walking between the raindrops [Baekhyun/Chanyeol] (2/2)
walking between the raindrops
EXO | Baekhyun/Chanyeol | PG-13 | 6,701w
Angst, AU, Established relationship
When you love someone, you just really want what's best for them. Even if that means not being together.
Part 1
walking between the raindrops part 2
-
The hospital is loud with too many people rushing to and fro, people frantically pleading with doctors to save their husband, wife, son, daughter, mother, father, sister, brother, people crying, people screaming. There are just too many people and Baekhyun just wants to shut them all up.
He buries his face in his hands as he tries really hard to make himself calm. Chanyeol didn’t look so good when the paramedics managed to extract him from the mangled car. There was too much blood all over him and Baekhyun can still remember retching his guts out because this just isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
Baekhyun didn’t realize that Chanyeol had gone after him and the cab he was on. Chanyeol had gotten into his car and had driven. But Chanyeol was frantic and wasn’t in the right state to drive rationally and safely. A sob escapes Baekhyun’s mouth, something that’s been happening far too often, and he bites his lip because this really feels like it’s his fault.
“This isn’t your fault,” Junmyeon’s voice seep him back to consciousness. There’s a hand on his back, moving up and down in an effort to calm him down. “I know you’re thinking it, but this isn’t your fault.”
“It’s impossible for me not to think that this isn’t even remotely my fault,” Baekhyun whispers, voice cracking. “Chanyeol is in the hospital because of me.”
“It could be much worse,” Junmyeon soothes him, pulling him closer.
Baekhyun squeezes his eyes shut. He knows what Junmyeon is saying. Chanyeol could be dead. He could be gone forever and Baekhyun will have to live with that. But he isn’t and Baekhyun promises that when Chanyeol wakes up, he will ask for forgiveness.
When the doctor comes out to tell them about Chanyeol’s condition, Baekhyun literally feels the color drain from his face. He slumps back down on the chair so suddenly that Jongin barely manages to catch him. He tries to breathe normally, but somehow he can’t because air seems to be sucked out of him. His head feels like it’s going to implode with the pounding pressure.
Things really could be much worse. Much, much worse.
Not death. Because death is final. What’s worse is the thought of never knowing, of waiting for something that’s uncertain, something that you cannot truly grasp until it actually happens. It’s the wondering that’s going to drive you crazy because wondering for something that may or may not happen is the worst.
The worst has happened. Chanyeol has fallen into a coma.
-
One of Baekhyun’s favorite places in the world is probably in Chanyeol’s arms. There’s a certain kind of warmth that only Chanyeol is able to give him and he finds that he rather likes having that sense of comfort and affection all the time. So he snuggles impossibly closer to him, eyes fluttering shut, because whenever he gets snuggly with Chanyeol, he always ends up really sleepy. Chanyeol accommodates him by shifting on his seat on the sofa, eyes still trained on the television, wrapping his arm tighter around him.
He jumps a little when the sound of an explosion echoes in the room. Chanyeol likes watching action movies too loudly sometimes and Baekhyun thinks he really should get annoyed just about now, but then Chanyeol chuckles, tightening his hold on him even more, and presses his lips to the crown of his head. He hums and presses his face even further on Chanyeol’s chest.
He’s halfway into dreamland, which happens often whenever he’s in snuggled with Chanyeol, when he feels Chanyeol moving. It’s quiet, a sign that the movie has probably ended. That, or Chanyeol’s gotten bored with it.
“Baek, you awake?” Chanyeol whispers through his hair as he presses a kiss against it. Baekhyun merely hums in response.
“Mmhmm,” Baekhyun murmurs as Chanyeol lifts him up to their bedroom. He wraps his arms around his neck and nuzzles his nose on it.
Baekhyun feels being laid down on the soft bed, he immediately turns to his side, rubbing his cheek against the smooth fabric of their pillowcase. Chanyeol joins him and pulls Baekhyun into his arms.
“You don’t have to go to work early tomorrow, right?” Chanyeol asks as he presses a kiss to his temple. Baekhyun lightly hums in agreement because how can he keep himself awake when Chanyeol is just so cozy. “So you’ll be here when I wake up?” he then asks, voice softer and gentler.
“Shut up, Park Chanyeol, and let me sleep,” Baekhyun grumbles, burying his face in Chanyeol’s chest, which is vibrating with laughter.
Later on, when Chanyeol’s snores have started to fill the room, Baekhyun’s eyes flutter open. He sighs in contentment as he traces the nooks and crannies of Chanyeol’s face with his eyes. Quietly and gingerly, he leans forward and presses a soft kiss to his lips.
“I will always be here when you wake up,” Baekhyun whispers before he closes his eyes again.
-
Baekhyun’s sobbing into the sheets, Chanyeol’s hand in his, when Jongin walks into the room with Joonmyun and Jongdae in tow. This isn’t how things should be. Sure, he didn’t expect things to be rainbows and sunshine. He had just broken up with Chanyeol after all. But he never expected it to be like… this. Chanyeol is supposed to be only a little heartbroken and not… deathly pale and barely breathing. He shouldn’t be scaring Baekhyun, making him hang onto him like he’s the one on the brink of death. Going through life without Chanyeol by his side is something he’s prepared himself for, as long as Chanyeol’s happy and able to find that person who will keep that happiness. But this… not this.
“Baek, you have to get some rest,” Junmyeon urges him. “I’ll give you a call if anything changes.”
But Baekhyun shakes his head and just tightens his hold on Chanyeol’s hand. “I want to be here if…when he wakes up,” he tells them.
“You don’t know when that will happen,” Jongin says straightforwardly. “We don’t even know if he’ll wake up.” Jongdae squeezes Jongin’s shoulder in warning and Jongin shrugs his hand away. “It’s true! Only around 40% of comatose patients wake up in a year! 60% of them die!”
“Jongin, that’s enough,” Junmyeon snaps because Baekhyun’s started crying again, his tears soaking the hospital bed’s white sheets even more. He sighs and rubs Baekhyun’s back. “It’s true that we don’t know what may happen, but not all hope is lost. Chanyeol may wake up and we’ll do all we can to make sure he does.”
Jongin scoffs. “Well crying certainly isn’t going to help,” he gets up and leaves the room.
“I’ll go after him,” Junmyeon announces and goes after Chanyeol’s best friend.
Jongdae pulls a chair beside Baekhyun’s and takes a seat. They’re quiet for a while, with Jongdae just sitting there and trying very hard not to have his heart break at the sight of Baekhyun’s desperate cries. But two weeks of this very same aching picture is enough for one’s seemingly strong defenses to topple down. Because no matter what they did and said, Baekhyun just keeps on coming to the hospital and stays with Chanyeol the whole day and cries. At the rate he’s going, Jongdae’s pretty sure he’s going to get sick.
“You’re going to get sick if you carry on like this,” Jongdae says aloud, unable to help himself any longer.
“I’m not going to go home,” Baekhyun stubbornly replies, lifting his head up. He lets go of Chanyeol’s hand to wipe his tears then clasps them together again. “I’m not going to leave him.”
Jongdae hesitates. “Why… why did you break up with him, Baekhyun?” he then asks cautiously. “It’s so obvious that you’re still in love with him. I mean, you’re always telling Jongin to make sure that Chanyeol eats, that he doesn’t forget to do the laundry and to remind him that the remote is probably under the couch when he’s unable to find it. I just… wouldn’t it have been better to just work things out?”
Baekhyun lightly bites his lower lip as he reaches out to brush Chanyeol’s bangs away from his eyes. He lets the strands of hair stay in his fingertips a moment longer than normal before he takes his hand back and puts it on his lap, clenching it tightly. He’s asked himself the same question over and over, letting it mull into his head, because why would anyone ever choose to part with someone they love?
“You know the first time I met Chanyeol I really didn’t like him,” Baekhyun shares, a small smile tugging at his lips. “He hit my face with a basketball during gym and smashing my glasses.” He shakes his head, biting back a chuckle that was threatening to escape his lips.
“Then what happened?” Jongdae asks, wanting to see Baekhyun smile more.
“He accidentally stepped on my glasses, breaking them beyond repair,” Baekhyun continues, giggling a little. “He’s the most uncoordinated person I’ve ever met really. He just has these long limbs that fly everywhere and you just kind of have to move away if you don’t want to get into an accident.”
Jongdae laughs. “Well, how did you end up liking him? If you hated him so much…”
“I didn’t hate him,” Baekhyun corrects him, absentmindedly tracing circles on Chanyeol’s hand with his thumb. He then smiles. “I guess you could say we kind of became friends after that incident. He just kept on following me everywhere, even after he’d already replaced my glasses and made sure that my face wasn’t swollen anymore. And things just kind of… fell into place.”
He remembers Chanyeol bringing him to his classes and waiting for him afterwards. He’d always have some sort of treat for him, like a cupcake or candy or a singing card because Chanyeol said he really felt bad about making him cry and that all he wanted to do now is make him smile. Baekhyun recalls being really bewildered by the whole thing because there was a tall, gangly kid following him everywhere like a lost puppy and he doesn’t even really care. It didn’t take long before he got used to having Chanyeol by his side. After a while, they became almost inseparable.
It didn’t really take long for things to become so much more between them as well. It had been after one of those high school basketball games. It was Chanyeol’s first year on the team and his first win with six points as contribution. Baekhyun was standing at the bleachers, right beside Jongin, clapping and cheering for him, when Chanyeol suddenly sprints to the stands. He grabs Baekhyun by the wrist, ignoring Jongin completely, and brings him to a secluded part of the gym. It was there that he pushed Baekhyun against a wall and kissed him. Baekhyun remembers having the shock of his life. But he also remembers kissing him back.
Things were no major changes to their relationship after that. Chanyeol still stole food from his lunch box, still wrote doodles on all of his notes, and still made him sit through his basketball practices, while Baekhyun ordered him around, nagged at him to do his homework, and dropped the phone on him when he became too noisy. Except Chanyeol became more affectionate, a gentle hand at the back of his waist, special smiles reserved for him, and kisses good night and see you laters. Chanyeol became more aware about his habits around Baekhyun, sometimes making sure to only steal food that Baekhyun didn’t really like.
Their relationship carried on to university, where they pursued different interests, Baekhyun with his writing and Chanyeol with his too many interests. There was a time when Chanyeol wanted to become a businessman and just makes lots of money before he decided he was going to become a doctor and saves lives. Then he realized that was too hard and figured he could just be a writer like Baekhyun. Baekhyun immediately squashed this idea and suggested that he pursue cooking because it’s something that he seems to be good at.
Baekhyun’s known Chanyeol for 10 years, seven of which they spent as more than friends, and Baekhyun can’t think, can’t even imagine, what his live would have been like if Chanyeol hadn’t been in it.
“I think when you love someone,” Baekhyun starts to speak, “you just really want what’s best for them.” He pauses and watches the breathing machine, taking in its sounds. “I want that for Chanyeol,” he finishes, looking at Jongdae for the first time through red-rimmed eyes.
“I don’t understand,” Jongdae frowns.
“If I’m feeling this way about our relationship, what’s to say that Chanyeol doesn’t feel it, too?” Baekhyun quietly explains. “The last thing I want for Chanyeol is to feel like he has no way out, that he doesn’t have options because he does. In everything. I want him to be happy and if that means not being with me then…” His smile freezes on his face. “Then that’s how it’s going to be.”
“Chanyeol is so in love with you, Baekhyun,” Jongdae insists. “I really don’t get why you don’t seem to see that. He’s happy with you.”
“Sometimes love isn’t enough. So many things have changed,” Baekhyun whispers, his lips starting to quiver as he feels the new onslaught of tears about to come through. “It’s not the same and I don’t-“
“Just because they’re not the same, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a bad thing,” Jongdae counters gently.
“But we never talk anymore,” Baekhyun argues. “We barely see each other. The last time we had dinner together was… I don’t even remember when!” He pulls his hand from Chanyeol’s and squeezes them on his lap. “It’s like… It’s almost like we aren’t together anymore. I don’t want to go through that any longer. And if Chanyeol’s just to afraid to tell me that he wants to leave me then-“
“Then you’ll leave him instead?” Jongdae cuts him off. “You say that you never talk. Why isn’t that the first thing that you did when you started feeling like this?”
Baekhyun knows the answer to that question. Because he was afraid that Chanyeol would agree, that he’d say that they should break up and go on with their lives. It was easier leaving and never talking about it. But then Chanyeol tried getting him back, telling him he still loves him.
He lifts his eyes away from his clenched fists and rests them on Chanyeol’s serene but pale face. Maybe Jongdae is right. Maybe he should have talked to him first before he decided things on his own. Maybe then things could have been resolved. Maybe then they would’ve worked things out or agreed on a compromise.
Maybe then Chanyeol wouldn’t be so lifeless that no matter what Baekhyun tells him, it wouldn’t matter. Because Chanyeol can’t hear him. Chanyeol can’t hear how sorry he is and how much he wants to take everything back.
Jongdae quietly slips out of the room when Baekhyun starts crying again.
-
When Chanyeol does wake up, Baekhyun isn’t there. He’d gone home to get himself cleaned up. It’s been days since he got an actual bath and he’s pretty sure that he stinks. He actually doesn’t care about this but Junmyeon had put his foot down and had made Jongin and Jongdae pull him out of the room and had stuffed him into a cab to take him back to the apartment.
He finds out about the news just as he finishes getting dressed. He doesn’t think twice, doesn’t even brush his hair, and just dashes out of the door.
-
Their eyes immediately meet when Baekhyun enters the room. He stays by the door for one, two, three quiet beats, before Junmyeon, Jongin and Jongdae usher themselves out to give them their privacy. There’s another silence that befall them.
There’s a slight glow in Chanyeol’s face that’s been devoid of color for weeks. His lips have finally turned a bit pink again and Baekhyun just wants to cry because Chanyeol’s eyes are open, and they’re looking at him. There’s uncertainty in his eyes, but Baekhyun thinks that’s okay because he’s uncertain, too. He’s so uncertain that he doesn’t want to move from his spot, too afraid to know what’s going to happen next. There are so many things he has to explain, so many things he has to make up for that he doesn’t really know how to begin. He averts his gaze because his eyes are filling up with tears again and he doesn’t want to break down in front of Chanyeol. He’s the one who did this. He shouldn’t be the one crying.
“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol’s voice is raspy, almost absent, “please…come here.”
Baekhyun manages to put one foot in front of the other, his breathing shallow, heart beating loudly in his chest. He manages to reach the bed with eyes still averted, merely staring at the white hospital tiles that he figures should be cleaned.
“Please look at me,” Chanyeol requests very softly.
When Baekhyun looks up, he’s almost startled backwards when Chanyeol gingerly lifts a hand to catch the tear that was slithering down his cheek. Baekhyun’s sob gets caught in his throat and he closes his eyes because more tears a sliding down his face and he really, really doesn’t want to cry.
“I’ve made you cry again,” Chanyeol continues. “I’m…sorry. I…”
“No,” Baekhyun immediately interrupts, his voice almost a whisper. He takes Chanyeol’s hand on his face and squeezes it. “Stop. We don’t have to do this now. Just, just get some rest.” He turns to leave to call the doctor for some more pillows so Chanyeol could get more comfortable when Chanyeol’s grabs his wrist.
“Stay with me,” Chanyeol pleads. He coughs and Baekhyun knows that he’s having difficulty getting his words out. His throat is still too raw and he’s used up all of his strength in just trying to apologize to Baekhyun for something that isn’t even his fault. Baekhyun knows what he’s asking of him. He takes his shoes off and climbs onto the bed, turning on his side so that he’s facing Chanyeol. Chanyeol then takes his hand and presses it to his chest. “Don’t… leave… me,” he wheezes. Baekhyun starts crying again. He nods and gives a light kiss on his lips. Chanyeol weakly smiles before he closes his eyes and, almost immediately, falls asleep.
Baekhyun curls into him, Chanyeol’s warmth drawing him in, just like all those other times in the past. He breathes in and out, watching Chanyeol breathing beside him. Baekhyun’s eyes flutter open and close, feeling the exhaustion of the past month and a half seep through him. But before he falls asleep, he leans closer to Chanyeol, whispering words against his lips.
“I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Author's Notes:
Omg I can't believe I finally managed to finish this. This happened because of this prompt at seoulfulness. I couldn't get it out of my head so I started to write it. I know it's not exactly the prompt and I've never watched Humming, but well... I did my best. :))
I want to thank khrysallis1106 for her beta work.
So, um, I'm really sorry for this, but enjoy? ><
EXO | Baekhyun/Chanyeol | PG-13 | 6,701w
Angst, AU, Established relationship
When you love someone, you just really want what's best for them. Even if that means not being together.
Part 1
walking between the raindrops part 2
-
The hospital is loud with too many people rushing to and fro, people frantically pleading with doctors to save their husband, wife, son, daughter, mother, father, sister, brother, people crying, people screaming. There are just too many people and Baekhyun just wants to shut them all up.
He buries his face in his hands as he tries really hard to make himself calm. Chanyeol didn’t look so good when the paramedics managed to extract him from the mangled car. There was too much blood all over him and Baekhyun can still remember retching his guts out because this just isn’t how it’s supposed to be.
Baekhyun didn’t realize that Chanyeol had gone after him and the cab he was on. Chanyeol had gotten into his car and had driven. But Chanyeol was frantic and wasn’t in the right state to drive rationally and safely. A sob escapes Baekhyun’s mouth, something that’s been happening far too often, and he bites his lip because this really feels like it’s his fault.
“This isn’t your fault,” Junmyeon’s voice seep him back to consciousness. There’s a hand on his back, moving up and down in an effort to calm him down. “I know you’re thinking it, but this isn’t your fault.”
“It’s impossible for me not to think that this isn’t even remotely my fault,” Baekhyun whispers, voice cracking. “Chanyeol is in the hospital because of me.”
“It could be much worse,” Junmyeon soothes him, pulling him closer.
Baekhyun squeezes his eyes shut. He knows what Junmyeon is saying. Chanyeol could be dead. He could be gone forever and Baekhyun will have to live with that. But he isn’t and Baekhyun promises that when Chanyeol wakes up, he will ask for forgiveness.
When the doctor comes out to tell them about Chanyeol’s condition, Baekhyun literally feels the color drain from his face. He slumps back down on the chair so suddenly that Jongin barely manages to catch him. He tries to breathe normally, but somehow he can’t because air seems to be sucked out of him. His head feels like it’s going to implode with the pounding pressure.
Things really could be much worse. Much, much worse.
Not death. Because death is final. What’s worse is the thought of never knowing, of waiting for something that’s uncertain, something that you cannot truly grasp until it actually happens. It’s the wondering that’s going to drive you crazy because wondering for something that may or may not happen is the worst.
The worst has happened. Chanyeol has fallen into a coma.
-
One of Baekhyun’s favorite places in the world is probably in Chanyeol’s arms. There’s a certain kind of warmth that only Chanyeol is able to give him and he finds that he rather likes having that sense of comfort and affection all the time. So he snuggles impossibly closer to him, eyes fluttering shut, because whenever he gets snuggly with Chanyeol, he always ends up really sleepy. Chanyeol accommodates him by shifting on his seat on the sofa, eyes still trained on the television, wrapping his arm tighter around him.
He jumps a little when the sound of an explosion echoes in the room. Chanyeol likes watching action movies too loudly sometimes and Baekhyun thinks he really should get annoyed just about now, but then Chanyeol chuckles, tightening his hold on him even more, and presses his lips to the crown of his head. He hums and presses his face even further on Chanyeol’s chest.
He’s halfway into dreamland, which happens often whenever he’s in snuggled with Chanyeol, when he feels Chanyeol moving. It’s quiet, a sign that the movie has probably ended. That, or Chanyeol’s gotten bored with it.
“Baek, you awake?” Chanyeol whispers through his hair as he presses a kiss against it. Baekhyun merely hums in response.
“Mmhmm,” Baekhyun murmurs as Chanyeol lifts him up to their bedroom. He wraps his arms around his neck and nuzzles his nose on it.
Baekhyun feels being laid down on the soft bed, he immediately turns to his side, rubbing his cheek against the smooth fabric of their pillowcase. Chanyeol joins him and pulls Baekhyun into his arms.
“You don’t have to go to work early tomorrow, right?” Chanyeol asks as he presses a kiss to his temple. Baekhyun lightly hums in agreement because how can he keep himself awake when Chanyeol is just so cozy. “So you’ll be here when I wake up?” he then asks, voice softer and gentler.
“Shut up, Park Chanyeol, and let me sleep,” Baekhyun grumbles, burying his face in Chanyeol’s chest, which is vibrating with laughter.
Later on, when Chanyeol’s snores have started to fill the room, Baekhyun’s eyes flutter open. He sighs in contentment as he traces the nooks and crannies of Chanyeol’s face with his eyes. Quietly and gingerly, he leans forward and presses a soft kiss to his lips.
“I will always be here when you wake up,” Baekhyun whispers before he closes his eyes again.
-
Baekhyun’s sobbing into the sheets, Chanyeol’s hand in his, when Jongin walks into the room with Joonmyun and Jongdae in tow. This isn’t how things should be. Sure, he didn’t expect things to be rainbows and sunshine. He had just broken up with Chanyeol after all. But he never expected it to be like… this. Chanyeol is supposed to be only a little heartbroken and not… deathly pale and barely breathing. He shouldn’t be scaring Baekhyun, making him hang onto him like he’s the one on the brink of death. Going through life without Chanyeol by his side is something he’s prepared himself for, as long as Chanyeol’s happy and able to find that person who will keep that happiness. But this… not this.
“Baek, you have to get some rest,” Junmyeon urges him. “I’ll give you a call if anything changes.”
But Baekhyun shakes his head and just tightens his hold on Chanyeol’s hand. “I want to be here if…when he wakes up,” he tells them.
“You don’t know when that will happen,” Jongin says straightforwardly. “We don’t even know if he’ll wake up.” Jongdae squeezes Jongin’s shoulder in warning and Jongin shrugs his hand away. “It’s true! Only around 40% of comatose patients wake up in a year! 60% of them die!”
“Jongin, that’s enough,” Junmyeon snaps because Baekhyun’s started crying again, his tears soaking the hospital bed’s white sheets even more. He sighs and rubs Baekhyun’s back. “It’s true that we don’t know what may happen, but not all hope is lost. Chanyeol may wake up and we’ll do all we can to make sure he does.”
Jongin scoffs. “Well crying certainly isn’t going to help,” he gets up and leaves the room.
“I’ll go after him,” Junmyeon announces and goes after Chanyeol’s best friend.
Jongdae pulls a chair beside Baekhyun’s and takes a seat. They’re quiet for a while, with Jongdae just sitting there and trying very hard not to have his heart break at the sight of Baekhyun’s desperate cries. But two weeks of this very same aching picture is enough for one’s seemingly strong defenses to topple down. Because no matter what they did and said, Baekhyun just keeps on coming to the hospital and stays with Chanyeol the whole day and cries. At the rate he’s going, Jongdae’s pretty sure he’s going to get sick.
“You’re going to get sick if you carry on like this,” Jongdae says aloud, unable to help himself any longer.
“I’m not going to go home,” Baekhyun stubbornly replies, lifting his head up. He lets go of Chanyeol’s hand to wipe his tears then clasps them together again. “I’m not going to leave him.”
Jongdae hesitates. “Why… why did you break up with him, Baekhyun?” he then asks cautiously. “It’s so obvious that you’re still in love with him. I mean, you’re always telling Jongin to make sure that Chanyeol eats, that he doesn’t forget to do the laundry and to remind him that the remote is probably under the couch when he’s unable to find it. I just… wouldn’t it have been better to just work things out?”
Baekhyun lightly bites his lower lip as he reaches out to brush Chanyeol’s bangs away from his eyes. He lets the strands of hair stay in his fingertips a moment longer than normal before he takes his hand back and puts it on his lap, clenching it tightly. He’s asked himself the same question over and over, letting it mull into his head, because why would anyone ever choose to part with someone they love?
“You know the first time I met Chanyeol I really didn’t like him,” Baekhyun shares, a small smile tugging at his lips. “He hit my face with a basketball during gym and smashing my glasses.” He shakes his head, biting back a chuckle that was threatening to escape his lips.
“Then what happened?” Jongdae asks, wanting to see Baekhyun smile more.
“He accidentally stepped on my glasses, breaking them beyond repair,” Baekhyun continues, giggling a little. “He’s the most uncoordinated person I’ve ever met really. He just has these long limbs that fly everywhere and you just kind of have to move away if you don’t want to get into an accident.”
Jongdae laughs. “Well, how did you end up liking him? If you hated him so much…”
“I didn’t hate him,” Baekhyun corrects him, absentmindedly tracing circles on Chanyeol’s hand with his thumb. He then smiles. “I guess you could say we kind of became friends after that incident. He just kept on following me everywhere, even after he’d already replaced my glasses and made sure that my face wasn’t swollen anymore. And things just kind of… fell into place.”
He remembers Chanyeol bringing him to his classes and waiting for him afterwards. He’d always have some sort of treat for him, like a cupcake or candy or a singing card because Chanyeol said he really felt bad about making him cry and that all he wanted to do now is make him smile. Baekhyun recalls being really bewildered by the whole thing because there was a tall, gangly kid following him everywhere like a lost puppy and he doesn’t even really care. It didn’t take long before he got used to having Chanyeol by his side. After a while, they became almost inseparable.
It didn’t really take long for things to become so much more between them as well. It had been after one of those high school basketball games. It was Chanyeol’s first year on the team and his first win with six points as contribution. Baekhyun was standing at the bleachers, right beside Jongin, clapping and cheering for him, when Chanyeol suddenly sprints to the stands. He grabs Baekhyun by the wrist, ignoring Jongin completely, and brings him to a secluded part of the gym. It was there that he pushed Baekhyun against a wall and kissed him. Baekhyun remembers having the shock of his life. But he also remembers kissing him back.
Things were no major changes to their relationship after that. Chanyeol still stole food from his lunch box, still wrote doodles on all of his notes, and still made him sit through his basketball practices, while Baekhyun ordered him around, nagged at him to do his homework, and dropped the phone on him when he became too noisy. Except Chanyeol became more affectionate, a gentle hand at the back of his waist, special smiles reserved for him, and kisses good night and see you laters. Chanyeol became more aware about his habits around Baekhyun, sometimes making sure to only steal food that Baekhyun didn’t really like.
Their relationship carried on to university, where they pursued different interests, Baekhyun with his writing and Chanyeol with his too many interests. There was a time when Chanyeol wanted to become a businessman and just makes lots of money before he decided he was going to become a doctor and saves lives. Then he realized that was too hard and figured he could just be a writer like Baekhyun. Baekhyun immediately squashed this idea and suggested that he pursue cooking because it’s something that he seems to be good at.
Baekhyun’s known Chanyeol for 10 years, seven of which they spent as more than friends, and Baekhyun can’t think, can’t even imagine, what his live would have been like if Chanyeol hadn’t been in it.
“I think when you love someone,” Baekhyun starts to speak, “you just really want what’s best for them.” He pauses and watches the breathing machine, taking in its sounds. “I want that for Chanyeol,” he finishes, looking at Jongdae for the first time through red-rimmed eyes.
“I don’t understand,” Jongdae frowns.
“If I’m feeling this way about our relationship, what’s to say that Chanyeol doesn’t feel it, too?” Baekhyun quietly explains. “The last thing I want for Chanyeol is to feel like he has no way out, that he doesn’t have options because he does. In everything. I want him to be happy and if that means not being with me then…” His smile freezes on his face. “Then that’s how it’s going to be.”
“Chanyeol is so in love with you, Baekhyun,” Jongdae insists. “I really don’t get why you don’t seem to see that. He’s happy with you.”
“Sometimes love isn’t enough. So many things have changed,” Baekhyun whispers, his lips starting to quiver as he feels the new onslaught of tears about to come through. “It’s not the same and I don’t-“
“Just because they’re not the same, doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a bad thing,” Jongdae counters gently.
“But we never talk anymore,” Baekhyun argues. “We barely see each other. The last time we had dinner together was… I don’t even remember when!” He pulls his hand from Chanyeol’s and squeezes them on his lap. “It’s like… It’s almost like we aren’t together anymore. I don’t want to go through that any longer. And if Chanyeol’s just to afraid to tell me that he wants to leave me then-“
“Then you’ll leave him instead?” Jongdae cuts him off. “You say that you never talk. Why isn’t that the first thing that you did when you started feeling like this?”
Baekhyun knows the answer to that question. Because he was afraid that Chanyeol would agree, that he’d say that they should break up and go on with their lives. It was easier leaving and never talking about it. But then Chanyeol tried getting him back, telling him he still loves him.
He lifts his eyes away from his clenched fists and rests them on Chanyeol’s serene but pale face. Maybe Jongdae is right. Maybe he should have talked to him first before he decided things on his own. Maybe then things could have been resolved. Maybe then they would’ve worked things out or agreed on a compromise.
Maybe then Chanyeol wouldn’t be so lifeless that no matter what Baekhyun tells him, it wouldn’t matter. Because Chanyeol can’t hear him. Chanyeol can’t hear how sorry he is and how much he wants to take everything back.
Jongdae quietly slips out of the room when Baekhyun starts crying again.
-
When Chanyeol does wake up, Baekhyun isn’t there. He’d gone home to get himself cleaned up. It’s been days since he got an actual bath and he’s pretty sure that he stinks. He actually doesn’t care about this but Junmyeon had put his foot down and had made Jongin and Jongdae pull him out of the room and had stuffed him into a cab to take him back to the apartment.
He finds out about the news just as he finishes getting dressed. He doesn’t think twice, doesn’t even brush his hair, and just dashes out of the door.
-
Their eyes immediately meet when Baekhyun enters the room. He stays by the door for one, two, three quiet beats, before Junmyeon, Jongin and Jongdae usher themselves out to give them their privacy. There’s another silence that befall them.
There’s a slight glow in Chanyeol’s face that’s been devoid of color for weeks. His lips have finally turned a bit pink again and Baekhyun just wants to cry because Chanyeol’s eyes are open, and they’re looking at him. There’s uncertainty in his eyes, but Baekhyun thinks that’s okay because he’s uncertain, too. He’s so uncertain that he doesn’t want to move from his spot, too afraid to know what’s going to happen next. There are so many things he has to explain, so many things he has to make up for that he doesn’t really know how to begin. He averts his gaze because his eyes are filling up with tears again and he doesn’t want to break down in front of Chanyeol. He’s the one who did this. He shouldn’t be the one crying.
“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol’s voice is raspy, almost absent, “please…come here.”
Baekhyun manages to put one foot in front of the other, his breathing shallow, heart beating loudly in his chest. He manages to reach the bed with eyes still averted, merely staring at the white hospital tiles that he figures should be cleaned.
“Please look at me,” Chanyeol requests very softly.
When Baekhyun looks up, he’s almost startled backwards when Chanyeol gingerly lifts a hand to catch the tear that was slithering down his cheek. Baekhyun’s sob gets caught in his throat and he closes his eyes because more tears a sliding down his face and he really, really doesn’t want to cry.
“I’ve made you cry again,” Chanyeol continues. “I’m…sorry. I…”
“No,” Baekhyun immediately interrupts, his voice almost a whisper. He takes Chanyeol’s hand on his face and squeezes it. “Stop. We don’t have to do this now. Just, just get some rest.” He turns to leave to call the doctor for some more pillows so Chanyeol could get more comfortable when Chanyeol’s grabs his wrist.
“Stay with me,” Chanyeol pleads. He coughs and Baekhyun knows that he’s having difficulty getting his words out. His throat is still too raw and he’s used up all of his strength in just trying to apologize to Baekhyun for something that isn’t even his fault. Baekhyun knows what he’s asking of him. He takes his shoes off and climbs onto the bed, turning on his side so that he’s facing Chanyeol. Chanyeol then takes his hand and presses it to his chest. “Don’t… leave… me,” he wheezes. Baekhyun starts crying again. He nods and gives a light kiss on his lips. Chanyeol weakly smiles before he closes his eyes and, almost immediately, falls asleep.
Baekhyun curls into him, Chanyeol’s warmth drawing him in, just like all those other times in the past. He breathes in and out, watching Chanyeol breathing beside him. Baekhyun’s eyes flutter open and close, feeling the exhaustion of the past month and a half seep through him. But before he falls asleep, he leans closer to Chanyeol, whispering words against his lips.
“I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Author's Notes:
Omg I can't believe I finally managed to finish this. This happened because of this prompt at seoulfulness. I couldn't get it out of my head so I started to write it. I know it's not exactly the prompt and I've never watched Humming, but well... I did my best. :))
I want to thank khrysallis1106 for her beta work.
So, um, I'm really sorry for this, but enjoy? ><