho’s nipples!”
The two boys burst out laughing, enjoying ridiculing a figure of authority (they were immature rebellious teenagers, remember).
Yunho, however, who was still hiding behind the stack of somethings, gasped, clutching his hands to his chest in horror, palms covering his lovely, lickable nipples. How did they know!?
“But, seriously,” Yoochun said, “why can’t he just let me do my own thing? I want to know more! I want… I want to go up there, Min. I want to go to the surface and… you know… actually meet a human… But if I ever did anything like that, my dad would kill me -”
“You’re damn right he would kill you!” Yunho exclaimed, finally coming out (of hiding, that is - unlike King Jaejoong, he didn’t really need to ‘come out’ in the traditional sense; everyone just kind of guessed… He didn’t hide it very well). His hands were still clamped over his nipples, the action quite at odds with his angry expression.
As such, Yoochun and Changmin weren’t particularly intimidated by the frowning composer. And by holding onto his chest, he was only drawing more attention to those sinfully tempting mouth-watering abs.
Despite Yunho’s delectable body being on full display (which it always was anyway, since the introduction of King Jaejoong’s “No tops for mermen” rule), everyone’s attention was soon diverted by a disturbance above the water. The small hole in the roof of the cove, which allowed moonlight to filter down, was suddenly shrouded in darkness. The three looked up, alarmed.
Before either Yunho or Changmin could react, Yoochun quickly swam up to the surface, eager to investigate. He discovered a large ship, the sounds of music and merry voices floating across the water. The sky was filled with colourful sparks, the likes of which Yoochun had never seen. Fascinated, he swam closer.
The prince easily managed to climb up the side of the ship to get a better look. That’s some good arm muscles he had, huh? I wonder how he got them… And no, I’m not implying that he jerked off a lot, because as a fish-man, he had no penis to jerk. I would suggest that he lifted weights, but that wouldn’t be particularly hard to do under water… Let us just assume that all mermen are exceptionally strong (as a certain manga/anime has taught us) and have no trouble pulling themselves up the side of a ship.
Through a small gap in the wooden railing, Yoochun watched those onboard, entranced. There were men dancing about, laughing, and a big fluffy dog jumping around, barking happily.
Yep, that dog was Xiahki. We meet him again. He’s still as awesome as he was before. Maybe even more so, you never know.
And then… Then Yoochun saw the most beautiful human - no, the most beautiful living being - that he had ever seen. He was confused for a brief moment, as the human sounded a lot like a dolphin, but he reasoned that dolphins couldn’t dance nearly as well as the human. Yoochun was beyond intrigued, avidly taking in every detail (a bit like a Peeping Tom, really, but no one was naked so it could have been worse… Or better, depending on how you look at it).
The human had legs, obviously, and at the top of them was a rather large protrusion… It somewhat reminded Yoochun of a duck he’d seen once. He wasn’t sure what purpose it served, but it sure looked nice on the dancing boy. Yes, the human was male. And yes, Yoochun was attracted to him. Are you really surprised? I did say that this was a boys-love story, did I not?
Anyway, on with the description.
The human had the most adorable face: striking, smiling eyes; a cute little nose; puffy, kissable lips. Yoochun had never kissed anyone before (though he had practiced on his hand a little… And he may have once ambushed Changmin whilst the other was sleeping, but everyone did that, so it wasn’t really a big deal) but he knew without a doubt that kissing the human boy would feel amazing.
Yoochun watched as an old man approached the human, smiling and leading him towards a large object covered with a sheet.
“Eh hem, may I have your attention!” Old Man called to the people on the ship. “As you know, it is Prince Junsu’s birthday, and as such, I would like to present this gift to him!”
“Ah, Old Man, you didn’t have to!” Junsu - the gorgeous human - blushed. “I mean, really…” His eyes widened as the sheet came off and the item was revealed. “Gah! What the hell is that!?” He exclaimed.
“Do you like it?” Old Man asked, looking upon the statue proudly. “I commissioned it myself…”
“W-why did you commission a naked statue of me!? And why am I spanking myself!?” Junsu cried, horrified.
“Well, we thought that we’d put it in the palace courtyard; see if it would attract any suitors. You’re getting old, Junsu. You need to think about taking a partner already.”
“Old!? I’m 18! And I’m not sure that this thing will attract any of the right people. I want to find someone on my own! And when I meet them, it’ll feel like I’ve been hit by lightning…”
Just as Prince Junsu uttered those words, lightning flashed in the sky, a storm quickly heading their way. The rain started thundering down as the boat was tossed about.
Yoochun hurriedly dived back into the sea, watching what was happening from a safe distance.
The ship was soon struck with lightning, the sails and mast catching on fire. The flames spread rapidly, engulfing the ship. Luckily, the men had managed to get into lifeboats and were sailing away quite happily, but then Junsu noticed that someone was missing.
He looked around frantically, his attention drawn back to the ship as he heard desperate barking.
“Xiahki!” He yelled, seeing his beloved, wonderful dog still on board, surrounded by flames.
Without thinking he jumped out of the boat, swimming like mad towards the ship. He swiftly scaled the side, running to Xiahki. The big white creature was on the upper deck, obviously too afraid to move.
“Jump!” The prince called, arms outstretched, willing his dog to obey. “C’mon boy, jump!”
And jump Xiahki did, straight into Junsu’s hold. However, the boy had obviously misjudged how big and heavy his dog was, as he was slammed hard into the ground, quivering dog on top of him.
“Oof! Xi-Xiahki… off… Can’t… get up…”
The dog barked loudly, licking Junsu’s face, before he trotted over to the railing, waiting for Junsu to stand up and help him the rest of the way off the boat. Xiahki wasn’t too keen on fire, surprisingly.
Grabbing hold of his pet once again, Junsu flung him overboard, just as the flames reached the gunpowder and fireworks and the ship exploded with a big bang (and lots of pretty sparkles).
Junsu was thrown into the water, unconscious from the force of the blast, and too far away from the lifeboat to be helped. Xiahki had made it to them safely, but they could only look on at the turbulent sea, hoping that the bootylicious prince was okay.
Thankfully, Yoochun had kept an eye on the human’s whereabouts and quickly swam to Junsu. He grasped the unconscious man firmly (and may or may not have copped a feel of the interesting duck-like protrusion) and began to drag him towards the shore.
The shore was quite far, though, so it took them a while to get there. Plus Yoochun had to make sure that it was a deserted shore, lest he be spotted. As such, they didn’t get there until morning. After being in the water all night, Junsu was lucky that he didn’t catch pneumonia - or worse, man-flu.
When Yoochun finally dragged the human onto the sand, he was rather tired - turns out that duck-like protrusions are quite heavy. It was worth it though, he mused, as he gazed down at the other.
“He’s so beautiful…” The merman cupped the side of the elder’s face, stroking his thumb over the soft cheek. Quietly he began to sing, his deep, sexy voice slowly bringing Junsu to consciousness.
Junsu’s eyes fluttered open, enchanted (and maybe a little aroused) by the husky sound. He was greeted with the sight of the most attractive boy he’d ever seen, the morning sun casting a halo around him. His damp black hair twisted around his face, the ends just brushing his naked shoulders. His eyes were soft, his beautiful mouth smiling whilst he sang.
Junsu’s mind snapped back to the “naked shoulders” part and he was just about to investigate whether or not the rest of the boy was naked too when he heard Old Man calling his name and Xiahki barking excitedly. He turned to the sound and felt the warm hand on his face disappear, only to look back and see that the gorgeous boy had gone.
“Junsu!” Old Man exclaimed, running to the young prince. “Oh thank goodness, we were so worried! Are you all right!?”
“I-I’m fine… I was rescued…” Junsu looked out to sea, wondering where the boy had gone. “He was…”
Amazing.
★ ★ ★
Meanwhile, Yoochun was being scolded by Yunho, who had witnessed everything, along with Changmin.
“I can’t believe you did that!” The composer with the perfect abs cried. “Do you know how dangerous that was!? And oh, what if your father finds out!? Who knows what he’ll do to you! To me! Oh God, he’ll go for my nipples again… No no no, this can’t be happening… Oh, oh! I know! We won’t tell him!”
Yoochun and Changmin rolled their eyes, ignoring the frantic Yunho. They began to swim off, leaving the other to follow, muttering to himself.
Again they were being watched unknowingly, the images transmitted to that suspicious creature in the cave via the creepy glowing eyes. The creature smirked, a wicked plan developing.
★ ★ ★
“I want to see him again, Min,” Yoochun said to Changmin later that day. “He’s all I can think about! His adorable face and squeaky voice and the strange squishy thing at the top of his legs…”
“Yoochun, no.”
The two teens swirled around, surprised to see Yunho floating there, hands on hips and apparently trying to be threatening. It was a bit of a fail, but they didn’t mention this.
“Look, Yoochun, I know that you’re fascinated with the surface world and all that, but your place is under the sea. Trust me, everything’s much better down here. All of the guys are topless, for a start! And everyone lives in harmony, unlike on land. Well, we live in harmony for the most part… You know, as long as you avoid the sharks and jellyfish and stuff… But yes, it’s much better under the sea. Right fish! Am I right!?” Yunho turned to the fish swimming about, a wide smile on his face. Fish aren’t the most interesting things in the world though, so they just ignored him.
Poor Yunho, he gets ignored a lot… (But King Jaejoong gives him enough attention to make up for it, so don’t worry).
Whilst the composer’s back was turned, Changmin whispered something to Yoochun and the two took off, grinning.
As such, Yunho turned back to continue lecturing the young prince only to find that he was no longer there. He had a bad feeling about it… He winced, covering his nipples, guessing that they may be in for some rough treatment soon…
★ ★ ★
Throughout the day Yoochun had been flitting around the palace, smiling and humming happily to himself. It was quite obvious to his sisters that he was in love, and they said as much to King Jaejoong later on when he inquired about his son’s odd behaviour.
Suffice to say, Jaejoong was quite relieved - he was worried that Yoochun had been eating weeds (again) and was high. This was far more preferable! To think, his little Yoochunnie, in love! Oh, his boy was growing up so fast… It made a father proud.
Jaejoong summoned Yunho, hoping that the composer could shed more light on the situation, as he’d been assigned to watch the prince. Also, it was always nice to see Yunho and his hard, sexy, sculpted abs. That topless rule really had been one of the best decisions that he’d ever made…
As Yunho entered the throne room, Jaejoong quickly took on a sober expression.
“You wanted to see me, Your Majesty?” Yunho bowed, looking nervous.
Jaejoong smirked. Excellent…
“Yes, I was curious about Yoochun… Did anything interesting happen yesterday?”
Yunho gulped harshly, his eyes wide. “I-interesting? Yesterday? Oh, no, nothing at all… He just, you know, hung out with Changmin…”
“Oh?” Jaejoong asked. It wasn’t Changmin that Yoochun was in love with, was it? No, no, that was ridiculous; they were more like brothers… “Is that all? Are you sure nothing else happened?”
“Positive.” Yunho nodded. He was shaking, obviously uneasy.
“Really?” The King pressed. “He didn’t meet anyone…?”
Yunho bit his lips, eyes darting from side to side, until finally his resolve broke. “Okay, I admit it! He did! He did meet someone! I tried to stop him Your Majesty, I really did! I told him that humans were dangerous but -”
“Humans!?” Jaejoong exclaimed angrily, startled. His Yoochunnie had met a human!? “Where is he!? That boy…” Frowning deeply, King Jaejoong quickly swam off to confront his son. Yunho could only trail behind timidly, hands protecting his nipples and a foreboding feeling taking over.
★ ★ ★
When Changmin had prompted Yoochun to leave earlier, it was to visit his cove of human treasures - and I use the term 'treasures' very liberally. However, there was indeed an item of special importance waiting for Yoochun: the naked statue of Junsu, which had sunk into the ocean when the ship exploded.
Yoochun squealed (much like a fangirl) and wrapped his arms around the stone statue, nuzzling his face into Junsu’s.
“Oh Min, I love it! Look, it even has his duck-like protrusion!”
“It’s called a ‘butt’, Hyung. Humans sit on them.”
“Sit on them?” Yoochun asked, cocking his head and staring down at the ‘butt’. “Well, I suppose it is rather squishy,” he giggled, poking the stone. “But Min, look at him! Isn’t he gorgeous?”
“What!?”
Yoochun spun around, eyes wide, recognising the voice instantly. “Dad…”
Yes, Jaejoong and Yunho managed to get there that quickly. Jaejoong’s the mer-King, don’t doubt him - Yunho’s aren’t the only nipples that he can torture, you know.
“Yoochun, what the hell is this!?” King Jaejoong demanded, waving his trident around the cove disdainfully. “And what the hell is that!?” He indicated the statue.
“It’s… They’re human things… I…”
Jaejoong glared at his son, disappointment evident in his features. “I’ve told you to stay away from humans. They’re dangerous, Yoochun! And now I find out that you met one!? And you collect all this, this rubbish!”
“It’s not rubbish!” Yoochun defended indignantly. “I like it! I like humans!”
“Don’t be so ridiculous,” Jaejoong scoffed. “There’s nothing to like - they’re savage beasts who would just as soon eat you as befriend you. Don’t forget that you’re half fish, Yoochun. And humans eat fish.”
“I don’t care,” Yoochun pouted, crossing his arms. “I bet Junsu wouldn’t eat me.”
“Yoochun, this conversation is over. I am your father and you will listen to me. Now say goodbye to this junk.”
Before Yoochun could protest the King had raised his trident and aimed it at a pile of… somethings. Not the same pile of somethings that Yunho had been hiding behind before, though - there were a lot of piles of somethings…
Magical Trident Light was fired around the cove, human objects being shattered instantly. All of Yoochun’s beloved rubbish was quickly becoming nothing but dust. Jaejoong pointing his trident at the naked statue of Junsu finally spurred Yoochun into action.
“No, dad, don’t! I love him!” He cried, swimming in front of the statue in an attempt to protect it from the King’s wrath.
It was the wrong thing to say though, as Jaejoong’s expression quickly darkened further. With unerring accuracy King Jaejoong shot at the stone, pieces of Junsu soon raining down around the cove.
Satisfied that Yoochun had learnt his lesson, the King surveyed the destruction once more before swiftly exiting, frown still in place. He didn’t enjoy punishing his boy, but he had to understand the consequences of his actions.
Yoochun looked around, horrified. All of his wonderful things… Gone. His eyes caught sight of part of the statue; Junsu’s wonderful naked butt. He picked it up carefully, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.
“Leave me… Please,” he whispered, not looking up at Changmin and Yunho, who were watching the prince worriedly. “Please.”
The two glanced at each other, silently agreeing to leave.
Yoochun was not alone though, as those creepy eels had slipped into the cove with no one noticing.
“Why so sad, young prince?” Eel 1 - whom is oft referred to as T.O.P - asked. That’s right, the eels can talk too - you think a gull is the only talking animal? Hah!
Yoochun looked up, startled, and clutched the stone butt closer to his chest. “Y-you, you’re…”
“We work for someone who can help you,” Eel 2 - commonly known as Seungri - said. “I’m sure you know who…”
“The Sea Dragon,” Yoochun whispered, afraid. He’d been told of the Sea Dragon ever since he was a little merboy, and knew that the creature was dangerous - even more so than humans.
“Actually, it’s C-Dragon,” Seungri told him. “Because that’s cooler.”
“No, it’s G-Dragon now, remember?” T.O.P corrected.
“What’s the G for?” Yoochun asked, confused. ‘C’ he understood, but ‘G’…
“Gay-Dragon,” the eels said in unison.
Yoochun suppressed a snort, momentarily forgetting his woes.
“Anyway,” T.O.P continued. “G-Dragon can help you. You want to be with this human, right? G-Dragon can make that happen.”
The prince bit his lip, considering the offer. He knew that he shouldn’t go, but one look around the destroyed cove was enough to convince him. After all, what rebellious teenager doesn’t like to do something just because their parents told them not to? Especially if their parents just pissed them off.
“Okay.”
As they left they encountered Changmin and Yunho, who had been waiting outside.
“Uh, Hyung, what’re you doing?” Changmin asked, eyeing the eels warily. “You know those are the bad guys, right?”
“I know,” Yoochun replied. “But I don’t care. I’m going to see G-Dragon.”
Yunho looked confused. “G-Dragon? I thought it was C-Dragon?”
“Well, apparently he’s gay now, so… G.”
“His name doesn’t matter! Hyung, why’re you going to see him!?” Changmin cried, worried for his friend. He knew that G-Dragon was bad news, ever since he’d innocently eaten some of the seaweed growing in the magical being’s garden - that was when G-Dragon (or C-Dragon, as he was known back then) had started the whole 'kiss Changmin when he’s sleeping' thing… The creature was pure evil. Changmin’s lips would be forever tainted.
“He can help me,” Yoochun replied simply. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll be off.”
Yunho and Changmin could only watch as the young prince went with the slippery, horrible eels. They decided to stealthily follow him, lest he get into trouble.
★ ★ ★
“Yo Chun, wha’s ‘app’nin’?”
“…Excuse me?” Yoochun asked, startled.
“Wha’s up?”
“Um…”
G-Dragon sighed, rolling his eyes. “Hello, Prince Yoochun.”
“Oh. Hi. Why didn’t you just say that in the first place?”
“’Cause dis is 'ow I roll, yo.”
“…'Roll'?”
“I told you master, no one can understand you when you speak like that,” T.O.P said gently.
“Shut yo mouff, eel! I can speak 'however I wan'! I’m G-D, baby!”
Yoochun eyed the creature warily. Seems that the Sea Dragon - sorry, G-Dragon - was just as crazy as he’d been told.
“Now, Chun,” G-Dragon slung his arm around the merman. “Seems you’re in a pinch, yeah? You wanna ge' some o’ tha’ booty, butcha a fish - what can ya do?”
“'Booty'?” Yoochun asked, confused.
“Ass, man!”
“…'Ass'?”
The creature sighed again exasperatedly. “You want the human boy.”
“Oh. Yes, yes I do.”
“Right, butcha can’ ge’ ‘im ‘cause you live down ‘ere, yeah?”
“…Yes,” Yoochun agreed, nodding, needing a moment or two to process the words.
“Well tha’s where I come in, yo. Tha’ human, ‘e’s a fine catch a’righ’ - an’ no, tha’ ain’ no fish joke.”
“Do you have any idea what he’s on about?” Yunho whispered to Changmin from their hiding place.
Changmin shook his head. “Not really… I think he’s offering to help Hyung though. Maybe one of the eels will translate?”
“You, do’h, you live un’er the sea, an’ tha’s no’ groun’s for a goo’ relationship, like. So whatcha go’a do is, you go’a become human yo’self, yo.”
“I… what?” Yoochun squinted at the creature, as though that would help him understand better. Obviously Yoochun had no idea how the five senses work.
G-Dragon huffed. “SeungSeung, ‘elp a brova ou’.”
“Who the hell’s SeungSeung?” Yoochun asked, still squinting.
“We are,” the eels replied.
The prince tilted his head, even more confused. “But… I thought…”
“Dey bouff Seunghyun, yeah? Bu’ tha’s confusin’ like, sos I call ‘em T.O.P an’ Seungri when I jus’ wan’ da one, bu’ SeungSeung togeva, ‘kay?”
Yoochun nodded slowly, not sure he quite understood, but not wanting to anger the creature.
“Anyways, tell ‘im wha’ I seh, yeah?” G-Dragon instructed, flinging his arm in Yoochun’s direction. And yes, of course dragons have arms. They may be stubby, but they’re still there - don’t be speciesist.
“Master said that in order to get what you want…” Seungri began.
“You must become a human yourself,” T.O.P finished, both eels smirking evilly - well, as much as an eel can smirk, anyway.
Both Changmin and Yunho gasped, looking at each other in worry. If Yoochun became a human, then King Jaejoong would… Well, let’s just say that it wouldn’t just be Yunho’s nipples being abused.
“Human, huh? So I’ll get to live up on land and be with Junsu all the time? Sounds pretty cool… I’ll miss Min, obviously, but I can always visit him. I don’t really care about my sisters - bitches think they’re better than me anyway. And, well, my dad’s an asshole, so whatever. I’m in.”
“Ya wha’?” G-Dragon asked, surprised. “You’re… Uh… A’righ’, we’, da was easy… I had a song prepare’ an’ ev’ryt’in’… Bu’, if yo’ sure… You know I go’a take somefin’ off ya, righ’?”
“Something like what?”
G-Dragon smirked. “I hear’ you sin’, Lil Prince, an’ tha’s one sexy se’ o’ pipes you go’, yo… So I wan’ ‘em. You gimme tha’ an’ I make yo human, yeah?”
Yoochun looked to the eels, hoping that they could elaborate.
“He wants your voice,” T.O.P told him.
“My voice?” Yoochun’s hand flew up to his throat. “But… Without my voice, how will I…?”
“Yo, Chunnie, yo a fine piece o’ ass, man! Jus’ look a’ tha’ face, like! You’ do fine, trus’ me, yeah?”
Seungri responded to Yoochun’s confused look. “He says you’re hot even without your voice.”
“Oh. Well, thank you.” Yoochun nodded, smiling.
Still in hiding, Changmin facepalmed, not believing that his friend could be so stupid. Falling for such flattery… At least he said he’d miss him though - that made Changmin kind of happy.
“So is that all, then? I give you my voice, and I get to become human?”
G-Dragon shifted. “We’ dere’s a bi’ more to i’ dan da, like, butche, pre’y much. Ya on’y go’ free days, ‘oh. If ‘e don’ luh you by da en’ o' da fird day, yo mine, Prince. An’ you know ‘ow ‘e luh you, yeah? Wiv a kiss, yo. True Luh’s kiss. If ‘e do, yo free. Ge’ yo voice ba’ an’ live as ‘uman fo’ever, like. So, whatcha say?”
“…I say the only thing I understood was ‘kiss’. You… want me to kiss you?”
“What!? Fuck no!” G-Dragon exclaimed. “I don’ go in fo’ no lil poncy ass merman! Fuck you!”
“What our master said,” interjected T.O.P, “is that you have three days in which to make the human fall in love with you.”
“If he gives you True Love’s Kiss,” Seungri continued, “then you will be free.”
“You will get your voice back,” T.O.P said.
“And you may live as a human forever,” Seungri finished.
In sync, they grinned (again, as much as an eel can really grin) and said, “But…”
“If he does not,” T.O.P started.
“Then you shall become the property of our master,” Seungri warned, still smiling.
“Well, you said it yourself, didn’t you? I’m hot. Why wouldn’t he want me? So, where do I sign up?”
“Oh shit, he’s really doing it, oh crap, oh my, oh no, oh dear… King Jaejoong’s going to kill me!” Yunho cried. “My nipples will never be the same…”
“Well, look on the bright side - at least you’ll always have your amazingly firm delectable abs,” Changmin said, trying to console the distraught composer.
“Dis be da contract, yo. Sign ‘ere.” G-Dragon gave Yoochun some parchment and a quill to write with. They were magical, of course - how do you expect regular parchment to survive underwater?
Yoochun signed his name with a flourish, excited. Obviously he was a little over-confident, but what rebellious teenage boy isn’t?
“Now, sing,” G-Dragon commanded, holding out a bright yellow smiley-face badge.
Yoochun eyed it suspiciously before doing as he was told, his wonderfully sexy voice filling the cave. Shivers were had all round, as no one could resist the husky tone.
The badge glowed as Yoochun sang, the black face dripping creepily and the eyes morphing into crosses until finally the prince went silent, mouth gaping like the half-fish he was. The badge-face was still smiling, but it looked rather more menacing now. G-Dragon pinned it to his chest proudly, laughing sinisterly.
Yoochun tried to ask what happened next, but quickly remembered that he was no longer capable of asking anything. He flailed his arms for attention instead.
G-Dragon glanced at him briefly, and with a flick of his wrist the water started to churn around Yoochun’s tail-fin.
The merman writhed, the strangest sensation overtaking him, and he suddenly found that he couldn’t breathe, struggling against the water surrounding him. Luckily Changmin and Yunho were there - they quickly swooped (well, swam, because they don’t have wings, but swoop sounds cooler) into the cave, each grabbing hold of one of Yoochun’s arms and dragging the prince to the surface as fast as possible.
Breaking through the waves and ensuring that Yoochun could breathe properly, the two mermen began to head towards the shore, arms wrapped securely around the prince. Soon enough, Yoochun was seated by a small rock pool, legs stretched out in front of him.
He wiggled his toes, marvelling at the odd feeling. He noticed something odd though and frowned down at himself, thinking that G-Dragon must have messed up. He tried to call out to the others, but soon realised how futile that was, so resorted to waving his arms around again.
“Hyung? What’s the matter?” Changmin asked, concerned.
Yoochun pointed down to his lap, pouting. Changmin followed his gaze and shrieked in terror.
“Oh my God what is it get it off!” He yelled, swatting frantically at the, the thing attached to Yoochun. He’d never seen a sea creature that looked quite like that, but obviously something had somehow managed to latch on to Yoochun whilst they were swimming.
Yoochun’s face scrunched up as though in pain and he shoved Changmin’s hand away, cupping the creature in his lap.
“Hyung, what’re you doing!? Is it hurting you that bad!? Here, let me get rid of it…”
The prince’s hand flew up to stop his friend as Changmin stretched his hand out, preparing to ‘help’. He shook his head frantically, hoping that Changmin would understand. Yoochun revealed the strange fleshy creature again and tugged on it, demonstrating that it was actually attached.
“What… What is it?” Changmin asked, horrified.
Yoochun shrugged, confused, still fiddling with the thing in his lap.
Yunho peered over, curious. “I thought humans only had two legs. Did the C-Dragon -”
“G-Dragon,” Changmin corrected.
“- make a mistake? You’d expect him to know these things…”
“Yoochun!” A voice called.
The mermen and new-man (that is a contraction of ‘new-human’, just so you know. It sort of sounds similar, after all… Or it would, if ‘human’ began with an ‘n’) looked around for the source of the sound. They found it when Jinki (the gull, remember?) landed on a rock next to the prince.
“Hi guys! What’re you doing here?”
“Well, Yoochun’s not really fit to be in the water right now,” Changmin said, glancing at the new-man’s lack of a tail-fin.
“Holy Carp, Yoochun, you have legs!” Jinki exclaimed.
Changmin rolled his eyes, muttering, “You don’t say…”
“When did this happen!?”
“Just now, actually,” Yunho sighed. “Courtesy of the C- I mean, G-Dragon. And now, if he doesn’t get this human to fall in love and kiss him within three days, he will belong to the G-Dragon forever.”
Yoochun pouted, waving his hands as though asking for Yunho to continue.
The composer sighed again. “And, if he does receive this kiss, then he shall remain a human forever. It’s lose/lose really. And Yoochun, what am I supposed to tell your father, huh? You think he’s not going to notice you missing for three days?”
The prince merely shrugged sheepishly.
“You’ve been awfully quiet, Chunnie,” Jinki said, peering at the new-man. “How are you feeling about all this?”
Yoochun grinned widely, sticking two thumbs up.
“He exchanged his voice for this. Can you believe that? His wonderful, seductive voice, for what!? Two and a bit legs?” Bemoaned Yunho.
Confused, Jinki asked, “Two and a bit?”
The others all looked down at Yoochun’s lap, once again contemplating the strange appendage.
Jinki followed their gaze and his beady eyes widened at the sight. “Worm!” He cried, quickly diving down to catch the creature in his beak.
Yoochun’s mouth opened wide in a silent scream, hands whacking at the gull attempting to remove something that really did not want to be removed.
“No, Jinki, it’s attached!” Changmin reached for the bird, successfully dislodging him.
The prince held the fleshy thing delicately, caressing it, tears slipping from his eyes. He looked up at Jinki, confusion and hurt written all over his face.
“Sorry about that…” Jinki coughed. “I just saw… And I thought… But obviously it’s not… Um, anyway, that’s a pretty common thing on humans, you know. Only the males, mind. It’s called a whoopledip, and is used to frighten predators and over-eager females. What you do, see, is you shake your body side to side, and the whoopledip will dance around and smack against you and make a scary noise, so anything that was planning to attack will get scared and leave. Very effective I’ve heard, very effective.”
Yoochun nodded, staring down at the whoopledip (it’s not a whoopledip, it’s a penis, and if you didn’t figure that out then you should probably leave now) in awe. He tried shaking himself to see what would happen, and it did indeed bounce about! He looked at the others, amazed, but both Changmin and Yunho were regarding it suspiciously.
“Anyway, Yoochun-dear, we need to get you some clothes. Humans only walk around naked at night, and it’s currently morning, so…”
Continued here.