Never Been Kissed [Kris/Baekhyun] (2/2)
Never Been Kissed (2/2)
-
Baekhyun doesn’t show up in the library at 10am. Neither does show up the next day. Nor does Kris see him in the next couple of days. It’s almost like they aren’t even taking the same classes. Kris knows he should be worried, except he’s pretty sure that nothing bad has happened to Baekhyun.
He sighs and packs up his stuff. This isn’t the first time he’s hung out in the library or in the cafeteria, or even in the nursing home in hopes that Baekhyun would show up and they could talk about whatever it is that happened. He might as well just go back to the apartment with Lu Han, who has been whining that he was spending too much time with Baekhyun already that he’s forgotten that he promised to watch the taped Manchester United versus Chelsea game with him that morning.
“What are you doing here?” Lu Han pauses as he comes out of his room. Glancing around, it’s almost as if he expects Baekhyun to be there.
“I couldn’t concentrate on studying,” Kris mutters, making himself comfortable on the couch just as the game starts.
Lu Han settles in beside him. “You do know that I’m going to ask you about this later, right?” When Kris merely sighs really loudly, Lu Han reaches for the remote and turns the TV off, startling Kris. “Okay I’m just going to ask now. What happened?”
Kris leans his head back on the couch to avoid Lu Han’s piercing stare. Lu Han is going to find out sooner or later because he’s always been able to read him very well. This, though, this thing with Baekhyun, whatever it is, he doesn’t quite know how to put it into words and hopes that Lu Han can just figure it out.
“I don’t know,” Kris finally says. He sees Lu Han’s incredulous expression and takes a deep breath. “I don’t know what happened.”
“How-?” Lu Han starts, but Kris continues.
“One minute, we were okay and then the next, we weren’t,” Kris attempts to explain. “I don’t know.” He squeezes his eyes shut. The lie tastes bitter in his tongue because the truth that he knows very well what happened is just too difficult to say.
“What did you do?” Lu Han simply asks.
“What makes you think it was my fault?” Kris demands, offended.
“Because if Baekhyun did anything, there wouldn’t be an issue,” Lu Han rolls his eyes. “Baekhyun has been blatantly doing advances on you and, while you’re uncomfortable about it, you’ve never complained once. You’ve been going on with him and ditching your friends-“
“I have not-“
“You have, Kris,” Lu Han snickers then waves dismissively. “It’s not like we’re upset with you for it. We can see that you’re actually going out for once with someone you actually like and-“
“I do not-“
“Yes, you do,” Lu Han cuts him off sternly. He places his hands primly on his lap, which Kris thinks is deceptively calm of him. “So, what did you do?”
“ImayhavetriedtokisshimbutherejectedmeandOHMYGODLUHANDOESTHATMEANHEDOESN’TLIKEMETHATI’MNOTUPTOHISSTANDARDSWHAT-“
“STOP!” Lu Han yells and Kris freezes in mid-rant. He regains his composure and looks at Kris curiously. “So you tried to kiss him?” Kris nods. “And he…?” Kris sighs and nods again. “Huh,” Lu Han muses. “So he does actually reject people. Byun Baekhyun is classier than I thought.”
“You think he’s too classy for me? That’s what you get from all of this?” Kris blurts out, very much hurt by his friend’s lack of concern for his well being. Not that he’s concerned. Because this whole thing with Baekhyun isn’t that big of a deal. Nope. “I mean, yeah, he probably is.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Lu Han tells him. “Have you tried talking to him, ask him about what happened?”
Kris wants to do that. The problem is he doesn’t really know what to actually say. How exactly do you talk to someone about a kiss that he apparently never really wanted? Aside from that, he doesn’t actually know where to find Baekhyun.
“I’m sure he’s just thinking about things,” Lu Han tries to console him.
Kris laughs humorlessly. “He’s Byun Baekhyun, Han,” he says. “With all the people he’s been with, do you really think he doesn’t know what he wants by now? That he still thinks about the kind of person he wants to do it with? I only tried to kiss him. Just a kiss. If he didn’t want to do even that with me, well,” he chuckles again, “what does that say about how he feels about me? I’m just a nerd after all.”
“Have you tried talking to him?” Lu Han asks instead.
“I would if I knew where to find him,” Kris mutters.
It is only then that Kris realizes how little he still knows about Baekhyun. He doesn’t even know where he hangs out or who his friends are. If he was so interested like he thinks he is, why has he never made an effort to really get to know him?
-
Kris sighs.
He misses Baekhyun. He’d been spending practically everyday with him that the sudden loss of his company is kind of like losing a big part of him. His life has gone back to the old routine of waking up, going to class, studying in the library and then going home. Gone were the fun and relaxing days of hanging out in coffee shops and drinking too much coffee, walking in the park and watching people, or watching foreign language films because Baekhyun says they become more cultured that way. He’s tried looking for him to no avail. Taking the same classes is no use to him. He can’t seem to find that blond head he’s been longing to see.
He straightens up and pouts.
“If you sigh one more time, I’m going to take this fork and stab it in your eye,” Jongdae holds up his fork threateningly.
“Sorry,” Kris mutters, staring at his untouched food.
“It’s so interesting how things work out,” Jongdae muses and Lu Han grins gleefully. He points his fork at Kris, who flinches. “You’re this dork who’s whole life has been set towards becoming a doctor, always too busy for fun, ending up with having no social life at all. And then Byun Baekhyun comes into your life and all of a sudden you’re social and you got focused on him and your friendship that now that he’s gone you’re lost like a puppy wandering down the streets.”
“Is there a point to this?” Kris narrows his eyes at him.
“All I’m saying is someone finally pays attention to you but you’re just sitting there moping,” Jongdae paraphrases and Kris ends up confused because how was that whole paragraph and this sentence the same thing.
“I am not moping,” Kris retorts.
“Yes you are,” Lu Han insists. “If you weren’t, you’d be out there looking for him.”
“I’ve tried that,” Kris reminds them. “He doesn’t want me to find him because he doesn’t like me. I’m probably too ordinary for his tastes. He has been with practically the entire school after all.”
“You are so dumb,” Jongdae plants his face in his palm. “I can’t believe that you’re actually…” He trails away and shakes his head.
“Just find him, Kris,” Lu Han urges. “And get the real reason for what he did from him and not from what you think you know.”
-
There was once a saying that went around school that said all roads lead to Oh Sehun. Kris has always thought that it was a stupid saying because Sehun is just another student in campus. Sure, he may be the team captain and star player of their basketball team, which he juggles effortlessly with being an engineering student, as well as being someone whom girls and guys alike admired. But to think that everything in campus has a connection with him was just being stupid. Kris has never thought it to be true, until he finds himself standing in front of the infamous Oh Sehun.
Sehun quirks his lips to a smirk, slanted eyes looking him from head to toe. Even though Kris is almost a head taller than him, he finds himself cowering under his stare.
“You’re looking for Baekhyun?” Sehun drawls. “What makes you think I can help you?”
“Can you?” Kris asks, forcing himself not to be intimidated. He may be someone that girls and guys alike admired in a variety of ways, but he’s never really heard that many good things about him and if Baekhyun’s connected to him in any way then that can’t be a good thing.
Sehun taps his chin in an annoyingly smug manner as he continues to smirk. “I know Baekhyun,” he tells him with a mischievous twinkle in his eye that Kris hates. “If he’s making you work hard for him like this, it just means that he wants you.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Kris demands, brows furrowed. He doesn’t like the way Sehun is talking about Baekhyun.
“He’s a tease,” Sehun summarizes for him. “He wants you to look for him. He’ll give in eventually and then you can have him.”
“What-?”
“He always gives in at the end,” Sehun wiggles his eyebrows up and down, matching it with another smirk. He pats Kris’ shoulder. “Good luck, man. Baekhyun may not be the freshest meat out there, but he sure is a good one.”
Kris stands frozen in his spot, fists clenched. It takes another beat or two before he decides that the things Sehun said are not okay and that somebody should teach him a thing or two about opening his mouth about people like that. He takes one step and another before a hand clamps on his arm, pulling him back.
“You’re not going to resolve anything by going after him and punching him. If anything, you’re going to get to punch him once before anyone within earshot hears and comes to his rescue.”
Kris stares at him for a couple of seconds before coming to his senses. “Aren’t you his best friend?” he apprehensively asks.
“Jongin,” he offers, shaking Kris’ hand probably in an effort to unclench them as well. “But yeah, I am his best friend.”
Kris raises his eyebrows questioningly. He’s heard about Kim Jongin, too, Sehun’s best friend and right hand man. Also an engineering student, as well as a player of the basketball team, Kris has heard better things about him. They say that, while Sehun is handsome and adored by practically everyone, he is also a jerk. Jongin, meanwhile, is handsome and apparently really nice, too.
“He can’t go around saying things like that about people,” Kris tries to swallow his anger down. “Even if they’re true, it doesn’t give him the right.”
“They’re not,” Jongin quietly says.
Kris lifts his eyes towards him. “What?”
Jongin shifts in his stance, looking every bit of apologetic, although Kris can’t understand why. “You’re looking for Baek, right?” he says instead. “You should go look for Chanyeol. He’s Baek’s best friend. He’s probably at the science lab right now,” he adds as he checks his wristwatch for the time.
“Thank you,” Kris calls after him as Jongin walks away.
Jongin turns to him and shakes his head. “Don’t,” he says. “It’s the least I can do.” With a small smile, he waves and leaves.
-
Kris does find Chanyeol in one of the science labs on the third floor of the engineering building. He was in the middle of cleaning up some chemical that thankfully hasn’t burned a hole through anything when Kris walks in. Chanyeol looks up when he does and giggles in this really deep voice that Kris takes a step back in some sort of shock. Kris’ voice is deep but Chanyeol’s seems to take the cake.
“Uh, maybe I should come back,” Kris uncomfortably suggests, already moving to leave the room.
“No, no,” Chanyeol says dismissively. “Just cleaning up, nothing’s exploded or is going to explode, I promise.” He waves him to come in and take a seat on one of the stools.
Kris watches as Chanyeol cleans up and returns the beakers to their respective cabinets, almost dropping one or two in the process. He’s not quite sure how someone like him is in chemical engineering, which is a course that seems to need organization and precision. When he’s done, he sits himself beside Kris and stares at him.
“Uh, hi,” Kris clears his throat. “I’m-“
“Kris Wu,” Chanyeol finishes for him with a big grin on his face. “I know.” And Kris starts in surprise. “Baekhyun’s mentioned you,” he continues. “I’ve been actually waiting for you to come talk to me for a while now. What took you so long?”
“I-“ Kris starts, reeling in the shock that Chanyeol has been expecting him. “I didn’t-“
“Let me guess, he hasn’t told you about me,” Chanyeol chuckles, “or anything else about him for that matter.”
Kris stares at Chanyeol because he seems to know very well what’s going on in Kris’ head. “Is this…normal?” he asks uncertainly.
Chanyeol shrugs. “He’s not a sharer in the conventional sense,” he tells him nonchalantly. He claps his hands together and takes a deep breath. “So. What can I do for you?”
Kris shifts in his seat nervously. Now that Chanyeol’s serious, he suddenly isn’t sure what he wants Chanyeol to help him with. He wants to find Baekhyun and talk to him. But then there’s this thing about Sehun and Jongin and now he’s all curious about what the latter could have meant when he hesitated and forced him to talk to Chanyeol.
“I just want to talk to him,” Kris finally admits.
“Why?” Chanyeol simply asks.
“Because I haven’t seen him for days and we just stopped talking and I can’t find him,” Kris tells him, frustrated. “We went from being friends to nothing in a span of that one moment and I just want to understand.”
“Do you really?” Chanyeol tilts his head in honest curiosity. “Or is there something more you want from him?”
“What do you mean?” Kris asks, confused.
“Most people just talk to Baekhyun for one thing and then walk away when they get disappointed,” Chanyeol shares, looking away as if the thought repulses and saddens him before meeting Kris’ eyes once more. “He doesn’t need more people like that in his life.”
“I’m not-that’s not what I want from him,” Kris defends himself, because it’s really not. Baekhyun seemed to be the only person, aside from Lu Han and Jongdae (who really have no choice, let’s be honest), who saw him and accepted and liked him for who he is. He still doesn’t understand it but, somehow, Baekhyun seemed to like hanging out with him even if he is a nobody.
“You tried to kiss him,” Chanyeol reminds him knowingly.
“Because I like him!” Kris blurts out in justification. “I like being around him. I like that he doesn’t care that I study all the time; he even studies with me even if he doesn’t need to. I like that he takes me to the places he likes and shares his favorite food and drinks. I like that he makes me watch movies with him and that we discuss it intelligently. I like it that he surprises me when does things like volunteer at a nursing home or orphanages. I like it when he plays with my fingers even when it makes me not concentrate on my work. I like-“ He takes a deep breath. “I just like him,” he finishes lamely.
His face twitches when he realizes what he’s done. He hasn’t even admitted this to himself and here he is pouring his heart out to Baekhyun’s best friend, of all people.
Still, Chanyeol’s face remains impassive.
“I just want to talk to him. I don’t care about what he’s done in the past, it’s not what I want from him,” Kris continues.
“Hmm,” Chanyeol muses. “Do you believe in the things they say?”
Kris shrugs. “It doesn’t matter to me,” he states.
“It matters to Baek,” Chanyeol responds, breathing deeply. Suddenly he stands up and gathers his things. “Well then, this has been pleasant.”
“What-you’re not going to help me?” Kris demands, standing up as well.
“You seem to be a good guy, better than all the others,” Chanyeol says, patting his arm. “You’ll find him.”
“But-“ Kris cuts himself off as Chanyeol leaves the lab.
Kris sits back down and buries his face in his hands. He went out of his comfort zone, talked to three people he’s never talked to before, even ending up confessing his feelings to one of them and yet it seemed to have accomplished nothing.
It just made Kris miss Baekhyun more.
-
The amount of work their neurology professor gives them makes Kris’ head throb. He’s definitely going to miss the big party Lu Han and Jongdae’s been talking about since last week. He has so much work to do he thinks he just needs to hole up in his dorm the whole weekend. Oh well, at least it will keep his mind off Baekhyun.
He gathers his books and his bag and heads out of the lecture hall to proceed to the library. He needs books and journals and probably more time to finish everything. Taking a deep breath to will the stress away, he shifts his bag on his shoulder and allows his mind to wander.
If he and Baekhyun were still talking, Baekhyun would probably hand him an outline of the report that they need to do, which is something he would’ve done in class as the professor is explaining it, right after class ends. They’d then share the research for it. If he was honest with himself, Kris’ grades have really improved when he and Baekhyun had studied together. He’s not saying that Baekhyun’s good for him, although he probably really is, it’s just that he really misses him. Everything seems more fun and easier when he’s around.
He’s just exited the lecture hall when he feels a tap on his back. Turning around, he expects to see his classmate, Minseok, who’s offered to share the research work for this report, poised to turn him down because he really just wants to be alone with his thoughts. Except it’s not Minseok.
“Baekhyun,” Kris wheezes, as air seems to seize passing through his lungs.
And it’s almost like a new person because this Baekhyun looks different, seems different. Instead of the usual black outfit he dons, he’s wearing a white shirt underneath a gray sweater along with some dark jeans, while a checkered white and blue ascot covers his neck. His face is clear of any dark make-up, too. But that’s not the only thing that’s different. Baekhyun’s blond hair that Kris thought made him look like a little angel is now a grayish sort of brown, which makes him look even more angelic somehow.
Baekhyun chuckles awkwardly as he fiddles with the hem of his sweater. Kris swallows because Baekhyun is never awkward and because Baekhyun is here, right in front of him, and it feels like the first time they’ve met. Except it’s not and Kris just doesn’t know what to do.
“Chanyeol told me you went to find him,” Baekhyun begins.
“I was looking for you,” Kris explains.
“You found me,” Baekhyun says, lightly scratching his nape and Kris can’t help but just watch him, look at him, and see what he’s missed all those weeks.
Baekhyun bites his lower lip, making Kris look away because he can’t seriously be thinking of kissing Baekhyun when it’s the very thing that caused this rift. Instead, he slowly puts his bag down when he senses that Baekhyun wants to talk right then and there. He takes a deep breath and just hopes that this goes well, that they can go back to how things were because he really can’t stand another day with Baekhyun ignoring him. He tries to think of something to say, but could only come up with one thing.
“I’m sorry,” they chorus.
Kris raises up a hand so that he can go first. Letting out breath, he proceeds. “I’m sorry,” he repeats. “This whole thing is my fault. I should never have assumed-I mean, I knew that it wasn’t what you wanted and I should have respected that and you of course. I just don’t want this to come between us and I know this all started as a game because…” He chuckles uncomfortably. “...you know, I’m me and, but, um, I do want us to be friends because I had fun with you and I think that-“
Baekhyun cuts him off with a laugh. “You don’t have to say all these things,” he assures him when Kris looks at him with worried eyes. “You really don’t have to explain. I’m actually the one at fault here. I never should have done what I did at the party and-“
“But I’m glad you did,” Kris blurts out.
“What?” Baekhyun chokes out in surprise.
“I mean, if you hadn’t… then we wouldn’t… I just mean that… because you know… yeah,” Kris elaborates. How he’s studying to be a doctor he doesn’t know. All he knows is that when Baekhyun looks at him, words just get jumbled in his head and he doesn’t quite know how to express what he’s feeling.
“Hmm,” Baekhyun murmurs, looking like he’s trying hard not to laugh.
“Look,” Kris gathers all his courage and tries again. “I like-“
“Before you continue,” Baekhyun hurriedly cuts him off, “there are some things I want to say. Things you might want to know before you say things you might regret.”
“What-“
“I’m not who you think I am!” Baekhyun almost yells in a rush to get it out. “I’m not…” he hesitates. “I’m different. I’m not…” He takes a deep breath.
“Baekhyun, you don’t have to-“
“I do,” Baekhyun insists. “Because I don’t want to lie to you. I don’t want this to be something catching up on me because I didn’t tell you at the beginning. I’m… I’m just like you.” He bites his lip.
Kris watches as Baekhyun stares at his shoes, clearly scared about his admission. “Well what’s so bad about that?” he lightly says.
“You don’t understand,” Baekhyun tries to clarify. “I’m not… I’m not what they say I am. I don’t do those things. I don’t sleep around. I don’t know half of those sports teams-I don’t even watch a lot of sports. I don’t do those things,” he repeats, almost a plea for Kris to understand. He takes breathes deeply once more. “Sehun. He spread those rumors when he made an advance on me and I said no,” he continues very softly. He lifts his eyes towards Kris’. “And during that party when Lu Han announced those things, I stopped and told you that I cared because I do because I’ve-“
“Never been kissed,” Kris finishes for him.
Suddenly, everything falls into place; Lu Han’s words, Jongin’s hesitation, Chanyeol’s question. It all makes sense now how Baekhyun’s so different when it’s just the two of them, how Baekhyun seems to act more freely when he thinks people aren’t watching him, when he’s not at parties. He thinks back to all the times they hung out at the park or at the museum or at the nursing home and realizes that maybe he knows Baekhyun a little bit more than the others do. He’s been so worried about this when, all along, Baekhyun’s been showing him the more genuine parts of himself.
“I like you,” Kris utters without even stopping to think. Because what can he lose? Baekhyun has been honest with him; the least he can do is return the favor. “You don’t have to like me back. You don’t have to do anything. I just… I wanted to tell you. I like you. That’s it. That’s all.”
Baekhyun sighs, plainly dumfounded that Kris still does after what he’s said. “So sweet and gentlemanly, but cheesy,” he says, taking a step forward and reaching up to brush Kris’ hair away from his eyes, like he’s always done. “How does someone like you still exist?”
Kris moves closer, hesitantly placing a hand on Baekhyun’s waist and pulling him closer. He would never have imagined this to be possible if you’d asked him before. A confession out of him was near impossible because there was no one to confess to in the first place. But the thought of his confession and affection being returned is more than he has hoped to gain.
And he wants to show Baekhyun just how much he feels. He wants to tell him, show him, just how big of a deal this whole thing is, just how much Baekhyun’s changed his life and how he sees things and people. He wants to show him how much he likes him.
“Baekhyun,” he whispers nervously, eyes on Baekhyun’s lips before meeting his eyes. There, he sees the same things that he’s feeling; fear, curiosity, expectation, hope, and want. He slightly dips his head, hoping to answer and allay them. “I want to…”
Baekhyun leans up, standing on tiptoe. “Okay,” he whispers back, words ghosting all over Kris’ lips.
Kris, being a nerd, has actually looked kiss up on the Internet. In his research, he found out that there are actually a variety of types of kisses and that each means something entirely different. There are the chaste ones, kiss on the forehead, kiss on the hand, kiss on the cheek; there are the popular ones, the French, the Eskimo and the butterfly; and there’s the commercial one, the Spiderman kiss. And while he’s never experienced any of those kisses before, he thinks the Baekhyun kiss is the best one of them all.
The Baekhyun kiss is when Baekhyun presses himself so close to him that Kris can feel his heartbeat pounding erratically against his chest, when his fingers splayed all over his neck adds to the practically torturous feels of want coursing through him, when he hears an orchestra playing in his head with each slide of their lips together.
“I can hear you thinking,” Baekhyun tells him in a raspy voice when they pull away, eyelashes fluttering.
They look at each other. There is a rush in Kris’ whole body, something that he can’t explain, but it’s something that feels so good it has to be right. He’s always imagined what his first kiss would be like. But for it to happen like this, with so much more feeling that he’s expected, it is just more perfect that he could ever have hoped for. It is so much more wonderful when it actually means something.
“That was…” Kris speaks, scrambling for a way to describe the way Baekhyun felt in his arms. “You kiss by the book.”
“Yeah…” Baekhyun agrees. His eyes then widen amusedly. “Did you just quote Shakespeare at me?”
Kris tries to play it off innocently. It’s not his fault that he saw kissing quotes while he was researching. “I can’t believe you kissed me back,” Kris suddenly says instead.
Baekhyun then clutches his collar in a way that is demanding yet uncertain as he tries to pull him back in, shaking his head. “Of course I did, you cheese ball,” he says. “I like you. Now stop talking and give us our second kiss.”
Kris shuts up and obliges.
-
Kris thinks there are better things that he can be doing with his time instead of sitting on a grimy couch that has definitely seen better days, red cup in hand, and watching other people dance around like apes. In fact, he knows there are better things he can be doing. He really doesn’t know how he gets talked into attending parties when he, along with everyone else, knows that it isn’t his scene.
A tiny and really cute male with floppy brown hair plops down beside him, armed with a red cup and the brightest smile. Kris’ heart flips and flops in his chest the way it always does when Baekhyun beams at him, flashing him the smile that he rarely saw when they first knew each other.
“You’re bored, aren’t you,” Baekhyun teases, placing the cup on the table before leaning into him.
“I’m not,” Kris answers and it’s the truth. Because even though he keeps on thinking back to all the homework he can finish, being with Baekhyun reminds him that he’s right where he’s supposed to be.
“Well I am,” Baekhyun announces. He grabs Kris’ hand and pulls him up. “We should go.”
“What about Lu Han and Jongdae?” Kris asks after his friends since they all went to the party together.
“I don’t think you have to worry about them,” Baekhyun says, smirking as Kris trips over air when he spies his friends making out in a corner.
“What,” Kris croaks.
“Like I said, you don’t have to worry about them,” Baekhyun repeats mirthfully.
They step out into the cool nighttime air. Kris wraps an arm around Baekhyun, securing him to his side as Baekhyun wraps his arms around his waist and snuggles towards him. Kris thinks back to the time when they first met and smiles.
He’s so glad he went to that party.
Author's Notes:
This is a birthday fic for atmest. Belated happy birthday, dear!
Finished this around April. Lol. Haven't written in like a month or so before this. I hope it turned out well?
Thank you to Mara and Bricci for all the hand-holding and support! Ily! To all those who've read, thank you. I hope you liked it. <3