(no subject)
all i want is to have a phone. there is so much damn hassle. i'm still so upset i lost my last one and i still dont understand how it happened. and if someone found it why would they just keep it? the battery is dead and even if they can get it to turn on they cant make calls coz my service has been suspended. and they cant activate the phone coz it will show up stolen. its just so stupid and why are ppl so selfish as to keep someone elses phone? dont ppl stop to consider that maybe it took a lot of sacrifice to get a phone like that and now i'm even more broke then ever coz i need to buy a new one.
i'm really emotional today and am pretty close to tears. i was laying on jay's bed and the cat flopped over by my head and poked me in the eye with his tail and i started crying and asking jay why the cat hates me so much. i'm a mess. things were going so well for me and now they're falling apart again. i just need some smooth stuff to help me calm for a bit.i'm so worried about aunt susan and how its affecting uncle jack. my hand hurts from burning it. i fell in the shower yesterday and twisted my back. i hate my job. i miss nanny. just so much stuff that seems little to some ppl but all piled on its a lot.
also josie just had her baby on saturday at 7:10am. it was a girl. April Kelly. and Amy S is getting married in august. i'm going to her wedding shower july 10th. just gotta call and RSVP. Stuff like this is depressing. jay and i are up and down and i'm a fool. he was gonna buy me a ring last month on the day he ended up getting laid off. needless to say i didnt get the ring. he told me that he'd been planning on getting me a ring that day and that's what made the getting laid off even harder. cant buy a ring with no job. that's not even the harsh part. the harsh part was later having him say that its not like the ring was gonna mean anything coz we're not ready for that and he has it in his head he needs to get me some big expensive ring. the thing he doesnt get is i'd love anything from him and that i just need something to help me feel more secure with us. i love him so much. he's so good to me but i'm still scared. my only other serious relationship messed me up a lot and jay and i ending last spring the way we did didnt help matters. i'm scared that he's gonna realize he can do better and leave me. and i know he's not like it but i cant help but be scared. he's the best thing to ever happen to my life. he makes me care about the future. i just hope my fears dont push him away again.
man i sure ramble. not much else going on in my life. hoping to see the sisterhood of the travelling pants wed afternoon with portia. i hope it works out. i miss her. i dont have many close friends and i dont wanna lose the few i have left. i really need them.
i'm really emotional today and am pretty close to tears. i was laying on jay's bed and the cat flopped over by my head and poked me in the eye with his tail and i started crying and asking jay why the cat hates me so much. i'm a mess. things were going so well for me and now they're falling apart again. i just need some smooth stuff to help me calm for a bit.i'm so worried about aunt susan and how its affecting uncle jack. my hand hurts from burning it. i fell in the shower yesterday and twisted my back. i hate my job. i miss nanny. just so much stuff that seems little to some ppl but all piled on its a lot.
also josie just had her baby on saturday at 7:10am. it was a girl. April Kelly. and Amy S is getting married in august. i'm going to her wedding shower july 10th. just gotta call and RSVP. Stuff like this is depressing. jay and i are up and down and i'm a fool. he was gonna buy me a ring last month on the day he ended up getting laid off. needless to say i didnt get the ring. he told me that he'd been planning on getting me a ring that day and that's what made the getting laid off even harder. cant buy a ring with no job. that's not even the harsh part. the harsh part was later having him say that its not like the ring was gonna mean anything coz we're not ready for that and he has it in his head he needs to get me some big expensive ring. the thing he doesnt get is i'd love anything from him and that i just need something to help me feel more secure with us. i love him so much. he's so good to me but i'm still scared. my only other serious relationship messed me up a lot and jay and i ending last spring the way we did didnt help matters. i'm scared that he's gonna realize he can do better and leave me. and i know he's not like it but i cant help but be scared. he's the best thing to ever happen to my life. he makes me care about the future. i just hope my fears dont push him away again.
man i sure ramble. not much else going on in my life. hoping to see the sisterhood of the travelling pants wed afternoon with portia. i hope it works out. i miss her. i dont have many close friends and i dont wanna lose the few i have left. i really need them.